Still here

 Andy has a line he likes to say on a regular basis...

"Never volunteer excuses or explain a shortcoming unless an explanation is required. More damage than good is done by proffering unsought excuses." 

 So, with that in mind I won't waste time excusing my absence from here.
 Just know that I didn't quit on purpose!


 School has carried on, obviously, as has work, and seasons continue to pass by. We have just been rolling along - learning.

 A few days ago I gave Canaan two lines, and asked him to write the rest of the story. He needed to fill at least 2/3 of the page, be creative, and use proper grammar. Correct spelling was definitely something to aim for, but, as I realistically prepared myself for, something we could fix later.

 Apparently Canaan was not inspired at that moment. He knew how far down the page he had to go, so he began to look for randomness with which to fill it. For instance, "The Easter Bunny slept and slept and slept and slept and slept." was spread across an entire line, plus some. Twice.
 That was a sleepy Easter story.

 I couldn't help but laugh at the comedy in the story, but the attitude in which it was given - the deliberate waste of space so that he didn't have to come up with something new to write... He knew he was wrong.

 Andy's comment, after sending Canaan to the other room, was "That little smart ..." Hilarious, but at the same time - unacceptable. (both Canaan's paper, and Andy's comment fit that criteria!)

 Canaan knew that he hadn't done his best. He knows that he is going to have to re-write the story with not only corrected spelling and capitalization, but with a new attitude.

 The question is, how often do we do that? We fill up our schedule with "good" things. Things that fit the criteria. But we know they aren't the right things.
 We read the right books and expand our minds.
 We add filler, so there aren't any empty spaces looking at us with accusation.

 But are those spaces perhaps meant to be empty?

 A good short story is far better then a long, rambling, pointless one. And sometimes filling the page just isn't an improvement.

 So, for tonight I am going to say "Don't be afraid of empty spaces." In conversation. In your schedule. In your relationships.

 Less of a good thing will win every time when compared to a surplus of unnecessary excess.

 Canaan will be writing tomorrow. I will post the new and improved story here, and we can talk about good words. Good use of time. Good listening to what God has for us.

 Until then...

Blessings,  

5+2 = A Butterfly

It feels sometimes that God is quiet for days and days, and then suddenly He speaks so much. More then I can take in at once.
 But that is what paper, and computers, are for. Writing it all down, and mulling it over, and trying to digest the words that He is giving.

 Most of what I hear is wait.

 I had a fabulous discussion with a dear friend about butterflies. When she was in her early 30's she went though a time in a "cocoon". Waiting, growing, hurting at times. I think that is where I am right now. In my Cocoon season.

 Did I write this already? I feel like I might have. But I found a quote that I have clung to greatly. "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." Richard Bach

 My cocoon is sometimes comforting, surrounding me like a soft blanket. Sometimes stifling, surrounding me so tightly that I cannot move. Sometimes it seems that it is a grave, and that I will be here forever. And at moments I can feel the wings growing, becoming something beautiful, and full of grace.

 And right now, what I hear is wait.

 I was reading 1 Samuel, soon after Saul had been appointed king of Isreal. They were getting ready to head into battle, and they knew they needed to ask for God's blessing before they went.  But Samuel, the priest, was just taking so long to get there. And they couldn't wait any longer. So they took things into their own hands.
 And Saul paid for it with his kingdom. All because he couldn't wait.

 Psalm 27:13-14 says, "I am still confident of this; I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

There is a "famous" verse - you hear it quoted all the time. "Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:30-31

 There is a lot of tired around here lately. I can blame it on many things. Multiple medications, trying to control multiple medical conditions. The awareness that two special forces soldiers were killed last week in Afghanistan and the mainstream world is tired of caring. Or perhaps just the sneezing and sniffling of this silly cold.
 Tired comes. Weary, stumbling, and falling too.

 But the promise of renewed strength, and wings that soar- that is real. And I can feel it, when I remember to ask.

 Romans chapter 8 is full of all sorts of fabulousness. But once again, it reminds us to wait. Even when "we do not know what we ought to pray for"... "if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

 I told you, waiting is what I get to hear, over and over.

 But yesterday, I got thrown off my loop. Out of nowhere, in a story that I have read over and over, God taught me something new. (which is why it is important to read the Bible over and over again. Because you never know what He is going to tell you, even in a story you have had memorized since you were 5)

 In John chapter 6 there is a story about a multitude of people following Jesus around, listing to his teaching. Because he was fascinating. However, at some point in time they realized it was time for lunch. And there wasn't enough food for the crowd. One boy offered to share his two small fish and five loaves of bread. Not enough, but thanks for the offer kiddo. But then, though even his own disciples doubted him, Jesus blessed the food, broke it, and told them to pass it around.

 And if you grew up in the church, you know that it fed the 5000. The broke and passed, broke and passed, until everyone was full. Then, Jesus instructed his disciples to collect the leftovers. "Let nothing be wasted" vs12 says,

 Let nothing be wasted.

 Nothing.

 From 2 fish and five loaves of bread they gathered 12 baskets of leftovers.

 And while I am sitting here, waiting in my cocoon, what am I wasting? Do I have 2 fish? Do I have any leftovers?

 It may not seem like much. Certainly not enough to feed 5000. But Jesus blessed it, and multiplied it, and said "let nothing be wasted."

 So my caterpillar self will wait patiently. Share fish and "Let nothing be wasted". And hopefully emerge as a butterfly soon.

 Blessings my friends, 

A day that almost caused a cuss word

Today was a rough day.
Simple stupid little things, but they just kept coming.

 My basket full of supplies (junk) that I carry everywhere, "just in case" fell out of the truck and spilled everywhere. Things started rolling down the hill into the neighbors yard!

 But, it made me clean it out. I kept the sunscreen, even though summer is over, and the tylenol and chapstick. Emergency sewing kit, first aid kit, goldfish and granola bars. But the cloth napkins needed to be refreshed. Time for clean ones. Same with the emergency fork, knife and spoon. The juice box at the bottom was a flavor no one liked and the straw wrapper just needed to go in the trash. And seriously, I think 6 books are a few too many. Zion and I cut it down to three.
 So that annoyance was turned into something useful.

 We made it back inside after our busy morning away and realized that we had left the kitchen a disaster. As I carried a glass jar of bacon grease (from our authentic German potato salad) to the trash can - of course it slipped out of my hands and shattered all over the floor.

 Not just broken glass.

 Broken glass covered in bacon grease.

 And two seconds into cleaning the phone rings.

 The man Andy had arranged to come pick up some car parts was outside, calling to let me know he was here.

 Sigh.

 Glass all over the floor.

 Grease all over my hands.

 And car parts to load up.

 Thankfully, I had met the man and his wife before. I told them the situation and they were very willing to wait patiently while I cleaned up the mess. Their only grand-daughter is in college already, so I think they enjoy a few minutes with my boys once in awhile.

 But goodness how frustrating it was.

 However....

 It made me steam clean the floor. Not just talk about it.

 The soccer practice schedule had been changed, which made the regular "schedule" of supper complicated.

 Cleats decided to have an exceedingly difficult knot.

 My brand new infusion site decided to slip and HURT every time I moved while at soccer practice.

The rough day just kept staying rough.

 But the knot came undone. Supper was thrown together and even had enough leftover to feed Canaan again after practice. The infusions site was changed, again. A pain in the butt, literally, but it is working, which is what matters. And I was reminded that without it I would be dead. So even if it hurts every once in awhile, I really shouldn't complains!

 All this to leads to my quotes of the day;

 "We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." C.S. Lewis

 Which is followed by;

 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

 Half way through the day I was actually asking God what I had done wrong to deserve all of this. And now I have to laugh. Because broken glass, tangled shoelaces and a pain in the butt diabetes... well, I really don't think those are worth worrying about!

 Besides... I had chocolate too. He had blessed me with the pre-planning to make brownies- available just when I needed them.

 God is good!

Blessings, 

Quote of a quote

 I made some time to browse through pinterest today. I truly think this was only my second or third time since we have lived here. Eventually I will have more time, right? 

 Anyway. one link I discovered led to a list: 51 books that every Christian should read. 

 And then lots of comments others had about that list. (Which I liked at least as much as the list itself)

 As it is well known, I like to read. But I usually read fiction. Light things to take me away from reality. So I wasn't sure I even wanted to read the list itself. 

 But, as always, reading has something to offer. Always. 

 Pretty much the only things on the list I have previously read are the "classics". I have loved old words always. The fact that they have continued to be "good", 100 years later, well, I think God was speaking through them. 

 I actually get highly annoyed with the people getting filthy rich from writing books about serving Jesus. They better be doing good stuff with that money. I certainly have a hard time giving anyone $20-$40 so I can read their opinion about theology, or salvation, or grace or even how to treat my neighbor. But that doesn't mean there aren't good words out there. I just need to find them at a yard sale! 

 While reading through the comments I came upon a suggestion of a book they believed should be on the list:  Now and Again by Frederick Buechner  They said one of their favorite quotes from it was:

“Words–especially religious words, words that have to do with the depth of things–get tired and stale the way people do. Find new words or put old words together in combinations that make them heard as new, make you yourself new, and make you understand in new ways.” 

 I fell in love immediately. 

 That book wasn't on the list. I know nothing about it except that quote. And it certainly doesn't sound like "light reading". But I think I may have to add it to my stack. 

 A book about words. Who can resist that? 

Blessings, 

Find a penny, pick it up...

 I grew up listening to, and now repeating for my own children, the old sayings. "Look before you leap." "A penny saved is a penny earned."
 It seems I have either an old saying or a Bible verse that springs to mind in almost any situation. Of course, words are sort of my thing.

 The one that has been the theme around here lately is that we have been "nickel and dimed" to death. Of course, that isn't exactly how the saying goes. I think it originates from the idea of getting a good deal on a big purchase, then all of the little details that are charged in relation to it - a nickel here, a dime here - adding up. Andy has been muttering under his breath about nickels and dimes for months now.

 The move to MO, and then this one immediately following, were both on a really well planned budget. We took very little with us to Missouri so we could take a little trailer; only had one car while we were there, saving on gas; rented a basic little duplex. But... because we brought so little with us, we kept finding things, little things, that we needed. $5 here, $10 there. (actual nickels and dimes are completely out of the picture now people!)

 Same goes this time. We had amazing volunteer labor, a great deal on a truck, and gas even took a couple cent dip the weekend we moved.
 But on the other side of things- My mom gave us one set of curtains, but I had to have a second with these completely different windows. Plus curtain rods. And a new rug for the back door. And I have no idea what happened to the trashcan for the boy's bathroom... And....

 Nickel and Dimed.

 I look at the house and see how many things there are still unfinished. How many things I have to do until it looks "right". Then again, I suppose the little details really don't matter. Red curtains on one window and blue on another - hey, they are all the way across the room from each other, right? After all,

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

 I will continue to "look at the world through rose colored glasses" and hope to always see a "glass half full" - even if there are nickels and dimes strewn around making a mess everywhere!

Blessings, 

Oh you can't get to heaven...

Does anyone remember that song from childhood and churchcamp?
"Oh you can't get to heaven, (oh you can't get to heaven)
 On roller skates (on roller skates)
 Oh you can't get to heaven, (oh you can't get to heaven)
 On roller skates
 No you can't get to heaven on roller skates, you'll roll right past those pearly gates!
 All my sins are washed away, I've been redeemed.

 There are many other verses, which can easily be added to. "Can't get to heaven in Kevin's car, cause Kevin's car won't go that far", or "on a pogo stick, cause a pogo stick just ain't that quick"... it goes on and on in silliness, but with the message that only Christ's blood can offer salvation.

Canaan and Zion recently learned the song from Bob and Larry, and the rest of the Veggie Tales crew while being carted back and forth to the grocery, the library, karate practice, etc. We have headphones in the back of the Tahoe, so I can listen to something different while they jam to the Veggies in the back.
 When we were home one evening Z was making up verses on his own, just to be silly. Can't get to heaven in a piece of toast, potato chip... random things. He is only four, and doesn't even try to rhyme. He just throws things out there. But Canaan, he takes things so seriously. Zion suggested a basket, laughing as usual, but Canaan thought that might actually work. "If you stayed in that basket too long you would suffocate and die, and then you would go to heaven."

 What am I going to do with that boy?

Talents, not hidden

I found this wonderful quote on this blog, and wanted to share.

"You may think you don't have talents, but that is a false assumption, for we all have talents and gifts, every one of us. The bounds of creativity extend far beyond the limits of a canvas or a sheet of paper and do not require a brush, a pen, or the keys of a piano. Creation means bringing into existence something that did not exist before—colorful gardens, harmonious homes, family memories, flowing laughter.What you create doesn't have to be perfect. Don't let fear of failure discourage you. Don't let the voice of critics paralyze you—whether that voice comes from the outside or the inside. As you take the normal opportunities of your daily life and create something of beauty and helpfulness, you improve not only the world around you but also the world within you.I believe that as you create beauty and as you are compassionate to others—God will encircle you in the arms of His love. Discouragement, inadequacy, and weariness will give way to a life of meaning, grace, and fulfillment." - Deiter F. Uchtdorf

I made a tiny little blanket for a baby shower last weekend. My sister Emilee made an adorable quilt, with amazing patchwork, and beautiful quilting. The blanket I made was super simple, and I still had to have her help me, since the fabric I picked up wasn't exactly what I thought it would be.

Obviously, sewing isn't something I am talented in. Emilee is, amazingly so. (Mom actually said, when she saw my blanket... "hon, maybe you should stick to writing, rather then sewing".... just so you know her opinion of WHO should be doing the sewing in the family!)

I can whip up dinner. My kids aren't going to eat junk food for supper. However, they aren't going to eat fine cuisine either. Basic baked chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans - that is what I am good at. Pretty much anything you can imagine, with a healthy spin - add more veggies, some whole wheat, half the butter - you get the idea. That is how I cook. I'm not going to win any awards that way. I suppose that is creative, after a fashion - but it is hard to see it as a talent.

Kelsey and Mary dance. Andy sees a picture in everything around him, and can create it with a touch of his hands.

But I, I don't DO anything.

So I loved this quote. It reminded me that I do do some amazing things. I teach my children to sing, and to build with blocks, and to stand in the sun and raise their arms and simply soak up the glory of creation. I wake at 5:30 in the morning, when my hubby comes home from working a strange shift, yet again, and I listen to him share about his night. It doesn't seem like an art form, but it has definitely had to have time to be perfected...

I will take the "normal opportunities" all around me, embrace them wholeheartedly, and hopefully "create something of beauty". Just by living.

I dare you to do the same.

Words from the saints of the past

I seem to be on a quote "kick" right now. It comes from reading... surprise!

Besides all the novels I read, all the time, I am also reading a book called "Practicing His Presence". It is a compilation of letters, journal entries and remembered conversations from two very different men. One, Brother Lawrence, was a monk in the mid 17th century. The other, Frank Laubach, was a missionary in the 1930's. But they both had the same goal. The same goal that the apostle Paul had. That we, as Christians, should all have.

To spend every moment with God. Every moment.

Not just church on Sunday. Not just our devotion time in the mornings. Not just a quick prayer before meals. Every decision, every thought, every breath shared with Him. As you tie your shoes, talk to Him about where you going today. As you wash the dishes, not only thank Him for the food, and the dishes themselves, but simply talk with Him, as a friend. When you are conversing with friends, don't kick Him out of the conversation. Obviously, you aren't going to hear an audible voice chiming in when you are yapping with the ladies at playgroup... but before you offer your opinion on whether "so and so better keep her kid in line", ask Jesus to keep you in line. Every moment.

I think this passage sums it up fairly succinctly:

"There are three questions which we may ask: "Do you believe in God?" That is not getting far. "The devils believe and tremble." Second, "Are you acquainted with God?" We are acquainted with people with whom we have had some business dealings. Third, "Is God your friend?" or putting this another way, "Do you love God?"

It is this third stage that is really vital. How is it to be achieved? Precisely as any friendship is achieved. By doing things together. The depth and intensity of the friendship will depend upon the variety and extent of the things we do and enjoy together. Will the friendship be constant? That again depends upon the permanence of our common interests, and upon whether or not our interests grow into ever widening circles, so that we do not stagnate. The highest friendship demands growth. "It must be progressive as life itself is progressive." Friends must walk together; they cannot long stand still together, for that means death to friendship and to life."

Every moment.

I read "Practicing His Presence" years ago - when I was 19 or so. At times what I read now seems "well duh" to me, and I am so very grateful that I was encouraged to read it when I was young, so that it has become habit already. But I have needed the reminder - I have gotten lazy in my attention to my Savior and best friend.

And it shows.

"I cannot get God by holding Him off at arm's length like a photograph, but by leaning forward intently as one would respond to one's lover. Love so insatiable as the love of God can never be satisfied until we respond to the limit." Every moment.

A Hawthorne Quote

"The greatest obstacle to being heroic, is the doubt whether one may not be going to prove one's self a fool; the truest heroism is to resist the doubt- and the profoundest wisdom, to know when it ought to be resisted, and when to be obeyed." Nathaniel Hawthorne, "The Blithedale Romance"

I have only just started the book - three chapters in - and it will be one that requires a slow reading. You can't just skim it, you have to digest it.

Read this once or twice - think about it, then tell me how you feel.

Random questions answered

My friend Carrie did this Meme last year, and then again this year. I decided it was time for me to participate. It seems like a nice way to end the year, and sum it all up.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Had a Grand Mal Seizure. Hope I don't ever have to do that one again.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
As I stated in the last post, I am not one for resolutions. We'll leave it at that.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Depends on how you define close I guess.... close emotionally or close in location! I love lots of people, and someone I love is always having a baby. They are just often on the other side of the country, or the world, for that matter. I am especially excited about a new cousin I got really early in the year!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes.
5. What countries did you visit?
Four years in a row now without leaving the country. Sad times.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A Daughter
7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I'm not much for remembering dates - they all run together in my head.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Five months without Andy, mostly sane.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Five months without Andy, not quite sane.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Well, just a little bit...
11. What was the best thing you bought?
The Wii has been used quite a bit, and been really loved by the rest of the family. Even though I don't appreciate it as much, all three of my boys do!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My children, for being so adaptable, no matter what the situation. My family, for lifting me up when I am down.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Doctors who do not want to listen, instead assuming they know everything.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Car repair, unfortunately, was large chunks this year. Adoption paperwork took some, and that was a happier way to spend it. And as always, books and various electronic media.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Andy returning from Afghanistan. The possibility of Africa. Repeatedly.
16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Godspeed, by Dixie Chicks. It didn't come out this year, but it was a theme song for me this year, so will always make me think of 2009.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) poorer or richer?
(a) I think about the same - I try to choose JOY always.
(b) Once again - the same
(c) Perhaps a little more in savings, because of the tax-free paycheck while in Afghanistan... But does money really make you richer?

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Let myself cry. I "lost it" New Year's Eve - had a good crying fit. Andy completely blamed it on low blood sugar, which I am sure played a part. But strangely, I felt better afterward. I wish I had let myself cry more throughout the year, rather then saving it all for one horrific experience in one night.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Doubting myself.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Spread out over time. A couple weeks early with Andy's family. A few days before with some good friends. Christmas Day with my family. A few days later with some of our best friends. Somehow, I like it that way. Celebrating Jesus' birthday over and over, with all the people we love never seems like a bad thing.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Every single day
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Blank screen...
23. What was the best book you read?
That is really tough! I loved "The Book Thief", but I can't remember if I read it early this year, or right at the end of 2008. I struggled with "The Road", because it was sad, but I did appreciate the beauty of the words. I really enjoyed re-reading "Cheaper by the Dozen", which is an OLD book that I enjoyed from my childhood. "The Hobbit." "The Princess and the Goblin". There is no way I can pick just one. That doesn't even include the countless easy reading fiction I consumed while Andy was deployed. Yeah - bad question for me.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I don't make musical discoveries. I listen to the same people I have been listening to for years, often their old albums, rather then their newer ones. Because I can.
25. What did you want and get?
Lots and lots of chocolate.
26. What did you want and not get?
A daughter.
27. What was your favorite film of this year?
I loved "X-men origins: Wolverine", partly because I am an X-men fan (although this was not the best done of the X-men movies) but mostly because I adore Hugh Jackman.

But I think my favorite movie of the year was "My Sister's Keeper". Terribly sad, traumatic even, but beautifully done. Really, a first "grown up" role for Cameron Diaz, and I think she did a great job.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
This was the big 30, and my family threw me a surprise party. Then, we went out painting a few days later too. Good times.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Man, how many more times can I say the same answer?

Having our adoption go through. Having our daughter here. Being done with paperwork.

However, I still trust that God is going to bring her to us, in His time. I am opening up my search area.
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Anything that either Mom or Andy (whichever one I was living with at the time) didn't flinch and say "you're wearing that?" when I put it on.

My own fashion style centers on cute flip flops, boots, heels and earrings, bracelets, rings. That is where I get creative. The clothes themselves are just required in order to go out in public.
31. What kept you sane?
Jesus. Mommy. C and Z, and the fact that they needed me, as well as loved me. Written words, both other peoples and my own. I suppose this blog is one of the biggest things that kept me sane this year.
32. Who did you miss?
My husband. My potential baby.

33. Who was the best new person you met?
I am really enjoying the little girl across the street. Her mom is cool too, but that little four year old bundle of energy cracks me up!

34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Be persistent. You do know your own body better then doctors do, even with all their training, and medical machinery, and "fix-it" medicines.
35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

There is a Reason, Caedmons Call:

late at night I wonder why

sometimes I wonder why

sometimes I’m so tired

I don’t even try

seems everything around me fails

but I hold on to the promise

that there is a reason

late at night, the darkness makes it hard to see

the history of the saints who’ve gone in front of me

through famine, plague and disbelief

His hand was still upon them

cause there is a reason

there is a reason

He makes all things good

He makes all things good

there’s a time to live and a time to die

a time for wonder and to wonder why

cause there is a reason

there is a reason

I believe in a God who sent His only son

to walk upon this world and give His life for us

with blood and tears on a long, dark night

we know that He believed

that there is a reason

there is a reason

for the lonely nights

and broken hearts

the widow's mite

in the rich man's hand

and the continent

whose blood becomes a traitor

for the child afraid to close their eyes

the prayers that seem unanswered

there is a reason

there is a reason

He makes all things good

He makes all things good

there’s a time to live and a time to die

a time for wonder and to wonder why

cause there is a reason

there is a reason

He makes all things good!

Words of Wisdom

I have been told that my post earlier today was slightly harsh.  After stepping back and trying to look at it from a different point of view I realized that, although my opinion has not changed, and my views are still pretty much the same on "sharing the wealth" (and you'll have to take my word that I do my best to be educated, not just take "the party line". I don't even claim a political party!) - well, the story was a little harsh. And not in line with my personality - or at least not the person that I am trying to be. 

 The following words are a little more absolute. Scratch that - They are infinitely more absolute.  These are the words that I want to share.

They are truth.

"O Daniel, servant of the living God, is thy God whom thou servest continually, able to deliver thee?" Daniel 6:20

"How many times we find this expression in the scriptures, and yet it is the very thing that we are so prone to lose sight of. We know it is written "The Living God", but in our daily life there is scarcely anything we practically so much lose sight of as the fact that God is the living God; that He is now whatever he was three or four thousand years since; that He has the same sovereign power, the same saving love.... simply because He is the living God, the unchanging One. Oh how therefore we should confide in Him, and in our darkest moments never lose sight of the fact that He is still and ever will be the living God!" George Mueller

"Luther was once found at a moment of peril and fear, when he had need to grasp unseen strength, sitting in an abstracted mood tracing on the table with his finger the words, "Vivit! Vivit!" (He Lives! He Lives!") It is our hope for ourselves, and for His truth, and for mankind. Men come and go; leaders, teachers, thinkers speak and work for a season, and then fall silent and impotent. He abides. They die, but He lives. They are lights kindled, and, therefore, sooner or later, quenched; but He is the true light from which they draw all their brightness, and He shines forevermore." Alexander Maclaren

Prayer

"Faith is not a sense, not sight, nor reason, but a taking God at His sacred word." Evans

"The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety." George Mueller 

"You will never learn faith in comfortable surroundings. God gives us the promises in a quiet hour; God seals our covenants with great and gracious words, then He steps back and waits to see how much we believe; the He lets the tempter come, and the test seems to contradict all that He has spoken. It is then that faith wins its crown. That is the time to look up through the storm, and among the trembling, frightened seamen cry, I believe God that it shall be even as it was told me." Streams in the Desert, Jan. 4

"When you pray, believe." Mark 11:24

I read recently a quote that really hit me. "Do not pray yourself out of faith." In other words, once you have prayed for something, and know that God has confirmed it to you, you need to just simply trust. It is not wrong to continue to bring your request before God, but to continually "worry" about, and stress over, is not right. And if your prayers are making you doubt, rather than trust, then they are not the right kind of prayers. 

 Mark said it for us. "When you pray, believe." 

 

Just a quick word of encouragement

 Andy has requested several new books lately. When Andy asks for a book, I pretty much never tell him no, since he rarely finds something he wants to read. I, on the other hand, will read pretty much anything that comes within my line of sight... but more on that another time!

 Right now, along with Trig. and Ethics and his CDC's (which are plenty of reading on their own), Andy is reading "No Atheists in Foxholes". It is his book, so I haven't read much of it, but I have borrowed it now and again. I wanted to pass along this little excerpt. 

 The setting is Iraq, and the backstory is that an Iraqi child has been accidently shot by insurgents during some fighting between American soldiers and insurgents. The father brought him to an American checkpoint and just handed him over, trusting that he would be taken care of.  

 "He (the father) tells us that when his son was shot, he didn't hesitate to risk not knowing where his son was going - as long as his son was with the Americans who would give him the best medical treatments available. The father explains that he has faith in our doctors and that their reputation is known all over the area. And so, without hesitation, he handed over his son - his firstborn son, his helper on the farm, his pride and joy - with complete faith and trust. The translator has explained to him what I am and what I do as the chaplain for the surgical unit. The father turns to me and says that God is good and that he knew that God and the Americans would take care of his son. He says that all of life in Iraq is in God's hands. 

 It does not matter that his son was prayed for by a Protestant chaplain and operated on by a Catholic surgeon and a Jewish surgeon. Those are mere details about the people who are instruments of God's hands during this time of crisis. Here, in a war torn country during the Islamic season of Ramadan, I am learning what living faith really is. I - a Christian chaplain - am learning from an Islamic father that faith means letting go and trusting God and other people at the absolute worse, most traumatic time of your life. I am learning that faith means risking everything to save someone you love. I am learning that faith is a blessing that comes with an unwavering belief in God, and sometimes in humanity, despite living in the midst of the worst of humanity's action. I am learning about faith far from home and not from a book, not from another chaplain, not from a sister or brother in Christ, but from a Muslim father." 

 Lessons in faith are everywhere, if we only look and see. I thought this was a beautiful story. I loved the part about the people who are instruments of God's hands. Look for instruments in your life, and try to be one, every chance you get. 

Anywhere, Anywhere. I don't know...

I have been trying to introduce Canaan and Zion to poetry, but wanted to start pretty simple. Besides Dr. Suess, who better than A. A. Milne, right? (the author of Winnie-the-pooh) This was tonight's poem, and for some reason, it just really struck me.

Spring Morning

Where am I going? I don't quite know.

Down to the stream where the king-cups grow-

Up on the hill where the pine-tress blow-

Anywhere, anywhere. I don't know.

Where am I going? The clouds sail by,

Little ones, baby ones, over the sky.

Where am I going? The shadows pass,

Little ones, baby ones, over the grass.

If you were a cloud, and sailed up there,

You'd sail on water as blue as air,

And you'd see me here in the fields and say:

"Doesn't the sky look green today?'

Where am I going? The high rooks call:

"It's awful fun to be born at all."

Where am I going? The ring-doves coo:

"We do have beautiful things to do."

If you were a bird, and lived on high,

You'd lean on the wind when the wind came by,

You'd say to the wind when it took you away:

"That's where I wanted to go today!"

Where am I going? I don't quite know.

What does it matter where people go?

Down in the wood where the blue-bells grow-

Anywhere, anywhere. I don't know.

A. A. Milne, 1924

I want to remember that thought process, and make sure my children are allowed to enjoy it. Right now, they do not have to have a plan. They do not have to have a goal. They can lean on the wind, and go where it takes them. Anywhere.... anywhere.

A birthday party

I have missed my blog sooooo much!
We have been non-stop wedding plans this last week. It has been so much fun though, and it is all starting to pull together. Unfortunately, there is so much about a wedding that you cannot do until the last minute. That makes for rough times for the bridesmaids! Thankfully, we are a close crew, and can work well together even when we are exhausted to the point of silliness. Of course, the reason we are exhausted is because we have also been having lots of fun too!
The last two days have been devoted to the wedding programs. Since each one takes about 2 full minutes to make.... times 25o of them.... it has been a big job. We have recruited lots of help- not only bridesmaids, but their significant others also, and a friend from out of state who drove in early just to be helpful. Life is good.
Tonight we took a break from wedding stuff and had a birthday party for Canaan. We went to Chuck E Cheese. I think it was lots of fun, and not too stressful, so I guess it was a success. There were about 15 adults, and only 5 children, and that is a really good ratio for the CEC! The adults really need to outnumber the kids, or it is crazy. I will say that a Tuesday night while school is still in session is a great time to go. It was not crowded at all. I will post pictures next week. I left my cord at my house, and we are staying at my parents until Sun. so my pictures are trapped on my camera for now.
Just a quick story to close now. On the way home from the party tonight Canaan was riding in the car with my parents and they were talking about rhyming. After rhyming frog and log, Canaan said he wanted to sing "that song about frogs and logs". My Mom started some song, which I think she was making up as she went along, and Canaan stopped her. "That is not right Noni. My mom and dad remember that song, but they are not as old as you, so maybe that's why you don't remember it". Luckily, she loves him, even though he called her old!!
Oh, one more thing... Naomi, Happy Birthday, really really late. I have been thinking about you all week, and I am sorry I haven't called you, or E-mailed or anything. I keep thinking about you at 1pm, when I am pretty sure you are a work. Sorry!

My cup runneth over

I bought the new Caedmon's Call CD last week, and finally got around to opening it today. I like to savor the anticipation, "save" the moment I guess, so I was trying to keep it new as long as possible. I do that with everything, and I don't really know why, but thats just how I am. I am glad I didn't wait too long for this one. I have loved Caedmon's Call for about 8 years now, since 40 acres, and thier tour came to Rome GA, where I was attending Shorter College. I have always liked that they write a lot of their own music, and that they seem to sing about things that mean something. It seems that they are often in the same place in their life that I am in mine. We are about the same age, so life hits us at the same time. The new CD, "Overdressed" is fabulous. Their is a song called "Sacred" that I absolutely love - it is a mother's song, about how life just gets crazy sometimes, and she stops and realizes that "everything is sacred". Laundry, the messes the children make, life as it is, that is sacred. She sings "my cup runneth over, and I worry about the stain". I feel that way sometimes. I get so busy just doing, living, breathing, that I forget to stop and drink from that overflowing cup. Jesus will fill me constantly if I let him. I just forget to allow it. Wonderful song, wonderful CD.

In other news, Zion has gone potty in the toilet 5 times in the last three days!!! (three of those times today) I am super excited. I am not going to get my hopes too high, since he isn't even 2 yet, but I am certainly going to encourage him while he is interested. He is still so far "behind" in his vocabulary, and I spend too much time worrying about that. It is nice to have something positive to focus on. He wants to be able to do everything Canaan can do, and going potty is something he is perfectly capable of, so yeah!!

So, I guess my word of encouragement for the day is, enjoy your overflowing cup. I prayed for this life, have dreamed of this life, since I was 5 years old. A mommy was the only thing I ever wanted to be when I grew up. Now is the time to celebrate my dreams come true, every moment.

Inspirational people

"I am still determined to be cheerful and to be happy, in whatever situation I may be: for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances." Martha Dandridge Custis Washington

When the wife of our first president wrote this in a letter to a friend, she had already survived being widowed at 26, with two small children to care for, had lost two other children, and had married a wonderful man who risked his life daily leading our country in the battle for it's independence. I think she may have been thinking of one of my favorite verses.
"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

I had written a little intro to this thought, about how cool Martha Washington was, as well as our other "First Ladies", but I lost it. Now I don't have time to re-write it. I just wanted to say that I am reading a really cool book about the first ladies, and they were fascinating people. Andy says first of all that I am nerd for reading something "boring" when I don't have to, and secondly that he thinks it is silly to read about people who were famous only by default, not because of their own actions. But I disagree with both of his thoughts. I love history, so it isn't boring. And the wives of our Presidents, especially the early ones, played a huge part in the development of our country. They may not have chosen fame for themselves, but they lived up to it with grace an honor, and left a legacy. They should be famous on their own accord, because they accomplished amazing things.

I am headed to Adairsville, so I have to close. It is time to hit the road. I'll post pictures of our trip to the Pumpkin patch sometime later.