Long long ago, in a galaxy not so far away...

When I started my senior year of college I really didn't know what I wanted to do with myself yet. I had "hurried", taken summer classes, and was going to graduate before I even turned 21. I had expected to have met my husband by then. I assumed God would have given me detailed directions about what the next step was. But when the fall semester started I was clueless. And worried.
 Just a few weeks in, I met Andy and only weeks after that he gave me a black leather journal. He bought it specifically for the mission trip I was taking to India in October, so I could record what I saw, felt, and experienced.
 And let me tell you, I recorded.
 Everything.
 Probably too much... no one ever needs to read it but me.

 But having stumbled upon it now 14 years later, I am so glad to have it.

 My senior year is recorded in detail. Lots of emotional ups and downs. Reading it now, looking back. I can recognize the reasons behind almost everything. But at the moment so many things seemed heartbreaking. Staggering.

 I certainly hope my emotions have calmed with age!

 I kept writing after I graduated. First full time job and apartment. The planning of the wedding. The terror of Andy's Basic Training - our first time apart. I vented through our first military move, and half way through my first pregnancy, then suddenly just stopped. One more entry, 2 1/2 years later while pregnant again.

 And that is it.

 Later, I spent years writing here in blogland.

 But now, where did the words go? Why won't they come out any more?

 I am seeking them.

 Until then, a poem I wrote just weeks after Andy and I started dating, at 3am, of course. I am highly amused that I felt the need to record not just the date, but the time also. A bit of my OCD coming out perhaps?


 Contained:
What an interesting word
A relationship cannot be 
   Contained
It frees itself
exposes itself

The elements: wind, rain, ice, sun
   they are harsh
 It doesn't care
 Un-contained

The people: supportive, accusing, condescending
   they are vocal
 It doesn't care
 Un-contained

The circumstances: time, place, responsibilities
  they are demanding. 
 It doesn't care
 Un-contained

It is new and amazing
yet frightening and stressful
It is beginning and end, light and dark, best and worst
  Everything
 Except contained


Lots of crazy emotions going on back then. :) It does not make me miss college! I am glad, though, that the "un-contained relationship" featured in this poem turned out so nicely.

 Anyone else want to share college memories?

 Blessings,