What do you see?

 I have been quiet again. God asked me to trust Him and sometimes that happens best when I am just quiet. But to give an example of how I have been feeling... I literally cried on my physical therapist last week, about things having nothing to do with physical therapy. 

 As always, my Savior sent me back to The Word and reminded me that HE has filled it with everything I need. 

 Oh, that simple truth. Trust. The next part of that scripture in the NKJV, how I learned it as a child, says “and lean not on your own understanding.” 

 What is my understanding? What do I truly know? When I take a moment to be still and consider that question I am reminded of truth. My understanding belongs only to me. It isn’t the same as Andy’s or Canaan’s or Zion’s. It doesn’t match that of my mother or my sisters or my best friends. The people that I love the most and that I trust to love me still don’t have the same “understanding” as I do. They don’t see from the same angle and don’t have the same set of memories to match it all to. 

 They don’t understand me, not really. 

 I don’t understand me, not really.

 My opinions have changed over time. My experiences have taught me different things as I have lived them. The only truth I truly have, the unchanging and constant truth, is my Jesus. 

 And this sounds political. Interesting that HE has me posting it the day after election while we wait for the counts to come through, since that isn’t the point of this at all. This is medical, as usual. 

 My truth, as always, is that our bodies are temporary. We live. We die. We leave behind what we have done or not done, and the love we have shared or not shared. 

 It has been a rough few weeks. First; Zion is fine, but some blood work gave us a scare and called for more blood work. Stress for a mommy. 

 Andy’s time in airborne decided to show itself and cause some pain. Once again, back to the doc. 

 I am recovering really well from brain surgery, but memory is being problematic. I am training myself to just write everything down. No trusting the brain to remind me- that is what “notes” on the iPhone was invented for, right? 

 But God decided to make sure I truly meant it when I declared Joy above fear and trust in all things. The “C” word made an appearance. 

 I had a mole on my forearm that had changed shape, size and color, so Andy, amazing, wonderful, bossy man that he is, insisted that I get it looked at. Family doc removed a sample, like the 10 or so others through the years and I expected to be done with the whole thing, but no, this one had to be difficult and have cancer show up in it. 

 So, they cut out the whole thing, plus quite a bit more. I really should have educated myself more because this is going to be a much bigger scar than I expected! 

 Short warning- picture of “surgery” to follow. 

Surgery day

They cut out an entire diamond shape around the mole, then stitch it into a straight line. Some of this skin if far away from where it started! 

What I come back to, over and over, is the promise of this verse. This IS the day that the Lord has made.

 It is. 

 Whether we choose to see it that way, or not, is up to us. Whether we choose to rejoice in it, or not, is up to us. Whether we choose to live life fully, or simply survive, is up to us. 

“In some way or another we will have to learn the difference between trusting in the gift and trusting in the Giver. The gift may be good for a while, but the Giver is the eternal love.” F.B.Meyer

 So, my friends, keep choosing what you trust, and how you live that trust. 

 Show Love. 

 Shine Joy.

 Keep Hope. 

 Make your Faith visible. 

 Let Truth, the kind that cannot be hidden and will not be silenced, lead you. 

 Remember that you are blessed, every single step of the way. Even the hard steps. 

Patiently

I have so many words in mind, so many ready to overflow, but...

I have not been given the freedom to release them. 

For some reason God is keeping my words in smaller places. 

Trust me, I still speak, and write, and comment and do my best to let His words flow through my fingers and off my tongue any place I am given permission. But for some reason, the permission to write here isn’t released right now. 

So, “wait patiently“ is all I have to share. 

But I do add the verse below...

  Be ready. When the time comes to say what you believe, and why you believe it, be ready. 

 In the meantime my friends, please, live what you believe out loud. 

Shine your passions. 

Share the truth of the Joy of Jesus. 

Know that I am praying for His Love and Joy to pour out of you day by day. 

It, every moment, is a choice. Choose wisely. 

Choices, every moment

 I finished reading Pollyanna today. I started it before surgery and didn’t have time to finish and it has hung heavy on my heart, that need to finish it. I have read it before, as well as seen the old Disney film multiple times, but I knew that I NEEDED to finish the book again. 

 I am so very glad that I listened to that prompting of the Spirit. 

 Once again, as I did weeks ago, I want to suggest to everyone, please, read that book. 

 Please, take a few moments to be reminded to find Joy, to seek the good when sometimes the bad is easier to see, to let go of the ugly and hang on to the beautiful, BY CHOICE. 

 Here is a simple truth. I want to be her. I want to consciously, daily, on purpose, be Pollyanna. Because Pollyanna is making the choice to find the good and the beautiful and the positive around her and to BY CHOICE place the ugly in the hands of her Savior. And she is making the world better as she does it. 

The game...played by choice, every day in every situation. 

An idea introduced by her missionary father, who had already buried his wife and other children, reminding them to seek the good and to find the positive. 

 I have been informed by my older teen that in parts of modern culture to be “a Pollyanna“ is considered a negative and to be called a Pollyanna is considered a slight. That made me cry, again. To know that we live in a world that considers it wrong to seek the good. However, I spent some time mulling that over and I realized that someone who has no Joy would have a hard time appreciating someone else’s. Someone who has not shared Joy would perhaps feel bad about someone who shares it without caution. Someone who only sees the bad would be frightened by the ability to seek the good. 

 I cried, again, in a moment of sorrow for those who are so lacking in Joy that the Joy of someone else frightens them. 

 Then I was reminded that sharing with those who do not understand is the whole point.

 The whole point.  

 

“The point is this: The person who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and the person who sows generously will also reap generously. Each person should do as he has decided in his heart — not reluctantly or out of compulsion, since God loves a cheerful giver.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭9:6-7‬ ‭CSB‬‬

 So, please, join me in Joy. Sow generously and BE a Pollyanna with me. Choose the hope, share the good, pour out the joy overflowing to others and making the world better. Stop and find something to celebrate. It will not make the bad magically disappear. It will not make the negative cease to happen. I am sorry to say that the world has bad and it will continue. Like Pollyanna, there will be moments when the Joy is hard to find and you and I forget for a moment how to see it. But don’t let those moments win! 

 

 Be blessed my amazing wonderful friends as you choose Joy in as many moments as possible. Keep getting up and doing it again! 

With Thanksgiving

 I commented to Andy this morning that I hadn’t blogged in a while, that I hadn’t felt that I had anything important to say. His reply was that perhaps it didn’t need to be important, simply real. 

 Perhaps simple? 

 So, here is a simple truth. There are lots of prayers: Painful, heavy, fearful, burdensome prayers. I will not make light of them. I will not ask you to pretend that they are not heavy. But...

 With Thanksgiving

 is the part that stands out. 

 Those burdens will always be there.

 I have a choice though where I place my focus. 

 When I start the day with the things I am thankful for, start each prayer with the things I am thankful for, then, again, end each prayer and each day with the things I am thankful for....well, those burdens that I have handed to HIM in the middle are somehow easier. 

 My attitude is my choice. Mine, and mine alone. So, I will start and end with thanksgiving. 

 Join me? 

 Morning after morning. 

 Evening after evening.

 The middle of the day too. 

 Be blessed my friends, with an attitude of thanksgiving, overflowing with reminders of the good. 

An audience of one

 Sin is real.

 If you don't agree with that statement, you probably want to stop reading right here.

 But sin is all around, every day, trying to become normal and accepted and ignored. Some days, it feels like it is winning.

 Families are falling apart and divorce is barely considered something to be sad about any longer.

 Self love, placing yourself and your desires above others, is not only seen as fine, it is taught.

 Sex, which is beautiful and holy, has been turned into something dirty and selfish.

 Sin is real, and has consequences.


 This blog posting was triggered by Disney.

 Surprise!

 There are some very well written blogs about the new Beauty and the Beast, and Disney's bragging about their "exclusively gay moment". (I can't agree with everything she says, but this one is worth reading. More importantly, I LOVE her friend's post (that she links to) on raising Daniels in a Babylon world)

 So, that is what made me start thinking about sin.
 But Disney is not what this post is about. I won't even pretend to tell you what you should or should not do about giving your money to someone you disagree with, because that choice has to be made multiple times a day in the world we currently live in. You need to follow your convictions. (For instance, I have given up Bath and Body Works, because they proudly support Planned Parenthood, which I cannot do. In contrast, I have not felt convicted to give up Target. However, my parents have, and out of respect for their conviction, I have severely limited my time and money spent there, even though I have not heard that instruction myself.)

 On a side note, you need to listen to your convictions in order to follow them. Just saying...

 But back to sin being real.

 This post is not about gay marriage, or divorce, or dirty sex. Not really. What I want to point out is that sin, all different kinds of sin, is simply not noticed in modern society.

 Sin, all different kinds, is what makes every single one of us need a Savior. If we were able to be perfect, we could "earn" heaven.

 We can't.

 I think Christians get a "bad rep" for speaking out against sin because they (we? me?) tend to be more vocal about sins that stand out. Christians, like the rest of the population, simply become numb to some sin.

 If you aren't a Christian, this post doesn't apply to you. But I think most people who bother to read this are trying to follow Jesus. So, guess what?

 All sin is wrong.  

 Some sin seems to stand out and be easier to notice. But all sin makes us less then perfect. All sin.

 If you are going to speak out against sin, which I hope you will, make sure you include it all.

 My refusal to trust Jesus about where the military will send us next is EQUALLY a sin with having sex outside of marriage.

 My lack of patience for the lady across the street whose lack of discipline for her children drives me crazy is EQUALLY a sin with some punk kid who steals and kills.

 My pride in the obedience of my own children is EQUALLY a sin to the man beating his wife and children or drinking himself into oblivion and ignoring them.

 It is all sin and all sin is wrong.

 The key is being sorry for it and trying, every day, to let sin control less and less of your day.

 Please, speak out against sin. But don't forget to include yourself in your audience.

Blessings!

Bethany

A sad goodbye

 My Bible reading this morning was in 2 Corinthians. Near the end of the book, Paul states, "We cannot do anything against the truth, but only for the truth."

 That was the confirmation I was needing to hear today.

 You see, for most of this country "The Truth" is debatable. Optional. Personal. Open to interpretation. But truth isn't any of those things. It is absolute. And one truth that many people like to ignore is that sin is sin.

 Unfortunately, (but at the same time, not!) God gave us brains that have the ability to reason. A favorite past-time is looking at the actions around us and making justification for them.

 In the old testament God set down laws to protect his people. Rules about cleanliness, and eating, marriage and worship. Lots and lots of rules. After Jesus came, died, rose and brought forgiveness his followers were unsure which of those rules still applied. They were trying to figure out how to wash their hands and what food was okay to eat. So God sent a vision to Peter: Animals of all kinds, and a voice commanding him to kill and eat. He resisted, of course, with many years of tradition ingrained in him, saying that he couldn't eat the "unclean". But the voice spoke again, "Do not call impure that which God has made clean." And just like that, many old testament laws were null and void.
 But not all of them.
 The letters of Paul, Peter and John all mention things that are impure and unacceptable. They all speak of the truth as an unshakable absolute.

 We have decided that we have to stand for the truth.

 Just a few weeks ago we joined a Cub Scout troop. We had talked about it for months, and finally got around to finding a local troop and getting involved.
 Then the Boy Scouts of America, or BSA, had to get political. Sex, which has nothing to do with being a scout, was brought front and center. Sexual orientation, which isn't even something a 15 year old needs to be thinking about, was made an open subject.

 It was decided that being openly homosexual was perfectly fine.

 And I just can't agree with that.

Scout Oath (or Promise)

On my honor I will do my best 

To do my duty to God and my country 

and to obey the Scout Law; 

To help other people at all times;

To keep myself physically strong, 

mentally awake, and morally straight.

Scout Law

A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, 

courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty,

brave, clean, and reverent.

I really don't see anything in here about sex. Or sexual orientation. But there is a promise to obey God. And the Bible I read, which I believe to be the word of God, clearly says that homosexuality is a sin. It doesn't say hate, or even "stay away from", people who choose to sin. It says we are to love everyone. "If anyone says, 'I love God', yet hates his brother, he is a liar." 1 John 4:20
 Because everyone sins. "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us." 1 John 1:8
 There are so many sins that most of the populations watches occur every day and doesn't even blink. If I am understanding the statistics right, half of all marriages end in divorce. More then half of the population engages in premarital sex. People swear, in the name of God and celebrate when the cashier mistakenly hands them a $10 instead of a $5. (which is stealing!) Sin, which is what all of those things are, isn't even noticed.
 It is not my place to judge others. James 4:11-12 clearly states that only God has the right to judge. But I have to stand up for truth.

 1 Peter 5:8-9 says "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith."      

 Sin is sin.

 Working to justify it in your own mind doesn't change it.

 I know.

 When I was 18, and had my first serious boyfriend, I spent a lot of time talking to God trying to justify the relationship. You see, this boy didn't love Jesus. He was a pretty good kid. He had goals for his life, good manners, was super smart and was a great soccer player. But in his mind my BEST FRIEND, Jesus, was simply an idea that had become tradition.
 So I reminded God that "How will he hear the truth if I don't tell him?" choosing to ignore the very clear scripture that says, "Don't be unequally yoked".
 Eventually, the scriptures (and God) reigned in my life. But my trying to work around them let me get attached, and then heartbroken when I broke up with him. All because I tried to pretend that sin wasn't sin.

 I want to do my best to teach my children the truth - that sin is sin no matter how you try to justify it.

 BSA chose to say that God's word doesn't matter. That popular opinion and peer pressure are more important. That sin isn't sin.

 They have taken a stand, and I have to do the same. Even if it hurts.

 "For we cannot do anything against the truth, but only for the truth".  2 Cor 13:8                

Blessings my friends, 

If you want to read more about standing up for truth check out OnMyHonor.

Passions

 I was whiney recently: Andy goes on and on about his new project car and every single piece of history it contains. My boys can talk for HOURS about Legos or Star Wars. My mom and sisters are very obsessed with a wedding right now. I get pictures of babies on my phone almost daily.

 Everyone in my life has something in their life that they are passionate about.

 It made me wonder. If I could get someone to sit still (which I can't) and give me their attention (which they won't).... well, what would I talk about non-stop.

 I quit scrapbooking years ago. It was really my friend Nicole's passion, and I just sort of fell into it while I was with her. Without her, scrapbooking fell by the wayside.

 I stink at sewing. I can fix a hem or add a button, that really is about it.

 I have no artistic ability. Even my photo's are simply pictures of my children. I love my camera but I don't think I could spend hours talking about it.

 I haven't had access to a piano for a year, so establishing the habit of practice again is a slow process.

 I moved away from my work-out buddies, and from the gym I knew and liked, so I quit working out too.

 I sound pretty fickle, don't I?

 So I was whining to Andy about the fact that I have nothing to be obsessive about like they do. And with that eloquent whining I realized, words are my thing.

 Not always on here, but words are my thing. I have been devouring words, churning them around in my head, reprocessing and spitting them back out my entire life.

 That is a passion I have stood by.

 I like sharing my thoughts, and whatever I am learning from God at the moment, here in blogland. And when I don't get to write I think it shows in my emotional stability.

 But words in general, words are my passion. I don't have to write. But I need to read almost as much as I need oxygen. I read the signs on the road, simply because they are there. I read the scribbles on the back of public bathroom stalls, because they are words, and I am drawn to them like a magnet.

 I love to read everyone-

 Austen, Bronte, Clemons - all the way to my own grandfather, Don Sharp. (and someday I am going to work on publishing more of his words!)

 Classic fiction, Murder mystery, Zombies and Vampires, Historical Romance, Tear jerkers and Self-help.

 I love to read. Devour. Ingest. Absorb. I have from the day I learned that A says ahhh, and B says b.

 And when I hear words I like, words that mean something, I feel the need to write them down and keep them.

  Recently on the way into church Canaan was carrying my Bible for me. It slipped, fell, and the multitude of notes it contained were scattered everywhere. As I awkwardly gathered the random pieces of paper my first thought was that I hold on to entirely too much. But as I looked through them, trying to find places to make them fit, I was so glad to have them. There are notes from Bible Studies, Church Services and Small Group meetings for the last 15 years. The words that I had written because they touched my heart at different times... they still had meaning. Always will.

Truth never dies. Never changes. Never wavers.

 I love words.

 Passionately!

Blessings, 

Words of Wisdom

I have been told that my post earlier today was slightly harsh.  After stepping back and trying to look at it from a different point of view I realized that, although my opinion has not changed, and my views are still pretty much the same on "sharing the wealth" (and you'll have to take my word that I do my best to be educated, not just take "the party line". I don't even claim a political party!) - well, the story was a little harsh. And not in line with my personality - or at least not the person that I am trying to be. 

 The following words are a little more absolute. Scratch that - They are infinitely more absolute.  These are the words that I want to share.

They are truth.

"O Daniel, servant of the living God, is thy God whom thou servest continually, able to deliver thee?" Daniel 6:20

"How many times we find this expression in the scriptures, and yet it is the very thing that we are so prone to lose sight of. We know it is written "The Living God", but in our daily life there is scarcely anything we practically so much lose sight of as the fact that God is the living God; that He is now whatever he was three or four thousand years since; that He has the same sovereign power, the same saving love.... simply because He is the living God, the unchanging One. Oh how therefore we should confide in Him, and in our darkest moments never lose sight of the fact that He is still and ever will be the living God!" George Mueller

"Luther was once found at a moment of peril and fear, when he had need to grasp unseen strength, sitting in an abstracted mood tracing on the table with his finger the words, "Vivit! Vivit!" (He Lives! He Lives!") It is our hope for ourselves, and for His truth, and for mankind. Men come and go; leaders, teachers, thinkers speak and work for a season, and then fall silent and impotent. He abides. They die, but He lives. They are lights kindled, and, therefore, sooner or later, quenched; but He is the true light from which they draw all their brightness, and He shines forevermore." Alexander Maclaren

A child

 Okay - it will have to be quick today, because I have a wonderful, fabulous, amazing friend visiting me tonight, and I don't  have much time to blog. (however, she doesn't read my blog, so she doesn't care about it - at all. What kind of friend is she, right? A friend who believes in phones, and coming to see me, rather then reading my blog - so you won't hear me complaining!)

Anyway - We had a yard sale today. I am trying to clear out some stuff before Andy deploys, so I don't have to put as much in storage while he is gone. 

 I had a fairly successful sale. I didn't sell my big items - my beautiful table that I have to, reluctantly, get rid of, or Andy's truck cover which he bought, painted primer grey, then stuck in my garage and has NEVER used once. Talk about a waste of money. Anyway, neither of those big items sold, but I sold a bunch of little stuff. I haven't counted the money yet, but I made at least $100, so that is cool. 

 The big story of the day came late in morning. We were thinking about closing down, business was slow, when three pre-teens that often roam my neighborhood rode up on their bikes. They were being slightly rambunctious, laughing a lot, but I didn't think too much of it. They asked prices on a few things, then rode away - saying they would return in awhile. 

 Two returned, used their $2.72 to purchase misc. items (every penny of it, which amused me to no end!) then, right before they left, the biggest one leaned over and said, "My Mom said not to say anything, but my friend stole a pair of pliers from you when we were here earlier." We talked it over a little, and I confirmed that they were our pliers. I thanked him for doing the right thing, and I asked him if he could ask his friend nicely to consider bringing them back. 

  

 A few minutes later, that same kid came back with the pliers. I thanked him again, and he rode off into the world of being 10 or 12 years old, and sadly, having a mother who advised him to "not say anything". 

 My heart breaks for him. 

 I respect him so much. 

 I hope, and pray, that he has a chance to turn into a man worthy of respect, rather then just a boy that does the right thing. 

 Please, take a moment and pray for him. Just because he is a child. 

A flash in the pan

Today I had to deal with something that is rare for me.

 I, Bethany Ruth Freeman, quiet, soft-spoken, laid back and easy going, (although slightly hyperactive and definitely NOT shy) was angry. Anger is a rare emotion for me. 

 Seriously. 

 I not trying to be "holy holy" or anything - it's just not my personality to get angry. I get discouraged, and frustrated, moody or sad along with the rest of the world. But good old ANGER is a rarity for me. 

 Today I was plain old mad. 

 I was disappointed, and discouraged, and confused - unsure of what was next, and how to get there - but over all of that was just plain anger. 

 I guess I should back up a step and explain. 

 Andy has been working on his package to become an officer in the AF. He has worked really hard to finish his college (only two classes left, and he will graduate in March), has done lots of extra paperwork trying to prepare himself, and just recently took the AFOQT, which is a test, similar to the SAT that tests you on lots of different things. He got his score for that yesterday, and although it wasn't brilliant, it was sufficient. We were thinking positive thoughts about his package being accepted. 

 Today he had a meeting with a higher ranking person who told him that he does not feel that Andy's package is worth submitting. Every six months in the AF you get a "grade" basically. A number from 1-5, with 5 being the best. About 18 months ago, when Andy was last deployed, the person who was over him gave him a 4, rather than a 5. Andy was deployed - he didn't even find out about his "bad grade" until it had been turned in and was not able to be questioned. He did not give him a chance to ask why. He did not give him a reason for the 4. There was not "fix this, and I will give you a better score". Nothing. 

 That 4 has already been a huge bone of contention for us, because it was what kept Andy from getting Staff Sgt. last year. He had to wait another whole year for that rank, simply because of that 4. But, we dealt with it, and survived. But now, once again, because of that 4, we are being told we cannot have what we want. 

 So, some idiot, that I have never met, and never will meet, because he isn't even in the AF anymore - some idiot has been able to basically destroy the plans we had for our future. Without even giving a justification. If he had written out "Andy is awful at this, and failed at this, and deserves this 4 because...." I think I could handle it better. But he didn't. Or, if Andy had been in the same country with him when he wrote it, that would have made it easier to bear. He had worked with him in the past, but at the time it was written, they weren't even in the same country. 

 But when I stop, and take a deep breath, and read what I have written the part that stands out the most is "the plans WE had for our future". That is the part that makes me stop and think. And pray. 

 Obviously, Andy and I have prayed about this officer package a lot. Over and over we have prayed about it. But have we listened for an answer, or merely asked God to do what we wanted Him to do? We have asked Him for wisdom, but I can't be assured that we have taken the time for listen to that wisdom. 

 Right this minute, we have no other choice. Wait - Listen - Pray - and at least on my part, Forgive. That idiot, whoever he is, wherever he is, maybe he was just making it possible for God to get our attention. 

 I wish there was an easier way for God to get our attention, but while He has it, I hope I learn what I am supposed to learn. Please God, teach me. 

 Teach me.  

Joy in sorrow

 Sometimes I must admit that I have no idea what God is doing. Okay, let me say that differently. Often, I have no idea what God is doing. But, that isn't my job, is it? What is my job, you may ask? To quite literally and in all ways trust, wait, and listen, knowing that HE knows what He is doing.

 The last 18 hours have been slightly emotional for me. I guess I should rephrase that too. The last two weeks have been very emotional for me. The last 15 hours have just been in addition to what already was. Late last night, after everyone I love was already in bed asleep, and there was no one to call, no one to express myself to, I found out that another family was most likely going to adopt Gifty. Now, in all actuality, that is FABULOUS news. We have hit roadblock after roadblock in the last few days, so I should have known that God was trying to give me advance warning. But IT STILL HURT. Because I have already fallen in love with that precious child. Sadly, the people whom I love the most cannot understand that. They are fabulous, wonderful people, who love me, and support ME. But they did not yet love HER. So they simply say, be happy for her Bethany. And I am trying to be. This other family already has their paperwork in order. They live close to a transplant center. God obviously had them picked out already. Perhaps Gifty was just the catalyst to get us moving. The trigger to make us move toward adoption. We have always said someday, and Gifty just made today turn into our "someday". 

 So truly, I am so happy for her, and the family that will be making her their own. Only my own selfishness is left. Because that tiny little girl grabbed my heart. Now she gets to keep a piece of it. 

 You know what... I gladly give it to her. 

 Now I am at a place of questioning. I will continue to do the homestudy paperwork. There are forms to fill out, and things to copy, and fingerprints to send in for background searches. But what then? Now I need to pick a country, and wait for a child. I am not capable of that. I can't pick a child. I want them all. Every single one. 

 I am back at the  same place I started. Knowing that my job is "To quite literally and in all ways trust, wait, and listen, knowing that HE knows what He is doing." I'm listening.