Past, present, future

 I have been looking through old blogs again. It is like reading an old diary, reliving those old memories, and it is beautiful. 

 I am so very glad that God allowed me to write at different times in my past. He didn’t always, and what He has impressed upon me recently is “speak, even without words”… so I haven’t been posting much. I pray my actions are speaking, and my smile is speaking, and my eyes themselves are simply sharing His love.

But while I am learning, again, something new, I am so very glad to have this old to look back on. 

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Marriage: Anticipation and Planning

Originally posted Sept 18, 2010

 Most of us, at least us ladies, plan our marriage well before the event. Not just the wedding - the marriage. The dress and the flowers and the cake are always talked about as the thing every little girl spends her childhood dreaming of. I would venture to say that there are plenty of young women who spend a good bit of that time budgeted for wedding planning dreaming about the groom also.
 Not just who he will be, but what he will be:
 "Tall, dark, and handsome." "Rich, dashing, and debonaire." Or even "Bold, strong and courageous."
I knew exactly what I wanted.
 I was the daughter of a missionary, granddaughter of a preacher. I was looking for someone with a similar background. I was a bookreading, high GPA, classical music loving nerd, who wanted to settle down, have kids I could homeschool and shine Jesus wherever I was. Once again, I thought I would find someone similar.
 Everyone I dated, or even had a serious crush on, was serious minded, slightly bookish and had very set plans for their future. Not that we didn't know how to have fun - I am making us sound like a bunch of sticks in the mud. My life was just very planned out. How can I put this...

 Ever watch X-men? I was planning to marry a Cyclops. Good man. Steady, strong, full of love and ready to work hard to get the job done, whatever the job may be.

 But then, Wolverine showed up. Simply rode into town, and threw everything in my world out of balance.  I was introduced to Andy one night at a concert on our college campus. He was a transfer, fairly new to town and needing friends. One of my girlfriends said, "Bethany, this is that guy I was telling you about. The one who got arrested last week."
 I was 20 years old, and nothing in my life has EVER been the same.

 He had sideburns and tattoos, and was an art major. Where did that fit into my plan?

 But, he loved Jesus, and he loved me, and somehow, that was all that mattered.

(He always wants me to clarify the whole "arrested" thing. That was mostly a wrong place, wrong time, 19 and stupid thing. He sat in a holding cell for about two hours until his parents came and got him and he ended up with a ticket. Still, it makes a great story!)


Having a plan is a good thing. Thinking ahead, preparing for what might come. But even more important is the ability to be flexible. Sometimes what we plan for just can't work. If we get our hopes set on something and focus all of our attention on it, then when something changes we get lost.
 Last night when I was trying to take a picture of Zion I zoomed in from across the yard. Then, he moved. That super focus on just one spot was nice and clear, but the object I wanted was no longer in that spot. I had to change my point of view entirely, drawing back to see the big picture first, before I could zoom in again.
 In fact, in the meantime, I got some really great shots from farther away.
 Those close ups are precious, because they show facial expression so nicely. But sometimes seeing the wider angle, looking at more then just one face at a time gives just as amazing of a picture.
 Not what I originally planned, but it made me just as happy when I sat back and rolled with it.

 So Wolverine and I keep making our little plans. Every day we are learning more about each other, where we are going, and how to get there as a team. 

 We have changed each other, but in wonderful ways. He loosened me up. I toned him down. He taught me to ride a motorcycle. I make him balance his checkbook. 

 There are moments when we fight over who has control over the zoom button on the camera - and what exactly we focus on. In the end we always reach the same conclusion though-

 Who is making the plans around here anyway? Certainly not us!

 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

 And after all, "the foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans and God's weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength." 1Cor 1:25

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Over 20 years later, I am so glad God changed all of my “plans”. As we wait for God’s plans, again, I am so very glad to have my Wolverine to wait with still. 

 Be blessed my friends, as you look back and remember to see the good. 

 Be blessed while you wait right now, with Joy. 

 Be blessed as you choose to have faith that the future is in the hands of our God. 

The Whole World

 I grew up with the song “He’s got the whole world in His hands”. 

 I grew up with lots of songs about my Jesus, but that one popped into my brain very strongly as I was writing a text message this afternoon. I had just finished a fairly intense Bible study about listening to God’s prompting. About Elijah and Elisha being amazing men, but reminding us that God was the one who was even more amazing. 

 Deep thoughts. Heavy thoughts. Inspiring and beautiful.

 Yet what God gave me to write was a children’s song. 

So I felt the need to look into those words. To see what I was missing, what God was teaching me, what heavy thoughts God was leading me to. 

What I found was beautiful, and inspiring, and breathtaking and yet… simple. 

Truth often is, my friends. Simple. 

Just as Zion held this baby chick a few weeks ago, God holds us. In His hands!

Plain and simple.

 Now, what He asks us to do isn’t always simple. How he asks us to respond while we are in His hand…. that is a different story. 

 But He holds us, in His hands! 

 Be confident of that my friends. When you ask, He hears. 

 Please, look at that first verse again. 

 

All things- the Whole World- is in His hands. 

Be blessed my friends and be confident that He is holding you! 

Still beautiful

 This post is originally from April of 2020 and I called it “beautiful scars”. 

 Covid was in it’s beginning. I was waiting for my first Litt brain surgery, but already waiting for my hair to grow back from being shaved off during testing. Andy hadn’t retired from the army yet, both my children still lived at home, which was in a different state then now, and the questions of life then were different than the questions of now. 

 Yet now, even with so many things different, I don’t think I would change a thing it says. 

 Beautiful scars are still beautiful, if we choose, and remember, to see them that way. 

 Those wounds that need binding come in so many different shapes and from so many different sources. Some are deep and need stitches to stop the bleeding. Some are more shallow, but so very wide that they seem to stretch out forever. Others will scab over, then get opened again and again and again. I have seen emotional and spiritual wounds that require “surgery”, the complete removal of a limb, for healing to happen. 

 But healing is always happening, if we allow it. 

 The thing is, there are often scars left behind. Healing stops the bleeding. Healing closes the wound.

 But the scars are still there. 

 What do you see when you look at a scar? Do you see something ugly or the mark of a battle won? Are you inspired with pride because you survived?  

 I think they are beautiful. 

 As time passes the scars smooth out. They show how we have grown and changed and matured- but they remain, as gentle and beautiful reminders of the battles we have won and the wounds that our Savior has already healed. 

 There will be new battles and new wounds. We will need new healing, over and over, and there will be new scars along the way. 

 And they will be beautiful too. 

“He heals the wounds of every shattered heart.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭147:3‬ ‭TPT‬‬

We know in part…

There is so much we can’t see. For example…

 Do you see the giant tree in this picture? 

 Let me rephrase that. 

 Do you see the small portion of the giant tree showing in this picture? It is solid and strong. It has roots going deep into the ground and branches reaching high into the sky. Small plants grow under it and around it. Deer sleep in it’s shelter. Rabbits play in the shade it provides. An annoying armadillo digs holes all around it, looking for interesting things to eat. Under and on and in it there are oodles of insects. In the branches there are a multitude of birds. 

 But this picture shows one tiny portion. 

 That is what was impressed upon me so deeply with that Bible verse as well. 

 “We know in part.” 

 In our modern times with our “search button” allowing us to know more all the time, we want to know it all. We want to see the whole thing.

 But as this beautiful picture reminds us, we can’t. 

 You can’t see both the front and the back at the same time. You can’t see above and underneath. You can’t see inside the tree- you will kill it.

 Sometimes we have to simply look at what we can see, what is visible to us where we stand right now, and have faith that what is on the other side is doing what it is suppose to and going where it needs to. 

 

 We have to trust that our Heavenly Father is doing amazing things on the other side of the tree. Even when HE isn’t explaining it to us, HE is still involved. 

 I am confident. 

Be blessed with faith my friends, even though you can only see one part of the picture!

A Summer Recap

                               

Summer sort of flew by. Suddenly it is time for school again! How did that happen? I will show you a few pictures of what we worked on, before I dig into some deeper thoughts. 

 

I got chickens for my birthday- a wish for years and years! 

Sweet little babies :) 

(The big redhead included, haha)

Andy got me 4, then my friend Amanda got me 4 more, just a few weeks younger. 

Andy built this chicken coop completely out of recycled things. 

The only thing new is the nails. Everything else was part of something else originally, or a scrap piece, not able to be used for it’s original purpose. 

I LOVE it, and my amazing man for building it for me. 

Only 7 made it all the way to adulthood, but they are loving the coop life so far and will hopefully start laying eggs soon. 

Next, we got goats. 

This is Peanut. 

He is a Pygmy, probably around 10, so getting old. We are his third owners, and he has been well loved and spoiled. He is extremely easy going and fat, lol!

This is Penelope.

She is a Nigerian and is around 3 years old. Like Peanut, she is a people lover. I am hoping to get her some babies… but need to meet someone who can make that happen, haha.

They are both easy going and laid back, obviously loved on and raised more like pets by their prior owners. I can’t promise that I give them attention as often as their prior owners, and there is no pizza served here (which is the story of what was served to Peanut by his original owners!) but I have gotten very attached to them already. We are hoping to add a few more to the flock, after we get a fence put up. For now they have to be leashed or on a run, thus moved often. The fence is coming in just a few weeks!

We also had a bird’s nest with sweet little babies in it, right on the front porch. 

I very much enjoy living “in the country”.

Summer was beautiful, and peaceful and calm. 

 Canaan came home over the 4th of July to get some of his belongings. He was in training almost his entire first year in the military, but is now stationed about 4 hours away and working and living a more normal military life. 

Somehow, this is the only picture I took during his visit. 

His Grammy sent him home well supplied with candy. :)

Last, but certainly not least, Zion is loving his time at Chick-fil-A.

My mom’s brother and SIL dropped in and surprised him on their way by (from TX!)

He started his Junior year last week. Where does the time go?

My family is strong. Our Jesus is faithful. We are blessed. 

 There are still many, many questions about what we are doing and how we are going to do it. But over and over (and I have to say it a third time) over again our Jesus gives us what we need, when we need it. 

 This verse is what God was asking me to remember today. 

 What He pointed out, repeatedly, was the word ALL. 

 We want to praise Him for good. We want to celebrate and rejoice if those “mighty works” line up with our ideals and wishes. Sometimes, although amazingly mighty and still His Plan, those “mighty works” are not what we would have wished for. 

 But ALL is in almost every translation. 

 The old fashioned KJV says, “I will meditate also of ALL they work”

 The more modern Passion Translation says, “I ponder ALL you’ve done, Lord”

 The NIV that I grew up with, “I will consider ALL your works”

 ALL. 

 Whether they are what we would have picked or not, ALL. 

 Be blessed my friends, with hope and faith that overflows onto others around you. Keep smiling, even when it is hard. Keep loving, even when you are tired. 

 Perhaps pet a goat, or feed some chickens, or weed a garden full of beautiful produce. But choose to enjoy your life! 

 All of it. 

Choose what you see

 You can’t always get what you want… but as The Rolling Stones say, you get what you need. 

 I have to be reminded of that sometimes. That line, sung by a drug addled group of hippies who I disagree with on most points of life, called out to me today. My amazing Savior used their words to speak His truth. Isn’t it beautiful how He does that? 

 Here is the simple truth- what I “want” isn’t happening a lot recently. 

 I am caught in a complicated question- when is “fighting for what you want” no longer good? How long are you suppose to push for what seems right before you simply say “I must be wrong”? 

 But as God, and The Rolling Stones, reminded me today, I have what I need. 

 There are multiple unanswered questions in the lives of Bethany and Andy right now, but we have a roof over our head, delicious food in the pantry, and each other. 

 We are amazingly blessed to have Zion right here with us and Canaan able to call multiple times a week. Both of our moms are near by and many priceless family and friends are within reach. 

 I can’t always get what I want. 

 I don’t even know for sure which things I am suppose to fight for and which things I am suppose to let go. 

But….

 I am Oh So Amazingly Blessed!!

 Remember to count your blessings too my friends.

 Find the good. 

See the beautiful. 

 Make that choice. 

 I am asking for your prayers my friends. There are unanswered questions and decisions for the Freeman crew. Always… but it seems heavy right now. 

In the meantime…

“Again I say, rejoice!”

 Be blessed my friends! Make the choice to see the good, every step of the way!  

In ALL things-

 Most of us who know Jesus know this verse I think. We claim this verse. We hold on to this verse with both hands. We might simplify it a little too much sometimes….

 But it is beautiful, and I love it. That promise is breathtaking. 

 So, when you get to see absolute beautiful good come directly from ugly bad, you have to take a moment and rejoice in it. 

This is mom’s hand, just a few weeks ago. She fell, and in a beautiful gift from God didn’t break anything on the front of her face, which is the direction that she fell. So, that is the first thing that we celebrate. 

 However, there was a nasty break in her middle finger. Not a nice simple crack, but a spiral all the way down one of the bones. Requiring multiple pins to fix. 

That required her to be unconscious, putting those pins in. And that is where this story gets beautiful, in my opinion. 

 You see, she needed an anesthesiologist for that, being unconscious.  

And that anesthesiologist needed her. 

 I don’t suppose he needed Nina specifically. Anyone willing to be the hands and voice of Jesus could have filled that roll. But my mom was there, and willing, and able to hear him saying that he was hurt. She knew to let God lead her and to let God do the speaking when it was time. She knew to admit imperfections and stand for strengths and allow both love and discouragement to be allowed. 

 That young doctor knew Jesus, but he had been hurt by humans, and disappointed by the ones suppose to be strong and he needed someone to say that they understood. Mom understood, and was willing to remind him that humans fail, but Jesus doesn’t. 

 That young doctor let her pour the love of Jesus on him.

 I just watched, and nearly cried. 

  Then he took fabulous care of her. 

 When we came home that evening she said that giving him the love and joy he needed at that moment was enough of a reason to break her finger. 

 I love my mom!

 Please, join me in praying this verse over her. 

Her literal feet may not be as strong as they use to be but those “high places of challenge and responsibility” are still there, as is her calling for HIS purpose. 

 Pray that reminder over her then, please my friends, grab ahold of it for yourself. 

 God places us in strange, hard, heavy places sometimes. I know that. I understand. I promise. 

 Please, take a moment to read these pretty picture verses again. “In All things”. “You alone Lord”. “planned in advance.” “Walk on my high places.”

 Remember that He is there, walking with you. In ALL things. 

 Be blessed my friends. 

Whatever state I am in…

 I have been missing for a while on here. It is not because I had nothing to say. It was just that the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart need to be acceptable in HIS sight before they come here, and sometimes that is struggling. (Psalm 19:14)

 Not that they were filled with evil :) 

 Just sometimes they are lacking in hope or joy, and at moments filled with pride. None of those attitudes are what I want to share. 

Romans 12:16 was pointed out to me by a devotional I was reading this morning as I contemplated writing again. 

 So, I am slightly afraid to write again, still. However, these verses came too. 

He isn’t done working on me. My body is less than perfect, obviously, and perhaps that has to just be accepted. 

But He is working on me in other ways too and I will do my best to listen and learn. 

Because…

All things my friends. 

Read it one more time. 

ALL THINGS work together for good. 

Sometimes we don’t get to understand, but we trust and believe. 

All things work together for good, in His timing, for His plan. 

So…

Because this last verse is the final goal. 

The overall goal. 

The one I keep hoping to learn, and I hope you will join me in seeking. 

Choose to be content. 

Choose to see the good. 

Choose to see the hand of our Father in every single moment. 

I hope I am back to writing, but I can’t promise. 

I do promise that many of you have been on my heart and have been lifted up to our Savior. 

(And some of you don’t even want me to do that for you, I know!)

People I have never even met in “real life” but only online, or met once while waiting in line and friended on FB years ago. People I share blood with, or college with, or the career of my hubby with. 

You are loved. 

So, grab ahold of hope my friends, then turn around and share it with those around you!

Be blessed!