You see, I tried to be a "big girl" and do what I really didn't want to.
I put away the laundry.
Big deal, right?
But you see, having a stack of Andy's clean clothes sitting in the laundry room made it seem like he was still here. Putting them away and knowing that there won't be any more feels so final. And suddenly 8 months seems overwhelming.
I had plenty to do today. Leaders meeting for homeschool co-op. School. Soccer practice. Feed the boys and clean up the kitchen.
But even with a full schedule I was distracted.
Because what I wanted to do was quit. Pack my bags and go "home". Cry for a nice long time, then live the alternate life I have when Andy is gone.
I even talked to Mom, who reminded me that, although I am always welcome to come, my boys have a life here.
That is very important. Their life is here.
When I was reading to the boys before bed we were in the book of 2 Chron. An army is coming to attack that is much too big to stand against. More then the Israelites could even dream of defending against. But as they pray they are assured of God's deliverance. His presence in their lives. 20:12 says, "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you."
Do not know what to do.... That sums up my feelings right now.
Eyes on You.... because that is where deliverance (and truth) comes from.
What form that deliverance will come in I cannot yet say. But for now I need to play the part of the tooth fairy and that is enough to get me through tonight.
Tomorrow will come when it is ready and I will be ready for it when it comes.
Thanks for letting me vent!