Living, Laughing, Loving, Learning

Home sweet home

2012-01-23T22:34:00.000-06:00

That heading, that title up there... it can be taking two different ways.

You see, I have been "home", with my parent's and sisters all this last week. Mary Faith, the baby, (and yes, at 24, she is still the "baby". I believe she always will be. She'll just have to deal with it!) Anyway... where was I going... Oh yes, Mary Faith is getting married at the end of March. There are details to prepare. Shopping to do. Parties to plan.
This past week has been full! I LOVE this "home", and the people in it.

But that other "home" is calling my name. Andy is my true home - I can't quite claim that North Carolina is calling me yet. I haven't gotten attached to the location yet. But Andy is there, and Andy is home. Home, Sweet Home.

Can I be any cheesier?!? You may be thinking "gag".

But I certainly miss that man!

In other news... Andy has been making fun of me for saying "awesome" entirely too often. However, as I thought through the available vocabulary for expressions of excitement and approval, well, not many came to mind. "Cool". "Neato". Shall we return to the "Rockin" phase in time?

So I think I shall create my own new expression. "XP" That is what I am going to start declaring when I am excited. It stands for "Exclamatory Proclamation". "EP" just doesn't sound cool though... so "XP" wins.

Announcer: "You just won a million dollars"!

Me: "XP"!!!!

Can't you just hear it now?

I was actually mulling it over (yes, I am that much of a dork) and was thinking that "XP" would make a perfect word of unhappiness too. Andy makes fun of my "fiddlesticks" too. Perhaps "Exclamatory Proclamation" would be a fitting answer to moments of disgust too. Hmmmm

Something to consider.

In the meantime, I need my sleep. I have to look my best tomorrow. I am off to see the man of my dreams!

Blessings,

Light at the end of the tunnel?

2012-01-10T07:37:00.001-06:00

I had been very frustrated with myself since we lived here. Where was all the time going? The first few weeks I could blame it on unpacking. Then Andy took some time off and he always keeps me busy. We had Thanksgiving, then Christmas. Both 3rd grade and Kindergarten are slightly more time consuming when you put them together... but still, how in the world was it that I truly and honestly did not have any time. Until this weekend I had not read a single book since we lived here. My Bible and devotional greeted the morning, but beside that a few quick glances at BH & G, Parents, and Southern Living had been then sum of my word consumption. For TWO MONTHS! I had barely blogged, or even read the blogs of others. We don't have cable, I practically never get on FB and even the world's new addiction to pinterest has only touched me minimally.

But then I remembered that we are in a new place - I have had to meet all new doctors, again. That was where all my time was going. Family doc to get all my referrals. Endocrinologist, twice already. Go get bloodwork done, more then once. Neurologist - all the way in Sanford. Then try to find the special building on post to schedule the MRI (because new doctors are never happy with the one taken 18 months ago by a different doctor. It has to be new). Fill out all that paperwork. (This time it wasn't by choice that I had to find the place either - it couldn't be done over the phone.) Schedule an EEG. Find a new dentist, then find out that both kids have cavities so have had to go back twice for fillings. I have lost entire days to doctor appts! Over and over!

No wonder I haven't had time to read or blog!

Well, that's not exactly true.

I could have given up sleeping.

Or teaching my children.

Or cleaning the house and cooking.

But I don't think any of those were good things to give up....

Now, here I am, with all the cavities filled, and the doctors met, and the major tests scheduled.

So I allowed myself a little free time the end of last week and over the weekend to read a novel. Just for fun. It was wonderful.

But, back to work I go. Today I have to figure out how to get my prescriptions transferred from MO to here. That 90 day supply is on it's last few days. Sigh. Off to the post pharmacy we go! I swear, but I sometimes think that just staying alive is a full time job!

Eventually I will have a normal schedule again, right?

Until then, enjoy your normal, or not so normal, day my friends!

Blessings,

The colors of fall

2012-01-02T23:47:00.001-06:00

The end of the year sort of escaped. Truly. It just disappeared. The three months between Missouri and now are slightly blurry.

I know a few things...

We went to the pumpkin patch.

We enjoyed the Thanksgiving celebration with Andy's side of the family first.

This is our niece Britton. Aren't those the most delicious lips you have ever seen?

I did an entire photo shoot with these three. I got a few decent shots, but this one, despite it's terrible lighting and silly faces, continues to be my favorite.

Zion however decided to be a model. Look at that pose!

Of course you have football on Thanksgiving, but you can't forget the all important Thanksgiving wrestling match too! 3 against one, or course. (don't tell, but sometimes, just sometimes, the camera gets set down and certain other people join in... )

Next came Thanksgiving with the Binkley clan.

I love this picture of my sisters, inspecting the photo shoot we had just attempted. It is really, really hard to take a good picture of 13 people, especially when 3 of them are age 8 and under. Since, obviously, I was taking this picture, my camera was not the one taking the family picture. I am so glad to have been removed from that pressure! However, that means I don't have the originals or easy access to posting them here. Bummer!

Canaan was simply sitting there waiting, but he looked like such a poser. I couldn't resist a picture!

Perhaps my favorite picture of Andy all year.

He had wrapped his scarf around his head, just being goofy, waiting for the next "pose" for the family picture. But I love that look of mischief!

Aren't they beautiful? These are they amazing example I have had my whole life, showing me how to live my life for Christ- My parents.

Zion, once again, posing.

Canaan threatened that if he was forced to take another picture he was going to give himself bunny ears. Just because.

The "good" family picture is probably on FB somewhere. Or in the files of Snapfish. But it is late, and I am exhausted. And I have only caught up as far as Thanksgiving.

Seriously, where did December go?

I hope yours was full of joy. Worship. Fun.

I'll post some pictures of mine soon!

Blessings,

Trust

2011-12-21T21:39:00.000-06:00

Santa came early here. We are sort of borrowing from the Jewish tradition and celebration the 7 nights of Christmas - culminating with one big morning on the 25th. It makes for a bit of confusion, but being able to have presents under our own tree here, as well as be with family in two different places makes the confusion a small inconvenience.

On the first night of Christmas Santa brought... Legos, of course. This santa shops all year and loves Target's mark downs. Both of these were in storage in GA the entire time we were in MO, but getting them half price was worth it!

But what is this?

Why, sandpaper, of course! To go with their very own sanders.

Isn't there a law somewhere, (perhaps the child labor law) about giving things like this to your children?! Just kidding!

Now they are equipped with their own face masks, goggles, sandpaper and sanders. Ready to work on the Fairlane with Daddy. Yeah!!

Despite everything, Zion insists on believing in Santa. His faith in something bigger, something that can't be explained - it is inspiring. I suppose what it all boils down to is that he trusts that he will have something to be happy about. At his age, Cars, Legos and Schleich figures are about all it takes to create happiness. But he trusts those will be provided for him. Even if they aren't fancy or expensive.

This morning I was reading about Trust. I started in Romans 9, where a devotional I was reading was talking about our inability to earn our salvation. Thus, we just have to trust Jesus for his redemption. And since we already have no choice but to trust Him for the most profound thing in our lives, truly, can we not trust Him more with the little things?

Zion memorized Proverbs 3:5-6 while we were in MO. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."

Habakkuk 3:17-18 says, "Though the fig tree may not blossom... and the fields yield no food. Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation." Yet, you say. Yet... still I will rejoice. Not just trust, rejoice. Job says, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him." (13:15) Fig tree not blossoming... bummer. Fields yielding no food... that starting to hurt. SLAYING! That's getting serious. "Yet will I trust in Him."

I suppose, that like Zion, we will have to boil it down to something simple. I think 1 Peter 5:7 sounds good. "Cast all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."

That about sums it up.

Trust isn't always easy, especially when there are so many amazing things, new ones springing up every moment, to worry about. I guess that is why we have to choose to trust, and "lean not on our own understanding."

Blessings,

Antiques

2011-12-17T22:12:00.000-06:00

Andy and I both bought Antiques today.

My new friend Kirsten and I escaped for a few hours this afternoon. A small mommy escape, just girl time. There are some adorable antique, boutique, and even thrift stores in the small town just 20 minutes north of us. We shopped, ate fried pickles, and talked each other's ears off.

I found these amazing turtle bookends. Heavy brass. Early 1930's. Who knows what they say though.... Anyone want to interpret the Korean for me?
Spur of the moment purchase.

$20

Andy has been talking about his purchase for years. And years. Perhaps his entire lifetime. I have always said "someday". It seems that this is the year of "someday". (If you recall, the dog was a "someday" thing too, and sure enough just a few weeks ago she joined the family)
Anyway, Andy bought himself an antique today too.

100 x $20

Andy says that this picture is unfair. We actually have a lot more parts then shown here. They are just not currently on the vehicle. In case you can't tell, it doesn't even have wheels. Or an axle. They all exist. It's just that none of them are actually attached to it. And lots of the parts are not precisely in working order. Or at all in working order. For instance, the motor.

I had agreed to the project. He had brought home several rubbermaid containers of "extra parts" a few days ago, partially filling the garage, and getting me use to the idea. But today when the trailer with that thing backed up into my garage, well, I almost didn't take it well.

I have had time to cool off a bit since then, or perhaps a better term would be "warm up". I have looked at some of the fun parts: the cool rear windows that roll down at an angle, the round tail lights that are just classy and the fender skirts that "dress it up" a little. In a year or two when everything is sanded, painted, rebuilt and upholstered... she will be beautiful. Something like this -

1963 Ford Fairlane 500 Sport Coupe -

Probably not red for us... but since he changes his mind every two seconds, we'll just see when the time comes. It's still a looooong way from needing painted!

Antiques.

I really want something pretty to display my depression glass in. An antique glass front cabinet. However....

I think I'll stick with a finished project. It will be awhile until Andy is available to help with any woodworking around here!

Blessings,

My baby is 6

2011-12-14T23:57:00.000-06:00

My baby is turning 6 today. My, how time flies. The hard drive that has baby pictures is still packed, but here are a few pictures from old blogs. I wasn't a camera person yet, so you will have to excuse the fuzziness.
I enjoyed the trip down memory lane. You are free to skip it, but he sure is cute, so I don't know how you can resist!

My little pirate

Once again, a pirate

His 3rd birthday

This story about his makes me cry every time, but is just so beautiful.

A backyard builder

He just keeps growing up. But he is growing into an amazing little man.

I am so very proud to call him mine.

Happy Birthday Zion!!

Blessings,

Who's this?

2011-11-30T21:06:00.001-06:00

I was on the phone with my friend Amanda this afternoon. With the Thanksgiving travels, then trying to settle back into school (we both homeschool) we hadn't talked in almost two weeks.
She called me up to ask a quick question about yeast, since I'm "the one who makes bread". (Someone please remind me of that more often - maybe I will actually get around to making it again soon!)
Anyway, as we were chatting about bread, and rising possibilities, I heard a call for help. As I ran down the stairs to discover the source of the anguish...

It was just that the dog had escaped.

Yes, the dog.

I think that Amanda nearly fell over laughing.

I have a dog.

Me.

A big dog. A young, bouncy, slobbery, big dog.

And I absolutely adore her.

You see, I am not really a pet person. I like our frogs, because they are nicely contained. The crickets they require for their breakfast, lunch and dinner are not much fun. But they are (usually) contained also. Somehow bigger pets have always just seemed unnecessary. I had children to fill my quota of slobber and hyperactivity. I didn't mind changing their diapers when they were little, and am still prepared to clean mud and throw-up as needed. But animals are another story all together.

Which is why Amanda nearly laughed her head off. Because she knows me well.

But Daisy seems to fit right in. She is already crate trained, sleeping there, and staying there when we go shopping, etc. She encourages us to get out of the house more. Even though it is cold she still needs her daily walk. She is working on Canaan's pitching arm, as he practices throwing tennis balls for her to fetch. She sits quietly at our feet while we work on school, just content to be close. She is warm, so warm, and my cold blooded self appreciates her as an extra blanket cuddled up against me on the living room floor.

We have only had her since late Sat. afternoon, but already she has become part of the family.

Who knew?

Certainly not me!

My broom, mop and vacuum are going to get more exercise then they use to. Although I sweep up after every meal, I use to be a vacuum once a week type of girl... I don't think dog hair is going to agree with that. Sigh. But in all honesty, I don't think she actually sheds that much more then I do. And she has a far greater percentage of her body covered in hair. So, my super long curly hair and her tiny short and straight hair will compete for room in the vacuum bag. They can co-exist quite peacefully.

And our Daisy? She will be teaching us something new every day. (for example, getting a good picture of a furry baby is just as hard as a good shot of a toddler)

Mommy, the flash is in my eyes!

Enjoy your family, in whatever shapes and sizes they come in!

Blessings,

Find a penny, pick it up...

2011-11-21T14:29:00.001-06:00

I grew up listening to, and now repeating for my own children, the old sayings. "Look before you leap." "A penny saved is a penny earned."
It seems I have either an old saying or a Bible verse that springs to mind in almost any situation. Of course, words are sort of my thing.

The one that has been the theme around here lately is that we have been "nickel and dimed" to death. Of course, that isn't exactly how the saying goes. I think it originates from the idea of getting a good deal on a big purchase, then all of the little details that are charged in relation to it - a nickel here, a dime here - adding up. Andy has been muttering under his breath about nickels and dimes for months now.

The move to MO, and then this one immediately following, were both on a really well planned budget. We took very little with us to Missouri so we could take a little trailer; only had one car while we were there, saving on gas; rented a basic little duplex. But... because we brought so little with us, we kept finding things, little things, that we needed. $5 here, $10 there. (actual nickels and dimes are completely out of the picture now people!)

Same goes this time. We had amazing volunteer labor, a great deal on a truck, and gas even took a couple cent dip the weekend we moved.
But on the other side of things- My mom gave us one set of curtains, but I had to have a second with these completely different windows. Plus curtain rods. And a new rug for the back door. And I have no idea what happened to the trashcan for the boy's bathroom... And....

Nickel and Dimed.

I look at the house and see how many things there are still unfinished. How many things I have to do until it looks "right". Then again, I suppose the little details really don't matter. Red curtains on one window and blue on another - hey, they are all the way across the room from each other, right? After all,

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

I will continue to "look at the world through rose colored glasses" and hope to always see a "glass half full" - even if there are nickels and dimes strewn around making a mess everywhere!

Blessings,

Thanksgiving, a week early

2011-11-17T21:38:00.001-06:00

We're here! Our caravan of vehicles were loaded, driven, unloaded and returned to their proper locations. The bulk of the boxes have been unpacked and their contents put away. School books have re-emerged from banishment, much to the chagrin of two little boys.

This afternoon Andy and I were working on one of those last projects. One that makes it really feel like home, but truly, truly is not fun.

Hanging pictures.

I don't know. Maybe some people enjoy hanging pictures. But I can never decide what goes where; which color frame matches the other decor, what size is needed to fill a certain wall.

Then there is the actual hanging. Argh!

I must say though that moving, and hanging, and re-hanging pictures has been fabulous for our marriage.

Not so much right at the beginning.

But I think we have gotten the hang of it. Maybe.

Those old rules about "measure twice, cut once"... it is the same for "hammer once". We went thought a lot of putty in our first few houses. We have gotten better about discussing every picture first.

At one of our first houses he hung all the pictures, and they were so high up that I could barely see them. There was some disagreement about that. The next house he was still deployed when we moved in, so my mom and I did most of the decorating before he even came home. There was some disagreement about that too.

Today we took it one picture at a time, enjoyed a rainy afternoon, and measured everything at least twice.

Until the measuring tape broke in half. Literally.

We decided it was time to take a break after that!

I read somewhere recently, "What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you remembered to thank God for today."

Thankfulness has been on my mind a good bit lately. As we unpacked and I opened boxes of things I had not seen in a year, in this beautiful house that I never could have imagined- I am reminded of how much I have to be thankful for. Loud, rambunctious boys that run up and down the stairs every day. Food, that I love to make, in the amazing array we have available to us here in America, and that fits beautifully into the pantry here. My beautiful addiction who gets up at 5 every morning to go to PT, and the fact that he can. The proximity of a fully stocked and free to use pharmacy. Internet access, which I took for granted before Missouri. People to love, and be loved in return.

Thanksgiving is coming, and most of our nation will spend the day stuffing themselves, watching the parade, and preparing for a day of shopping early the next morning.

But hopefully the name of the holiday will stand out just a little and remind people why we take a rest on that day.

To THANK God for their amazing blessings.

Everyone has them.

Different then mine. That is what makes them their blessings. But blessings none the less.

Start practicing now. Thank Him tonight too.

Blessings to you,

Scheduling

2011-11-02T23:52:00.000-05:00

I have spent entirely too much of the last few days in a whirlwind of stress. I have managed to get a lot accomplished, I think. But truthfully, I probably would have gotten more accomplished if I had calmed down a little.

It has been a long time since we have had to move in from a long distance location. I never thought I would say it, but the people in MO were so much easier to work with! When we moved in they had the water and electricity already running and just asked that we get it transferred to our name within the first 2-3 days.
In Fayetteville the house has no electricity or water at all, and before we can get the keys we are required to provide them with an electric "account number". Like I would want to move in without electricity?!

So, as much as I hate the phone, I have had to actually break down and use it several times. Most of the prep work could be done online, but the actual setting up of an account required speaking to a person.

I am so very loquacious on here, and in "real" life - why do I struggle so much with the phone? Sigh.

Words are such an important part of my life. I would say that I struggle with the phone because I cannot see the person I am talking to - but I certainly can't see whomever is reading my blog. It is open to the entire world, if the entire world happens to stumble upon it. Maybe it is because the words on the phone seem so unfeeling. Face to face with someone you can make eye contact, apologize if you say something that is taken the wrong way, interact with hand gestures, and even the tone of voice (which is vitally important in a conversation) is so much easier to hear in a "real life" conversation.

Here, in the big wide world of blogging I have a chance to think my words over before I hit "post". I tend to have a lot to say, so I prefer to re-read them before I share them with eyes that are not my own. As with the phone, tone of voice, hand gestures and eye contact are impossible - but at the same time, I have so much room for italics, quote marks, Exclamations, etc. Similar to "real life", it doesn't take long to get to know someone, and to understand their way of talking, their way of typing, their style of communicating.

So, talking and blogging I can handle. But phones still scare me! How sad is that?

But... Supposedly all is well and we will have water, sewer, electric and keys (Thanks Kelly!) when we get there on Saturday. And a truck, with a matched bid from several companies (go me!) will be ready to pick up on Friday afternoon.

In other, very happy news, God threw in a little bonus for me. We already had friends from college that are stationed at Bragg. Fabulous treat to move somewhere and already know someone. We also found out that a friend of the family, recently returned from a tour in Germany, is at Bragg right now. But it just keeps getting better!
Anyone who is friends with me on Facebook knows that I am not really a FB girl. I tend to be a once a weeker. But with Andy's first jump I really wanted to get the prayer request out there. So I posted. And what should God provide? Another military friend stationed at Ft. Bragg! We were neighbors about 4 years ago when we moved to Moody AFB, but they left soon after we arrived. Now we are both Army instead of AF, and about to be living in the same town. We haven't really talked in 3 years, but the link of FB was there to reconnect us. Small, small world! I have never been a huge fan, but today I am thankful for Facebook.

Lastly, words about my sweet addiction.

Andy is supposed to be finishing up his last jump right about now. He had a night jump, in full gear, tonight. I hate the jumps with gear because it is so heavy, but he is use to lugging around lots of equipment. What is the difference? Lugging it around or falling out of the sky with it?

Tomorrow he out processes. Friday he gets his wings then skedaddles, hoping to get up here and the first loading done that night.

Saturday we load the rest of the truck and leave town, doing our best to make it all the way "home" that night.

Sunday is unload, and our fabulous family of volunteers who are coming to help unload head back to their regular life.

Truly, Andy and I both have amazing parents. Amazing! Dropping everything to drive up for the weekend, just to help us out. I think we might be spoiled.

But don't tell them that. Shhhh

I hope your life is smoother, calmer, and just as full of blessings!

The names bite back

2011-10-28T00:11:00.000-05:00

I wrote recently about names, titles, the things that define us. Things that I love. Names that I am so glad to have as part of my life, as the definition of who I am.

But I left some out.

Ones that I can't really say that I am happy about.

And those decided to come back and remind me of their presence with a passionate fury.

Right before we left Missouri I stumbled upon a blog called "Texting my Pancreas". As someone who has been diabetic for almost 20 years now, I enjoyed the humor she was able to find in living with the day to day annoyances of the technology connected to diabetes. Trust me, I am grateful for the technology. It certainly makes my life easier - but at the same time, it is a lot to keep track of too! The whole theme behind the title, someone thinking that her insulin pump was a phone and that she was texting during dinner - that is my life.

That was one name I left off the list. It stays constant, and usually under control. Diabetes comes with ups and downs. Low blood sugars make me dizzy, woozy and often silly. High blood sugars make me lethargic, depressed and often grumpy.

However, after 20 years, I like to think I am pretty good at being diabetic.

But epileptic, that is still new.

I have a hard time even claiming that name, that title. Three years- They started in July 2008 and that first year was filled with "auras" and an unsure diagnosis. The second year was off with a bang, with a full scale grande mal seizure just days after Andy returned from Afghanistan, and still unsure of an exact diagnosis. This third year I had finally adjusted to meds, felt comfortable driving short distances again and wasn't as exhausted all the time.

But last week my body decided to throw that all out the window.

My official diagnosis is "localized partial seizures". I am on enough medicine that my body continues to function most of the time even when a partial seizure occurs. I sometimes "blank out" for 2-3 seconds, but most of the time no one but those who love me most would even notice.

But for some reason last week my brain got overwhelmed and decided that my medicine wasn't enough anymore. I had several "blank outs" on Tuesday, longer then usual - more like 10-12 seconds. Which doesn't sound like much, but it makes you afraid to drive. Because of the meds I can function during an "aura", but it hurts like crazy. It is so much easier to close my eyes!

On Wednesday though something more then usual happened. Whatever misfired in there made my memory go away for several hours. And that is terrifying.

Terrifying.

I knew my parents, sisters, children and oh, how I clung to the thought of Andy. And somehow, two of my best friends stayed real. But everything, and everyone, else was gone. I was asking my mom to tell me about the birth of my children, because I couldn't remember. I could see a picture of my wedding on the wall in my parent's living room - but I couldn't remember my wedding. Even the two friends that I could remember, I made mom tell me how I knew them, how I met them, why they were my best friends. I couldn't remember why, I just knew that they were.

My dad put the boys to bed for me, and I laid on my mom's lap and cried. Little by little my world came back to me. I sat in bed later that night and looked at pictures, absorbing as many faces as I could. People that I truly could not find only a few hours earlier. People that I LOVE.

Terrifying. I cannot say that enough.

On thursday morning I was still a little foggy, but functioning. We called the Neurologist I used to see when I lived here and he called in a new drug for me.

Mom dropped everything for the weekend and took me to Columbus so I could see Andy at Airborne school. I knew that it was all just a misfire in my brain. I had talked to him on the phone, heard his voice, made sure he was real. He even took the time to talk about stupid college memories, when all he really wanted to do was complain about jumping out of towers.

But I really needed to see him. I am slightly addicted...

So here I am, a refried brain, new meds once again, and getting ready to move in just one week.

Sigh.

Epileptic is one of my titles, a name that belongs to me, and I will remember that next time I describe myself. It doesn't have to be negative. It doesn't have to drag me down. (although with the first new medicine the doc gave me last week everything sent me into a fit of crying... so it definitely "dragged me down"! Drug #2 seems to be working better) In fact, I will try, try, to remember to praise Him for it.

"Your love, oh Lord, reaches to the heavens, Your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, Your justice like the great deep. Oh Lord, you preserve both man and beast." Psalm 36:5-6

I am who I am. And that is a lot to keep track of! Praise God for technology, for family, for my beautiful addiction who loves me back, and most of all that I can trust HIM to take me where I am supposed to be. Memories are beautiful. I am so thankful for them. But what I look for, more importantly, are the ones to come. Those old, overused saying are around for a good reason... because they mean something. So I will say with feeling, "Tomorrow is a gift". I will open it with joy, live it with faith, and close it with the hope of another to come.

That is all I can ask for.

"Every good gift and perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning." James 1:17

Please, remember to appreciate every memory, and every moment that is becoming a memory for later.

Blessings,

It's a small, small world after all

2011-10-19T00:32:00.000-05:00

My sister Emilee is addicted to Pinterest. She recently decided that she should introduce me, and try to make me addicted too.

It may be working... but that isn't the point of this discussion.

What struck me while roaming around the amazing world of Pinterest is how very, very small the world is now that we are all connected through the internet.

You see, on Pinterest you create "boards" where you "pin" things that interest you - things that you want to remember. One of the boards I created was, surprise, "green living". When I searched Pinterest for green living ideas I stumbled upon MYSELF.

I cannot express how extremely weird that was.

Someone had read my blog about homemade bodywash, pinned it, and it had passed through the Pinternet world.

I wondered why I had gotten two comments on it lately!

In some ways it made me want to remove my children's names from my blog and quit all discussions about where we live. I understand now why my sister quit blogging when she had her daughter! But we are out there already, and I cannot quit now. Some moments the words get stuck, but it is impossible to keep them contained completely. I need to write. So we stay...

Right now - these pictures from a few days before we left Missouri have been begging to come out and play.

This dew covered spiderweb is what started the adventure.

This field of beauty in the midst of construction was only one street over - just a direction we had never ventured.

Hard at work

Enjoying the sunshine

And sharing nicely, at peace with the world around them.

We weren't thrilled to be in MO. The 4 months there were a stressful, crazy, random. But, we were together, learning, and, I hope, remembering to enjoy the beauty around us.

Blessings,

Number 32 in picture format!

2011-10-15T22:39:00.000-05:00

I did some rearranging yesterday and tonight, here in blog land. I really should be rearranging "real" stuff here at my parent's house, packing up to move to Ft. Bragg. But Andy is gone and the bed is half empty - so I play on the internet instead.

I feel like Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride, but what I shall say is - "let me sum up."

Andy graduated CBOLC on tuesday and we left Missouri ASAP. Andy drove the 12 hours to my parent's in Georgia and we fell into bed exhausted around 2am.
The next morning we unloaded the trailer full of our stuff, met some family at the mall for lunch and left the boys with my sister.
Amazingly, we (barely) beat the traffic out of Atlanta and made it to Ft. Gordon, finally getting to meet our new niece, Britton!

After seeing sweet Ani up and off to school on Thursday we headed toward Fayetteville, NC and the wonderful Ft. Bragg.

And the search began.

We had been looking at houses online for days, but you really can't tell what you are looking at until you see it in person. You have to see the neighborhood, the carpet, the backyard before you know if it really what they are trying to present to you. To "sell" to you, even as a rental.

We got to know the city fairly quickly, and figured out where we didn't want to live!

On a completely unrelated note: Thursday was the 12th anniversary of our first date, so we cancelled the quest at a decent hour and had a date. Slightly different then our first one, (since our first date had peanut butter sandwiches and this one included a hot tub) but I have no complaints! It was a fabulous break in a haphazard week full of driving and searching for a house.

Twelve years!

Friday was the day. Beginning bright and early, we were determined to find a house.

And determination paid off. We went from one side of Fayetteville to the other, making sure we had explored every option. But we found it!

When Andy finishes Airborne school in 3 weeks we will have somewhere to live.

Now I just have to figure out how to get everything from here to there. Fun, fun!

Blessings,

32

2011-10-03T14:34:00.000-05:00

In the middle of cleaning the walls and wiping out the cabinets I had to stop for a minute and breathe. Where better to take a break then the place I can best be myself?

Obviously, being in the middle of a move, I have been thinking about moving. I move a lot. A LOT. Always have.

I almost can't imagine life without it.

The new house, new rooms, new places to put my furniture - it is almost as if everything is new again.

The new stores, new foods, new backroads and twisty discoveries of nature - an adventure waiting to happen.

The new friends to form lifelong bonds with - as long as the old ones don't forget me, well I am always happy to make more!

The new gathering of followers, lovers, of, Jesus to join with - that is sometimes harder to find, and slightly frustrating. But eventually He leads us where we are supposed to be.

I have been moving my whole life. I exaggerate not.

When my parents brought me home from the hospital they lived in married student housing at college. Not approved for children. Within weeks they moved. Dad finished college: moved. If you count those two, I was moving into my 6th location before I was 6.

If you count dorm rooms in college, this house we are leaving is my 31st place to live. Which means we are headed into number 32.

I am 32.

And that is only counting houses. That doesn't count separate moves. I have gone back to my parents more times then I want to count!

No wonder I am good at it!

I don't think I would take the time to clean out the inside of my cabinets without the incentive of a move. I am pretty sure I wouldn't clean the doorknobs nearly as often as I end up doing it. And my microwaves and refrigerators hardly have a chance to get dirty.

Moving is good for me. Perfect for me. Moving sort of defines me.

And I wouldn't change my life for anything.

But after this 4 month stint, I am unbelievably ready for a real bed!

Blessings,

What's in a name?

2011-09-25T23:46:00.001-05:00

We have been talking about names around here lately.

Andy's class has some foreign students attending, and one of them, I think it is the Egyptian, has a very long, complicated name. You see, he has his own name, his father's, grandfather's and great-grandfather's - all in a row. That is a lot to keep up with!

Canaan already carries his father's name in the middle.

Zion carries a piece of my family history.

and that last name, the "family name", there is such a bond in that.

I will always, and forever, be one of the Binkley girls. Nothing can change my roots. My bond with my sisters and amazing parents. To belong to both my father and my mother's family tree, and the amazing history that has been followed back so far and has stories that are thrilling to recall- I am honored.

But...

Now I am also so very glad to be a Freeman. To be claimed, and accepted into the family of my true love. I eagerly listen to the stories of their history, and make sure they are passed to our children.

The stories of the history of our names.

But what about the names of the present?

I know the legal names I carry; the one that was given to me, just for me (Bethany); the one to carry on the past (Ruth, for my grandmother); and the one I acquired when I promised my future to my best friend (Freeman).

But there are other's out there too.

Wife. Mom. Sister. Daughter. Friend. Teacher. Writer, when time allows.

Am I remembering to leave a spot for my most important name?

Child of the King! Redeemed, called to praise, and eager to shine His glory.

So many names. It's almost overwhelming if I thinking about it too much. Which one needs my attention most right now? Which name am I responding to at this moment in time? But if I pause and remember for just a minute-

The names fit together so well to become,

just one me.

Blessings,

Into the wilds

2011-09-20T23:51:00.000-05:00

Last week we decided to explore a little more of our backyard.
Down at the bottom of the hill, just past where Canaan had his adventure on the bike, is a dry creek bed. Perfect for exploring.

Almost immediately we found interesting things.

Paw prints. Dog, I am pretty sure.

Raccoon perhaps?

An humongous bug.

I thought Canaan had found something educational. A bug to study. A print to photograph. A leaf to ask about.

Nope.

He found man made trash, abandoned and covered in mud.

However, it was "fascinating to an 8 year old" trash.

In the meantime, Zion had meandered his way down the creek bed, exploring on his own.

Until he discovered our first roadblock.

Over...

Under...

through every obstacle that comes our way!

Onward we go...

Around a corner, and suddenly, gasp!

What in the world? It is a dead... something. I never did figure out what it was. It was pretty much just fur. Very little else was left. Ewww, but kinda cool too.

After that I was ready to take pictures of pretty things.

These little bits of color, trying to hold on to the last piece of summer.

This is what Zion thought of the beautiful yellow flowers.

I took a ridiculous amount of pictures along the way.

Canaan enjoying his new "toy",

Zion trying to research what sort of tracks we were discovering,

and the generous sharing of the rolypoly bug from one brother...

to another.

I, literally, ran into this. Well, actually backed into it, but still...

Not Cool!

I haven't gotten around to researching it yet.

Anyone want to tell me what it is, so I don't have to go to the trouble?

I think this moss and fungus covered log is my favorite picture of the day. It shows such a beautiful expression of life, growing even in death. It is a beautiful, colorful reminder that nothing is wasted in the purity of nature, the way God intended it.

On the way back the boys decided to have a picture taken with "their" animal.

And we end at the beginning. Over, and under once again - where it leads to this time, who knows?

On a closing note: Today I asked Canaan to write 5 sentences about our expedition into the woods. He decided to write a multiple choice questionnaire for my blog. Here it is, in it's original spelling. (which is atrocious)

I found a hammer. Win we got home i? 1) i found it 2) i ate it, 3) i clingd it
(The answer is 3, cleaned it)

We had green thigs on us. Wat woor the green thigs? A: Leefs, B: grubas, C ants
(the answer is A, and they were those little green sticker things that feel like velcro)

We found a hous. Wat culre was it? A: Broun and Green B: Green C: cat
(According to him the answer is A. I don't remember. After about 1/4 mile we left "the wilds" and reached a subdivision. We could see the back of a house up the hill and he says it was green and brown)

I love his attempt at humor. Every question has a comedic choice. Mostly I love that this was his idea. A simple writing assignment turned into a desire to be "published".

My little ham!

I hope you are having some adventures in the wild, even if it is just the wild of your backyard.

Blessings,

Words of explanation- two generations in a row

2011-09-15T09:30:00.001-05:00

My Mom has been cleaning out closets, emptying out drawers and trying to make room in the "wedding room". My youngest sister "said yes",

Yet another redhead in the family!

Aren't they adorable?

so there will be several months worth of prepping and planning (and bringing things into the house). Therefore, some of the things already taking up space had to be sorted through. Mom got lost one afternoon looking through old pictures. She called me up laughing about memories, not just of my sisters and I, but also of Zion and Canaan when they were "little". I know it is an overused saying, but gee whiz, "time flies"!

One of the things Mom found as she sorted through old memories was our school, our homeschool, mission statement. We called ourselves J.O.Y. Academy. J for Jesus, O for others, Y for yourself. If you put them in order, you have Joy.

Andy says it is a little "wordy", but I would like to share with you the heart of the way I was raised, the way I was educated, and thus, the way I think, feel, and deep in my soul, believe.

JOY Academy began as a way to fulfill the biblical admonition to "train up a child in the way he should go" We believe it is the responsibility of the parent to see that their child has a good foundation in all of the values which will rule the rest of their lives. When the values are based on the biblical precepts of righteousness and truth, the foundation will be able to withstand the things thrown at them through the years.

This training has included but is not limited to three primary area:
1. Mental Abilities.
To develop a child mentally is primarily helping a child to develop their critical thinking. It begins with the basics of reading, writing and arithmetic. We then build upon these with an understanding of the social and physical sciences from a uniquely Christian perspective.

2. Social Development.
If a child is only given food and not taught how to eat, they will surely make a mess of it. So it is with learning to relate to one another. A child must be taught the proper way to relate to family, friends, and even those who mistreat them. This is a second primary area of learning at JOY Academy. We have included in this course of study not only the society in which we live, but an introduction to other societies and the differences between the way they relate.

3. Spiritual Awakening.
Just as reading opens up a child's mind to a new world of ideas, so prayer opens up a child's heart to a universe much larger than anything we can imagine. At JOY Academy we teach a child to have a personal relationship with our Heavenly Father through prayer and Bible study. As a child learns to understand the purposes of God they learn the purpose for their own life. Understanding purpose is one of the foundational stones that will help a child stand in the midst of trying times.

This is a brief look at the "what" and the "way" of our home school.

Since my own husband laughed at the formality of it, then said it was overwhelming and slightly boring, I will understand, and forgive you, if you only skimmed it. But it brought tears to my eyes. An amazing amount of thought and prayer went into my education. I am so very grateful.

Andy and I have reached a point now in the education of our boys where people start to ask "do you really know what you are doing?" With my freestyle teaching attitude I seem to especially inspire questions. I suppose anything that challenges the status quo frightens, so questions are necessary for comfort.

I don't know that I would have conformed myself enough to write something like the statement above. I have been fighting the "establishment" entirely too much! But, I love having it already written. Some questions are easily answered by big words. Some people simply want to hear what they think are educated thoughts spouted off- and those are definitely well thought out and educated words.

This is why I am who I am.

Thank you Mom and Dad.

Blessings,

Milestone moments

2011-09-12T16:23:00.000-05:00

We had a momentous occasion here this week.

Any guesses?

A little prep work

Ready...

...here we go!!!!

I can't decide if that is excitement or terror on his face!

These pictures were actually taken the middle of last week. He almost had it, going 15-20 feet at a time then getting scared and stopping. As soon as Andy's hand would leave his shoulder he would panic (even though Daddy wasn't really even helping him!)

This weekend I took the boys to the track again while Andy studied for a test and after a few practice runs he had it down pat. He was still a little shaky starting out by himself (preferring a push to get going) but he made it all the way around the track by himself!
There are no pictures from this weekend because rather then running the camera I was running the track - holding up a bike, then cheering my "little big man" on.
One more milestone down.

Canaan had a slightly visible milestone recently.

The losing of the first front tooth.

All the little ones are the bottom are cool, but that big one right up front - well, no one can miss that.

The tooth on the other side is wiggly too. We'll have to wait and see if both end up missing at the same time!

Just a day or two later Zion declared his tooth hurt. I thought he just wanted attention, because of brother, but sure enough, he has his first loose tooth. It has quite a wiggle to it, but he is protecting it with all the power his little mouth possesses. It might be awhile before that tooth goes anywhere!

I saw someone with two week old twins at the post office this morning.

Where did the time go?

Blessings,

Rock and Roll (and sugar too)

2011-09-02T15:53:00.000-05:00

We started school really early, mostly because there was very little else to keep us entertained. Why not? Our original science theme for the beginning of the year was to study ways that humans have potentially hurt the earth, and ways that we can help repair her also.
I miss my clothes line, compost pile and attempt at a garden. The least I can do is teach my children a little about taking care of the earth. So we talked about recycling, pollution, erosion, the thoughts behind the potential for global warming. Since we were still slotted for Alaska at the time, we did a special project on oil and water, and how they don't mix very well.

It was fun to work with water, first adding dirt and watching it sink and separate,

then adding oil and watching it float on the top.

Canaan separated it into smaller sections...

tried to strain it out, and poured it into another container through a paper towel,

all to no avail. It was an interesting experiment.

He wrote a small report on his findings to show daddy.

Even Zion was involved. He drew pictures of his impressions.

It was hot, (the front deck in July usually is) but a blast.

In August the Freeman grandparent's came to visit.

We decided to visit Meramac Caverns, a large system of caves about an hour from our house.

It was full of beautiful formations, like these reflecting in the water.

The boys were fascinated.

Happy Cave explorers!

On the way out Grammy bought a science project to get us started on our next theme for the school year.

Rock Candy!

Growing and beginning to form it's fascinating shapes.

Drained and beginning to dry.

Beautiful crystalized sugar!

Some intense studying.

How can any child not want to eat that?

(Don't worry, mine didn't get too! I did let them eat some of the scraps from the sides of the jar. I just couldn't imagine them eating an entire stick of sugar though!)

We have studied all forms and fashions of rocks, minerals and gems.

We attempted to grow stalagmites and stalactites:

Get a kid to taste Epsom salt. That is hilarious!

It is supposed to travel up the string, then as the water evaporates the salt will build up leaving a stalactite, and possibly even leave a stalagmite on the ground below also.

However, since we are living without many supplies right now, we had no string. Seriously. Andy found some parachute cord and we gave it a try. I think it needed to be cotton because we had no luck whatsoever. Sad times.

We even created our own "rocks".

Sedimentary rock is formed in layers.

Delicious layers in this experiment!

When pressure,

enthusiastic pressure,

and heat (from the sun in our case)

are applied, it becomes metamorphic rock.

very delicious metamorphic rock!

Science has been a blast lately. It is September now. Time for a new theme. What sounds interesting?

Blessings,

Ravens and a brook flowing with water

2011-08-30T23:38:00.000-05:00

There is a beautiful story in the book of 1 Kings about Elijah, God's prophet, in a time of drought and famine. The nation of Israel had walked away from the one true God and was being punished: there had been no rain. The ground was dry and empty, food would not grow and even the flowing water was beginning to disappear, bit by bit.
But God led Elijah to a flowing brook, with a shady tree, and raven's to bring him bread morning and evening. His needs were met,
Then, scripture says, the brook "began to dry up". The rush slowed down. Perhaps just a bit at first, then enough that he couldn't help but notice. But still, he just waited. Elijah waited.
The brook became a trickle, and still he waited.
Water was still there, and he trusted.

Finally, when the brook was dry, God spoke to Elijah and told him where to go next.

When it was dry.

I read a devotional study on this story, from "Streams in the Desert". I think what stood out most to me was this sentence; "probably, long ere the brook was dry, we should have devised some plan, and asking God's blessing on it, would have started elsewhere."

How often have we done that?

We see the brook beginning to slow down and we start worrying. We come up with alternate plans, back up possibilities, multiple choices, "just in case". Then, as it gets slower and slower, drier and drier we think surely we need to move. All of these plans are good. And often, that is true. There is nothing necessarily bad about our plans. But they are ours.
But we see the brook getting drier and drier, so we pick a plan, ask God to bless it, and take a leap.
And so often He does bless it, because He loves His children.

But what if we had waited?

What kind of amazing plan did He have for us?

The point of this is to say:

Andy and I are not going to Alaska. It seems that they are not taking diabetic, epileptic, slightly neurotic wives at Ft. Richardson right now. We got turned down for medical, and can say with all honesty that we really are not upset.
Yes, Alaska would have been fun, but it is a LONG way away.
And my baby sister got engaged on Sunday, so I really need to be slightly closer to "home". (smile)

Right now we don't have official orders, but the "pre" orders say Ft. Bragg. If everything passes, we will head to N. Carolina.

But, the brook is not yet dry.

Right this minute we are in Missouri. Andy goes to his classes. Canaan and Zion have their "classes". And I, I am reminded to enjoy the bread the ravens bring, the shade tree God provided, every sip of water from my little flowing brook, and every minute of the waiting.

Because truthfully, isn't that all that life is?

Enjoy, and make use of, the waiting my friends!

Blessings,

Don't drop a stitch!

2011-08-24T23:11:00.000-05:00

Tonight when I was reading the nightly Bible story to the boys we read about the last supper. When we finished the story we discussed the bread and the wine representing Jesus' body and blood. We talked about the verse "I go to prepare a place for you", and how it does not say when he will return. Then I asked Zion what he thought Jesus was doing while he waited; What he was doing to prepare heaven for us.
His response?

"Knitting."

Really, knitting?

I love five year olds.

Next time you are cold, think about heaven and the warm afghan you are sure to have prepared and waiting for you there.

Blessings,

In and out

2011-08-22T23:01:00.000-05:00

It's funny, really, how you think you need something so desperately and then when you finally have it right in front of you, you can't seem to remember what to do with it.

Yet again, our internet connection was out - completely and utterly- leaving us cut off from the outside world and separated from reality. Because when the internet is out, the phone signal "booster" doesn't work either. So I can barely even surf the web on my phone.

Yet here I am, with the internet working again, and I don't know where to start.

To my blogger friends - between internet outages and a week of very fun but exhausting out of town company I have not visited or commented in weeks. I'll be coming by to catch up. Be forewarned!

For now, a little piece of Missouri for you. It really is a beautiful, fascinating state.

Old Route 66 has some amazing history on it and we are enjoying every minute - even if we can't use the internet or cell phones!

Blessings,

A study in minimalism

2011-08-10T12:00:00.001-05:00

Weeks and weeks ago I promised Mom and my friend Carrie pictures of the new place here. Living as minimalists has been fascinating. And truthfully, quite eye opening. There are many things I don't miss.
However, there are definitely some I do!

Our lovely house with fabulous front porch. We have a little pool on it now, and that has been a lifesaver on these hot afternoons!

Strangely enough, I seem to have gotten use to the crooked "A".

It was difficult, but I have learned to let it go.

Eat in kitchen - with lots of counter space, now that I have none of the usual things to put on the counter... Isn't that the way it goes? I keep it full of random schoolwork instead!

Our living room has a nook for an "office", stairs heading to the basement, (which is completely empty, but would be a fabulous thing to have if we actually had our furniture here!) our camp chairs and a couch we found next to the dumpster at the top of the hill. That is the nice thing about living in a community that is primarily military. People are always moving in and out. There was actually a nicer couch out there the other day and we thought about trading, but we already cleaned this one up.

I was actually quite broken hearted to think of the waste: a perfectly fine couch (and loveseat) going to the landfill rather then the Salvation Army. I rejoiced when we came home and it had disappeared. It seems someone else around here thinks "dumpster diving" is a good way to furnish their house!

Canaan and Zion's room - an air mattress and camp cot.

The "play room", which tends to be covered in toys most of the time.

They were both allowed to bring two stuffed animals, and one "set" of toys. Canaan picked Legos and Zion brought his Cars. Both of those can take up an entire room by themselves if you let them! You would think that with a whole room they could keep it contained... but most of the time they still drag them out into the living room so they can be near us while they play.

The master bedroom. The built in shelf has been a lifesaver. We didn't bring any dressers so my jewelry, candles, and a few pictures that I couldn't live without have had someplace to land.

The closet "daily organizer" cloth shelves and collapsable boxes have been lifesavers also.

Where else would socks and underwear go?

Living with little has made me appreciate how much I have. Most of what I brought here will be left here. But I have so much to go back to. Truly, I am so blessed.

Life is a little hectic right now, but I miss my online world. I am coming back eventually... I hope! In the meantime,

Blessings,

Awesomeness

2011-07-26T08:24:00.000-05:00

Don't you love it when you are reading the Bible and it seems like it was written just for you.

Surprise! It was!

I forget that sometimes. I know it is full of wisdom, and teaches anyone anything they need to know. Even those who don't want to follow Jesus, to have Him in their heart, can have a much happier and fulfilling life if they read and "follow the tips" in God's word.

But for those of us who have laid down our lives, our pride, our right to decide for ourselves what our next step will be - well it is more then just some words on a page. It is a guide book for every step, and it was written JUST FOR US.

Just for me.

Just for Andy.

Just for my sons, and my parents, and my siblings.

And just for you.

The words are exactly the same, every time I read it. They don't change. But every time I pick it up, even when I have read it over and over, there is something new there. God is speaking to me, personally, through words that were transferred to paper (or something similar) thousands of years ago.

I hate to sound like a circa 90's teenager, but "How awesome is that?"

Matthew 6 has been brought to my attention several times in the last few days. Anyone who grew up in the church, even just for a small portion of their childhood probably heard most of Matthew 6. It is a portion of the Sermon on the Mount. It includes the Lord's prayer, a fabulous section on not worrying, and one of the most common scriptures for children to memorize. "But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you."

Those are truths I have know, well, forever. I tend to take them for granted. And yet, God can still speak to me through the Sermon on the Mount.

I guess what I am trying to say is, Don't quit expecting revelation. Don't get stuck in a routine (remember my confession about habits?) that leaves no room for God to speak. Instead, beg for new lessons, huge lessons, scary in their accuracy but amazing lessons every single day.

Most of all, just read. Even if it seems like the same old thing some days. Keep reading. There is so much truth just waiting - over and over again, in the same words. Totally awesome! - and truthfully, only God can truly fit that description!

Blessings,

Pillow talk

2011-07-22T08:51:00.000-05:00

I got a package from the UPS man that almost earned him a kiss. In fact, if he hadn't moved so fast and returned to his truck before I could react, I probably would have kissed him.
And after all the stressing and complaining I have done while waiting for the package, I don't think Andy would have even minded. Heavens, he might have even kissed the guy for bringing it, just so I would shush!

And what was causing all that fuss? What could possibly be in a box that would make a grown woman jump up and down and her children know that it needed to be opened immediately?

A pillow.

Yes, a pillow.

But not just any pillow. Not a $5 picked it up at Walmart pillow. Not a $100 bought it from a special "will make all your neck and back problems go away" store.

This is an old feather pillow. Older then me. Just the right amount of soft, right amount of firm. Molds up against me when I sleep. Has seen me through several deployments, taking the spot of Andy in the bed - something to lean up against and pretend it was him. And a long time ago, this pillow, this very special pillow, was something that my grandma slept on.
I know, I know, it's not like she left her spirit in a pillow. But when I change the sheets and see the old pattern on the pillow itself I am reminded of her.

It was my own fault: When we went to St. Louis for the 4th I took it with me. Foolish, I know, but I sleep so much better with it around. When we packed up that morning I left it laying at the end of the bed. Abandoned and neglected. I noticed by that night, of course, and called the next morning - they had found it! It took a couple days to figure out the logistics of who in the chain for command was responsible for mailing it, but by the 7 it was supposed to be on the road. I waited. When it still hadn't arrived by the 14th, I called again. They said they would call UPS. More waiting. When it still hadn't arrived by the 19, I was just about to call again, when suddenly, the doorbell rang!

It was the neighbor, bringing over some fruit salad.

The fruit salad distracted me, then we were working on school, when suddenly, the doorbell rang again. Twice in one day? No one ever comes to see us.

Lo and behold, a beautiful package sitting at the front door, just for ME!

Andy says I need to write a "lesson learned" blog about this. About how earthly possessions really aren't important, and that our family is what really matters. Truthfully, anyone who knows me, or reads this blog know that I already think that. If the pillow had never shown up I wouldn't have had a fit. I wouldn't have even been mad, at myself or the people at Drury Inn. I would have been slightly worried about telling my Mom... but I would have given her the whole speech that Andy gave me and all would have been well with the world. Stuff is stuff. Some stuff makes me really happy, like chocolate, bracelets that clink and clank when I am walking and my fabulous old pillow.
But that is stuff.
People - All people. That is a totally different love. My love for my family is in a completely different realm. Although I have been reading Oswald Chambers lately and his words about letting them go too.... well, we won't get into that right now.

I think what God is impressing on me through this experience is how dependent I am on habits.
Wake up, pour coffee, shake the Truvia packet 3 times, cream, cinnamon, ginger, readdiwhip. (I do not want to hear any comments about my extremely "un-green" routine. It is my guilty pleasure)
The whole point of shaking the Truvia packet is to make sure it is all at the bottom, so that when you tear off the top you don't spill it all. The other day I did my triple shake, then had to walk away for something. When I came back, I picked it up and automatically, shake, shake, shake. Had the sugar moved back to the top while sitting on the counter? No. Did I have any reason to shake it again? No. It was just habit. And habits happen, whether you want them to our not.

I have a habit I am working very hard to try to create. I need to take my anti-seizure medicine as close as possible to the same time every day. I have set an alarm on my phone reminding me. I have them in a convenient pill dispenser, displayed prominently on the bathroom counter. And still, many days I ignore the alarm for one reason or another. (I am in the middle of loading the dishwasher, Zion is practicing his letters, I am writing a blog!) Then, two hours later I gasp and realize that I never took my pills.
A habit that needs to be created

Why is it so much harder to break a bad habit then to create a good one?

1Timothy 5:24-25 says "The sins of some men are obvious, reading the place of judgement ahead of them; the sins of others train behind them. In the same way, good deeds are obvious, and even those that are not cannot be hidden."

The Message says it this way- "The sins of some people are blatant and march them right into court. The sins of others don't show up until much later. The same with good deeds. Some you see right off, but none are hidden forever."

Habits and sins and even good deeds are a lot alike. Sometimes they are hidden. Sometimes they are obvious. Sometimes we ourselves are not even aware of them.

I am on a mission to seek out my habits, discover if they are pleasing to my God, and use them as He would ask.

Definitely something I can't do on my own!

1 Thessalonians 5:23 says "May God Himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together - spirit, soul, and body- and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ."

I am clinging to this one. Pillows may distract me. Coffee may be an occasional obsession. Who knows what I do and am not even aware of! But I trust that I am being "put together". I love puzzles - and it is encouraging that as much as my life feels like a puzzle sometimes, my Savior can see the completed picture, and is putting me together.

Blessings,

Moments that you never forget

2011-07-19T22:41:00.000-05:00

I realized that with all of this "lack of internet" I never got around to sharing the pictures of one of the biggest moments in Andy's military career... at least so far.
The weeks leading up to it are fairly well documented. But that last week, well, it was an adventure.

Mom dropped the boys and I off at the Ft. Benning campground, where we stayed in an adorable little, (and I mean little) cabin. Andy was able to join us in his free(ish) time and give me access to his truck. It was a full week, filled with the last minute details of learning how to behave in the outside world once you are an officer.

The boys and I had some playtime while we waited.

We were fascinated by the homes left behind...

pensive about the home we were headed to

and silly in the "home" we were using at the moment.

We always manage to keep ourselves busy while waiting for daddy.

We even went to the Infantry Museum.

Some very interesting displays, even kid friendly ones - but by the time we finished I had some very grumpy, hungry boys... see.

But the most important event of the week was the moment when all of Andy's hard work was recognized and rewarded.

Waiting

and watching (or perhaps coloring?)

Sorry about the close-up Tara!

Swearing in.

Aren't they a good looking group of officers?

Shaking hands with the "big wigs" as he walked across the stage.

When they had called everyone across the stage they were summoned into the back room, then dismissed. All of the families were waiting with anticipation. Their officers appeared. We waited, and waited, and waited. (Perhaps with less patience then we should have?) I finally flagged down a classmate I was familiar with and asked where he might be.

He was helping someone else, of course.

They had to take some "candidate" thing off their shoulder and put some official "I am now and officer for real" thing on. Andy's gifts are service and generosity. So of course he had stayed and helped everyone else.

I showed up with my handy dandy, never leave home without it, pocket knife and between the two of us we were able to get the job finished!

The first salute.

It was a beautiful moment between brothers.

Andy wanted his Silver Dollar to go to someone special, and Josh drove several hours to do that for him.

One proud momma!

One proud wife. (and three boys who are tired of having their picture taken)

A family picture.

My dad came too.

My family is proud too, even if Andy graduating means he will take us far away!

One graduation down, one more to go.

Chemical BOLC, here we are!

Blessings,

One drop of blood

2011-07-14T09:32:00.000-05:00

When I was 12 I lost almost 20 pounds in 2 months, was tired all the time, and felt as if I couldn't get enough water no matter how much I drank.

The simplified explanation is that my body was eating itself, rather than the food I consumed. It couldn't process the food I ate. It had lost that ability.

A trip to the pediatrician and one simple drop of blood was all it took to change my entire life. When the doctor came into the room to tell us that I had diabetes, well, I know nothing about it. Nothing. I am pretty sure I had read a book once in which the little brother had diabetes, and had to have special attention. That was all I remembered.
My mom wanted to know all of the things that mom's want to know. How do we treat it. What medicines are needed. What is our plan of action.
I simply asked, "Am I going to die?"
Which I laugh at now, because of course I am going to die. Everyone dies. I think I meant, is this going to kill me. I got an immediate assurance from the doctor that this was something that, if taken care of, I could live a long healthy life with.
So my second question came. "Can I still have children?"
Because that was what my goal in life was. Always.
But you all know that!

My parents raised us to believe that God can do anything. You see so many "evangelists" on TV putting up a lot of hype in healing services. But you don't need hype. You don't need noise. All you need is the faith to ask, and wait for Him to answer. "I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18:19-20

So we asked for my healing. My God can make a pancreas work again. We gathered with a group, specifically to ask for healing. I remember during that time another girl I had played with had her leg healed. Right there.
I will never forget my mom's story: After we had gone to bed that night she couldn't sleep. She just laid there talking to God, saying, "What if I don't have enough faith? What if I keep her from being healed. What do I need to do to show my faith?"
Like a voice of peace in her soul came the answer, "It is not what you do. It is what I have already done."
He had already done.

So, 20 years later, when I am still diabetic, where does that leave me?

I actually have people question my faith sometimes.
Goodness - I question my faith sometimes. That same question my mom chanted in her mind 20 years ago runs through mine on occasion. Is it because I don't believe hard enough?

In "Streams in the Desert", which I quote on here often, there was an excerpt that made the book show it's age:
"There is a self-opening gate which is sometimes used in country roads. It stands fast and firm across the road as a traveler approaches it. If he stops before he gets to it, it will not open. But if will drive right at it, his wagon wheels press the springs below the roadway, and the gate swings back to let him through. He must push right on at the closed gate, or it will continue to be closed."

Now we have electric doors which do the same things at every Walmart, grocery, and even the library.

But here is where my lesson comes in. Several times lately, those doors haven't opened for me. I have had to go around to the door that you pull with your own hand to open. Not the way that everyone else goes.

Roman's 5:3-4 says "We can rejoice too when we run into problems and trials for we know that they are good for us. They help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady."

I can't help but say that 20 years of "trial", well, it really hasn't been that bad. I know how to combine foods into healthy meals and snacks. (not that I always do... but I know how!) I have met and bonded with other diabetics through the years, hopefully showing them Jesus. I was able to live my dream and birth two beautiful boys. I may have originally wanted more, but I trust that if it is His will, God will bring them to me in some other way. Because I am diabetic I have been to the doctor A LOT, but that has allowed them to catch several other things that are wrong with me early, and get me on the medication needed for them.

I have said for years that the healing that God provided me wasn't visible to the human eye. It was for my heart, my attitude. Yes, I have my days when I am grumpy and just want to take my insulin pump and throw it out the window - but overall, God has given me grace to be a joyful diabetic. I have seen support groups full of people complaining and stressing. Truly, my healing is complete. I have laid my future in His hands and don't fret. That is what my faith is strong enough for. Trusting. Over and over again, forever. As He told my Mom, what He has already done. That is enough for me.

And that door that didn't open? I had to go around, and pull a different one, but I would never say that I did that in my own strength. It might not have been an automatically opening door, but it wasn't a wall either. I can take no credit on my own strength, simply be thankful for well oiled hinges. I just needed a reminder that the path that most people take, even Christians walking where God is taking them, well, God does not have everyone going the same place at the same time.

At the moments when those actual doors weren't working last week - I must admit I was slightly annoyed. Especially when it happened more then once. But when I read about that gate in my devotional just a few days later, I knew that Romans 8:28 applies even to the little things. "We know that all things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to His purpose."
Doors that don't work being good. Who knew? But those words that wouldn't come - He was organizing them.

"For the Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding." Proverbs 2:6

Blessings,

Scrambled Scrabble

2011-07-11T10:06:00.000-05:00

  I dreamed about Scrabble last night.

  I have been playing "Words with Friends" on my iPhone lately, and I have been working with Zion with letters, and I had spent the hour right before bed organizing the books on my Kindle into categories. So words were fresh in my mind.

But I don't think that's why I dreamed about Scrabble. When Andy came home between PT and class he pointed out that Scrabble is a game of making words fit. Of shifting letters around and creating. My ability to create words, or lack of ability, has stressed me lately.

I love to write. Truly I do. But I want it to mean something. I want all of my words to mean something. After two months off I feel like I should have lots of meaningful words stored up. Instead, it seems that I have very few words at all. Those that I do have are all scrambled up in my head, and like Scrabble, I am having to untangle and rearrange them to turn them into something that makes sense.

I don't want to be a preacher. I just want to make sure that everything I say means something. I started this blog because I was hurting and needed to share that. To give it meaning, even if only in my own head. I hope that my ability to share my feelings openly, and clearly, has grown through the years. Because that is what a lot of this blog is: Me, sharing my feeling. However, I hope that my words are not just my words. I hope they are His words.

Perhaps David said it best: "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14

I hope that Scrabble doesn't haunt me much longer. I have even been avoiding the phone lately, because words are running around and around in my head - but they don't quite know how to build themselves, or how to come out in the proper order. But they are there, and I am trusting that He will put them together and help me spit them back out onto this blank page of the internet.

Where they go from there - well, I don't really care. I just need to figure out how to rearrange them, make them fit, and get them on the playing board, rather then trapped in my head. First though, they have to mean something.

Keep throwing me letter tiles my friends. I am working on putting them in order!

   Blessings,

A recap of the 4th - Bethy style

2011-07-08T00:42:00.000-05:00

St. Louis is worth the drive.
My parents spent a very "on the road" Independence day weekend. They stopped by my Grandparents in Indianapolis on Friday, grabbed a few minutes with one of my Mom's best friends in Illinois on Saturday and spent all day with us in St. Louis on Sunday. Then they still had to drive all the way back to GA on Monday! They are amazing.

But back to St. Louis. It was hot, and humid, and full of concrete like any big city, thus holding in the feel of the crowds. But the park around the Gateway Arch was beautiful, the old courthouse and museum where the Dred Scott case was held was unbelievable, and the City Museum was FREAKIN AWESOME!

A few pictures anyone?

My beautiful crew in front of the Arch. I wish I had better pixels on here...

Beauty and independence...

The Beast... and a definite Dependence! Can't live without them!

A beautiful lady in a beautiful entryway.

Zion was fascinated by the courtroom. He had never seen one before, old or new.

My boys were giving me some of the fakest smiles EVER, so I told them to give me a real smile and act like they loved each other. This is what I got. Anyone else think it looks like they want to kill each other? (Or perhaps the photographer, or the tour guide/daddy who had dragged them all across St. Louis?)

They had a real smile when they posed with their Papaw though.

On to the next stop!

Climbing up

Then back down again.

Down an humongous slide,

And some striking artwork along the way.

But where were we headed?

Why, here, of course. The airplane, in the sky... where it belongs.

Goal completed.

Proof that I, too, was there. And climbing- not just taking pictures.

Can you see those dark clouds starting to roll in? They waited until we were in the FARTHEST point up, then decided to send a roll of thunder, a huge gust of wind and terror into the heart of Canaan. The staff were already calling for everyone to come inside and use the other activities, (since metal and lightening are not a good mix!) and we were working our way down - but that gust of wind was insane. Zion was mostly oblivious, but Canaan, who is usually not afraid of heights, had a bit of a scare with that one!

There were some fabulous activities inside too, including skateboard ramps, old computer parts made into robots and games, a giant "cave" leading to a 5 story slide, a miniature train ride, and...

really creative "snowflakes".

My boys cut out dolphins and frogs, which were wonderful... but I couldn't resist taking a picture of these display ones. So delicate!

We will have to take another trip to the City Museum in St Louis!

From there it was a night with Nani and Papaw, some time in the pool and a sad goodbye in the morning.

Carnival rides, petting zoo and Car Show on Post and an amazing fireworks display to celebrate the fact that our flag still flies.

How did you spend your Independence Day weekend?

Blessings,

Speaking of Life and Death...

2011-06-30T11:19:00.001-05:00

This is our hill

(we are on the left)

Looking down - we are about 1/8 of the way up the hill.

Looking up - still 7/8 left to go.

The boys and I walk to the top sometimes to find someplace flat to ride bikes. Then they can leave their bikes there and we walk another hill, exactly like this one, down to the mailboxes.

Canaan rode his bike down the hill not too long ago, with success.

He slowed down often, in fact coming to a complete stop part way down.

Unfortunately, I think it gave him a bit of a big head.

This last time he tried coming down the hill, he did not have success.

When he hit the gravel at the bottom he skidded out of control.

He managed to slide between the trailer and the big pile of construction refuse.

He jumped the smaller pile of construction junk, flipped, and landed, he thinks, on his back with the bike on top of him.

There, where you can see the tall grass pushed down.

I was walking down the hill holding tight to Zion's bike. (He insists on riding also, but as well as riding the brakes, he never gets to shake off the Mommy brake!)

So, I was several minutes behind Canaan. When I got to our driveway I expected to find him sitting on the porch, seeking shade. Instead, neither he nor his bike were in sight. I figured he was trying to ride in the gravel and dirt at the bottom of the hill. He hates it, but occasionally gives it a try.

Then, I hear "Mommy". In that trying not to cry, attempting to be brave but really just wanting to sob voice only an 8 year old has.

And I can't see him. I don't see his bike. I expect to see him wrecked in the gravel, and I can't see him. I can't find him. I am trying to be calm, "Canaan, Canaan" - but I am about to get to the panic mode, because I can't see him. I can't see him. Then I hear it again, "Mommy". And I am close enough this time to hear where it is coming from.

From the top of the ditch, he looks so far away. But, when I get there, he is standing up. So I go into "Reassurance mode".

"Look, nothing is broken. You are standing up and your arms work."

"Snif, Snif. I couldn't breathe for a minute."

"Yeah, I bet you got the wind knocked out of you. That's a big bike to have on top of you. I'm going to have to climb down in there and get you, aren't I. If I get poison ivy I am going to have to kill you child. You better hope there isn't any down here. Look, I'm even wearing flip-flops..."

As I am climbing down, teasing him to distract him, I see this huge metal bar, (rebar maybe?) sticking out of a piece of concrete RIGHT NEXT to where he landed. And my heart nearly stopped. That could have been IN him, rather then beside him.

While I was dragging his bike out of the ditch, and freaking out because there was a definite crack in the top of his bike helmet, he went into the bathroom and started trying to clean up. I wanted to get a picture while he was still covered in mud. He must have been on his stomach at some point in time, because the front of his shirt was coated in mud too, as well as his arms, face, back of his shirt, well, everything. I snapped this into the mirror of the bathroom. Then I just laughed when I realized that he thought he was going to be able to clean up with a washcloth. Boys! Avoiding a shower if at all possible...

He managed to come out of it with a black eye, a bruised leg, scraped knees and a bit of a sore stomach. That is all.
That is all.
We are so very blessed.

He hasn't wanted to ride his bike again yet. We have talked the whole thing up as a huge adventure, trying to make sure there is no fear left there holding on to him. I think I will encourage him to ride his bike again soon, before he only has bad memories associated with it. But I don't know that I want him doing that hill again!
Blessings,

Jump in front of a train for ya..

2011-06-30T00:47:00.000-05:00

I think I mentioned that Andy got me a laptop for my birthday/anniversary. It is wonderful and I adore it, especially now that they internet works. However, 1) I can't figure out this new version of iPhoto, especially not how to make it communicate with Blogger 2) I left my copy of Microsoft Works for Mac in GA, so I can't do any kind of other writing until my parents bring it to me. So...
I can blog, but no pictures.
I can write, but only on here.
Sigh.
I can't win for losing.

In other news:

Andy told me today that I have lost my sense of adventure, that I am afraid of life now.

My Mom said today "I'm not afraid of death. It's the dying that worries me"

Matthew 6:25 says "do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on."

It seems that there is a theme in my life right now. Namely, life and death.

New life, precious little breathing life, is in several areas of my life right now.

The reminder that all life; strong and healthy, old and full, brand new and so very hard to let go of; all life ends, so often without warning. That reminder is extra strong in my life right now too.

John 15:13 says, "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." And that sounds like such a noble thing. Laying down your life for your friends. You watch the movies, see the tear jerk scenes. You think about your friends, which ones you know you would jump in front of a train for. (I apologize to anyone who is now singing in their head... I'd do anything for ya!)
What about John 13:38? "Will you lay down your life for MY sake?" Jesus asked. He is still asking. We think about the Christians being persecuted in third world countries, having to meet in secret to worship, risking their lives. They are rejected, outcast, beaten and even killed, just for the faith.
We, well, we have gotten into our daily routines. The habits of life, just the way it is supposed to be. Coffee and devotions in the morning. Drive to work (or walk down the hall to wake the kids). Answer the phone. Make the sale. Break up the fight over the Wii remote control. Lunch break. It goes on and on.

But then again-
Perhaps we are not asked to die in one fell swoop.
Perhaps we need to be reminded to die day in and day out.
Die to those habits. Just because they aren't bad, doesn't mean they are good.
Die to the apathy. Jesus commands us to go unto all the earth. Thus, all the earth is our friend... whom we are supposed to love, and be willing to die for. Or at least share our coffee with.
Die to the self. Because truthfully, isn't that what it is all about anyway? Who am I going to serve - self or my Savior?

Life and death. The two ends of the spectrum. Are we living fully or in fear? With abandon and trust or like Scrooge with both hands clenched around whatever we can reach? It is all about dying to self. And remembering Matthew 6:25

In "My Utmost for His Highest" Oswald Chambers wrote, "It is much easier to die than to lay down your life day in and day out with the sense of the high calling of God." I'm going to have to agree. It certainly seems it would be easier to make an impact on the world, and I would get to have some rest in heaven, if I could just die for my Savior. Instead, I live for Him, and need to be reminded every day to lay down my life.

Be willing to die, but also be willing to simply lay your life down. Not quite as exciting, but just as important.
Blessings,

Finally working - perhaps?

2011-06-26T22:19:00.001-05:00

There comes a time in your life when you begin to accept that you may not ever get what you want. Over the last month, what I have wanted was the internet. Not just my iPhone, (which was barely working anyway because we live in a hole) but the real internet, plugged into the wall, then plugged into the WiFi, which would then send a signal to my computer so I could sit down and type with all 10 fingers rather than just my thumbs. Internet that works for more than 3 hours at a time. (after the insane hook up issues in the first place!)
I know, it is a lot to ask. Especially here at Ft. Lost in the Woods... I mean Ft. Leonard Wood. But honestly- 3 weeks to get working internet? Halfway through the process one of the technicians said, "this is something you are going to look back on and laugh someday." At that moment I could only grit my teeth, remind myself that every action reflects my Savior, and keep my mouth shut.
However, looking back on it, well, no, I still can't laugh at it. Maybe it takes longer to look back?
One thing I learned though is that I am totally dependent upon the internet. My banking is all done online. My bills are paid online. A large portion of my shopping is done online, or at least the research part of it. My coupons are printed, my shopping list created, and my weekly meal plan looked over - online- before I go to the grocery.
Facebook, well FB I can usually live without, or so I thought. But I realized that there are some people that I only talk to there. I only hear about their lives through FB.
And this. This place right here. Proverbs2six.blogspot.com This is my moment of expression. My chance to just be me. Not mommy. Not military wife. Not someone trying to adopt, or live with sickness, or missing my family, or even a full time seeker of Truth and Faith. Just me. Because I am all of those things. And in this spot I don't have to separate them. I get to express them one at a time, or all at once, or perhaps just throw out pictures that make me happy. This is my spot.

I missed it!

I have read, and read and read. But nothing online. So, I will try to catch up on the lives of the people I love here in the wide wide world of the web. I will try to share a little of what God has been teaching me in the last month. Most of all, I will revel in the freedom of having my spot returned to me!
Blessings,

Home, for now

2011-06-05T18:44:00.000-05:00

As always, God provides. Despite my doubt, and the counting of paperclips, we have a beautiful new place. It looks a little funny with the small amount of furniture we choose to bring with us, but we found it the FIRST day, available that moment, utilities already on just waiting to be in our name. Despite my paperclip faith, we are blessed.

Since we still don't have the Internet turned on my blogging has been slow, but the words are here. In the meantime, I wanted to repost, again. I wrote this two years ago, and reposted it around my birthday again last year. I think that I have a bit more peace in my life - Andy is home, and at least we have meds for the seizures, but the prayer remains the same. Take it all Lord. Don't let me waste my time thinking I have any control.
Take it all Lord!

My friend Tricia has been sharing some of her older posts, a bit of remembering. I realized today that I could do that too.

This was originally posted May 31st of last year.

A post from the road

We are somewhere in Louisianna, at a Comfort Inn. My parents and children are in the room next door. Two of my sisters and a friend are in the beds behind me. I should be sleeping, and preparing for another day on the road tomorrow.
But right this minute I am just so very full. Full of Joy. Full of Faith. Full of Hope.
I have to let some of it out before I can attempt to sleep.

A few days ago I was reading a devotional about Nehemiah. They basis of the reading was pointing out in the second chapter when the king asks him why he is sad, Nehemiah is terrified but his first reaction is to pray.
My absolute first thought when reading this was, "well duh!"

After reading through the encouraging devotional concerning this subject I was actually in some ways disheartened. I was so saddened by the thought that there are some people, God fearing Christian people who love Jesus with their whole heart, who would not have their first reaction be prayer. What a sad, sad, thing to focus on fear, or any emotion really. How very blessed I am that I was taught from my earliest memories to place absolutely everything at the feet of God.

So, I have been thinking about this scripture, and prayer, and my amazing family a lot over the last couple of days.
After spending a lot of hours in the van with my parents and Kelsey driving to TX, I have had plenty of opportunity to NOT like my family. But none of those little nitpicky things matter. Honestly, it may drive me a little batty the way my dad drives, or they way my mom fusses at the way he drives, but those things don't change what really matters.
We were raised right. That is just a wonderful thing to have!

Now, on the way back to GA, we have Mary and her roommate Lindsay with us, and a second car. The van is loaded down with all the girls stuff, my parents, and my kids. The car has the four of us girls. As we were driving down the road this evening a song came on about God being our healer, and our portion, and something about trust. For some reason I just lost it. I was suddenly tired of being sick, tired of asking for healing. Tired of waiting for my sister to be well, and have a baby. For most of my life my parents have taken me to healing services, had me prayed over by anyone with that gift, asked repeatedly for God to step in.

The answer has always been Not right now.

The healing has always been for my heart, and my attitude, and my ability to cheerfully be diabetic, willingly use my disease as a ministry. I have had plenty of healing, and I wouldn't trade it for physical healing - not for a minute.

But for some reason this new disorder, these blackouts, or atypical migraines, or whatever they are - they are sapping my ability to cheerfully "deal". Added to that my unbelievable hurt for my little sister's physical and emotional pain, and the fact that my hubby is gone and our adoption is still delayed...
I guess I was a walking timebomb full of tears.

But here is the amazing part. Kelsey reached over and grabbed one hand. Mary reached up from the back seat for another hand. And we poured out our tears to our Father. Fears and hurt. Hopes and dreams. Old and new. As a family, automatically.
We were missing one sister, but she was definitely included, and prayed for.

I am so very thankful for my family. I am so glad that our automatic response, to pain or joy, is to take it to Jesus.
Faith. Joy. Hope. Truth. That is what we have, as well as who we are.

Emilee Hope, Kelsey Joy, Mary Faith - and Bethany Ruth... I get to be Truth. That is our heritage, and we claim it. This year, just as much as last.

And we love to laugh!

Thank goodness for CFA WiFi

2011-05-23T16:33:00.000-05:00

It seems that as soon as I see my husband I forget the fact that I own a beautiful camera and become a blob of emotional mess, unable to do anything but gaze at him in wonder.
Yes, I am serious - sort of.

After 10 years, we are that couple. At least, after spending several months apart. I seriously just walk around, holding his hand and enjoying his presence.
The frustrating part, at least for me, is that I never have any pictures of him.

We have been running a little crazy down here waiting for OCS graduation. My phone signal is very weak at the cabin we rented for the week, so if I want to communicate with the outside world I have to drive into town. Sometimes that is important. Sometimes it isn't.
I discovered a beautiful little Chick-fil-A this afternoon. After a snack of nuggets and icecream, the boys have played on the playground for about two hours, and I have finally been able to check my e-mail in peace and spend some time with a real phone signal. I had no idea how addicted to the world of technology I was until I didn't have it! Especially since Andy got me a new laptop for my birthday (coming up on Wednesday-agh!) and I haven't been able to use it at all.
We were able to spend the weekend with Andy. He had to report in again this morning and we haven't seen him yet today, but we are hoping to have supper with him tonight. We'll see. As always, the military theme remains, wait and see.
I changed the "quotes of the month." Change is in the air - it seemed fitting. This one was one of my favorites, even though it didn't make it on the list to the side.

"There is a certain relief in change, even though it be from bad to worse! As I have often found in traveling in a stagecoach, that it is a comfort to shift one's position, and be bruised in a new place." Washington Irving

For now, I try to find the good in every moment, and remember to love the change all around me. No more counting paperclips... but I still have several to-do lists going. A girl can only "play it by ear" to a certain level when she has been as OC as I have been in the past!

Blessings,

Paperclips

2011-05-18T00:36:00.000-05:00

I had a bit of a panic attack these last few days. My time schedule, the perfect one I imagined in my mind... it wasn't the same one the U.S. Army had in it's mind.
Nor the one my "niece" Ruby had in mind.

Ruby was supposed to be born last week, so I could spend some time with her before I had to leave. Little booger is making me (and her Mommy too!) a little crazy taking her sweet time coming into the world.

I'm on a deadline here!

In case anyone here isn't my friend on Facebook, here's how the schedule looks.

The boys and I get to spend the last week of Andy's officer training with him down at Ft. Benning. There are several "events" planned, and the "officers to be" should have some freedom during the week to spend with their families. That starts Thursday - um, tomorrow.

He graduates the next Thursday, the 26th. We have 5 days to come back here to my parent's, pack up the bare essentials, (just what will fit in a small U-haul trailer) drive to Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri, find an apartment, move in and Andy report for duty. Sound like fun?

After five months there, while he attends class, and I practice life as a minimalist, (which I am actually looking forward to) - then we move to ALASKA!

That is the part we are excited about.

Living in Missouri, where we technically are not invited, (thus the bare essentials, have to live off base, only have a few days to find an apartment) - well, Missouri is just a side trip.

Alaska is the main event. More on that later.

Anyway, I was having my usual pre-move meltdown. My sister came home the other day and I was counting paperclips. Yes, seriously. Trying to decide how many I might need in the five months we spend in MO. She almost laughed her head off, then, not so gently, reminded me that they have stores in MO. But you see, I already have plenty. Neatly organized in a container. But I don't want to take the entire desk container with paperclips, rubberbands, tape, stapler, etc. I wanted to take a smaller sampling. But I don't want to have to buy more when I already own them. Oh, the stress of choosing just the right amount!

I told you. Meltdown.

I was talking to Andy a bit later and he reminded me "Bethany, remember how you always panic that we're not going to find someplace to live. Then, right at the last minute God provides something perfect. Let's just skip the panic part and go right to the God provides something perfect."

I'm trying people, really I am. I can't help it that I like to have a plan, and a list, and neatly organized paperclips.

Blessings,

The 8th Birthday Preview

2011-05-14T01:07:00.000-05:00

Canaan will be 8 on Sunday, but he already received his big surprise.

This was his face when we first pulled in - he was very curious? Why are we here?

This was his expression when he realized that he was really going to do what he thought he was going to do.

Any guesses? See behind him?

Need another hint?

Uncle Travis is a flight instructor at Tillman Aviation University.

He took us up for an incredible flight around town.

Canaan got to help with the pre-flight inspection.

Checking the fuel tanks for contamination.

Uncle Travis showed him what fuel contaminated by water would look like.

Zion was very excited too. I was afraid his fear of heights would keep him from going up, but apparently airplanes don't count. He was perfectly fine. He freaks out on top of Daddy's shoulders, but was thrilled to be in the plane!

The boys got to ride by themselves while the planes was towed out of the hanger.

Time for a last check of the instrument panel, a chat with the tower, and... we're off!

We flew over Nani and Papaw's,

Allatoona Dam,

and the mountain we climbed last December.

Then, it was time for Canaan to take the controls.

You can't tell me that's not cool.

At first Zion was content to sit in the back with me...

but then he wanted to get closer to the action up front.

Eventually Uncle Travis took over the controls again and we flew over Grammy and Poppy's.

It was really sad to see the trees knocked down from the big storm a few weeks ago. Thank goodness it was just trees though!

Later we buckled in tight and had a roller coaster ride,

then it was time for our final approach.

Doesn't he look like he belongs in that pilot's seat?

We were blessed by both Mr. Tillman and Uncle Travis.

This is a birthday Canaan will never forget!

(and it's not even over yet!)

Blessings,

A quick weekend away.

2011-05-11T19:30:00.003-05:00

I never did post pictures of when we went to visit Andy at Ft. Benning. He had to wear his "uniform" polo during his weekend off, but we had him to ourselves for almost 48 hours.

Canaan thinks that kissing is gross.

I almost forgot to take a picture of him in uniform. This was the first time I had ever seen him in the Army digital camo. The Army look is similar to the AF, I guess. Still, lots of changes to get use to.

Blessings,

Be careful with the power you wield

2011-05-10T23:30:00.000-05:00

"May the words of my mouth and meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14

There are so many ways to use words.

Puzzles, like crosswords and searches. Acrostics - like one of my favorites: JOY= Jesus, Others, Yourself
Playing games like Scrabble or Boggle. Giving directions and explaining how things work.

Words are in books, in song, in games, in more digital formats then I can think to describe, including this blog right here.

But I think that perhaps the most important is still the spoken word.

Our voice includes emotion. It rises and falls. It gives clues to what we are thinking, meaning, trying to communicate. It is so very full.

I have struggled with words in the last few weeks.

More appropriately, I have been disappointed by words.

Words have been spoken that hurt. Words have been written that discouraged.

I must admit that when the hurtful words were spoken, about someone that I love, my first instinct was to strike back. For just a split second I could almost envision myself smacking someone.
That is a huge admission for me to make, and explains how very upset I was, because I normally don't have a violent bone in my body.
Instead, I simply carried on with the conversation. Because here is the kicker - the person who said the hurtful words didn't even know they were hurtful. They say them so often, without thinking, without considering the feelings of others, that they had no idea I was crying inside.

Later, I got to cry on the outside, but it still left me discouraged. And wondering what to do.

Words - such power.

When Bin Laden was killed there was celebrating in the streets and many, many words about the situation. Within minutes Facebook was covered with comments.
As a military wife, I couldn't help but feel relief that a military target had been found, that a goal of the armed forces had been accomplished. Some fear that fighting would be stronger in retaliation, but relief also.
However, celebrating death, of anyone, is beyond my comprehension.

But I watched the words flow. In one part of FB, among friends who don't know Jesus, there was lots of hate. In another realm, among my Christian friends, a round of bickering about who was right about celebrating the death of an enemy- quoting different scripture and arguing God's take on the death of a man that none of them had ever met. As if any of us know the mind of God.

I only knew my own feelings. My disappointment, and discouragement, in words.

So I have been stewing over my words, and praying about my words, and trying to spend some time in The Word.

I can't say I have any answers. I just know that words have power. Power to lift up, or tear down. Power to encourage or to crush someone's last hope. Power to share unfailing, unending love, or to show hate that frightens to the core. Yes, words have power. I am taking that very, very seriously.

As always, Blessings,

The good, the bad, and the ugly

2011-05-02T01:47:00.000-05:00

I realized that it had been over a week since I wrote, and that my last post had been very emotional. I figured it was time to take a moment to sit down and try a change of subject.
First, a recap of the week.

On Monday I realized that we had only 6 weeks left before we had to report to MO, and I didn't yet have a place to live, nor a single thing packed.

On Wednesday the biggest storm in the last 40 years blew through the south, killing the most people in recorded history. (obviously, this doesn't include hurricanes - but most for tornados ever) My in-law's county was one of the worst hit in GA. My sister's town was completely obliterated. None of my family was hurt, but the damage around us has been so painful to witness.
But the miraculous stories of survival have been beautiful to hear, so, as always, I try to focus on the positive.

On Friday I finally went to the Neurologist and got a second opinion about my seizures. The new doctor disagreed with pretty much everything the old doctor had done/said/not done. He was very eager to see the results of the tests done so far, but thinks that I am having localized partial seizures, not absence seizures.

I know, I know, boring, boring. It was just exciting for me to have a doctor that 1) Seemed to be interested in actually talking to me and 2) Seemed to be interested in actually making me well. The last neurologist ignored me until I begged for attention, left it up to me to find and suggest possible solutions, and then wrote prescriptions for what I requested, which an occasional suggestion thrown in. I told mom I learned more from my 30 minutes with this new doctor then I had in the entire three years I have been dealing with this.
The only downside to his aggressive, proactive take on treatment is that he shares all the options up front. For example, "if higher dosage or different kinds of medicine don't get this under control, we can always try brain surgery."

Not quite ready to talk about cutting my head open - thanks anyway.

Saturday I helped a military friend move into her new place. My lovely little country girl moved into the city. She is in a fairly quite neighborhood, and her hubby will only be 15 minutes from Dobbins ARB, but that also leaves her only 5 minutes from I-75 in one of the most crowded areas surrounding Atlanta. She will have some adjusting to do - but will have some lovely shopping near by!

Now, let me skip back in time just a little.

Easter Sunday -

We really like to do the family thing around here. We managed to get all four sisters, the husbands that were available, and the parents of two of the husbands too. Plus, we added a grandmother, just for good luck! It was a blast.

My handsome boys in their new Easter outfits.

My adorable mommy and daddy.

Emilee's mother in law, the wonderful Barbara

Andy's parents Dane and Ellen and the adorable baskets they brought for the boys.

Skyping with a loved one who couldn't be there.

While we had all four sisters together, we couldn't resist "posing". The last time we managed to get all four together for a photo shoot was a week after my "big" seizure, and I really don't think I was looking my best- not that I can ever compete with my beautiful little sisters!

We know how to have fun!

This is not really one of my favorites, but I had to laugh at it.

We are in age order... and our skirts are in length order. Pretty funny!

Our wonderful photographer, Travis. (and sister number three, Kelsey)

Sister number two, and her other half, Kevin.

I am so very glad to have my little sisters as some of my best friends.

I truly can't imagine life without them.

I hope your Easter was filled with family, friends, and joy in the celebration of our Savior's resurrection!

Blessings,

Wisdom from a seven year old

2011-04-21T22:59:00.000-05:00

As we climbed into the car this afternoon Canaan looked up and said, in all seriousness, "Mommy, wouldn't it be weird if this life we are living was really just a dream."

He has never seen that Leonardo DiCaprio movie.

Why would a thought like that cross his mind?

Personally, I think that is pretty deep for a seven year old. But I have always known he was smart - I am his mom after all. I have been there for every moment of genius!

Are we living in a dream?

Perhaps not literally. I don't think that we have alternate realities going on around us that we simply sleep through. But some of what we think is real probably isn't.

The things we think we need, are often simply wants.

The feelings we think will crush us one day are simply a forgotten memory a week later.

The stress we carry, sometimes like a burden, but for others almost with pride, so much of it is simply imagined.

What is real?

I suppose each of us have to answer that on our own.

My Mom told me this week that she wasn't giving up on my dream. I was going to have a daughter some day. She may not come from Africa, like we originally thought, and obviously, my boys are going to be a good bit older by the time they get a little sister, but my Mom is not giving up on my dream.
Even though I had for awhile.

The middle of March was Gladdy's fifth birthday. The first week of April was my due date for Anastasia. She would be three. I don't have either of them to celebrate with.

What is real?

Gladdy is home, where she belongs, with parents who love her and worked for her and prayed for her. That is what I have to believe. She may not be mine, but she is home.

Anastasia dances before Jesus. She knows only joy. She, also, is home.

I, I have a seven year old full of wisdom,

A five year old full of fire,

And a tiny ember of a dream, still holding on, deep down inside. Maybe they will get to have a little sister some day? (although truly, I don't really care if we get a girl or a boy. I am just not ready to say we are done yet. Zion doesn't want to be the "baby" of the family.)

I try to live in reality, truly I do. But a little dream now and then can't hurt!

Blessings,

Branching

2011-04-15T16:27:00.001-05:00

I'm down at Ft. Benning this weekend to see Andy graduate into the second phase of officer candidate school. This afternoon he got to choose what branch of the army he was going to devote his life to. There were only certain choices available, and his first choices were already taken, but we are happy to be Chemical. We prayed for God to put us where we could best be used, and trust that He will help us live that prayer to it's fullest.

At the ceremony celebrating this next step they had a guest speaker. He had a career similar to Andy's. 8 years enlisted, then followed up with OCS. He graduated in 1967 though! At the end of his encouraging speech he read a prayer that he has carried with him from his time on the army football team back in his enlisted years. I thought it was beautiful and wanted to share.

Dear God,
Help me to be a sport in this little game of life. I don't ask for any place in the line-up. Play me where you need me. I only ask for the stuff to give you one hundred percent of what I've got. If all the hard drives come my way I thank you for the compliment. Help me to remember that you won't let anything come that you and I together can't handle. Help make me to take the bad breaks as part of the game. Help make me thankful for them.
And God, help me to always play fair, no matter what the other players do. Help me to come clean. Help me to see that often the best part of the game is helping others. Finally God, if fate seems to uppercut me with both hands, and I'm laid up on the shelf in sickness or old age, help me to take that as part of the game also. Help me not to whimper or squeal that the game was a frame-up or that I had a raw deal. When in the dusk, I get the final bell, I ask for no lying complimentary stories. I'd only like to know that I've been a good guy.

Well said. I guess Amen is what sums that up. Blessings,

The new normal

2011-04-11T23:42:00.000-05:00

It is amazing how quickly you settle into the new "normal". Andy has been gone for 10 weeks now, and his space has been filled.

That sounds ugly, and I don't mean it that way.

You can ask my Mom and sisters, who have to put up with the sighs and comments - I spend LOTS of time thinking about Andy. Talking about him. Pulling out pictures. Reciting stupid little stories of our "early days". I even took the boys over to see the exact spot where I first met their daddy. Yes, I remember. Or at least, I can get within 50 feet or so of the exact spot. Shorter University isn't that big. I certainly remember the exact moment.

But that huge empty hole in the schedule of every day life?

Gone.

Those moments in the "depths of despair"?

They have passed.

That is the thing about military life. You adjust.

I get to talk to him every day. Sometimes we have 15 or 20 minutes of sharing the boys latest escapades and hearing about his adventures and mishaps. Other times he literally just calls to say "I love you." I actually got an entire hour the Saturday before last.

But day to day life; school, dinner, the books I read and even the tragedy of curling up in bed by myself.

Andy, or the lack of Andy, isn't playing as important of a role anymore. It simply is what it is.

We get to visit him this weekend. I am so filled with excitement and anticipation that I can promise you most of this week will simply be a countdown. We get 48 entire hours with him.

A visit.

But only a visit.

Then we come back and remind ourselves that we live here, and he lives there.

For now.

Come June, we will have to figure out how to live together again.

Ah, military life...

However, even while insanely busy my love found a few minutes to txt his best friend and ask that he have flowers delivered for me.

Just because.

Over and over again he has proven himself to be someone worth missing.

Life is good, even when it is hard. Blessings,

Tangled Dreams, attempt number 2

2011-04-10T00:39:00.000-05:00

I spent several hours the night before last writing about dreams. Rapunzel, or rather her movie, "Tangled", had me thinking deep thoughts. She sets out on a mission: to see the lights she has always dreamed about. She inspires those around her to remember, and live for, the dreams they may have set aside. So I wrote about my dreams, and tried to inspire you, my readers, to remember yours.

But with one careless click, my musings disappeared.

Just like quite a few of my dreams.

Ironic, isn't it?

"Tangled" really is an appropriate title. How often those things we dream about, wish for, invest ourselves in.... they are not simple, or clear cut, or easy. Rather, they are mixed together and messed up and tangled into a mass of confusion.

But they are still our dreams.

I'm not sure where some of my dreams are headed right now. However, I know how to wait. Hopefully with patience and grace! And like Rapunzel, I can keep myself busy in the meantime. I may not be able to paint the world that surrounds me, but I am having fun capturing it in my own way.

Yesterday I had a chance to take family photos and "belly shots" for one of my best friends.

I took nearly 400.

These are a few of my favorites.

I had to blow this one up so you can see her face. It isn't as clear, because for some reason pictures get blurry when I make them extra large, but I just love her expression in this picture!

Aren't they a beautiful family?

I can't wait to meet little Ruby!

(and hopefully take some great pictures of her too)

Dreams -
I might not get everything I want, right when I want it. But I sure do like having a camera to keep me busy in the meantime!
Blessings,

Where we've been - part 2 Warner Robbins

2011-04-03T22:48:00.000-05:00

Riding Bikes-

This was David's first time without training wheels

He was so busy smiling for the camera...

CHEESE!

...that he almost forgot to watch where he was going!

Proud Mommy and Daddy!

Of course, Zion needed a picture on his cool bike too.

Cheesing it up -

Evalina, the princess, and little sister of 5, yes FIVE, big brothers.

I feel sorry for her boyfriends in 20 years!

This following look is called "The Quentin"

(that is their daddy's name... and they all love to copy him!)

Jared

Caleb

Devin

David

Well, all except Andre. He is too old for silly faces.

The only face I got from him was the "please stop taking my picture" face.

Ice Cream-

Oh, the anticipation!

"Sugar", eating sugar!

Sugar, on top of sugar.

That is some serious ice cream eating!

You caught me!

Just being beautiful-

One of my favorite pictures!

Notice his slightly glassy eyes?

He woke up with a fever in the night, and ended up having strep throat!

Poor thing!

Luckily, we have avoided it here, although, April has arrived, and Tri-care is back on track, so we have local doctors and full insurance again. Just in case...

Zion loved the stuffed snake.

Andre, the oldest, managed to avoid the camera most thoroughly.

I have no good pictures of him!

The beautiful mommy, and silly daddy too.

I am feeling the need to write, really write. But after yet another weekend away from home, I am also feeling the need to sleep. So for now, pictures are all I am capable of. Words are building up, and ready to overflow. I will apologize in advance if they drown anyone when they come out in a flood! In the meantime,

Blessings,

Where we've been - part 1 Valdosta

2011-04-01T00:52:00.001-05:00

The backyard-

A pouty princess

who just wanted a push on the swing.

Silly boys in the hammock,

and in a castle.

A windy afternoon at the park-

Adorable shoes...

Smiling faces

Serious faces too

Little bit was curious

Would those pokey round things taste good?

Nope!

After mommy stepped in...

he pulled out his hidden stash for a second time of "exploration"...

Steak and Shake-

Are words needed?

Some for you?

All done!

(for now)

Blessings,

Travel time

2011-03-27T22:38:00.000-05:00

We have been on the road now since Wednesday morning. Five very full days of playing, driving, shoping, biking, unpacking, hanging pictures, taking pictures.... and not enough sleep. And we're not home quite yet.
But it is so worth it!
It seems that not much of the world is on the same schedule that we are. Letting little ones stay up til 9 and then sleep until 8 or 9, just because we can - well, not many others can. We have been trying to get to bed earlier while we have been staying with friends. We have definitely been getting up earlier.
Perhaps other children simply need less sleep then mine? I just know that poor Zion has been showing the signs of not getting his 12 hours!

I have been trying to capture moments, frozen in time with my camera. When I have access to my own computer, rather than a borrowed one, I will upload some and give you a taste of some of the beauty all around us. Remember to appreciate it, even when you are rushing around, with day to day life overwhelming you. "Beauty all around you". Never let it go unnoticed.
Blessings,

The cast party

2011-03-21T23:37:00.000-05:00

First things first -
My Mom and Dad leave for India tomorrow. Dad goes every year, so sending him off, while still a prayer request because it is a long journey, isn't quite so traumatic. But Mom, Mom doesn't go as often. Now that she has been struggling with so much pain, and balance and has her cane - traveling across the world is a little more stressful.
But, Dad has hope in a therapy there in India. Along with his usual support of the ministry he has always been involved with, visiting the people they love and bringing supplies that are needed, he is bringing Mom to see a specialist for a bit of homeopathic medicine.
Please, pray for safety while traveling. Pray for comfort in the plane, since Mom hurts all the time anyway - I can promise you that sitting in a plane for 13 hours isn't the best thought! Most of all, pray that a different doctor looking at her MRI will see something new, and let God work through his therapy to heal her completely.
Thanks~

Now, on to a recap of a very fun afternoon.
The cast party for Anne of Green Gables. Act 1 is made up of youth, mostly 12-20. Younger siblings are often invited to participate, and some of the older students who have "graduated" still come back and make a guest appearance. But the majority of the cast are usually teens. Ah, teenagers.
Pizza -

Loud music -

I purposely took a picture of the proud mom taking a picture of her son.
Someday, that will probably be me.

Dancing -

What more could you want?

The musicians were actually playing their first "gig". Adam, the guitarist, was in the play.

He was jamming, and the kids were playing around. Canaan was joining in, very enthusiastically.

Flips, Sliding across the floor on his knees (no wonder I can't keep a pair of jeans without holes!) playing the air guitar.

Canaan and his friend True were having a blast!

For the closing song they played the theme song to Pirates of the Caribbean.

Canaan came up to me, his heart pounding, his eyes tearing up.

I thought he must have sprained his ankle doing some crazy dance move -

Instead, I hear, "Mom, this is just the coolest thing EVER!!!".

Cool enough to bring him to tears.

And he is only 7 (and a half, as I am often reminded).

I don't want to think about how much he is going to love music when he is 15.

Or how loud he is going to play it.

At least I have Andy to prepare me now! Blessings,

Anne of Green Gables

2011-03-20T02:14:00.000-05:00

Just a peek back stage, where I have been the last few days....

Stage crew, prepping the sets.

Last minute fixing of a curtain before it complemented the stage.

Posing for their picture in the paper -

"Rachel Lynde" and "Marilla Cuthburt"

(and, I've been "published" - the picture I took was in the paper!

How exciting is that? hehe)

Anne's hair,

braided hair

and yet more hair "fixin".

Think we have a theme here?

What a mess!

Are those not the most adorable crooked socks you have ever seen?

I wish I could dress Canaan like that all the time!

Old fashioned clothing. Still 21st Century toys.

Thank goodness for Gameboy DS between scenes!

My son, admiring himself in the mirror? No, surely not!

Aren't they a good looking cast?

Beautiful members of the audience

It wouldn't be a show without them!

Blessings,

Just because I can

2011-03-17T10:11:00.002-05:00

Laziness

2011-03-16T23:08:00.000-05:00

I got into bed last night, pulled the ancient and heavy, yet familiar and comfortable, Toshiba onto my lab and pressed the power button.
I was greeted with an error message, asking me how I would like to restart the computer. Hmmm, good question, considering that last time I shut it down it hadn't seemed to have any problems. Well, let's just try regular.

Not good.

After about 30 seconds of "thinking" about starting Windows, it instead gave me a blue screen - the blue screen of death. Something about internal memory being wiped?
That didn't sound good.

So, I turned it off and tried again.

Error message - let's try "start with last safe mode" this time.

Again, 30 seconds of "let's give Bethany false hope", and again, the blue screen of death.

Fiddlesticks.

I was just bragging about how proud I was of that computer. Six years old, heavy as sin, but still going strong. I just had to spend $40 to fix the disk drive - because it wouldn't read disks anymore - but it was a perfect computer for Canaan to play games on, now that Andy is gone and took the "good" laptop. (that is a very loose definition of good - since we both hate the HP and will never buy another one. It is just smaller, and newer, so gets the label of "good").

That Toshiba has been through a lot with us. Andy bought it right before his year long tour in Korea, and it was our main form of communication. It didn't have a built in webcam, few did at that time, but it was Skype ready and a free standing webcam was easy to find, so he got to watch Canaan, and my belly, grow on that computer screen.
Just eight months after he got home from Korea he took it with him to Iraq, and once again, that web cam was the connection between us. He wrote dozens of E-mails, (all of which are saved to my E-mail "Andy" folder. Every single one.) He watched movies, and reorganized his music collection so that his I-pod would be easier to navigate. All on that Toshiba.
It has played a huge part in Canaan learning his alphabet and how to use those letters to make words; how to count, then use those numbers to add, subtract and multiply. Many games have come and gone through the years. He has recently become addicted to "Age of Empires", and had claimed the Toshiba as his.

But I kept borrowing it.

For the first three years that I blogged, I ALWAYS sat at this desk, typing on my Mac. I have only gotten lazy in the last several months. But, oh, how I have enjoyed being lazy. It is so comfortable to sit in bed and blog, rather than sit at a desk at one in the morning! But it seems my days of comfort are over.

Back to the workhouse, or at least the wooden chair, I go. Woe is me.

Buttercup? I don't think so!

2011-03-11T23:02:00.000-06:00

We watched "The Princess Bride" tonight. A wonderful movie, and one that was quoted at our wedding rehearsal (if you can't guess what part, then you have never seen the movie) but I always complain that Buttercup really was too much of a wimp. She should have fought harder in the fire swamp, helped more, grabbed the sword and jumped into the fight. I never wanted to be Buttercup. She may have been beautiful, and desired, but she didn't fight hard enough.

I want to be a fighter.

I keep telling myself that I am a big tough cookie. "What is four days without a call, seriously?" I have so much to do: school for the boys, play practice for Canaan, groceries to buy, friends to talk to, family to talk about.... When could I possibly even have time to miss him.
When?

That question could probably be answered best by a line in a cheesy novel I read this afternoon. And yes, I read almost the whole thing this afternoon. Andy is gone, books are back. Sigh - say goodbye to sleep.
But back to the cheesy novel - in it the girl had experienced her first "real kiss", and it distracted her from all else. She tried to convince herself that she wasn't obsessing... "There were times when she almost forgot. Why yesterday, while helping Mrs. Kemble she hadn't thought of the kiss for a full twenty-two minutes. Then this morning, while searching for a larger hat box for poor Achilles, she didn't think about the marquis or his blasted kiss for almost thirteen minutes and a half"
I laughed out loud. Then I groaned, because I think I am just as guilty as the young Honoria, and I can't blame young love, or first kiss or anything that flighty. I am just, still, after nearly 10 years of marriage, madly in love with my husband. I miss hearing his voice, seeing his face, even having him tease me without mercy about the cheesy novels I randomly pick up. I miss him, plain and simple. Even after basic training, tech school, 3 desert deployments and a year in Korea, I still miss him when he goes away.
I have learned to live, and function quite nicely when he is away, and even to take my sword and fight some battles as needed. But golly do I miss him - plain and simple, just him.

He finally sent a text tonight asking me to E-mail him some paperwork that he needed. He said that he isn't allowed to talk - no free time scheduled into the training yet, but he managed to sneak an "I love you" in with his paperwork request. I'll take what I can get.

I promise I would grab the sword and jump into the fight to save my "Wesley", but maybe I do miss him just a little more then I would like to admit! Perhaps I'm not as tough as I want to be... If I have to go much longer without hearing from him, I might go tromping off into the fire swamp, just to have something to distract me!
Blessings,

A small fit of jealousy

2011-03-09T23:39:00.000-06:00

I don't know if anyone has noticed, but I added a new button to the side of the page. I try to hop around the internet some, linking from place to place. In some of my recent "travels" I found this...

A military wife, stationed in Germany with three small children. She loves to cook, and play with her camera, and with a husband who is currently in Afghanistan she has a lot of emotion to pour out onto the page. What's not to like?
The beautiful part is that she is so much more computer savvy than I. Her page simply begs to be explored, and has so many fun buttons to push. Jealousy raged for a few minutes - but I nipped that in the bud and decided to simply like her. I'm learning, bit by bit - eventually I will have a page that makes me happy. For now, I have a place to put words and pictures... that works!
My military bloggers - join her list. Link up and find others who are in a similar place as you. And those of you who aren't military, she has a button for you too, just to show your support.

She is one of those who have 1000 followers or so, and tons of pictures, so her page can be a pain to load, but she has some fun things to say, and a list of people to link to that is fascinating to scroll through.
Have fun exploring! Blessings,

The first phone call - sort of...

2011-03-07T23:27:00.000-06:00

At 9:23 tonight I got a text message.

"I'm in.

May be a few days

Love you."

Those are good words!
"May be a few days" meant he didn't think he would be able to call me for awhile. However, only 29 minutes later he called, (don't you just love the digital age, in which I can go back to my phone and check EXACTLY when he called?) just for a few seconds, to give me details of the day and pass along his mailing address. He sounded exhausted, and stressed about what comes next, but at the same time - relieved. One step down. He is officially in the class.

Now he just has to finish it!

As always, one thing at a time. Blessings,

That first phone call

2011-03-06T23:04:00.000-06:00

At lunch after church this afternoon Mom mentioned that some good friends of ours had heard from their son, John - his first phone call home from Basic Training.
I got watery eyed and a bit choked up, and Mary almost started to laugh. "Bethany, it has been 9 years. How in the world can that still make you cry?"
They weren't tears of sadness, simply tears of remembrance. Sometimes an emotion is so strong it can't help but overflow just a little.

Let me take you back.

It was December 25, 2001. Christmas Day. We had been married for 6 months and 2 days. I couldn't bear to leave my little apartment, just in case he called, so my family crammed themselves in there to celebrate with me for awhile. But eventually we headed back to their house and found, waiting on their answering machine, his very first call from Basic Training. He had assumed, correctly, that I would want to be with them for Christmas since he was away. He just didn't know they would come to me.

I remember being so heartbroken that I had missed my chance to talk to him, to encourage him, to make sure he was staying strong in his faith and confidence. To tell him that I loved him.

(Why didn't he call my cell was the question Mom asked while we were remembering this afternoon - surely we had one by this time? Perhaps we had very few minutes and only used it for emergencies? Maybe I didn't keep it on me on a regular basis yet? Cell phones were still not "attached at the hip" like they are now. Who knows. That is not one of the memories that stands out in my mind.)

He left me his address, and I wrote him that very night. I had already written him pages and pages, so was relieved to finally have someplace to send them. I wonder if he has ever read all of those letters. Probably not. He certainly didn't have time in Basic training. I have the clarity of mind to know that now, but at the time I only knew that I had to share every moment with him. We were still newlyweds, quite literally.
I think I may have to dig those letters out and read them. What a trip down memory lane it would be to feel those feelings again. And the letters from him - those are priceless. Not quite as word filled, but each word can be felt to the bottom of my toes.

Yes - thinking about that first phone call brought back lots of memories. A few watery eyes. And a reminder that after the first there always comes a second, and then a third - and it gets easier, at least for the moment.

Tomorrow is a first again. Andy has his PT test at 0500. He should know by noon if he is in this next class rotation. He said that perhaps not hearing from him is what I should hope for, as that will mean he is busy moving into the proper dormitory and getting set into the new schedule. He has no idea when he will have free time again. He'll call when he can.

So, tomorrow begins a new wait, for another first phone call.

But it always comes. And now I have a cell phone, attached at the hip. I'm not missing one again, no sir, not me!
Blessings,

Green Eggs and Ham

2011-03-05T23:42:00.000-06:00

This week was Dr. Seuss's birthday. I meant to do something special to celebrate, but it sort of got overlooked. Our only celebration was a few small attempts at working out rhyming for ourselves. The Titanic was, surprisingly, fascinating for a 2nd grader - so I didn't stray too far from our previously picked subject of interest.
However, I did remember a Seussical moment we had just a few months ago... and some pictures that I never shared with you.

What could this be? Why, Green eggs, of course!

This stuff looks disturbing.

Questionable.

Horrifying!

The big boys decided that apparently it isn't that bad.

Maybe even "finger lickin" good!

But Zion was never convinced!

This Seussical event was only 4 months ago, but looking at these pictures is almost frightening. They have already grown so much. Cole, their friend who was visiting that night, was recently here to visit again.

These handsome men are growing faster then I can keep up.

Green Eggs and Ham...

Would you eat them when you're seven?

What about when you turn eleven?

Could you eat them with a fish?

Would you eat them on a dish?

Could you, would you try a bite

Could you, would you?

You did! Alright!

The things they are willing to try - this is such a wonderful age. I am doing my best to give them the ability to try interesting things. From Green Eggs and Ham, to petting a Hissing Madagascar Cockroach, to reading about Alexander the Great. Such a wonderful age!

I just have to grab it with both hands - while somehow keeping a hand free to take pictures for Daddy, so he can experience it too! One day at a time.

Blessings,

Learning and laughing while living and loving

2011-03-04T00:00:00.000-06:00

Shortly before Andy left we had a disagreement about the educational goals for our children, or more accurately, how to attain those goals. After the somewhat laid back days of Christmas break, I must admit that we hadn't quite gotten into a serious groove with the new year. Honestly, I hadn't really tried. Andy was working on projects with the boys, taking them on nature walks, spending time in serious discussion about how and why the world works the way it does.
I wasn't too stressed about sitting at a table and practicing times tables.

But it came to Andy's attention that Zion didn't know all of his letters. Sure, he could sing the whole song, but there were quite a few that if you pointed to it, he couldn't tell you the name. Mind you, he is still in preschool, but he turned the magic age 5 in December, so Daddy suddenly felt the pressure. Without meaning to, he put that pressure on me.

It wasn't pretty for a few minutes there.

The peaceful conclusion at the end was this: He would not worry about their SAT scores quite yet, and instead let them take one moment at a time. I would, for him, give up a little of my free spirited learning practices and make them spend just a bit more time at a table doing paperwork.

That being said - Look how much fun we had learning with our toys!

How many ways are there to sort and catorgorize vehicles from the movie Cars?

Hmmmm...

Red, Blue, Green...Tractors, Metallic, Wrecked,

Those made to mimic other movies.

Photographers

Shall I continue?

How about listing them, then adding them? Now THAT is a math problem.

No calculater allowed, just plain and simple addition!

And the second movie hasn't even come out yet. Oh dear!

Zion's letters have gotten some attention also. I refused to push him, but if he is interested, I am not about to hold him back. Just a week before the "fight" I had started a new book with him - "Teach you child to read in 100 easy lessons." The book's focus is primarily on the letter sound, rather than the name, so

Andy might still be frustrated that Z can't tell him the name of some of the letters. But, he has learned their sounds, and how to put them together into blended words.

He has recently read the first three "Bob books", and is so proud of himself. It is a long and complicated project to take on a Bob book, (and they have only 2-6 words per page, and about 10 pages) but it is so worth it. The smile on his face when he reaches the end and has accomplished his goal - Priceless!

Just for my own memory I have to type this here, so I will have it written somewhere for posterity's sake!

He can never remember the name of N. He recognizes it, and knows it's sound. However, to recall it's name, he spells his name, out loud, every single time. Z-I-O-N - It is an N mommy.

Another of my favorites is when he is "reading" to me from the other room, and will just be making up nonsense. Then, suddenly he will start naming letters that he sees, or even "straight line that way, straight line the other way" or "the letter after e". Then he will go back to making up nonsense as he "reads" to me.

The desire to read is emerging. He only gives me about 15 minutes at a time, but they are productive minutes, and I try to use them to their full potential.

I love being a homeschool mommy!

Blessings,

The Sacrifice of Praise

2011-02-28T23:55:00.000-06:00

I have gone back and forth on whether or not this post is supposed to be written. Andy always says both the good and the bad; I'm a real person, and can't be fake on here. So perhaps a little bit more to the story as to why I haven't been writing as much...

This morning in my quiet time I actually had a few minutes of quiet. The first verse that stuck out to me was "Let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually". Heb 13:15

Continually.

I am afraid I have failed at that lately.

I have been telling Him I trust Him, begging Him to help me see what it is I am supposed to be learning, and trying my hardest to remain encouraging for those around me (which is why I haven't been on here - I have been failing in the "positive" thing far more then I care to admit)
And I have definitely slacked off in the praise. Perhaps that is why it is called a sacrifice of praise? It doesn't come naturally, or easily, or just as a habit. It has to be something we think about and mean.

So I cried out to my Savior, and asked for forgiveness, and immediately found it freely given. That is the most freeing feeling, and you can't help but let the praises flow after that!

Here is a little of the back story of my stress recently.
Last night as I was skimming through Facebook posts I ran across one that said "Please re-post for at least 1 hr if you or someone you know has an invisible illness (Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type1, type 3, Lupus, Cystic Fibrosis, Diabetes, Schleroderma, Thyroid disease, Crohns, Fibromyalgia PCOS, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Kidney Disease, Epilepsy, MS, MD, Depression, Autism) Do it for all who have an invisible illness. It's a daily struggle feeling sick on the inside while you look fine on the outside."
It was freeing to me to realize that I am not the only one that feels this way. My "silent disease(s)" (since I have three on the list) have been torturing me lately. I have had blood sugars from 30- 430 in the last two weeks. I once had to change my infusion site four times in one day. I am still terrified to drive on the interstate, because my mini-seizures pop up without warning, and being able to pull over is a necessity. I am sick of taking 6 different prescription drugs, multiple times a day, and knowing that if I don't, it is a big deal.

Andy being gone, having an injured his knee, and being unsure whether he will be able to get into the next class; our credit card account being hacked and having to be closed and re-opened with a new number; my medical issues simply compounding on top of each other... I was already an emotional mess. When I got a letter from Tricare, the military insurance provider, saying that the forms I had faxed them over a week ago were missing one page, thus making me ineligible to be placed back in the program until NEXT month - I literally broke down. I threw my hands up to God and asked Him what in the world I was doing wrong. What in the world was I supposed to be learning, and couldn't I just learn it please? I called Tricare and sobbed on the phone with the poor operator. He talked to his boss, but they insisted there was nothing they could do and I wouldn't be covered until April 1st.
(side note, I am not completely without insurance, just the lesser form of Tricare. It is not a super huge deal, really. I just have a 3 month supply of diabetic supplies due to be mailed tomorrow, and Prime normally pays for all of it. Standard won't cover the first $300, or an additional 20% after that. It's not the end of the world, I was just upset because they could have notified me in time. I contacted them to make sure my paperwork arrived. They knew I was paying attention. They FOUND a way to not cover me, and chose snail mail to inform me so that I did not have any possible way to get the form to them in time. Perhaps this is my reminder to appreciate how blessed I am to have insurance at all.)

Anyway, insurance was the final straw on a really bad string of events medically. At some point in time that night I even told God that I quit. I didn't want to do it any more. I had given diabetes 20 years. Thyroid disease almost 10 now. Epilepsy has only had 2 1/2, but still - I quit. Please, just let me die and be done.

Of course, I didn't mean it. Don't go calling the suicide watch line on me. I simply wanted someone to recognize that it is hard just to live.

Then I realized how insanely self centered I was.

2 Cor 5:1&4 says that "we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, and eternal house in heaven... for while we are in this tent we groan and are burdened." These bodies are only temporary. We don't have to keep them for eternity, and as they break down, praise the Lord, a better one is being built somewhere else. So I cling, constantly, to the promise that "In all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purposes." (Rom 8:28)

I have been inspired several times recently by the words of C.H. Spurgeon. He pointed out "There is a limit to affliction. God sends it, and removes it. Do you sigh and say, "When will the end be?" Let us quietly wait and patiently endure the will of the Lord till He cometh... (and here is my favorite part) Let us sing Hallelujah by anticipation."

That goes back to the "sacrifice of praise" we started with. A sacrifice of praise was written about in the old testament and again in the new. I think more than anything else, God wants us to trust Him, and be joyful in that trust. I am working again on remembering to praise, even when I can't see how things are going to work. I have taught my children to thank Him at the end of the day, for all the little things that we tend to take for granted. I will focus on those little things, praise Him for those little things, that I know how to be thankful for. After that, I will just have to choose to trust Him for the rest.

"Oh brethren, be great believers! Little faith will bring your souls to heaven, but great faith will bring heaven to your souls." C.H. Spurgeon

I am seeking heaven for my soul. Won't you come and seek with me?
Blessings,