A few things I love

 Our wireless transmitter died. Again. I kept trying to breath new life into it. But we had to finally accept defeat and let it rest in peace.
 I am pretty sure this is the third one we have had in my blogging history.

 After just a few days without "full" internet I am always so glad to get it back. But I am always so far behind too. I already have a hard time keeping up with the blogs I want to read and comment on. And the blogs I haven't had a chance to write- well, those are lost forever. Because my brain only holds a thought for so long. Then it is gone. That is why I write a blog in the first place! So that those crazy thoughts can be corralled and organized. When I don't get a chance to write them down...

 Ah well.

 But, a few things I love:

1) That when we got home yesterday the first thing my boys did with our purchases from the thrift store was lay on their stomachs in the middle of the kitchen floor and play with them. Immediately. Anyone want to know what our purchases were?

 Books!

 2) Thrift stores in general! Large parts of our "curriculum" come from them!

3) When I open the peanutbutter, Daisy automatically thinks it is for her. That is both a love and a hate. We give her PB to cover the taste of her meds, which are a constant need, and will be always. But the fact that as soon as she smells PB she comes running: that cracks me up.

4) The fact that, although I am not sure where the money is going to come from, braces do exist and Canaan will be able to have them. There was a time when teeth that were so crowded that they wouldn't even descend were a humongous problem. Now the dentist simply gives a recommendation that you go visit their friend down the street. (or perhaps shop around and see who is cheapest?)

5) Cherry Tomatos straight from our garden. One of the few successes, making them even more delicious.

6) That beautiful art that can come from trash. Beauty is all around, as long as your seek it. My friend Casey has started using his amazing talent for more then just playing with his kids and decorating his own home. He is creating art for others and I can't help but pass him along to others. He takes paper, shredded and expected to have no further use, and turns it into beauty.  His art is amazing and it stands for one of the things I believe in most. Appreciating EVERYTHING around you and finding Joy in it.

 Please my friends, seek the beauty.

Blessings, 

Light at the end of the tunnel?

 I had been very frustrated with myself since we lived here. Where was all the time going? The first few weeks I could blame it on unpacking. Then Andy took some time off and he always keeps me busy. We had Thanksgiving, then Christmas. Both 3rd grade and Kindergarten are slightly more time consuming when you put them together... but still, how in the world was it that I truly and honestly did not have any time. Until this weekend I had not read a single book since we lived here. My Bible and devotional greeted the morning, but beside that a few quick glances at BH & G, Parents, and Southern Living had been then sum of my word consumption. For TWO MONTHS! I had barely blogged, or even read the blogs of others. We don't have cable, I practically never get on FB and even the world's new addiction to pinterest has only touched me minimally.

 But then I remembered that we are in a new place - I have had to meet all new doctors, again. That was where all my time was going. Family doc to get all my referrals. Endocrinologist, twice already. Go get bloodwork done, more then once. Neurologist - all the way in Sanford. Then try to find the special building on post to schedule the MRI (because new doctors are never happy with the one taken 18 months ago by a different doctor. It has to be new). Fill out all that paperwork. (This time it wasn't by choice that I had to find the place either - it couldn't be done over the phone.) Schedule an EEG. Find a new dentist, then find out that both kids have cavities so have had to go back twice for fillings. I have lost entire days to doctor appts! Over and over!

No wonder I haven't had time to read or blog!

Well, that's not exactly true.

I could have given up sleeping.

Or teaching my children.

Or cleaning the house and cooking.

But I don't think any of those were good things to give up....

Now, here I am, with all the cavities filled, and the doctors met, and the major tests scheduled.

So I allowed myself a little free time the end of last week and over the weekend to read a novel. Just for fun. It was wonderful.

But, back to work I go. Today I have to figure out how to get my prescriptions transferred from MO to here. That 90 day supply is on it's last few days. Sigh. Off to the post pharmacy we go! I swear, but I sometimes think that just staying alive is a full time job!

 Eventually I will have a normal schedule again, right?

 Until then, enjoy your normal, or not so normal, day my friends!

 Blessings, 

Pride, Sense and Little Prarie Women

 My baby sister slid "Little Women" into the Blueray player this afternoon. Parts of it were "too girly" for my boys, but most of it held their attention, especially once I told Canaan that it was during the Civil War. Since we have recently studied that era in American history, he enjoyed seeing the clothing, transportation and way of life from that time.
 I think he also enjoyed seeing four sisters growing up together. That story is familiar to him already, albiet from a different century. One slightly more recent. (although he does love to comment on the fact that I was born in the 1900's!)

 Now that I am living "at home" again the stories of the growing up years flow more freely. We have always read the Little House books, Little Women and the Austen novels and commented on the amazing bond of sisterhood. The four of us couldn't help but compare ourself on occassion to those litarary models.

 Always the oldest sister was the mature, wise homebody. Slightly boring at times, but consistent.

 Second born tends to have the limelight in all the books. Full of adventure and refusing to take no as an answer, she takes the world by force.

 The third often gets ripped off. Poor Beth March dies. Mary Bennett is a total geek. Even Carrie Ingles is, in Kelsey's words, "a wimp". Thankfully, Margaret Dashwood, of Sense and Sensibility, has a little energy and pizzazz or I think Kelsey would have given up on the entire world of literature. And although she dies, Beth March gets in some really fabulous lines during her time.

 And the baby of the family? Well they tend to be just that - the baby. Loved, adored and cherished. Who can resist them?

 I think there were moments in time growing up when the four of us took those roles perhaps a little too much to heart. Emilee may have truly wanted to BE Jo March for awhile. Free spirited and refusing to conform, it was a perfect role for her. I always considered my diabetes a parallel to Mary Ingels' blindness. I was a similar age when it "hit". I think she inspired me to take it with as much grace as she did. Kelsey rebelled wholeheartedly at being the wimpy third. She worked harder then anyone I know to prove herself strong, capable and healthy rather then similar in any way to those other characters. And Mary Faith - she was perfectly willing to go with the flow. Or at least, I think so. We never thought to ask her back then. She was, after all, just the baby.
 Then we grew up, and things changed. We were not the same. We are not the same.
 But that bond, that tie that makes us sisters - it never changes.

 This story, the story of four sisters, it cries out to be written. It seems to have been written over and over, by women through several centuries now. I read one just a few years ago about four sisters, daughters of missionaries in Africa. The bond between sisters continues to be book worthy. So the words stir in my head and ache to find release in my hand. Watching "Little Women" today was invigorating. It made me cry, and hold my little sister for just a moment.

 Then it made me want to start grabbing all these stories that restlessly stir around in my head. Grab them and finally put them on paper where they belong. Where everyone else can see them.  

 I know, I know. I am breaking the rules. Jo March and Laura Ingles were both second daughters. But Emilee doesn't want to write. I do. So we'll just have to see what happens.

Practicing His Presence

 Last Sunday I was talking to a beautiful woman at our church who leads a group of ladies called the Titus Group. It is based on the verse, Titus 2:3-5, which calls for the older generation to take time to train and encourage the younger generation of women in their walk with the Lord.
 Ms. Susan is so enthusiastic that it is a joy just to be in her presence, and she has a gift for encouragement. This ministry is perfect for her. It made me realize that so many people aren't finding the ministry that is right for them.
 How many people aren't joyful about what they do in the church?
 How many people don't actually do anything for the church?

 Part one of this blog is "Find something to be involved with in your local church. Be a living, breathing, moving part of the body of Christ. - And enjoy it!"

 However, the reason I sat down to write was because of a book I recommended to Ms. Susan. It is one I read back in college, then again just a year or so ago, but it continues to make me desire more on a regular basis.

 I shared the book with her last night, and I wanted to do the same with you this morning.

 Practicing His Presence

 Fairly self explanatory title, is it not? It is about striving to be in the presence of God every moment of every day. When we have Jesus as our savior, and the Holy Spirit living in us, then God is a direct part of our lives every moment. We don't have to search for Him. He is there.
 But do we take the time to recognize Him?

 The writings are the personal journals and letters of two men, 300 years apart, who made a commitment to seek God every minute.
 Brother Lawrence, was a barefoot living, monk type "lay brother" who lived in the mid 17th century.
 Frank Laubach was a missionary in the Philippines in the 1930's when he began his quest to spend every moment seeking the presence of the One who was seeking him.
 They both made it a goal to focus their energy on seeking His communion in every part, every moment of their lives. Brother Lawrence was a cook in the ministry hospital - he had to live, and still took time to seek God.
 Frank Laubach was a missionary in a foreign country. He had duties to attend to and a ministry to lead - he had to live, and still took time to seek God.

 Seeking God every moment...

 It seems obvious to seek His kinship when you have your devotion time in the morning. When you say prayers with your children before bed, and perhaps even when you pray over the food at the table - although if your children are anything like mine, prayer at the dinner table tends to be more of an argument about who's turn it is rather then a true time of communion or thanksgiving.

 But to seek His presence continually? We have things to do. Can we brush our teeth and think about God? He provided Arm and Hammer didn't He?
 Can we think about God and vacuum the floor? Praise Him for the little feet that tracked in the dirt, and the fact that we don't have to drag the rug outside and beat it with a beater like they did 100 years ago.
 When the little ones are being absolute boogers and are going to need discipline, invite Him to be involved. Maybe we will be surprised at how much easier it is to handle it when we are not the ones in charge.
 Ask Him to be a part of quotidian moments, like laundry or washing the dishes. Thank Him for automatic washing machines or the beautiful trees you can see out the window as you scrub the dirty pots and pans. Try going over memory verses that have meant a lot to you recently as you fold the clean t-shirts.
 When you are driving down the road, avoiding crazy drivers, try to seek His guidance and peace rather then fume.
 If you are overwhelmed with paperwork for school, work or some random project, He will guide your hand if you simply ask. Time spent with Him is never wasted.

 As I said before, I have read this book in the past, and both times it reminded me that I need to spend more time simply loving my Savior.
 Life is busy. But I am pretty sure God is 'busy" too. It doesn't stop Him from taking time for me. So why in the world should I let that excuse me from taking time for Him?

 "Seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." Matt 6:33

 "These things" are mentioned in the verses before, and are all the things we normally worry about: food, clothing, shelter.

 It clearly states we aren't suppose to waste time being worried about things. We are to spend our time seeking Him, and His kingdom.

 Just like Brother Lawrence and Frank Laubach, we have lots to do. Children to raise, houses to clean, phones to answer, deadlines to meet and bills to pay. We have to live - let's still take time to seek God.

 Practicing His Presence. 

Book Review, sort of

When Andy is away, the Bethy will play. Or read, actually.

 I have not been feeling good, physically, and I never sleep well when Andy is gone, so that combo has given me plenty of excuses to curl up with books and just read, and read, and read. One of the quickies I devoured was the Twilight novella, "The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner", by Stephenie Meyer. Most of you know that I liked the Twilight books, even though they are teen books, about vampires, and are slightly cheesy. They are clean, and humorous and made me realize that I do actually like to pick sides... even though I had thought myself so carefully neutral on so many things all my life. (I'm team Jacob, just so you know... ice cold and hard as a rock, yuck! I will totally take warm and furry, thank you!)
 Anyway, back to Bree. Bree is a character, a brand new vampire, that makes a short appearance in the third book before being cruelly killed by the Volturi. This book tells her story in more detail. You can read someone else's, slightly teen-ish, review of it, if you like, but she does cuss a few times, so watch out.
 I wanted to talk a little about what Stephenie Meyer said in the preface notes.
 When she was first writing Eclipse, in which Bree appears, the only thing she could see, think, feel or breathe was Bella. Bella is the main character, and everything was about her. For an author, I suppose that is how it should be. But when Stephenie went back to edit she began to look at things from other's point of view. That is when Bree's story began to strike her. For some reason that stuck with me.
 How often do we only see the world from one point of view? We eat, sleep and breathe "Bella" - or whatever it may be. I suppose I should say "Bethany". We are not writing a book, trying to become a character. We are living life. We already are a character, hopefully a Godly one. We need to see life from more then one point of view. The Book we are to follow has already been written, and it says, "Do to other's what you would have them do to you," and "be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another". Self centered is not mentioned in there anywhere. Seeking our own desires first is definitely not a plus. Thinking that we know all the answers, and are the only ones whom God speaks to - I am pretty sure that would be considered one sided.
 So, the first thing I was reminded of through Bree Tanner was, 1) Don't wait until you reach the "editing stage", looking back on your life, before you see the world from someone else's point of view. Even if it doesn't completely agree with yours, looking at that point of view won't kill you. I promise.
 Remember to try to do that every day, not just at the end.

 Another thing Stephanie said in the preface was that as she wrote and became attached to Bree, she began to wish that she had ended that chapter of Eclipse differently. But the words had already been printed, and she couldn't take them back.
 How often do we say something, and wish it "unsaid"? But words cannot be taken back. Bree was already dead before the book was even begun, because Eclipse had already been written.
 Apologies are wonderful things, and forgiveness is powerful, but learning to think first, to pray over our words before we let them out - that is even greater.
 There are a million sayings out there about this idea that our mother's drilled into our heads. Surprise! They are true.
 Bree Lesson number 2) Once the words are spoken you can't take them back. So think before you speak.
 The Bree book was a fun and easy read, and fit in nicely with the Twilight series. But I actually like the little intro at the beginning better then anything. God used those words to speak to me, and I hope He uses them for you too.
 And since I missed Waste Not Want Not Wednesday... I suppose I will just head to bed, and perhaps another good book?

So, what do you think??

If you are a FB reader or an E-mail subscriber (hi mom!), I don't suppose the changes will even show up, but for anyone who visits me on my actual page, What do you think?

 I had a technical difficulty this weekend. The link to the background picture I was using was deleted. Rather then just find another that would sync with the design I already had, I decided to go for something fresh and new. It nearly caused an argument between the hubby and I though. I asked him to help, since he knows me best. "What is the epitome of me? What colors, what style, what theme shouts "Bethany" to the world?"

 He chose books. 

Stacks of them. Artistic displays of them. He found tons of interesting, even beautiful shots of them.
 Truly, I love books. Adore them even. But that is such a narrow view of me. Surely there is more?!
 I ended up kicking him off the project because he never actually reads my blog anyway. How would he know how to design something that he knows nothing about?

 After playing with the new Blogger self design application for awhile, I got this. Simple, green, and cheerful. I think that is a better summation of me then "books". Although I must say I do love that first picture up there...
 Now I just have to figure out how to have multiple pages. I really want a "home" and an "about me" and a "where the military has taken us" page. But I haven't figured that part out yet. Andy just has to work a few more late nights, (and me NOT have a good book within reach) so I can do some work on that!
 After all the work was done, Andy still had to come by and comment. At the top of the page I have blue skies and flowers - blowing where God sends them and working really hard not to stress about where they land (in case you were wondering why I chose dandelions). In the middle is a beautiful stretch of green grass, cool and peaceful. At the bottom is the rich brown soil for it to grow out of. Andy said the dirt needed some worms to stir it up, keep it aerated.

So, here is his contribution to the new design.

Those of you who do not usually link directly to the page, please, drop by and see the new design. 

And stay posted - there is more to come, once I figure a little more out~

 

A Harry Potter recap

When the second person in three days (strangely enough, both of them male) called to ask me when I was finally going to write a blog about my feeling on Harry Potter, I decided perhaps it was time.

I think that most of you know I started the series because I read a blog saying that they, and other books with wizards, vampires, or magic in general, were evil. I couldn't just assume that, especially since I have read some fabulous books that include magic (The Chronicles of Narnia, The Hobbit) and even Vampires (I know some will disagree, but I think the Twilight series is very clean, and touches on some deep subjects). The above mentioned men in my life (my BIL and my hubby's best friend) had been trying to get me to read the HP series for years now, but somehow being told I shouldn't was the inspiration I needed.

So I read them.

The first one is definitely a children's book. Easy to read, entertaining, and ending in a way that lets you know there is more to come. I wasn't hooked yet, but definitely enjoying them.

By the third one I could have told you that Ron and Hermione would end up together, and that Harry would love Ginny.

But I didn't know how very much I would love Dumbledore, how I would CRY when he died. Or how long I would cling to the hope that Severus was not truly evil. Over and over I held to that hope. Perhaps it is a personality thing, but I had to keep hoping for him, even when it looked like there was nothing left to hope for.

There are so many easy to point out similarities between the story of salvation through Christ and the Harry Potter series. One willing to sacrifice himself for the good of all, who dies, and them comes back to life, in this case because of his purity of heart.

I think what struck me over and over was not the main characters, choosing sides for the fight. Dumbledores Army were fighting against Voldemorts evil minions. What bothered me was that there were people who didn't fight. They just sat there, and waited, and watched from the sidelines, either in fear, or simple inability to pick a side. (or perhaps just waiting to see who won?) Often Voldermort would put a spell on them, making them work for him, even if they didn't mean to. I can't come up with that word right now, but it was like a brain washing spell.

I feel like that is a good description of a large portion of our country today. They aren't evil. Not fighting in Voldemorts army, trying to destroy the world. But they aren't choosing to fight for good either. They are just laying back, watching and waiting, and running around in their self-centered little lives. Self-centered being the operative word there.

When we aren't choosing to fight for good, we leave ourselves open to the brain washing spell. We can be taken over to work for the lord of lies, without even knowing it.

The books were well written, entertaining, and clean, which is harder and harder to find. The first two were fairly simple, but they got deeper, both in vocabulary and in thought as they went.

Most of all, they made me think. They reminded me that NOT choosing a side is NOT an option.

Not only do I have to choose a side, and fight for it with all my heart, I need to remind those around me to do the same.

Please, don't be lackadaisical. Make a stand. Be visual. Be vocal.

Just in case I haven't made it clear before - I am in the Lord's Army.

Reading, Reading, small break to breath, Read some more!

I have not had words lately. Not that there hasn't been beautiful things happening here. Tricia came to visit. We had the end of the year homeschool P.E. party. Karate practice, which Canaan is making wonderful improvement in. I am sure I will post pictures eventually.

But right now words are only coming in, not going out. That is just how my brain is wired right this minute.

You see, for years now people have been telling me I should read the Harry Potter books. I have always said... sure, one of these days. But, everyone was reading them. I don't usually like to be too trendy. However, not too long ago, someone told me I shouldn't read them. She said that no Christian should read any books that have magic, or vampires, or anything she considered "evil" in it. She listed several specific books in her list that are popular right now. She, however, had not read any of them. Just felt that if they had something "evil" in them, then they shouldn't be read.

Absolutist thinking like that gets my guard up, so, or course, it got me on a mission. Maybe even brought out that little bit of rebellion in me? Being told I shouldn't do something, hmmm. I had already read the Twilight series (which is one of the others that she condemned) but Harry Potter was still on my list. I read the first three and a half last week. After my weekend off to visit, I finished four and have gotten halfway through five.

Potter has sort of taken over my free time.

I think I will wait to write an entire post when I have finished the whole series... but for now I will say that I think that imagination is a fabulous thing. And that it is IMAGINATION.

On the schedule for today ... back to reading!

Isolation recap

I had four days to myself. The house was quiet. I really should be relaxed, and renewed, right?

Whatever!!

I lost the first 5 hours waiting for my radioactive pill to arrive by special Fed Ex, which apparently had a delay. Thankfully, I had a book with me.

Then, everybody called me all day Thursday and Friday. Which really, I didn't mind. It was just hilarious that people were so concerned about my health - I swallowed a pill, for pete's sake. And no, it did not make me glow. Bummer, huh!

But, I cleaned out the boys room - clothes, toys, books and puzzles. I vacuumed the baseboards, while all the legos were put away, and I am pretty sure I only sucked up two. That may be a record. Even with all the hospital time, and phone time, they weren't wasted days.

By Sat... well, I guess everyone knew that I was fine, because NO ONE called me all day long. Not even my husband. He called me when he woke up, just to make sure I was still alive. Then, I didn't hear a peep out of him again all day long. Or my mom, or sisters, or strangely enough, one single friend. All in the same day.

Want to see what I got done in the day of silence?

I wish I had a "before" picture of the closet, but at least you can see most of the mess that was in it.

When I remembered to take pictures, this was what was left in the closet.

This was what needed to go back, either into the closet...

or onto the bottom shelf you can see behind the stack of books.

Under the basket of tea. Do you think I have enough? Tea that is.

Trust me, this isn't even a drop in the bucket of the books...

I am actually an insanely organized person, about what I want to be. It is slightly ridiculous. So, after nearly a year of living here, the school/craft closet had gotten a lot of use, and very cluttered.

I felt the need to weed some things out. Re-distribute. Re-label. Re-organize. The old children's magazines - we love Highlights- go into cereal boxes trimmed down. Playdough, popsicle sticks, glitter - proper containers. Markers, crayons, glue sticks, scissors, dry erase.... etc each has their own wipe box. See what I mean - slightly OCD.

I like to stock up at the back to school sales every year, when things are cheaper. I always have extra glue, and paper, and crayons. I think I may have gotten a little carried away on the scotch tape...

Yep, that is a giant sized pretzel tub, and yes, that is 16 rolls of tape. Sixteen! That doesn't even count the two or three open ones floating around the house...

The three drawer container has a drawer for construction paper, a drawer for other kinds of paper, and a drawer full of flash card type things. Many of which have been around since I was a kid. There is a "learn to tell time" set that was my dad's when he was young. (found the link on E-bay, so don't know how long it will be active) The discovery toys Think it Through tiles are in there too. Anybody else use those? They have been around since my sister's were little, and they were easy "puzzle time" for Canaan this year. I love my family!

When it was all done the closet looked like this -

Ideas for Canaan next year, neatly stacked. Ideas for Zion next year, neatly stacked. Coloring books and cereal boxes full of magazines in neat little rows. Geography is tucked up in a corner you can't see, as are several really great books on art. And at the very bottom, the backpacks with the rest of what needs to be completed "this year". Technically, we only have 13 days of school left before we are done. But I just got the coolest book from my MIL about Ancient Egypt. So, don't expect the learning to end, just because summer is here!

And here is the final view of the shelf, organized by subject matter. My "One Million Things", lots of science, (animals, space, dino's, germs, the human body...) Ancient history, Medieval history, American history, some teacher manuals and a really hideously ugly, but practical daily planner I dug out of the attic. Andy says it looks like a grandma's couch in 1982. I don't think that is supposed to be a compliment at all. But, it has a place for a scripture of the week, a personal goal for the week, dinner plans, and still room for writing which subjects I want to try to study which days, which days are library days... it goes on and on...

Ugly, but useful. You can't have everything, right?

All in all, my weekend of isolation was not a vacation. I worked hard. But, I had fun with my work. And, I took a little time for plain old fun too. In fact, with no one here to fuss at me to turn out the light and go to sleep, after all that work on Sat. I stayed up to 4am reading a book.

Foolish foolish woman... because the boys all came home the next day, and I will never get that chance to sleep back again. Oh well! I enjoyed the book, and I am GLAD to have my boys back!

Words spilling over

I have had a bit of writers block the last week or so. I have lots to say. Perhaps too much. It is all just jumbled and confused and fighting to figure out what is important. Trying to pick which words are priority to come out first, and how to write them seems to have overwhelmed me.

So instead of writing words, I have just been devouring words instead. In the last few weeks I have read at least 10 books. Three in the last 4 days. We had a 24 hour bug here yesterday, and I spent the day reading to the boys, then reading to myself.

I managed to read "The Host" in it's entirety, before falling asleep. I guess technically it was today before I finished, but not by much.

Now the question is, am I ready to write again, or do I just want to find another book and climb back into my comfortable little world, or even not so comfortable world, of fiction?

Even when fiction is dramatic, or thrilling, or horror, or "deep" and thought provoking, it is still fiction. You can pretend it isn't about you... even though sometimes it seems like it is, in almost an uncanny sort of way. Have some authors perhaps been stalking me, and writing about my life and deepest thoughts, and innermost questions?

Or perhaps more of the world just shares those questions then I thought....

Don't worry, I have the biggest questions all squared away. My Savior and I have had that heart to heart, and I know to whom my heart belongs. Without His saving grace, I would really be wallowing in some deep questions.

But heaven is still, hopefully, a long time away. I am here, on earth, and seeking my purpose, and my position. Where do I stand... and where am I headed?

Both of those are questions I have had thrown at me quite a bit lately.

Where do I stand? Really, on theological issues that seem unimportant, I don't like to make a fuss. Who cares if you were dunked or sprinkled? Does it matter if you sing hymns or praise music? Play piano or keyboard or electric guitar during worship?

I love the Apostle's Creed. It sums it all up so nicely.

Just remember that catholic is little c, not big. So, not specifically Roman Catholic, but catholic, as in the ancient, undivided, Christian church.

So, you know where I stand. What has bothered me lately is that I have felt strongly enough about what is normally a "little issue" to speak up. And it has not really gone over well. So where does that leave me? Am I supposed to leave the group of people I worship with? Am I suppose to ignore the fact that we disagree? I HATE confrontation. But I also hate to slink away like a wounded animal, making them think I don't believe strongly enough to stand by what I said.

ARGHH.... see what I mean?

So, where I stand has been questioned.

Where we are headed - well that seems to be the never ending question around here. Sometimes I just want to shrug my shoulders and give up even trying to figure out the next step. Perhaps that is what God is waiting for? But at the same time, if I just sit on my hind end doing nothing, well then I know for sure that nothing will ever happen. We have to do something to move our adoption and Andy's career forward. The question always remains, WHAT are we supposed to be doing? Which direction are we going, and how fast, and for how long?

And that, my friends, may be why I haven't been writing, and have been devouring words instead.

But I had to get some of it off my chest.

Do I feel better now? The remains to be seen...

Adoring Fans?

I started reading Nathaniel Hawthorne's "The Blithedale Romance" several weeks ago. Then the library called and said that a book I had requested had come in, so I put the classic on the shelf and read a vampire slayer series instead. And really, the first two books were pretty good. The third one got a little out of hand. The fourth one was really quite vulgar. So, I googled the rest of them to get plot lines, just trying to see what was going to happen with the main character later on.

I will definitely not be reading the rest of the series.

It was time to pull "The Blithedale Romance" back out. I am only half way through, but I really don't have anything positive to say about the plot line. As far as I can tell, there really isn't one. The story itself is pretty boring.

But the quotes, and the references to other pieces of literature and bits of history are just amazing. I keep reading it not because of the story, but because of the vocabulary.

Andy simply shrugged his shoulders and grunted when I tried to explain that to him. I believe his exact quote was "Why don't you go talk to your adoring fans on your blog about it..." (in other words, he doesn't care, so stop pestering him about it!)

So, for lack of a better discussion group, you, my "adoring fans" get to be tortured with Nathaniel Hawthorne.

One of the characters, Hollingsworth, feels he has been called by God to a "mission" - details are not important. What is important is that he is very driven, very focused, very sure of his path. Hawthorne describes men like this...

"They will keep no friend, unless he make himself the mirror of their purpose; they will smite and slay you, and trample your dead corpse under foot... They have an idol, to which they consecrate themselves high-priest, and deem it holy work to offer sacrifices of whatever is most precious, and never once seem to suspect - so cunning has the Devil been with them - that this false deity, in whose iron features, immitigable to all the rest of mankind, they see only benignity and love, is but a spectrum of the very priest himself, projected upon the surrounding darkness. And the higher and purer the original object, the more unselfishly it may have been taken up, the slighter is the probability that they can be led to recognize the process, by which godlike benevolence has been debased into all-devouring egotism."

From what I have read of Hawthorne, I am not sure he really understood the saving grace of Jesus. But he seems to have hit that nail on the head, dead on.

I have seen "godlike benevolence debased into egotism", and it is not a pretty picture. No matter how much it begins with good, it never ends that way.

Just a small, or not so small, reminder that we can't do anything on our own.

So, my "adoring fans"... I am nothing. Please, don't expect anything from me. This blog, every line of code and paltry sentence, is just the spilling out of my heart. Hopefully it shows the overflow of HIM inside of me. But sometimes, it will just be me. Because I don't always overflow the right things.

Thanks for listening, and sharing in return. You have no idea how much I appreciate you!

Dragging it out of me

I promised that I would try to join in, so here goes. All of this "New Year" enthusiasm for reading is going around my circle of family, and well, practically family. First, my sister Emilee signed up for several reading challenges. So, one of my best friends, Carrie, decided to join her. Then, my sister-in law Tara out in CA read about all the fun they were having, already reading several books this year, and she decided to join in too. She created an entirely new blog, just to talk about books. So, of course, Carrie had to create her own book blog too.

I'm telling you, I am surrounded by talk of books, constantly right now. It's not that I don't love to read. I do that constantly. So.... even though I refuse to sign up for any specific reading challenges (I like my freedom too much) I thought that perhaps I would give a short synopsis of the last few books I have read.

I had promised Tara it would be "the next book I finish", but I finished one last night, then started another, and ended up finishing it while waiting in the doctor's office today. I want to talk about both of them!

The most recent one is a new purchase. The Waldenbooks in our mall is going out of business and all of their stock is 60% off. Andy and I were very naughty and went a little crazy in there this weekend. I cannot resist books - I truly CAN'T. They are an addiction.

Anyway, one of the many we picked up on Saturday was "Odd and the Frost Giants" by Neil Gaiman, a beautiful hardbound edition with illustrations. It is set in Norway during the time of the Vikings, so I was pretty sure I would like it. However, before I read it to my children, because it is a children's book, I wanted to make sure that I agreed with all the ideas and ideals presented in it. It is only 117 pages, so it was an easy read.

Synopsis:

The gods and the frost giants are fighting, and have caused a long winter. If winter drags on too long, nothing will grow, and the animals and people will eventually starve to death. Poor Odd, who has already lost his father, and has a crippled foot, sets off on a journey with three unlikely friends to try to end the long cold winter.

In the end he leans to respect himself. Even though he is not strong and healthy in body, he has a strong and healthy brain. Brawn counts for a lot, but brains are even more important.

The boys and I had finished "The Magician's Nephew" by C.S. Lewis last night, and needed something new to start tonight. I was glad I got a chance to whip through this one in a hurry so I could begin it with my boys tonight. We already read three chapters!

I had a discussion with Canaan about brains versus brawn. I am hoping this will be a chance to give him some ideas. He is very focused on being the strongest, and the best fighter. I want to show him that wit counts for a lot too.

The most recent book I finished for myself was an interesting combination of two of my favorite genres. I love anything Austen. The originals, the later "sequels", the supposed "lost diaries/letters" (which are really good, if anyone is looking for something to read), even some of the crazy stuff.

I also love anything Vampire. I got addicted to Buffy a WAY way long time ago, and really have never stopped loving both vampire slayers, or vampires themselves... which of course extends into werewolves, and fairies, and all sorts of mythical creatures. But vampires started the addiction.

So my sister bought me a book for Christmas called "Mr. Darcy, Vampyre" by Amanda Grange. Now, I know what you are thinking. "WHAT?" Trust me, I can understand. She also bought me one called "Vampire Darcy's Desire" by Regina Jeffers. I am pretty sure it will be a "WHAT?" book. Pretty much anything that has the word "desire" in it qualifies as !!!! Not that I won't read and enjoy it. But I somehow doubt it will qualify as actual literature.

However, "Mr. Darcy, Vampyre" was very well written. Elegant even. I won't say it was anything close to Austen. But it kept the angst of Pride and Prejudice.

Synopsis:

Elizabeth and Darcy marry and set off on their wedding tour of Europe. The book centers around his fear of what she will think when she discovers what he is, and her fear of why he is so withdrawn and distant, even now that they are married.

He does not kill humans, this Darcy vampyre, nor do those he is friends with, but darker, evil vampyres are still there, in existence. Eventually they have to team together, rather then try to stay separate.

I thought it was a lovely picture of marriage. You may think you are protecting the one you love by not sharing your fears, or pains, or stresses. But those who truly love you know when something is wrong. They may not know exactly what it is, but they can sense it. Not sharing it will only cause more problems in the end.

I have enjoyed both of these last two books. I am off to start another. Andy is working 4pm to 4am this week, so the house is quiet this time of night. I really should sleep, so hopefully this book won't be too good, and I will be able to put it down before too long.

Today may have been a really, really awful day... but tomorrow will be better!

Just a quick word of encouragement

 Andy has requested several new books lately. When Andy asks for a book, I pretty much never tell him no, since he rarely finds something he wants to read. I, on the other hand, will read pretty much anything that comes within my line of sight... but more on that another time!

 Right now, along with Trig. and Ethics and his CDC's (which are plenty of reading on their own), Andy is reading "No Atheists in Foxholes". It is his book, so I haven't read much of it, but I have borrowed it now and again. I wanted to pass along this little excerpt. 

 The setting is Iraq, and the backstory is that an Iraqi child has been accidently shot by insurgents during some fighting between American soldiers and insurgents. The father brought him to an American checkpoint and just handed him over, trusting that he would be taken care of.  

 "He (the father) tells us that when his son was shot, he didn't hesitate to risk not knowing where his son was going - as long as his son was with the Americans who would give him the best medical treatments available. The father explains that he has faith in our doctors and that their reputation is known all over the area. And so, without hesitation, he handed over his son - his firstborn son, his helper on the farm, his pride and joy - with complete faith and trust. The translator has explained to him what I am and what I do as the chaplain for the surgical unit. The father turns to me and says that God is good and that he knew that God and the Americans would take care of his son. He says that all of life in Iraq is in God's hands. 

 It does not matter that his son was prayed for by a Protestant chaplain and operated on by a Catholic surgeon and a Jewish surgeon. Those are mere details about the people who are instruments of God's hands during this time of crisis. Here, in a war torn country during the Islamic season of Ramadan, I am learning what living faith really is. I - a Christian chaplain - am learning from an Islamic father that faith means letting go and trusting God and other people at the absolute worse, most traumatic time of your life. I am learning that faith means risking everything to save someone you love. I am learning that faith is a blessing that comes with an unwavering belief in God, and sometimes in humanity, despite living in the midst of the worst of humanity's action. I am learning about faith far from home and not from a book, not from another chaplain, not from a sister or brother in Christ, but from a Muslim father." 

 Lessons in faith are everywhere, if we only look and see. I thought this was a beautiful story. I loved the part about the people who are instruments of God's hands. Look for instruments in your life, and try to be one, every chance you get. 

The ongoing, ever growing pile

This is my time for admitting my weakness. I meant to post this before I went camping, but didn't get it done. Oh well! 

The bedside table is the books I am currently reading. (or was, as of 5 days ago) There are two different translations of the Bible, two different devotional books, the book of Mormon, a book about Mormonism (I have a good friend who is Mormon, and wanted to understand her a little more thoroughly) a historical fiction, a science fiction, a Vampire book that I haven't actually started  yet, C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters, A Year of living Biblically (which so far has been quite interesting, but not really "uplifting") and I believe there is a "classic" romantic novel in there somewhere. 

 The other picture is my pile of "books yet to start". Bags and baskets of things that I really want to get around to, but haven't yet. I think I might have a problem.... 

A confession...

After watching "I am Legend" I was, of course, slightly scared. So I picked up one of the dozen or so books on my bedside table and decided to read awhile, to take my mind off of zombie like creatures that want to eat people. Instead of reading two chapters then turning off the light and getting some much needed sleep, I instead stayed up and read THE ENTIRE BOOK! It was "Sundays at Tiffanys" by James Patterson. Obviously, I really liked it. I usually have several books going at the same time, because my mood changes frequently, (the Bible, historical, mystery, thriller, devotional, etc) but I have been especially bad lately. I literally have 12 books on my nightstand right now! I read very little last week, because I had to plan my VBS class every night, and I was always ready to go to sleep. But, that is over, and I plan to resume my former schedule. ie: read until I cannot possibly keep my eyes open for one more second, then regret it all day the next day, only to get second wind when Andy and the boys fall asleep, thus following the same pattern again, over and over until I finally get so tired that I actually go to sleep at a decent hour! After one night of really good sleep, I will then start the pattern over again! Because, I LOVE to read.

 On a separate side note: I have discovered a new love. For our anniversary last Monday, Andy got me a Nintendo DS with Diner Dash. (that is a game) I am really enjoying it. (Carrie, I give you full blame, and credit, for getting me addicted to the DS.) At one point in time I borrowed Carrie's DS and Andy saw that I enjoyed it, and he held onto that memory. I am really hard to shop for, because I am really cheap and usually talk myself out of anything "wasteful".  Andy loves me, and loves to "waste" money on me, because that is his love language. So he always listens carefully when I mention something I would like to have. I am so glad that he does, because I never would have thought to ask for a DS, but I sure am enjoying having one. 

 I saw another blog with this beautiful list a wife had made of things she loves about her husband. I may attempt that some time, but tonight is not the night. However, I did want to say that we had a really great anniversary. Life is good, and Love is even better. 7 years sure have flown....

Little bits

Just a couple of quick notes.

First, congratulations to my friend Christina on Emma Kate, born this morning!! I am so excited, and can't wait to see her. I am beginning to feel that I am lagging behind. Chrissy, Naomi, Diana and Nicole, four of my closest friends, all have a minimum of 5 kids!! As I was the one who always said growing up that I wanted a "bakers dozen", it just seems off for me to only have 2!!! Thankfully, I also have some friends with fewer, or no children, to remind me that families come in all different sizes.

- OH YEAH!! Speaking of families, congrats are also due for Sarah, who got engaged a couple of days ago! I am so excited for your wedding, and to finally meet your invisible boyfriend.

Secondly, Marcy asked about the BRAT diet. It stands for Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, Toast. Naomi pointed out an interesting question though... is Toast really better for a recovering stomach, or did they just not want to say Bread, since that would make the acronym BRAB, and that just sounds weird? Any input anyone? Is toast really better for a recovering stomach? I know that I read somewhere that if you toast bread it changes the glycemic index, making it have less carbs, or easier to digest carbs, or something like that - better for "diets".

Thirdly, Zion is sick, AGAIN! This time he just as a fever. Woke up with it about 2am, and despite several doses of tylenol, it remains. He has no other symptoms that I can perceive, so I must assume that his body is successfully fighting off whatever it is fighting off. I have only given him two doses, since I prefer to let his body work it out itself. However, when it gets over 102, I like to give him a little relief. Anyway, since he is "ill", Andy and Canaan have gone out without him. He was very upset when they were leaving, running around saying "sock shoe" while they were getting ready. (that means that he wants to put on his socks and shoes, and go too) When they were leaving Andy asked him if he would like them to bring him a surprise when they come back. His response was "dang". Now, I am pretty positive that dang is not what he was trying to say, since he has probably never heard that word before, but it was really amusing. I wish I knew what he was trying to say, but we took "dang" to mean yes, he would like a surprise. We'll see what Andy and Canaan come back with. Andy had weekend duty this morning, and has been working on school pretty much every free minute this week, so he just needed to "get out". He gets stir crazy if he stays at home too long. I have become pretty much the opposite. I think I have become anti-social lately. I am perfectly content to curl up and read, absolutely every free second that I get. I have read 6 books in the last two weeks. That a little excessive, even for me... I expect this insatiable desire will pass eventually. For now, I am keeping up with my "chores", and Canaan's school, so I will allow myself to read in any "free time" I find after that. I have watched practically zero tv, and done no sewing, scrapbooking, phone calls, etc, For some reason, Jane Austen and I have become fast friends this week, as well as Nora Roberts. Oh well....
If you usually hear from me, and you haven't lately, that is why. It is nothing personal. I just keep forgetting that anyone outside my home and my books exist!!
One last note - I finally opened a facebook account. I still haven't really figured it out, but if you are on there, please drop by and make me your friend!

Inspirational people

"I am still determined to be cheerful and to be happy, in whatever situation I may be: for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances." Martha Dandridge Custis Washington

When the wife of our first president wrote this in a letter to a friend, she had already survived being widowed at 26, with two small children to care for, had lost two other children, and had married a wonderful man who risked his life daily leading our country in the battle for it's independence. I think she may have been thinking of one of my favorite verses.
"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

I had written a little intro to this thought, about how cool Martha Washington was, as well as our other "First Ladies", but I lost it. Now I don't have time to re-write it. I just wanted to say that I am reading a really cool book about the first ladies, and they were fascinating people. Andy says first of all that I am nerd for reading something "boring" when I don't have to, and secondly that he thinks it is silly to read about people who were famous only by default, not because of their own actions. But I disagree with both of his thoughts. I love history, so it isn't boring. And the wives of our Presidents, especially the early ones, played a huge part in the development of our country. They may not have chosen fame for themselves, but they lived up to it with grace an honor, and left a legacy. They should be famous on their own accord, because they accomplished amazing things.

I am headed to Adairsville, so I have to close. It is time to hit the road. I'll post pictures of our trip to the Pumpkin patch sometime later.