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I am happily married to an amazing military man who spent 9 years enlisted and is now an Officer in the US Army. We have two amazing boys who are not so little any more! They still infuse every moment of every day with creativity and energy, and make my life an adventure.  I was educated at home, and am now teaching our children - second generation homeschoolers! I try every day to become more like Jesus Christ, and to love like HE does. If you want you can try and catch me at bethylovesandy@yahoo.com

My Blog Title Verse

"For the Lord gives wisdom. From His mouth come knowledge and understanding." Proverbs 2:6 NKJV 
The Message translation puts it this way "God gives out Wisdom free, is plainspoken in Knowledge and Understanding."

Verse of the day

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

A flash in the pan

Today I had to deal with something that is rare for me. 
 I, Bethany Ruth Freeman, quiet, soft-spoken, laid back and easy going, (although slightly hyperactive and definitely NOT shy) was angry. Anger is a rare emotion for me. 
 I not trying to be "holy holy" or anything - it's just not my personality to get angry. I get discouraged, and frustrated, moody or sad along with the rest of the world. But good old ANGER is a rarity for me. 
 Today I was plain old mad. 
 I was disappointed, and discouraged, and confused - unsure of what was next, and how to get there - but over all of that was just plain anger. 

 I guess I should back up a step and explain. 
 Andy has been working on his package to become an officer in the AF. He has worked really hard to finish his college (only two classes left, and he will graduate in March), has done lots of extra paperwork trying to prepare himself, and just recently took the AFOQT, which is a test, similar to the SAT that tests you on lots of different things. He got his score for that yesterday, and although it wasn't brilliant, it was sufficient. We were thinking positive thoughts about his package being accepted. 
 Today he had a meeting with a higher ranking person who told him that he does feel that Andy's package is worth submitting. Every six months in the AF you get a "grade" basically. A number from 1-5, with 5 being the best. About 18 months ago, when Andy was last deployed, the person who was over him gave him a 4, rather than a 5. Andy was deployed - he didn't even find out about his "bad grade" until it had been turned in and was not able to be questioned. He did not give him a chance to ask why. He did not give him a reason for the 4. There was not "fix this, and I will give you a better score". Nothing. 
 That 4 has already been a huge bone of contention for us, because it was what kept Andy from getting Staff Sgt. last year. He had to wait another whole year for that rank, simply because of that 4. But, we dealt with it, and survived. But now, once again, because of that 4, we are being told we cannot have what we want. 
 So, some idiot, that I have never met, and never will meet, because he isn't even in the AF anymore - some idiot has been able to basically destroy the plans we had for our future. Without even giving a justification. If he had written out "Andy is awful at this, and failed at this, and deserves this 4 because...." I think I could handle it better. But he didn't. Or, if Andy had been in the same country with him when he wrote it, that would have made it easier to bear. He had worked with him in the past, but at the time it was written, they weren't even in the same country. 

 But when I stop, and take a deep breath, and read what I have written the part that stands out the most is "the plans WE had for our future". That is the part that makes me stop and think. And pray. 
 Obviously, Andy and I have prayed about this officer package a lot. Over and over we have prayed about it. But have we listened for an answer, or merely asked God to do what we wanted Him to do? We have asked Him for wisdom, but I can't be assured that we have taken the time for listen to that wisdom. 

 Right this minute, we have no other choice. Wait - Listen - Pray - and at least on my part, Forgive. That idiot, whoever he is, wherever he is, maybe he was just making it possible for God to get our attention. 
 I wish there was an easier way for God to get our attention, but while He has it, I hope I learn what I am supposed to learn. Please God, teach me. 

 Teach me.  


EmileeHopeBinkleyTurner said...

Sorry for the disappointment, and although I am sure I can't exactly understand what you are going through I do understand the fact that we will never understand why certain things happen to us, or don't happen, and all we can do is hope that we are able to learn what we are supposed to from the situation!! Luv ya big sis and I hope you have a better day today!!!

Carrie said...

I am so sorry!!! I know that is so disappointing for both of you. God has a plan, I know, you know....but as plain old human beings, it's hard. It's impossible, actually... to see what it will all come together to be one day. I hope you have a better day today and that Andy finds comfort from your words and encouragement.

ktwalden said...

I am so sorry things did not go as you and Andy had planned...disappointments like this are difficult to understand. During a book study at church this past year on John Bevere’s “The Bait of Satan”, one certain passage really got my attention. “Absolutely no man, woman, child, or devil can ever get you out of the will of God! No one but God holds your destiny.” Having known this my whole life but actually accepting it made a huge difference in my outlook on certain things. My prayer is that the “better thing” that God has planned will come along soon……

Anonymous said...

Hello wonderful daughter. I am glad you have already figured out it is time to pray and hear from the Lord.
We are praying with you, and know that 'God will work all things for the good of those who love Him".
Keep asking, seeking and knocking.
The right door will open at the
right time.
Love you, Dad

Mary Wary said...

Aw, man, that stinks. I'm sorry. I am so impressed with your faith and your attitude. You are such a wonderful person, and I know God has HUGE things, wonderful things planned for your family.
Love you.

Anonymous said...

This to shall pass Bethany, God has a wonderful plan for your family all in his timing. This is a just a season and the sun will always shine after the storm. Hold Andys head up, he needs you. We will be praying for you!

"For I know the plans I have for you. . .plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"

Jeremiah 29:11


Jay and Janel