Past, present, future

 I have been looking through old blogs again. It is like reading an old diary, reliving those old memories, and it is beautiful. 

 I am so very glad that God allowed me to write at different times in my past. He didn’t always, and what He has impressed upon me recently is “speak, even without words”… so I haven’t been posting much. I pray my actions are speaking, and my smile is speaking, and my eyes themselves are simply sharing His love.

But while I am learning, again, something new, I am so very glad to have this old to look back on. 

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Marriage: Anticipation and Planning

Originally posted Sept 18, 2010

 Most of us, at least us ladies, plan our marriage well before the event. Not just the wedding - the marriage. The dress and the flowers and the cake are always talked about as the thing every little girl spends her childhood dreaming of. I would venture to say that there are plenty of young women who spend a good bit of that time budgeted for wedding planning dreaming about the groom also.
 Not just who he will be, but what he will be:
 "Tall, dark, and handsome." "Rich, dashing, and debonaire." Or even "Bold, strong and courageous."
I knew exactly what I wanted.
 I was the daughter of a missionary, granddaughter of a preacher. I was looking for someone with a similar background. I was a bookreading, high GPA, classical music loving nerd, who wanted to settle down, have kids I could homeschool and shine Jesus wherever I was. Once again, I thought I would find someone similar.
 Everyone I dated, or even had a serious crush on, was serious minded, slightly bookish and had very set plans for their future. Not that we didn't know how to have fun - I am making us sound like a bunch of sticks in the mud. My life was just very planned out. How can I put this...

 Ever watch X-men? I was planning to marry a Cyclops. Good man. Steady, strong, full of love and ready to work hard to get the job done, whatever the job may be.

 But then, Wolverine showed up. Simply rode into town, and threw everything in my world out of balance.  I was introduced to Andy one night at a concert on our college campus. He was a transfer, fairly new to town and needing friends. One of my girlfriends said, "Bethany, this is that guy I was telling you about. The one who got arrested last week."
 I was 20 years old, and nothing in my life has EVER been the same.

 He had sideburns and tattoos, and was an art major. Where did that fit into my plan?

 But, he loved Jesus, and he loved me, and somehow, that was all that mattered.

(He always wants me to clarify the whole "arrested" thing. That was mostly a wrong place, wrong time, 19 and stupid thing. He sat in a holding cell for about two hours until his parents came and got him and he ended up with a ticket. Still, it makes a great story!)


Having a plan is a good thing. Thinking ahead, preparing for what might come. But even more important is the ability to be flexible. Sometimes what we plan for just can't work. If we get our hopes set on something and focus all of our attention on it, then when something changes we get lost.
 Last night when I was trying to take a picture of Zion I zoomed in from across the yard. Then, he moved. That super focus on just one spot was nice and clear, but the object I wanted was no longer in that spot. I had to change my point of view entirely, drawing back to see the big picture first, before I could zoom in again.
 In fact, in the meantime, I got some really great shots from farther away.
 Those close ups are precious, because they show facial expression so nicely. But sometimes seeing the wider angle, looking at more then just one face at a time gives just as amazing of a picture.
 Not what I originally planned, but it made me just as happy when I sat back and rolled with it.

 So Wolverine and I keep making our little plans. Every day we are learning more about each other, where we are going, and how to get there as a team. 

 We have changed each other, but in wonderful ways. He loosened me up. I toned him down. He taught me to ride a motorcycle. I make him balance his checkbook. 

 There are moments when we fight over who has control over the zoom button on the camera - and what exactly we focus on. In the end we always reach the same conclusion though-

 Who is making the plans around here anyway? Certainly not us!

 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

 And after all, "the foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans and God's weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength." 1Cor 1:25

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Over 20 years later, I am so glad God changed all of my “plans”. As we wait for God’s plans, again, I am so very glad to have my Wolverine to wait with still. 

 Be blessed my friends, as you look back and remember to see the good. 

 Be blessed while you wait right now, with Joy. 

 Be blessed as you choose to have faith that the future is in the hands of our God. 

So that...

 I wasn’t super faithful to write while I was inpatient at UAB. I had some really great, really clear moments. But I also had some really foggy, really confused moments too. That is all the excuse I have to offer. :)
 I am home now. Sleeping in my own bed for two night in a row, with my Andy there next to me. Only staples on my head, nothing high tech. Eating “real” food, while sitting at a table, surrounded by my amazing teens.
 It seems slightly unreal.
 Too good to be true.
 So, when this verse stood out to me this morning, I respected it, a LOT.

 SO THAT...

 We are comforted, we find comfort, we are given comfort, SO THAT we can know how to give it.
 That is breathtaking.
 Every single pain, every single one, can serve a purpose.
 WILL serve a purpose.
 Every comfort we receive, we now know how to give.
 Some are easy to share-

Andy bought me donut holes, small enough bites that I could handle through the pain. 

I can share that joy, the excitement of that simple joy, with others who desire that tiny, easy joy. 

 That tiny, easy, reminder. 

Joy can be found in little tiny bites. 

EEG’S leave you sticky and gross, but with much more annoyance than pain. 

I can share that comfort with others. The simple joy of a shower that you have taken for granted and then suddenly have great respect for. 

I still can’t wash my head, but my body is clean and fresh and oh so appreciated. 

Simple comfort. 

The SEEG leaves some blood behind, 

and some ugly staples, 

but they come out, go away.

A few scars in the skin, soon hidden by hair and smiles. 

Comfort I am now experiencing and will know how to share. 

This picture won’t change direction.

Technology isn’t my friend today...but that seems fitting to go with the theme. 

I have experienced the comfort of an amazing man, who is my teammate. 

Team. 

Together.  

Different strengths and different weaknesses, but a team. 

My team, given as such an inspiring gift. 

Comfort given. 

Comfort I can hopefully know how to properly share.

He sat and held a pager like this twice. Once as they put wires in, and once as they pulled them out. 

And the comfort given during both those times is indescribable, by amazing people who visibly showed love during my entire week in the hospital.

(But a special thank you to Carrie, who knew how to let him be a “manly man” during a time of fear and yet also how to show him love)

Leaving us with this fascinating pile of wires that at one point were screwed into my head. 

And now aren’t. 

Healing is still occurring.

Knowledge is still needed, from more testing, before we have answers about what comes next and what my future holds. Whether seizures can be “beaten”.

 But I have experienced so much comfort, and now will have the experience to share it with others.

If that is the only thing I ever get from this, that is enough. 

I will ask for more. 

I will pray that God gives us knowledge from this and that doctors have ideas of how to use it for repair of my brain and body. 

But...

Comfort to share with others is enough. 

“So that...When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort.”

Every single pain, every single one, can serve a purpose. 

 WILL serve a purpose. 

Think on that, my friends. Feel the amazing comfort that you have received, from many different experiences, and choose to remember the gift that it is. 

 Then turn around and give it. 

Give comfort.

Be blessed!

Accountability

This post is to preach at myself. Honestly.

 But for some reason I can't let it go, so perhaps writing it out, and knowing that you are holding me accountable will make me.

 God clearly told us to forgive. In fact, when Peter asked him if he should forgive seven time Jesus told, "not seven, but seventy-seven times". Which I actually think means as many times as it takes.

 So, telling someone that you forgive them - or perhaps forgiving them in your heart because they never even knew they upset you - that should be natural for a Christian. Over and over again.

 But sometimes it's not easy.

 Andy has not been careful with his words lately. Honestly just stupid stuff. But over and over until I have felt like a failure. In everything.

 Canaan has noticed, of course. Because he notices everything. He brought me the comics on Sunday - pointing out one in specific he thought I would like. It truly was slightly ironic in it's timing.

 And little reminders, like the comics, or some other not well planned words have kept me either angry or hurt for almost a week now.

 But yesterday I did a lot of praying about it. I remembered that...

1) I am not perfect either (surprise!)
2) He is going to say stupid things over and over (and over) for the rest of time. And I am always going to love him. So I need to just get over it.
3) I can't say that I forgive him, and then not truly do it. That is lying.

Psalm 19:14 says "May the words of my mouth (Andy) and the meditations of my heart (me) be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

 They are both held equally. Me thinking grumpy thoughts was not cool.

 And then today's Bible reading said, "He who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 14:11
 I am pretty sure I have been exalting myself by being the "hurt party". Because, of course, I have never hurt his feelings, right?!

 But, I suppose what helped the most last night was Andy putting on some old cheesy '80's music and "singing" to me. He loves me too.

 Those words, although perhaps the worst sounding of them all, were also the most beautiful.

 I can promise you that words will continue to be spoken in this household. So, as long as there are words there will be some that praise, some that heal, some that excite, some that promise and sadly, some that hurt.

 That is just the way of words.

 What matters now is "the meditations of my heart". I'm feeling positive right now. What is it about confession that brings healing to the soul?

 God speaks through Isaiah saying, "So is the word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." (55:11)

 We can only attempt to mimic Him. May our words always serve, and accomplish what He desires.
 And when they don't, let's remember that He forgives. "I tell you the truth, all the sins and blasphemes of men will be forgiven them." Mark 3:28

 So, here I go. School to teach. T-ball to make it to. Toilet's to clean. And somewhere along the way, supper to cook. So I suppose I need more then just the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart. I need every movement of my hands also seeking to please Him too!

 Please, keep me accountable.

 May your day - full of words, thoughts, activities (and perhaps toilets?)- be pleasing unto Him too!

Blessings, 

11 years

 I'm running a little behind. I'm not sure exactly where this weekend went... the grocery and the garage. Our favorite places! That is sort of sad really.

 Saturday was our 11th anniversary. We didn't have access to a babysitter on Sat, but our friends down the street were willing to watch the boys for us on Thursday.
 So, we celebrated early!
 There is a place down the street that has the most delectable fried pickles. I don't eat a lot of fried food, but those pickles are totally worth it! We sat and ate in peace, talked about everything from politics to college memories, and tried to remember where we were on Thursday, 11 years ago. It was two days before the wedding and the countdown was on. Several of the out of town guests had come already. I can promise you that my mom was in a panic.
 We had totally different memories. Amazing, the things that stuck out in his mind and the ones that were important to me. Although, I don't know that any of the memories he shared were really "important" to him. Just random facts that he remembered!

 Pictures, anyone?

I was 22. He was still 21. 

So many people would call that too young. But look at us now! 

I don't regret one minute. Not even the hard ones.

 The boys and I.

 Andy "Bond" and my sisters

 Abbey Road

Truly, this is a miraculous shot. In Rome today you would never find a pause in traffic. But 11 years ago it was quieter. Andy Andy wanted it bad enough to wait.

This is probably my favorite picture. Isn't he just precious? 

He isn't precious any more. He is handsome and protective. Honorable and dependable. Faithful and considerate. An amazing husband, father, follower of God and leader of his troops.  

But precious I think he might have outgrown! 

What he will never outgrow, (or escape) is my undying love for him. 

He is my best friend and the holder of my heart. 

I love you Andrew Ian.

Forever,

Home sweet home

 That heading, that title up there... it can be taking two different ways.

 You see, I have been "home", with my parent's and sisters all this last week. Mary Faith, the baby, (and yes, at 24, she is still the "baby". I believe she always will be. She'll just have to deal with it!) Anyway... where was I going... Oh yes, Mary Faith is getting married at the end of March. There are details to prepare. Shopping to do. Parties to plan.
 This past week has been full! I LOVE this "home", and the people in it.

 But that other "home" is calling my name. Andy is my true home - I can't quite claim that North Carolina is calling me yet. I haven't gotten attached to the location yet. But Andy is there, and Andy is home. Home, Sweet Home.

 Can I be any cheesier?!? You may be thinking "gag".

 But I certainly miss that man!

 In other news... Andy has been making fun of me for saying "awesome" entirely too often. However, as I thought through the available vocabulary for expressions of excitement and approval, well, not many came to mind. "Cool". "Neato". Shall we return to the "Rockin" phase in time?

 So I think I shall create my own new expression. "XP" That is what I am going to start declaring when I am excited. It stands for "Exclamatory Proclamation". "EP" just doesn't sound cool though... so "XP" wins.

Announcer: "You just won a million dollars"!

Me: "XP"!!!!

 Can't you just hear it now?

 I was actually mulling it over (yes, I am that much of a dork) and was thinking that "XP" would make a perfect word of unhappiness too. Andy makes fun of my "fiddlesticks" too. Perhaps "Exclamatory Proclamation" would be a fitting answer to moments of disgust too. Hmmmm

 Something to consider.

 In the meantime, I need my sleep. I have to look my best tomorrow. I am off to see the man of my dreams!

Blessings, 

Antiques

Andy and I both bought Antiques today.

My new friend Kirsten and I escaped for a few hours this afternoon. A small mommy escape, just girl time. There are some adorable antique, boutique, and even thrift stores in the small town just 20 minutes north of us. We shopped, ate fried pickles, and talked each other's ears off.

 I found these amazing turtle bookends. Heavy brass. Early 1930's. Who knows what they say though.... Anyone want to interpret the Korean for me?
 Spur of the moment purchase.

$20

Andy has been talking about his purchase for years. And years. Perhaps his entire lifetime. I have always said "someday". It seems that this is the year of "someday". (If you recall, the dog was a "someday" thing too, and sure enough just a few weeks ago she joined the family)
 Anyway, Andy bought himself an antique today too.

100 x $20

Andy says that this picture is unfair. We actually have a lot more parts then shown here. They are just not currently on the vehicle. In case you can't tell, it doesn't even have wheels. Or an axle. They all exist. It's just that none of them are actually attached to it. And lots of the parts are not precisely in working order. Or at all in working order. For instance, the motor. 

 I had agreed to the project. He had brought home several rubbermaid containers of "extra parts" a few days ago, partially filling the garage, and getting me use to the idea. But today when the trailer with that thing backed up into my garage, well, I almost didn't take it well. 

 I have had time to cool off a bit since then, or perhaps a better term would be "warm up". I have looked at some of the fun parts: the cool rear windows that roll down at an angle, the round tail lights that are just classy and the fender skirts that "dress it up" a little. In a year or two when everything is sanded, painted, rebuilt and upholstered... she will be beautiful. Something like this - 

1963 Ford Fairlane 500 Sport Coupe - 

Probably not red for us... but since he changes his mind every two seconds, we'll just see when the time comes. It's still a looooong way from needing painted! 

 Antiques. 

 I really want something pretty to display my depression glass in. An antique glass front cabinet. However....

 I think I'll stick with a finished project. It will be awhile until Andy is available to help with any woodworking around here! 

Blessings, 

 

Number 32 in picture format!

 I did some rearranging yesterday and tonight, here in blog land. I really should be rearranging "real" stuff here at my parent's house, packing up to move to Ft. Bragg. But Andy is gone and the bed is half empty - so I play on the internet instead.

 I feel like Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride, but what I shall say is - "let me sum up."

 Andy graduated CBOLC on tuesday and we left Missouri ASAP. Andy drove the 12 hours to my parent's in Georgia and we fell into bed exhausted around 2am.
 The next morning we unloaded the trailer full of our stuff, met some family at the mall for lunch and left the boys with my sister.
 Amazingly, we (barely) beat the traffic out of Atlanta and made it to Ft. Gordon, finally getting to meet our new niece, Britton!

 After seeing sweet Ani up and off to school on Thursday we headed toward Fayetteville, NC and the wonderful Ft. Bragg.

 And the search began.

 We had been looking at houses online for days, but you really can't tell what you are looking at until you see it in person. You have to see the neighborhood, the carpet, the backyard before you know if it really what they are trying to present to you. To "sell" to you, even as a rental.

 We got to know the city fairly quickly, and figured out where we didn't want to live!

On a completely unrelated note: Thursday was the 12th anniversary of our first date, so we cancelled the quest at a decent hour and had a date. Slightly different then our first one, (since our first date had peanut butter sandwiches and this one included a hot tub) but I have no complaints! It was a fabulous break in a haphazard week full of driving and searching for a house.

 Twelve years!

 Friday was the day. Beginning bright and early, we were determined to find a house.

 And determination paid off. We went from one side of Fayetteville to the other, making sure we had explored every option. But we found it!

 When Andy finishes Airborne school in 3 weeks we will have somewhere to live.

 Now I just have to figure out how to get everything from here to there. Fun, fun!

Blessings, 

What's in a name?

We have been talking about names around here lately.

 Andy's class has some foreign students attending, and one of them, I think it is the Egyptian, has a very long, complicated name. You see, he has his own name, his father's, grandfather's and great-grandfather's - all in a row. That is a lot to keep up with!

 Canaan already carries his father's name in the middle. 

Zion carries a piece of my family history. 

 and that last name, the "family name", there is such a bond in that. 

 I will always, and forever, be one of the Binkley girls. Nothing can change my roots. My bond with my sisters and amazing parents. To belong to both my father and my mother's family tree, and the amazing history that has been followed back so far and has stories that are thrilling to recall- I am honored.

But...

 Now I am also so very glad to be a Freeman. To be claimed, and accepted into the family of my true love. I eagerly listen to the stories of their history, and make sure they are passed to our children.

 The stories of the history of our names.

 But what about the names of the present?

 I know the legal names I carry; the one that was given to me, just for me (Bethany); the one to carry on the past (Ruth, for my grandmother); and the one I acquired when I promised my future to my best friend (Freeman).

 But there are other's out there too.

 Wife. Mom. Sister. Daughter. Friend. Teacher. Writer, when time allows.

 Am I remembering to leave a spot for my most important name?

 Child of the King! Redeemed, called to praise, and eager to shine His glory.

 So many names. It's almost overwhelming if I thinking about it too much. Which one needs my attention most right now? Which name am I responding to at this moment in time? But if I pause and remember for just a minute-

 The names fit together so well to become,

just one me. 

Blessings,  

Buttercup? I don't think so!

We watched "The Princess Bride" tonight. A wonderful movie, and one that was quoted at our wedding rehearsal (if you can't guess what part, then you have never seen the movie) but I always complain that Buttercup really was too much of a wimp. She should have fought harder in the fire swamp, helped more, grabbed the sword and jumped into the fight. I never wanted to be Buttercup. She may have been beautiful, and desired, but she didn't fight hard enough.

 I want to be a fighter.

 I keep telling myself that I am a big tough cookie. "What is four days without a call, seriously?" I have so much to do: school for the boys, play practice for Canaan, groceries to buy, friends to talk to, family to talk about.... When could I possibly even have time to miss him.
 When?

 That question could probably be answered best by a line in a cheesy novel I read this afternoon. And yes, I read almost the whole thing this afternoon. Andy is gone, books are back. Sigh - say goodbye to sleep.
 But back to the cheesy novel -  in it the girl had experienced her first "real kiss", and it distracted her from all else. She tried to convince herself that she wasn't obsessing... "There were times when she almost forgot. Why yesterday, while helping Mrs. Kemble she hadn't thought of the kiss for a full twenty-two minutes. Then this morning, while searching for a larger hat box for poor Achilles, she didn't think about the marquis or his blasted kiss for almost thirteen minutes and a half"
 I laughed out loud. Then I groaned, because I think I am just as guilty as the young Honoria, and I can't blame young love, or first kiss or anything that flighty. I am just, still, after nearly 10 years of marriage,  madly in love with my husband. I miss hearing his voice, seeing his face, even having him tease me without mercy about the cheesy novels I randomly pick up. I miss him, plain and simple. Even after  basic training, tech school, 3 desert deployments and a year in Korea, I still miss him when he goes away.
 I have learned to live, and function quite nicely when he is away, and even to take my sword and fight some battles as needed. But golly do I miss him - plain and simple, just him.

 He finally sent a text tonight asking me to E-mail him some paperwork that he needed. He said that he isn't allowed to talk - no free time scheduled into the training yet, but he managed to sneak an "I love you" in with his paperwork request. I'll take what I can get.

  I promise I would grab the sword and jump into the fight to save my "Wesley", but maybe I do miss him just a little more then I would like to admit! Perhaps I'm not as tough as I want to be... If I have to go much longer without hearing from him, I might go tromping off into the fire swamp, just to have something to distract me!
                                                                    Blessings,

Learning and laughing while living and loving

 Shortly before Andy left we had a disagreement about the educational goals for our children, or more accurately, how to attain those goals. After the somewhat laid back days of Christmas break, I must admit that we hadn't quite gotten into a serious groove with the new year. Honestly, I hadn't really tried. Andy was working on projects with the boys, taking them on nature walks, spending time in serious discussion about how and why the world works the way it does.
 I wasn't too stressed about sitting at a table and practicing times tables.

 But it came to Andy's attention that Zion didn't know all of his letters. Sure, he could sing the whole song, but there were quite a few that if you pointed to it, he couldn't tell you the name. Mind you, he is still in preschool, but he turned the magic age 5 in December, so Daddy suddenly felt the pressure. Without meaning to, he put that pressure on me.

 It wasn't pretty for a few minutes there.

 The peaceful conclusion at the end was this: He would not worry about their SAT scores quite yet, and instead let them take one moment at a time. I would, for him, give up a little of my free spirited learning practices and make them spend just a bit more time at a table doing paperwork.

 That being said - Look how much fun we had learning with our toys!

How many ways are there to sort and catorgorize vehicles from the movie Cars?

Hmmmm...

Red, Blue, Green...Tractors, Metallic, Wrecked,

 Those made to mimic other movies.

Photographers

Shall I continue?

How about listing them, then adding them? Now THAT is a math problem.

No calculater allowed, just plain and simple addition!

And the second movie hasn't even come out yet. Oh dear!

Zion's letters have gotten some attention also. I refused to push him, but if he is interested, I am not about to hold him back. Just a week before the "fight" I had started a new book with him - "Teach you child to read in 100 easy lessons." The book's focus is primarily on the letter sound, rather than the name, so

Andy might still be frustrated that Z can't tell him the name of some of the letters. But, he has learned their sounds, and how to put them together into blended words.

 

He has recently read the first three "Bob books", and is so proud of himself. It is a long and complicated project to take on a Bob book, (and they have only 2-6 words per page, and about 10 pages) but it is so worth it. The smile on his face when he reaches the end and has accomplished his goal - Priceless!

 Just for my own memory I have to type this here, so I will have it written somewhere for posterity's sake! 

He can never remember the name of N. He recognizes it, and knows it's sound. However, to recall it's name, he spells his name, out loud, every single time. Z-I-O-N - It is an N mommy.

 Another of my favorites is when he is "reading" to me from the other room, and will just be making up nonsense. Then, suddenly he will start naming letters that he sees, or even "straight line that way, straight line the other way" or "the letter after e". Then he will go back to making up nonsense as he "reads" to me.

 The desire to read is emerging. He only gives me about 15 minutes at a time, but they are productive minutes, and I try to use them to their full potential.

I love being a homeschool mommy!

Blessings,  

Directions - who needs directions?!

When Andy and I first married we had it all worked out. He was the pilot, I was the navigator. Truly, it was a beautifully symbiotic relationship. He liked to drive. I liked to have a plan. He couldn't tell north from south to save his soul, at least not in the middle of a city. (Eagle scout he may be, and tie a knot, start a fire and find the moss on the proper side of a tree he can do... but that doesn't help you find your way around San Francisco.) I loved to look at the map, find where we were, where we were going, and then try to narrow it down to the most manageable route between the two.
 Personally, I thought it worked well.

 But last year he replaced me.
 His mistress is named Garmin and he trusts her explicitly.

 Unfortunately, I am dreadfully jealous.

 Sometimes I cannot be with him, and she serves her purpose well.
 Sometimes the way is complicated, and she makes my job much easier.
 But sometimes she makes mistakes. She is a computer, and can't tell when a road isn't open because of construction, or because the military likes to randomly restrict things.
 But still, he trusts her, rather then me. Or sometimes even his own eyes.

 We spent too much time in the car on Sat, driving over to Ft. Benning to "check it out" before Andy gets stationed there. (more on that another time)

 Tomorrow we will be driving up to Ft Gordon to visit our sister-in-law and niece.
 Georgia is getting it's fair share of our gasoline, and my patience.
 I hope little Miss Garmin's battery doesn't die, because I don't think I am even going to pack the map.

 He loves her for directions.
 He loves me for a million other things.
 I think it is time for me to let it go...
 Sigh. Now I have four hours in the car to listen to my own advice.
 September may be over, but the attempt to live a God centered marriage continues!

A very boring update -

 I have reached a point in the last few days in which I have had too many words, too little time, and not nearly enough organization in my brain to sort it all out.
 So instead of writing, I have turned the opposite direction - away from the computer. In fact, I even added the media package to my phone so I had the potential to blog from ANYWHERE. But did I?
 No.
 Not that there is anything wrong with that. My children and husband have enjoyed the extra time with me (I hope) and I have gotten more sleep. But eventually the words have to come out.
 The question is, where are the words headed?

 Marriage is still very much on my heart so I have asked some people I respect and admire to share their wisdom with me, in a survey sort of thing. I am very excited to have all their years of wisdom compiled in one place, and I hope that in sharing it here it speaks where it needs to be heard.
 While we are waiting for those words, check out this fun blog. A husband and wife team write about marriage together. Hearing both points of view and both sides of the story is a fascinating way to blog, and a wonderful way to experience marriage. I love the reminder to step outside my own brain waves and try to see the situation from Andy's side.

 On to other news: The countdown to the move has begun around here. Andy reports of Ft. Benning on Feb 2nd, and has to out-process from the AF before then. We're going to try to move out of this house by the end of Nov, may be slightly transitional for a while, (ie:homesless) then use up his vacation days over Christmas and January, living with my parents. Quite a few unknowns still floating around here.
 I guess this is a good time for me to be thinking about and praying for a good marriage. All this stress is bound to cause some arguments!

 Last, but not least, Santa came to visit me early.

 That may be another reason I have been a slacker in the world of blogging. I have been playing around in the world of photography instead.

Obviously, these pictures were not taken with the Rebel, since they are of the Rebel. I haven't actually uploaded anything I have taken yet. But I have been snapping away - different lighting, different angles. I have even tried out Andy's lens from his old film camera- works great! It has a much larger range, but it doesn't have the anti-shake "image stabilizer" feature, which is sort of useful for a beginner.
 I'll try to get brave enough to actually upload the pictures soon. For now, I am enjoying my early (and only) Christmas present.

Marriage: Anticipation and Planning

 Most of us, at least us ladies, plan our marriage well before the event. Not just the wedding - the marriage. The dress and the flowers and the cake are always talked about as the thing every little girl spends her childhood dreaming of. I would venture to say that there are plenty of young women who spend a good bit of that time budgeted for wedding planning dreaming about the groom also.
 Not just who he will be, but what he will be:
 "Tall, dark, and handsome." "Rich, dashing, and debonaire." Or even "Bold, strong and courageous."
I knew exactly what I wanted.
 I was the daughter of a missionary, granddaughter of a preacher. I was looking for someone with a similar background. I was a bookreading, high GPA, classical music loving nerd, who wanted to settle down, have kids I could homeschool and shine Jesus wherever I was. Once again, I thought I would find someone similar.
 Everyone I dated, or even had a serious crush on, was serious minded, slightly bookish and had very set plans for their future. Not that we didn't know how to have fun - I am making us sound like a bunch of sticks in the mud. My life was just very planned out. How can I put this...

 Ever watch X-men? I was planning to marry a Cyclops. Good man. Steady, strong, full of love and ready to work hard to get the job done, whatever the job may be.

 But then, Wolverine showed up. Simply rode into town, and threw everything in my world out of balance.  I was introduced to Andy one night at a concert on our college campus. He was a transfer, fairly new to town and needing friends. One of my girlfriends said, "Bethany, this is that guy I was telling you about. The one who got arrested last week."
 I was 20 years old, and nothing in my life has EVER been the same.

 He had sideburns and tattoos, and was an art major. Where did that fit into my plan?

 But, he loved Jesus, and he loved me, and somehow, that was all that mattered.

(He always wants me to clarify the whole "arrested" thing. That was mostly a wrong place, wrong time, 19 and stupid thing. He sat in a holding cell for about two hours until his parents came and got him and he ended up with a ticket. Still, it makes a great story!)


Having a plan is a good thing. Thinking ahead, preparing for what might come. But even more important is the ability to be flexible. Sometimes what we plan for just can't work. If we get our hopes set on something and focus all of our attention on it, then when something changes we get lost.
 Last night when I was trying to take a picture of Zion I zoomed in from across the yard. Then, he moved. That super focus on just one spot was nice and clear, but the object I wanted was no longer in that spot. I had to change my point of view entirely, drawing back to see the big picture first, before I could zoom in again.
 In fact, in the meantime, I got some really great shots from farther away.
 Those close ups are precious, because they show facial expression so nicely. But sometimes seeing the wider angle, looking at more then just one face at a time gives just as amazing of a picture.
 Not what I originally planned, but it made me just as happy when I sat back and rolled with it.

 So Wolverine and I keep making our little plans. Every day we are learning more about each other, where we are going, and how to get there as a team. 

 We have changed each other, but in wonderful ways. He loosened me up. I toned him down. He taught me to ride a motorcycle. I make him balance his checkbook. 

 There are moments when we fight over who has control over the zoom button on the camera - and what exactly we focus on. In the end we always reach the same conclusion though-

 Who is making the plans around here anyway? Certainly not us!

 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

 And after all, "the foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans and God's weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength." 1Cor 1:25

Marriage: Communication and Laughter

At the beginning of the month I promised that September would be the marriage month, yet here it is the 13th already, and nary a post about marriage.
 You see, after that original idea, I realized that in order to write about marriage, I had to think I knew something about marriage, and truthfully, who am I to talk? I must admit that I think our marriage is fabulous, but Andy and I have not quite 10 years under our belt, so I don't think we count as experts.
 So over these last weeks I have been talking - mostly to Andy, because who better to discuss marriage with then the man you are married to? But I have also talked to friends - some happily married young, despite the warnings against it, some succeeding quite nicely on their second try, one in the middle of falling apart, and another single and searching.
 Mostly though, I have looked at where I came from. My parents have been married for 33 years. One set of grandparents nearly 60, and the other was together til their savior took them home.
 Andy is blessed with a similar story. Parents still together, both sets of grandparents together until death split them apart.
 What an amazing, beautiful example we both have had to base our marriage on.

 The reality of true love, the kind of love it takes to make marriage last.

 True love knows that not every day is easy.

 Not every day is googly eyes and romance novel. In fact, pretty much no days are romance novels... perhaps that is why romance novels get written? No real man leaps from his horse to rescue you from a  deadly mountain slide, then stares into your eyes and expounds on your breathtaking beauty. (yeah, I know, I picked the cheesiest scenario possibly, but you know what I mean girls)
 In fact, depending on what your man's "love language" is, getting him to comment on your beauty at all, forget calling your breathtaking, might take more effort then it seems it is worth some days. Because if words of praise are not what makes him feel special, remembering to give you praise is not even going to occur to him!

 But enough about romance novels- lets switch to music. There are plenty of songs out there about love. Lots of them about what the world equates with love. I must agree with the songs and say it is one of God's most beautiful creations, truly, although I perhaps wouldn't be so crass about it. But it is not the same thing as love.

 However music today has so much more to say.
 The song of the night tonight will be John Mayer's "Say what you need to say".
 (you'll want to pause the music at the bottom of the blog before you push play on the video)



 Andy is a music fanatic. Truly, I am not exaggerating. He has more then 14000 songs on his Ipod, and that is the cut back version. So whenever I have something to discuss, he has a song in answer. Always.
 While we have been on the subject of marriage, this has been the song of the hour. The original point behind it is slightly obvious. Be open. Discuss your feelings, even if they are scary, or negative, or something that seems impossible. Dreams and hopes as well as fears and stresses need to be shared for a marriage to have strength.
 Don't wait and hope it, whatever it is, will go away. Don't hold things inside. Especially from your team mate. This is your other half. If you can't tell them, then you aren't part of a team.
 This whole communication thing connects back to the Love Language idea. What if your man is the type who just bubbles over with compliments, but can't remember to take out the trash or carry his plate over to save his life? Or perhaps you really just need him to sit down for five minutes and listen while you tell him about the adorable and annoying things his children did today, and he just can't focus that long.
 Communication people!
 Gary Chapman will give you a whole book about each person's love language, what "speaks" love to them. But I would simplify it a little bit more. Rather then writing up a book about five generalized ideas, I think that you need to stop and talk to each other. Find a quiet moment, look your spouse in the eyes and ask, "What makes you feel special?" In return let them know, "This is what makes me glow". Don't wait until you are past the point of sitting down for a quiet moment and looking each other in the eyes.

 Say what you need to say. 

 The second point hidden in this song is a little less obvious, and would perhaps only be learned by someone living with Andy. Every time I hesitated in my speech for anything this week, even trying to decide what descriptive word to use when telling him about a situation, he burst into this song. Especially when it was something I was stressed or concerned about. 

 Andy reminded me to find humor, and draw it out. He encouraged me to get the worry off my chest, and at the same time, made me laugh. There will be moments when things look bleak. Sometimes the well is dry and the garden has stopped growing and you think that God himself might have forgotten your address. That is why God made you a team, because chances are you won't both feel down at the same time. So, find a silly song, or a clown face, or their ticklish spot and remind your other half that laughter doesn't hurt as much as tears. 

 Say what you need to say, and laugh when you need to laugh. 

 What have you learned about communication and laughter in your marriage? Please, share. 

Trying to be Thankful (Thursday)

My friend Tricia is alway so faithful to post her Thankful Thursday list. She has had plenty of tests and trials, and yet always remembers to take a moment and be thankful.

 I was in the mood to complain tonight. I logged on with my rant ready to go. Andy was supposed to be home by now - walking in the door any minute. The kids would already be in bed, so I would have him all to myself. Then, they would wake up in the morning and, joy of joys, Daddy would be there!
 Nope, not the way it is going down.
 Silly AF wife - haven't I been in long enough to know better? Sigh.

 Tonight instead of clicking "new post" right away I skimmed through the new posts of the people I love first. As always, they had a lesson to teach me. As I posted recently, I am so thankful for the internet. God used it to remind me of the things I have to be thankful for.

 I suppose rather then complaining that Andy isn't home, I should be thankful that 1) I have him at all, and he is the kind of husband that I am excited to see coming home, rather than dreading. 2) He will most likely be home tomorrow, and we have a long weekend to look forward to.

 His delay may be annoying, but it isn't life changing.

 I put up the new quotes of the month a few nights ago. The theme of the month is marriage - for many reasons.
 Being military I "get" to see many marriages fall apart. On the flip side, I also get to see some fight through really tough times and survive. This has been a rough couple of weeks for me, emotionally, concerning other people's marriages. I use to think that I wanted to be a marriage and family counselor. I am not so sure of that any more.
 I have a hard time keeping myself separate from the emotions of the people around me, and I end up hurting for them, almost more then I can take sometimes.

 So, this month I am going to talk about marriage a bit. Pray about marriage a lot. And be thankful, immensely thankful, for the husband I have coming home - one day or another.  

So, what do you think??

If you are a FB reader or an E-mail subscriber (hi mom!), I don't suppose the changes will even show up, but for anyone who visits me on my actual page, What do you think?

 I had a technical difficulty this weekend. The link to the background picture I was using was deleted. Rather then just find another that would sync with the design I already had, I decided to go for something fresh and new. It nearly caused an argument between the hubby and I though. I asked him to help, since he knows me best. "What is the epitome of me? What colors, what style, what theme shouts "Bethany" to the world?"

 He chose books. 

Stacks of them. Artistic displays of them. He found tons of interesting, even beautiful shots of them.
 Truly, I love books. Adore them even. But that is such a narrow view of me. Surely there is more?!
 I ended up kicking him off the project because he never actually reads my blog anyway. How would he know how to design something that he knows nothing about?

 After playing with the new Blogger self design application for awhile, I got this. Simple, green, and cheerful. I think that is a better summation of me then "books". Although I must say I do love that first picture up there...
 Now I just have to figure out how to have multiple pages. I really want a "home" and an "about me" and a "where the military has taken us" page. But I haven't figured that part out yet. Andy just has to work a few more late nights, (and me NOT have a good book within reach) so I can do some work on that!
 After all the work was done, Andy still had to come by and comment. At the top of the page I have blue skies and flowers - blowing where God sends them and working really hard not to stress about where they land (in case you were wondering why I chose dandelions). In the middle is a beautiful stretch of green grass, cool and peaceful. At the bottom is the rich brown soil for it to grow out of. Andy said the dirt needed some worms to stir it up, keep it aerated.

So, here is his contribution to the new design.

Those of you who do not usually link directly to the page, please, drop by and see the new design. 

And stay posted - there is more to come, once I figure a little more out~

 

I'm BAAAACK

I can't really say where I have been these last few weeks. It's not like it is top secret or anything. I just haven't been anywhere specific. I was at Mom's for awhile - two weddings and a triple birthday party packed into one weeks time.

Seven and Five - (and an age which shall not be mentioned...that would be me)

Family picture at wedding number one.

Wedding number two.

Four sisters - Maid of honor, Matron of honor, Wedding Coordinator, and little ole me, who just hops around aimlessly saying "How can I help?".

But wasn't she a beautiful bride!

Mary Faith fixed my hair (and makeup) for the wedding.

I hardly recognized myself!

I have been home for a while - the count down to VBS is this week. And since I can't say no to anything, I am running drama and music.

However, the big event of the week was this....

My family says I am weakening with age - or with time married - or something.

 Andy has been pining for a motorcycle from the day I met him. I have always said "no". Or at least "not right now". But I guess he finally wore me down. He got it cheap, and he is over 30 now, so the insurance is cheap, and he just asked so nicely...

Yeah, I am a sucker for those adorable faces he makes. giggle giggle

Now I get to be a biker chick, sitting up on the back behind my big tough dude. Yep.

We'll just see what happens...