Past, present, future

 I have been looking through old blogs again. It is like reading an old diary, reliving those old memories, and it is beautiful. 

 I am so very glad that God allowed me to write at different times in my past. He didn’t always, and what He has impressed upon me recently is “speak, even without words”… so I haven’t been posting much. I pray my actions are speaking, and my smile is speaking, and my eyes themselves are simply sharing His love.

But while I am learning, again, something new, I am so very glad to have this old to look back on. 

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Marriage: Anticipation and Planning

Originally posted Sept 18, 2010

 Most of us, at least us ladies, plan our marriage well before the event. Not just the wedding - the marriage. The dress and the flowers and the cake are always talked about as the thing every little girl spends her childhood dreaming of. I would venture to say that there are plenty of young women who spend a good bit of that time budgeted for wedding planning dreaming about the groom also.
 Not just who he will be, but what he will be:
 "Tall, dark, and handsome." "Rich, dashing, and debonaire." Or even "Bold, strong and courageous."
I knew exactly what I wanted.
 I was the daughter of a missionary, granddaughter of a preacher. I was looking for someone with a similar background. I was a bookreading, high GPA, classical music loving nerd, who wanted to settle down, have kids I could homeschool and shine Jesus wherever I was. Once again, I thought I would find someone similar.
 Everyone I dated, or even had a serious crush on, was serious minded, slightly bookish and had very set plans for their future. Not that we didn't know how to have fun - I am making us sound like a bunch of sticks in the mud. My life was just very planned out. How can I put this...

 Ever watch X-men? I was planning to marry a Cyclops. Good man. Steady, strong, full of love and ready to work hard to get the job done, whatever the job may be.

 But then, Wolverine showed up. Simply rode into town, and threw everything in my world out of balance.  I was introduced to Andy one night at a concert on our college campus. He was a transfer, fairly new to town and needing friends. One of my girlfriends said, "Bethany, this is that guy I was telling you about. The one who got arrested last week."
 I was 20 years old, and nothing in my life has EVER been the same.

 He had sideburns and tattoos, and was an art major. Where did that fit into my plan?

 But, he loved Jesus, and he loved me, and somehow, that was all that mattered.

(He always wants me to clarify the whole "arrested" thing. That was mostly a wrong place, wrong time, 19 and stupid thing. He sat in a holding cell for about two hours until his parents came and got him and he ended up with a ticket. Still, it makes a great story!)


Having a plan is a good thing. Thinking ahead, preparing for what might come. But even more important is the ability to be flexible. Sometimes what we plan for just can't work. If we get our hopes set on something and focus all of our attention on it, then when something changes we get lost.
 Last night when I was trying to take a picture of Zion I zoomed in from across the yard. Then, he moved. That super focus on just one spot was nice and clear, but the object I wanted was no longer in that spot. I had to change my point of view entirely, drawing back to see the big picture first, before I could zoom in again.
 In fact, in the meantime, I got some really great shots from farther away.
 Those close ups are precious, because they show facial expression so nicely. But sometimes seeing the wider angle, looking at more then just one face at a time gives just as amazing of a picture.
 Not what I originally planned, but it made me just as happy when I sat back and rolled with it.

 So Wolverine and I keep making our little plans. Every day we are learning more about each other, where we are going, and how to get there as a team. 

 We have changed each other, but in wonderful ways. He loosened me up. I toned him down. He taught me to ride a motorcycle. I make him balance his checkbook. 

 There are moments when we fight over who has control over the zoom button on the camera - and what exactly we focus on. In the end we always reach the same conclusion though-

 Who is making the plans around here anyway? Certainly not us!

 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

 And after all, "the foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans and God's weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength." 1Cor 1:25

———————————————-

Over 20 years later, I am so glad God changed all of my “plans”. As we wait for God’s plans, again, I am so very glad to have my Wolverine to wait with still. 

 Be blessed my friends, as you look back and remember to see the good. 

 Be blessed while you wait right now, with Joy. 

 Be blessed as you choose to have faith that the future is in the hands of our God. 

The Whole World

 I grew up with the song “He’s got the whole world in His hands”. 

 I grew up with lots of songs about my Jesus, but that one popped into my brain very strongly as I was writing a text message this afternoon. I had just finished a fairly intense Bible study about listening to God’s prompting. About Elijah and Elisha being amazing men, but reminding us that God was the one who was even more amazing. 

 Deep thoughts. Heavy thoughts. Inspiring and beautiful.

 Yet what God gave me to write was a children’s song. 

So I felt the need to look into those words. To see what I was missing, what God was teaching me, what heavy thoughts God was leading me to. 

What I found was beautiful, and inspiring, and breathtaking and yet… simple. 

Truth often is, my friends. Simple. 

Just as Zion held this baby chick a few weeks ago, God holds us. In His hands!

Plain and simple.

 Now, what He asks us to do isn’t always simple. How he asks us to respond while we are in His hand…. that is a different story. 

 But He holds us, in His hands! 

 Be confident of that my friends. When you ask, He hears. 

 Please, look at that first verse again. 

 

All things- the Whole World- is in His hands. 

Be blessed my friends and be confident that He is holding you! 

We know in part…

There is so much we can’t see. For example…

 Do you see the giant tree in this picture? 

 Let me rephrase that. 

 Do you see the small portion of the giant tree showing in this picture? It is solid and strong. It has roots going deep into the ground and branches reaching high into the sky. Small plants grow under it and around it. Deer sleep in it’s shelter. Rabbits play in the shade it provides. An annoying armadillo digs holes all around it, looking for interesting things to eat. Under and on and in it there are oodles of insects. In the branches there are a multitude of birds. 

 But this picture shows one tiny portion. 

 That is what was impressed upon me so deeply with that Bible verse as well. 

 “We know in part.” 

 In our modern times with our “search button” allowing us to know more all the time, we want to know it all. We want to see the whole thing.

 But as this beautiful picture reminds us, we can’t. 

 You can’t see both the front and the back at the same time. You can’t see above and underneath. You can’t see inside the tree- you will kill it.

 Sometimes we have to simply look at what we can see, what is visible to us where we stand right now, and have faith that what is on the other side is doing what it is suppose to and going where it needs to. 

 

 We have to trust that our Heavenly Father is doing amazing things on the other side of the tree. Even when HE isn’t explaining it to us, HE is still involved. 

 I am confident. 

Be blessed with faith my friends, even though you can only see one part of the picture!

A Summer Recap

                               

Summer sort of flew by. Suddenly it is time for school again! How did that happen? I will show you a few pictures of what we worked on, before I dig into some deeper thoughts. 

 

I got chickens for my birthday- a wish for years and years! 

Sweet little babies :) 

(The big redhead included, haha)

Andy got me 4, then my friend Amanda got me 4 more, just a few weeks younger. 

Andy built this chicken coop completely out of recycled things. 

The only thing new is the nails. Everything else was part of something else originally, or a scrap piece, not able to be used for it’s original purpose. 

I LOVE it, and my amazing man for building it for me. 

Only 7 made it all the way to adulthood, but they are loving the coop life so far and will hopefully start laying eggs soon. 

Next, we got goats. 

This is Peanut. 

He is a Pygmy, probably around 10, so getting old. We are his third owners, and he has been well loved and spoiled. He is extremely easy going and fat, lol!

This is Penelope.

She is a Nigerian and is around 3 years old. Like Peanut, she is a people lover. I am hoping to get her some babies… but need to meet someone who can make that happen, haha.

They are both easy going and laid back, obviously loved on and raised more like pets by their prior owners. I can’t promise that I give them attention as often as their prior owners, and there is no pizza served here (which is the story of what was served to Peanut by his original owners!) but I have gotten very attached to them already. We are hoping to add a few more to the flock, after we get a fence put up. For now they have to be leashed or on a run, thus moved often. The fence is coming in just a few weeks!

We also had a bird’s nest with sweet little babies in it, right on the front porch. 

I very much enjoy living “in the country”.

Summer was beautiful, and peaceful and calm. 

 Canaan came home over the 4th of July to get some of his belongings. He was in training almost his entire first year in the military, but is now stationed about 4 hours away and working and living a more normal military life. 

Somehow, this is the only picture I took during his visit. 

His Grammy sent him home well supplied with candy. :)

Last, but certainly not least, Zion is loving his time at Chick-fil-A.

My mom’s brother and SIL dropped in and surprised him on their way by (from TX!)

He started his Junior year last week. Where does the time go?

My family is strong. Our Jesus is faithful. We are blessed. 

 There are still many, many questions about what we are doing and how we are going to do it. But over and over (and I have to say it a third time) over again our Jesus gives us what we need, when we need it. 

 This verse is what God was asking me to remember today. 

 What He pointed out, repeatedly, was the word ALL. 

 We want to praise Him for good. We want to celebrate and rejoice if those “mighty works” line up with our ideals and wishes. Sometimes, although amazingly mighty and still His Plan, those “mighty works” are not what we would have wished for. 

 But ALL is in almost every translation. 

 The old fashioned KJV says, “I will meditate also of ALL they work”

 The more modern Passion Translation says, “I ponder ALL you’ve done, Lord”

 The NIV that I grew up with, “I will consider ALL your works”

 ALL. 

 Whether they are what we would have picked or not, ALL. 

 Be blessed my friends, with hope and faith that overflows onto others around you. Keep smiling, even when it is hard. Keep loving, even when you are tired. 

 Perhaps pet a goat, or feed some chickens, or weed a garden full of beautiful produce. But choose to enjoy your life! 

 All of it. 

In ALL things-

 Most of us who know Jesus know this verse I think. We claim this verse. We hold on to this verse with both hands. We might simplify it a little too much sometimes….

 But it is beautiful, and I love it. That promise is breathtaking. 

 So, when you get to see absolute beautiful good come directly from ugly bad, you have to take a moment and rejoice in it. 

This is mom’s hand, just a few weeks ago. She fell, and in a beautiful gift from God didn’t break anything on the front of her face, which is the direction that she fell. So, that is the first thing that we celebrate. 

 However, there was a nasty break in her middle finger. Not a nice simple crack, but a spiral all the way down one of the bones. Requiring multiple pins to fix. 

That required her to be unconscious, putting those pins in. And that is where this story gets beautiful, in my opinion. 

 You see, she needed an anesthesiologist for that, being unconscious.  

And that anesthesiologist needed her. 

 I don’t suppose he needed Nina specifically. Anyone willing to be the hands and voice of Jesus could have filled that roll. But my mom was there, and willing, and able to hear him saying that he was hurt. She knew to let God lead her and to let God do the speaking when it was time. She knew to admit imperfections and stand for strengths and allow both love and discouragement to be allowed. 

 That young doctor knew Jesus, but he had been hurt by humans, and disappointed by the ones suppose to be strong and he needed someone to say that they understood. Mom understood, and was willing to remind him that humans fail, but Jesus doesn’t. 

 That young doctor let her pour the love of Jesus on him.

 I just watched, and nearly cried. 

  Then he took fabulous care of her. 

 When we came home that evening she said that giving him the love and joy he needed at that moment was enough of a reason to break her finger. 

 I love my mom!

 Please, join me in praying this verse over her. 

Her literal feet may not be as strong as they use to be but those “high places of challenge and responsibility” are still there, as is her calling for HIS purpose. 

 Pray that reminder over her then, please my friends, grab ahold of it for yourself. 

 God places us in strange, hard, heavy places sometimes. I know that. I understand. I promise. 

 Please, take a moment to read these pretty picture verses again. “In All things”. “You alone Lord”. “planned in advance.” “Walk on my high places.”

 Remember that He is there, walking with you. In ALL things. 

 Be blessed my friends. 

Produce Perseverance

While “cleaning” today I found this following message, a response to a text message or perhaps an email, that I had copied and saved in the “notes” on my phone. I don’t remember who it was originally written to, or if I even sent it, but I have people in my life that it fits. Finding it now, more than a year after it was originally written, I want to make these words available. I want to point out this truth, again. 

 “No argument from me that some things are just bad. And many of them we never get to see any good come from. Perhaps no good does ever come from them, if no one is asking God for it? Rom 8:28 adds at the end “for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes”. If no one is seeking the good, perhaps it is just completely bad? I don’t pretend to know the answer to that. You have seen a lot more bad than I have my friend. And very different bad.

 I do think though that joy is a choice. And it is nothing like happiness. No, a tree cannot choose it’s fruit, but the amount of sun it soaks up, reaching out its branches with hope, and the amount of rain it reaches out for, digging those roots deeper into the unforgiving soil around it... those things make the fruit stronger, and bigger, and sweeter. The tree is planted, and it is what it is... but it gets to choose whether it shrivels up or reaches out. 

 And just because it chooses one thing one day, doesn’t mean it doesn’t get to/have to choose again, the next day, and the next, over and over, choosing. 

 Some days I don’t choose to look for the good. Some days, in all honesty, I curl up and ask God to please let me die. When I have had blood sugar readings of 400 and 45 in the same day. When I have had 4 seizures in 12 hours time. When I have thrown up, for no diagnosable reason, over and over- sometimes I forget to look for the good. I forget to seek joy, when happiness seems so far away. I am just tired. 

 But Joy, not happiness, is always there. Always.”

JOY is strong here today. 

 There is nothing new on me, medically. 

 There is nothing new on selling the house, Andy getting a new job, or moving closer to our parents.

 There is nothing new on my mom’s broken body, the lack of medical equipment at the hospital in Kenya my BIL works at, (please go read that one) or the angst people carry about the world in general. 

 Yet, JOY is a choice and I am choosing it. 

 Please, join me in choosing it. 

 I am so glad to have found that old message, written in a time of pain, reminding me that those very trials faced have already produced perseverance. 

Grow my friends. Grow those roots down deep. Soak up the rainwater, even when they sometimes seem to be bigger rain drops than you think you can handle. Grow those branches strong, able to handle the wind. Grow those leaves full and thick, able to offer shade to those around you who are having a hard day. 

 Be blessed as you grow my friends!

Ruth and Mara and Naomi, all three

 On Sunday there was a baby dedication at church. The branch of the church that we worship with has the parents come to the front and, in the simplest way of describing it, ask for help in raising a child of God. We, as the body of Christ, commit to stand with them and support them as they strive to do that. It is simply a reminder that we are a team. 

  This baby stood out to me more than usual because her name is Ruth, which is my middle name. Her precious baby self called to me to remember the story of my name. 

 The story of Ruth is one of my favorite in the Old Testament. She is a foreigner, not a Hebrew, yet she ends up in the family line of King David. She experiences pain and loss, yet she holds onto hope. She doesn’t know all of the answers, so she trusts people she loves to lead her in truth. She works hard. She loves enthusiastically. She doesn’t give up. 

 Sometimes I think that those of us who study the Bible want to focus on Ruth too much and leave out Naomi. 

 Naomi had to have her time as Mara, her time in mourning, so that Ruth would come to the promised land, marry into what would become the royal line and eventually the birth line of Jesus. The bad was horrible. But it had to happen. It had to lead to the good later. 

 What God keeps pointing out to me, over and over, is that we have to have faith that our bad has a purpose too. Naomi didn’t get to meet King David, but she helped create his family line. We HAVE TO believe that our suffering leads to something good even if, sometimes, it is too far away for us to see.

 My grandma, who was literally and figuratively a Ruth in every way, was such a fabulous example of this to me. She loved others without condition. She gave and gave and gave. When she hurt, with my pastor grandfather in a coma for two years, slowly wasting away, I am sure she had moments when the Joy was hard to find and the Hope seemed out of reach, but she never quit loving others in the meantime. She never stopped. Then, after he died she still simply poured out love and trusted that her Savior would take care of her. 

 So, my goal is to be a Ruth in every way. I have had my Mara moments. They have to happen. Some amazing Ruth’s have helped me along the way, so I pray that they were strengthened in their ability to encourage in my moments of mourning. 

 I trust that my Savior used even my weak moments for good. 

 But now, I want to be a Ruth. I want to make that choice. I am praying that same strength over this new little baby Ruth in our church. The strength to share Hope even when it seems too far away. The ability to let Joy overflow onto others so passionately that they can’t help but absorb it. The Trust to grab ahold of Jesus’s hand and let Him lead even when the path is hard to see. 

 Be a Ruth my friends. Share your Mara past with others and help them overcome, but choose to be a Ruth. 

 Be blessed my friends, in both the rain and the sunshine, with the reminder of the promise that He is with you just like He was with Ruth and Naomi. (And Mara too)

Made perfect in weakness

 When I was a young girl there was a song sung by Twila Paris that, especially after I was diagnosed with diabetes, summed up my desire, my goal, for everything I wanted to be. Everything I hoped for my future was based around the ability to sing that song and mean it. 

I have pasted a link to YouTube and encourage you to listen to it. It is called The Thorn and is based around 2 Corinthians 12:7. 

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited.” 2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

 The ESV fits the song, calling it a thorn, but the MSG simplifies the meaning so nicely. 

 “I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:7-10‬ ‭MSG‬‬

 That scripture passage has meant a lot to me, always. But for some reason just a few nights ago it was brought to the forefront, heavily, again. 

 I am part of a Wednesday night ladies Bible study group. We are reading a book together, discussing what God is teaching us and sharing our burdens. All different ages, stages of life, backgrounds and I suppose different futures as well. Simply women. In the opening prayer, as a wonderful woman of God was lifting requests and giving thanks, I had impressed upon me SO STRONGLY the need to “thank Him for the thorn” of Covid. 

 Thank Him for Covid. 

 I wrote that, immediately, on a piece of paper in my devotional. 

 

“Thank you for Covid!? It made us be still and quiet for just a moment. Remind us of that.”

 Notice, I had to add a “?” at the end of the first statement. As I wrote that first line I wasn’t sure that I could mean it. However, God never stops with just the first line if we are listening. 

 I have mulled the whole thing over for a few days, and have been pulled back to the verses in 2 Corinthians over and over. That thorn, that handicap, was given for a reason. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. If I think I am strong, if I think I can do it on my own, then I am not letting Him be the strength. 

 Remember that, please, when you have a thorn poking at your side. Remember also thorns come in many different packages. 

 That last line that I wrote, “remind us of that”... I want to mean it. 

I don’t know, not really, if I meant “remind us to be still and quiet” or “remind us to be thankful”, but I want to mean both. 

 I am choosing to mean both. 

 Beautifully, this verse from Psalm 46:10 was placed directly in front of me as a confirmation of both. 

Be still. 

Know, and trust, that He is God and we can be THANKFUL for even more than we want to recognize. 

As Twila Paris sings, 

Thank you for this thorn   fellowship of pain
Teaching me to know you more   never to complain
Thank You for this love   planted in my side
Faithful patient miracle   opening my eyes.

 Remember to be still and quiet, for just a moment, and then to be thankful for that moment even if it was painful. 

 Be blessed my friends as you choose to trust Him today. Know that you are loved, always. 

A simple reminder

 

Dear restless heart, be still; don’t fret and worry so;

God has a thousand ways His love and help to show;

Just trust, and trust, and trust, until His will you know. 

Dear restless heart, be still, for peace is God’s own smile,

His love can every wrong and sorrow reconcile;

Just love, and love, and love, and calmly wait awhile. 

Dear restless heart, be brave; don’t moan and sorrow so, 

He has a meaning kind in chilly winds that blow;

Just hope, and hope, and hope, until you braver grow. 

Dear restless heart, repose upon His breast this hour,

His grace is strength and life; His love is bloom and flower;

Just rest, and rest, and rest, within His tender power. 

Dear restless heart, be still! Don’t struggle to be free;

God’s life is in your life, from Him you may not flee;

Just pray, and pray, and pray, til you have faith to see. 

                                                               Edith Willis Linn

That picture has been my Facebook photo for several years now. It, quite simply, is my goal. I don’t succeed, but the goal is renewed every morning with the fresh new day. This poem struck me as a beautiful summary. 

 My restless heart forgets the goal, over and over, but we are reminded to trust and love and hope and rest and, most importantly, pray. 

 So, that is my reminder to you. Stop for a moment and let all of those goals be remembered. 

 Trust.

 Love. 

 Hope. 

 Rest. 

 Pray. 

 As always, I will add the reminder of my favorite- seek Joy my friends. One breath at a time! 

One good moment at a time

I tried to write this post several weeks ago but it didn’t have an ending, it didn’t have a conclusion. Andy said that it “was fine”, which is about as ugly as he gets about my writing. So, it didn’t get published. Instead it simply got pushed to the back and ignored. 

It is strange, really, what you discover while you wait. Or perhaps, more accurately, what you learn yet again. 

 I have had John 5, and especially the man by the pool, brought to my attention several times recently. Repeatedly, really. 

 For anyone who doesn’t know that story... there was a pool in Israel where the water would sometimes seem to stir, to move, without any human understanding. The first one who could dunk themselves in that moving water would often receive a miracle. Those who were sick, who needed a miracle, would often congregate around the pool, hoping and praying for the water to stir and for a miracle to occur. 

 However, tradition held that for them to receive the miracle, they had to be the first one in. So, even though there was joy, there was always sadness there too. 

The gospel of John says “One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be healed?” The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me.” Jesus said to him, “Get up, take up your bed, and walk.” And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked. Now that day was the Sabbath.” John‬ ‭5:5-9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

When I say this verse was “brought to my attention”, I mean in every way. A Sunday morning sermon, of course. A friend highlighting it on the Bible app so that I see it. It coming up in a devotional I am doing alone and also one with a friend. Then in an actual paper devotional as well, not just the digital ones. Then, just to make sure I was listening, a second paper devotional. 

 

 So, my friends, what am I suppose to learn from the man picking up his bed and being healed? 

 The answer to that is “I still don’t know.” 

 I don’t know what I am suppose to learn specifically from that story. I have had several ideas and I think they have all been “proven” wrong... I still don’t know what exactly I am suppose to be learning right now, from that story. But what I will tell you is that it has made me read more. Search more. Ask more. 

 And what it has led me to is truth, over and over. 

 Learning that “I don’t know” has, in complete honesty, helped me know other things so beautifully. 

 I know I just used it last time I wrote, but this verse says so clearly what my Jesus is teaching me right now. The Lord establishes my steps. 

 I can try to plan my course, have my goals, dream my dreams. None of those are evil. None of those are against my God. 

 But The Lord establishes my steps. 

 I either trust that or I don’t. 

 I either live that or I don’t. 

 

That leads to one of my favorite verses.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

 

 “Not on your own understanding”. 

 That sums it up my friends. 

 Trust. 

 Even if you don’t understand. 

 He will lead. 

 If you go back to that first verse I posted, the story in John, there is more to the story. You see, the man who was healed wasn’t brave enough to proclaim it. When he was questioned about technical difficulties he passed the blame immediately, rather than pointing out the obvious good. 

 Perhaps that is the lesson to learn? That one hasn’t been pointed out by any of the devotionals I have read but perhaps that is the one I am suppose to share. 

 Don’t make miracles more complicated, don’t make LIFE more complicated than it has to be. 

 Find the good. Choose the good. Share the good. 

 Jesus makes it good. 

 Be blessed my friends. One good moment at a time. 

My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit

 It has been over a month since I posted and it is completely my own fault. 

 The internet has worked. 

 My time has been free enough to write. 

 God has even given me words, several times.

 Most of those words are simply gone. Some of them are saved in the notes section of my phone.... but most of them are just gone. 

Why? 

Hmmm....Good question.

I think the simplest answer is that I wanted to be the happy person. I wanted to only share good news and unfortunately good news hasn’t been as strong as I had hoped. 

 Sometimes in the middle of “not good news” the actual, true, undeniable good news gets harder to see. We have all been there and experienced that. JOY gets hidden under sadness and discouragement. Hope is buried under fear. 

 Which leads me to this word of truth...

Who do I think I am to plan my course? Truly. I write this blog about trusting my Savior so I think I better follow through on meaning it. 

 So here I am, five months out from surgery, fairly confident that it didn’t work. September and October were beautiful and full of hope. Then I had 3 seizures in November. Definite, old style seizures. Slightly different, but old style. There were at least 5 in December, and then 5 in January as well, and already 2 so far this month. 

 Which leaves me, as I said, fairly confident that surgery didn’t work. 

 The whole reason I started writing (again) was to talk about this journey, brain surgery. If I only write about what I want to happen then it isn’t really writing about the journey, only the scenic stops along the way. I can’t only write about the scenic stops. That is a cheesy novel, not a story of growth. I have to write about the parts of the journey that aren’t beautiful and aren’t turning out the way I wanted them to. So, I am trying today to write the less than beautiful parts. 

 Fear and trembling will win if we let them. 

 I suppose the simple truth is, we don’t beat them. 

 It is not us who win the battle. We, those of us who are holding to the promise of our Jehovah, do not fight the battle on our own. That means we don’t have to win the battle. Our Savor already has. 

 So, fear and trembling are conquered for us in the end. Pain and sadness are still here, now. Human bodies are broken and human souls make wrong choices. But we do not fight alone and that is enough. 

 That means I have hope my friends.

 I have hope that I, Bethany Ruth, can shine Joy with a broken body. 

 I have hope that I can give love even when it isn’t asked for or returned by the world around me. 

 I have hope that every single morning, no matter what epilepsy, graves’s disease or diabetes has done the night before I can wake up with the ability to share Jesus in a the simplest and purest ways.

 The fruit of the Spirit is truly the simplest goal, but oh so very much the goal. 

Last reminder....

 My friends, don’t forget that important last reminder. 

 Your body IS the temple of the Holy Spirit. 

 Healthy body or broken. Joyful body or mourning. Focused and on track or scattered and blown with the wind. 

 Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. 

 Be blessed my friends, then turn around and return those blessings to others. 

A gentle reminder

 My dear friends, I have a simple reminder: 

 I will be that kind word. I make that choice. There will always be disagreement and unkindness but you and I make our own choice every single minute. So, be still for a moment and consider what it is you want to be. Who it is you want to be. 

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:4-8‬ ‭ESV‬‬. https://www.bible.com/59/php.4.4-8.esv

 Those verses are quoted often, highlighted often, but in smaller portions, one at a time, broken up into bite size pieces. Look at that whole paragraph of truth, please. Then, grab ahold of it, claim the truth of it, choose to live it out loud where others can see it. 

Please my friends, no matter what label you have claimed here in the world, remember the more important ones that you have. Child of God. Follower of The King. Brother and Sister to every single human, created in His image. And perhaps that verse 5, which so often gets skipped, can stand out. “Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.” 

 Be blessed my friends, with Joy and Peace that cannot be explained in this time of questions and fear and upheaval. Choose to see the Joy and Peace, and lead others to them along the way!

An even more joyful birthday celebration

Merry Christmas (eve) my friends! 

As you eat delicious food and spend time with people that you love remember the reason that we do this.

Celebrate the birth of our Savior with Joy!

 

I will pray for the blessing of Joy to pour over you and out of you. 

Remember that you are loved, by me and even more so by our Savior!