One step at a time

 We saw a chicken crossing the road yesterday, oblivious and unconcerned about anything else, and it was beautiful. Colorful. Happy. Content. 

 Andy, Ellen (his mom) and I had to laugh.

 There has been so much heaviness recently: Losing my Father-in-law, Dane, to Covid. The rest of us being sick, and Andy much sicker than I was comfortable with, at the same time. Canaan away at Basic Training. Our new house needing more work than we thought, and all of the work being delayed by all the sickness. Andy on his final leave for the army and trying to adjust to the non-army world. (And find a new job)

 Seeing that chicken cross the road was simply beautiful. Laughing was so very needed. 

 It brought back the memory of the chicken crossing the road before. 

 My life has been filled with so many interesting moments. Really good ones and some really bad too. But full of interesting moments. I have to remember to celebrate. 

 This last month has been rough, but as HE reminds me over and over, I can trust Him. 

 The sweet little frog in that picture, barely peeking through the scripture, brought me a joyful reminder last week in the garden. The garden was Dane’s. Most of what I know about gardening I learned from him, and the garden is where he and I shared our love for God’s amazing creation. In 20 years as his Daughter in law, that has been our common bond. Growing. (And loving Andy) Without Dane here to help I have not maintained his garden well. All I did during the several weeks of covid and then the heaviness that it left behind, was pick what was ripe every few days. 

 But it has also been where I am able to mourn, and that sweet little frog was a beautiful reminder that beauty is hiding. Lovely things are often there, harder to see but definitely there, if we are willing to look. 

 Hear that, please. 

 Lovely things are there. 

 

 We just have to be willing to look. 

 I won’t pretend that the ugly things are not there. They still exist, and at times are almost overwhelming. But I was reminded, and I want to share with you, that the lovely things are there! 

 This quote was in one of my devotionals this morning. 

“No matter what you face, trust God, and know that He will surely answer at the right time.” New Life Church, Bandra

This is the key thing that stood out to me. “At the right time.” 

 I am holding to that promise. I hope you will too. 

 Be blessed my friends. One step at a time, remembering to look for the good and allowed to cry in the bad. 

A mist

 I think some see this as a depressing verse, but it is also very inspiring. We don’t know what will happen tomorrow BUT... we have this very minute. 

 Use this minute for all that it is worth.

Choose the words and actions and even facial expressions of this very minute to be full of what Jesus is asking of you. 

 It has been a very full and intense few weeks here, since I last wrote a blog. 

 My firstborn son graduated from highschool and turned 18, officially becoming an adult. 

 The house sold and the packing has been full power since we are moving most things out a full week before we close.... and that moving date is barely a week away now. 

 My mother’s health has been atrocious, so we ran “home” to spend some time with her AND to celebrate another homeschool graduation. A choice for JOY in the middle of crazy. 

 My health hasn’t hit the atrocious level, but neither diabetes or epilepsy are being nice to me right now, which keeps me on my toes. I had some testing done yesterday, for my birthday, which will help determine what I even qualify for as a “next step” for epilepsy. But that is a story for another day. 

 As I said, very full several weeks. 

 But, as James says, “What is your life....(but) a mist.”

 When I read that verse this evening, with a blood sugar of 315 and on the grumpy level of attitude I was made aware, once again, that it is my choice how I react. It is my choice how I live. It is my choice whether my “mist” is a spring filled loveliness or a dark evening gloom. 

 We are all a mist. What kind shall I be? 

 As James sums up, just a few verse later... “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” James‬ ‭4:17‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Choose to be a mist that not only does what is right, but shares it with others. Choose what brings Joy, shares love, reminds of hope, shines Jesus, plain and simple.

 Yes, we are just a mist. But the mist, although temporary, can be both beautiful and useful. 

 Make that choice. 

 Be blessed my friends, choosing to see the beauty in as many steps of the journey as you can. 

Beautiful scars

 Those wounds that need binding come in so many different shapes and from so many different sources. Some are deep and need stitches to stop the bleeding. Some are more shallow, but so very wide that they seem to stretch out forever. Others will scab over, then get opened again and again and again. I have seen emotional and spiritual wounds that require “surgery”, the complete removal of a limb, for healing to happen. 

 But healing is always happening, if we allow it. 

 The thing is, there are often scars left behind. Healing stops the bleeding. Healing closes the wound.

 But the scars are still there. 

 What do you see when you look at a scar? Do you see something ugly or the mark of a battle won? Are you inspired with pride because you survived?  

 I think they are beautiful. 

 As time passes the scars smooth out. They show how we have grown and changed and matured- but they remain, as gentle and beautiful reminders of the battles we have won and the wounds that our Savior has already healed. 

 There will be new battles and new wounds. We will need new healing, over and over, and there will be new scars along the way. 

 And they will be beautiful too. 

“He heals the wounds of every shattered heart.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭147:3‬ ‭TPT‬‬

https://www.bible.com/1849/psa.147.3.tpt

The Healthy People Challenge

 The medical field is absolutely breathtaking.

 There was a cartoon recently portraying them lifting the flag, like the famous photograph of the marines at Iwa Jima. I can’t post it here because of copyrights, but I would love for you to go see it and be inspired. 

 My world is full of those breathtaking medical people, both for my medical needs and in my personal life: doctors (like my Uncle Bill and my sister’s husband Travis and several friends from college) the amazing array of nurses (like my long time friend Kelli, and Theresa from church who teaches nursing to this next generation) and the first responders, (like my friend Andrew Denman) are amazing. I don’t think I have any personal friends who are pharmacists, filling meds, or the scientists working to create new ones.. but, we need them just as much! 

 Here is the thing, I would die within a few months without my prescription meds. Depending on how violent my seizures became (which is usually the case when I am off my meds) I would injure myself easily. Without insulin my body destroys itself, eats itself rather than turning food to energy. And even the basic antibiotic that Travis called in for me over the weekend is very needed to keep an UTI from becoming a serious problem, rather than just uncomfortable. 

 The public gets grumpy when their doctor’s appts and prescription co-pays are higher than they want. Truly, I understand. There are other things we would prefer to spend our money on. But I want to challenge you to remember how much they paid to get where they are. How much time they spent in school. How many hours they spent researching. How many millions of dollars was invested in equipment to test meds and create equipment to scan you and equipment to help you breath or check your blood sugar or simply pee without pain. Hours and hours, millions and millions. 

 We have to support these amazing doctors and scientists. We have to encourage them. We have to love them. 

 We have to!

 Be the hands and feet of our Savior, and the voice of encouragement to the medical staff around you! I challenge you to show love, visibly, to exhausted doctors and nurses and first responders and pharmacists and scientists. The whole group! 

 Ready, set, GO!

What do you see?

"Your inner attitudes do not have to reflect your outward circumstances." Carol McLeod 

So, what do you see in that picture? 

Cheerful flowers?

A tangled mess? 

Pollen that will make you sneeze?

Passion and beauty and creativity and new life? 

Now, what do you see in this one? 

A trap leading to death?

The source of food, and thus life, for one of God's creatures?

Stickiness?

The breath-taking reflection of diamonds as dew catches the rays of the sun as it peeks into a new day?

What do you see?

 That opening quote spoke to me about a month ago. I wrote a FB post about it, if you want to read it. I have been reminded, over and over again recently, that what I choose to see is what I will see. 

 I spent the beginning of last week on the phone, a lot. One problem after another with insurance and medical clearance and communication. I have a wonderful primary care doc here in Troy, an amazing team of docs at UAB and, actually, a really great insurance company through the military. Yet, multiple times in a row it just kept getting messed up. Over and over. Phone call after phone call. Wednesday morning when I showed up at UAB for the last test I needed for the next step in this seizure surgery process, boom - it had gone through incorrectly and had me approved for anesthesia. Getting put to sleep was not part of the day...and the test was supposed to start right that minute. 

 For just a split second I thought about quitting. 

 Yet...I couldn't. So, I got on the phone again. They passed my cell phone around the office for about 30 minutes. Then, boom (again)- it was fixed. 

 Does that question come up in your world? When are we supposed to quit? When are we supposed to keep fighting? When is God calling us to let go and when is satan trying to keep us from getting to where we are supposed to be? 

 I don't know the answer to that. There is no easy answer to that. Every single time I have to just stop and ask for THAT time. I have to stop and consider quitting. I have to stop and consider going forward. I cling to Psalm 119:15 "I study your instructions; I examine your teachings." GNB 

 Every single time, my Savior lets me know. 

 We kept going. The testing was done. I had a follow up on Friday. I am approved for the "next step", which is to be placed before "the board" - a group of Neurologists and Neuro surgeons who will all discuss my case. They will all talk about where exactly my brain is mis-firing, and what damage those seizures are causing. They will discuss the risks of surgery, the risks of the "pacemaker" for the brain, the risks of waiting and doing nothing. 

 That "board" happens on Thursday. I assume they will contact me next Monday and tell me what they decided. There will be more tests and more discussions. They will tell me all of the risks and rewards and I get to have the final say, obviously. 

 But right this minute I choose to see that the test went through. I choose to see that step was done. I choose to see that there are several options being discussed. I choose to see more, not less. 

 Choose carefully, my friends, what you will see. 

 Be blessed, as you keep your eyes and your heart open!

Details, if desired

I don't know where to start. 

 I guess the beginning? 

 Type one diabetes is an auto-immune disorder. Your own body gets confused and "breaks" the insulin producing part of your pancreas. I was diagnosed at 12. 

 Graves disease is an auto-immune disorder. Your thyroid can't self-regulate and produces too much, or jumps all around. I was diagnosed at 22. 

 When I was 29 I started having "spells". I would stop everything, stand still and stare blankly. In my head I had gone somewhere else. A different world, with a repeating storyline. I started recognizing that world, and developed the ability to "fast forward" the story, but couldn't stop it completely. 

 At first they called them atypical migraines, then, after having a grande mal, decided that they were a type of seizure. 

 I don't think any of us were taking them very seriously still. Annoying, yes, but something to work around. 

 Topamax worked for several years. The spells were shorter, and less often, and sometimes even went months in between. 

 But Topamax wasn't strong enough after awhile. Between military moves and changing doctors I wasn't taking care of myself as well as I should and ended up having over 20 of my spells, my seizures, in a 3 day period. In Oct of 2011, at the end of those 3 days, I lost my memory. Just gone. I knew I was supposed to recognize people. But I didn't. 

 Thankfully, I was visiting my parents while Andy was away for training, and my dad took my children and put them to bed for me. My mom sat with me and told me the story of birthing my children and marrying my husband. She showed me pictures of my siblings and best friends. She told me what was important to me, what I loved. I cried.

 By the next morning it had all come back, but that was when I started taking this disorder seriously. 

 

 Sometimes meds work really well. 

 Sometimes they turn me into an unkind person. 

 Sometimes they make me just want to sleep all the time. 

 Several times they have left me begging God to please just let me die. 

 Once they even had me planning the math needed to make a Tahoe and a hill enough for that. 

 Meds can be very ugly. Don't get me wrong, they have been very helpful too, but they can be ugly. 

 Vimpat, the one I am on now doesn't seem to be working any longer. I am back to 7-8 recognized spells a month, and probably more that are more subtle, which leaves me exhausted and confused. At least twice in the last six months I have simply "lost" time. I have continued to function, putting away groceries and responding to questions even, but an hour later I "wake up" and have no memory of it. I was simply on autopilot. 

 I am tired of feeling lost. I am tired of being tired. 

 So, we are trying something new. 

 The latest theory is that my seizures are actually an auto immune disorder as well. My body got confused enough years ago to kill my pancreas and mess up my thyroid. Now it is making my brain misfire. It is destroying itself. For anyone medical, my anti-gad 65 was so high it was immeasurable. 

 The treatment I am starting is called IVIG. It is an iv drip of immune globulin. An immune boosting surge. The theory, the hope, is that the confused part of my body will spend time trying to figure it out, even fighting against these new things, and stop beating up my brain. 

 I have a 3 hour dose every day this week, boosting my body up and getting it started. 

 Today's went well. 

It will take months to know if it is helping my seizures. But today went well. I accepted the meds without any negative side effects except a slight headache... which is pretty much a constant part of my life anyway. I have hope. 

 Thank you, all of you, for your amazing support and prayers. I needed that. Hated to admit it, but needed it. 

Alexander...

 Last week, like Alexander, I had a "Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day." Truly, it just kept getting worse. My cycle started, which is probably TMI, but when you know you are never going to have another baby it just seems such a waste of time and energy. The heater in the bathroom suddenly quit working, so it was cold when I got out of the shower. Zion spilled his milk everywhere as we were trying to run out the door for homeschool co-op. My blood sugar went sky-high (over 300!) because somehow my pump was not attached correctly. I forgot the library books, so I couldn't return them. The line was humungous when I stopped at the pharmacy to pick up my Synthroid. But we finally made it to the commissary. I just needed to pick up a few things - to get Andy through the week while we were gone. But of course I grabbed a few things on sale, and several for which I had coupons that were about to expire. Still, we made decent time, saved $25 dollars in coupons and tried to pay.

 No luck.
 Card rejected. 

I suppose a back story is needed here. Just a few days later my credit card had been hacked. As in someone tried to spend $1000 on it, and didn't have the expiration date. My bank caught it, called me immediately, and it was cancelled.
 But that left me with no card.
 We use ours for everything, then pay it off at the end of the month. (I refuse to pay interest on something I don't have to) But now my system was messed up.
 I only keep enough money in the checking account for a few basic things.
 And now that the credit card was unavailable I used the debit.
 And forgot that moving money to the proper account is sort of useful.

 Especially if you don't want to be standing at the grocery with over $100 worth of groceries and not be able to pay.

 I got online to my bank and transferred the money over. But by then I had gotten the password wrong on my debit several times (when I was first trying to figure out why it wasn't working) and the line behind me was horrendous.
 So the cashier dug through her drawer trying to find my coupons, and I sat there in complete embarrassment.

 We finally got the coupons back, got out the door with a small amount of my dignity intact, (but still no groceries), and went to the truck. At which time I started to feel just sick. So I checked my blood.

 27!!

Anyone who knows anything about diabetes can wonder why I hadn't passed out yet. But I hadn't, so I sat in the truck trying to find things to stuff in my face. I was seeing spots and things were blurring, but we found raisins and cranberries. A chocolate, down in the bottom of my purse.  And a moment of quiet.

 Canaan was as upset as I was. He is just old enough to be concerned about being able to pay the bills, and figuring out where money comes from and that it isn't un-ending. So I think he was also a little afraid. I realized that I was teaching them the complete WRONG way to respond.

 I stopped, and as he said, "This was the worst thing that could ever happen", I was able to give the proper response this time.

 "Not at all"

 I reminded them that we have each other, and they are all healthy and strong. My blood sugar was returning to safe levels as we spoke and we still have food at home.

 Then Canaan made it a special project to come up with disaster scenarios that would be worse then our day.

 "Lost in the desert, covered in boils and about to be kidnapped by aliens."
 "Already kidnapped by aliens and thrown into a pit with the (some monster from Star Wars) while still covered in boils and starving."

 And the list got even more creative then that!

 My blood sugar went back to normal, we got off base before rush hour, and we made it home with time to make dinner.

 But as we unloaded the truck from all the co-op supplies I realized that my little bag with a neatly organized box of coupons, divided by theme - well it wasn't there. Anywhere. After going to all that trouble to get my coupons back, I had lost the entire box.

 I think I may have cried at that point. 

 Ah well, what is money? Obviously with out CC being hacked and our debit card not working (because of my own failing), perhaps I was supposed to be learning a lesson about money.
 About dependence on it. 
 About trust in it.
 About living without it, or at least without as much of it. 
 About being reminded how very blessed we are, because our "living without money" was going a few days having to rearrange our accounts, rather then not having a job.

 Lessons are hard to learn. Sometimes they are even hard to find. Like, why in the world did the rest of my day have to be so difficult? So I could teach Canaan that there could always be worse and we have to trust no matter what? So that I would be better at finding the good, even in the moment I am most annoyed? Sigh

 But we are always learning. Sometimes we think we are "grown up" and should know everything we need to know. I have known Jesus my entire life. How in the world did I forget to trust Him for something as boring as groceries?

 So, a small moment of inconvenience in order to re-learn a lesson. I really can't complain.

 Although I did that evening, poor Andy! He loves me enough to sit and listen.

The next day on his way home from work, when Andy stopped at the commissary to pick up the few things he really needed while we were gone, he asked if anyone had turned in a bag of coupons. It was slightly mangled, and looked like it had probably been hit by a car, but it was there.
 The whole box, scissors and calculator included. Unable to be used, but full of all my saving potential.
 He stopped again on his way home, running into the local Walmart to buy me a newer, better box. He helped laminate dividers and label them clearly. The finished product is far better then the box I lost, and has the added bonus of being filled with love.

 I love that man.

 Money - an unfortunate necessity for feeding and clothing our children.
 Love - the best earthly thing imaginable.
 My Savior - The one who helps me remember how both those things rank.

 Hopefully I can be more organized for emergencies next time. Hopefully I can avoid blood sugars of 27 in the future. Maybe we'll go without spilled milk, broken heaters, and lost coupon boxes for the rest of time.
 But I doubt it.

 And you know what, that's okay!

 Because I know, and hopefully my children know now as well, that it sometimes feels like a "horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day". But within that moment is the reminder to take a moment and give thanks for everything we take for granted.

                                              Blessings my friends,
                                 Bethany

Channel 89

 You always hear those cliche' sayings like -"Light at the end of a tunnel". That light is suppose to be a good thing, right?
 It feels sometimes that I have been the "deer stuck in the headlights at the end of the tunnel" over the last few years.
 We've been at UNC, Chapel Hill, since Sunday afternoon. At moments it feels like I have been here for at least a month. My amazing man, who normally spends his Saturdays finding something to do, just so he doesn't have to sit still, has holed up in this little room with me for 100 hours now. We have played that lovely little game called "hurry up and wait".

 As we have waited, we have explored a few avenues of entertainment. The internet is priceless at times like this. I am, as always, beyond pleased to have my Kindle. Andy even explored a little (can't stay cooped up the entire time!) and found a RedBox for us to rent a few movies from.

 But over and over we come back to the television - the basic "stuck to the wall and fed with nearly 100 channels" television. And we discovered something highly entertaining.

 They have the sci-fi channel, the History channel, ABC, NBC, Disney, even some movie channels. But, if you just keep clicking eventually you get to the hospital channels. The "healthy eating" channel. The "what to do for hip surgery" channel. And of course, Channel 89.

 All day long, every day, Channel 89 has an important announcement to make. 

"You Are Watching Channel 89"

 Fascinating, isn't it? It was hard to turn away, because with all those other stations out there, where was I ever going to find one that simply said "You are watching channel..."
 
 Obviously, I am being sarcastic.

 Because watching an announcement just sit upon the screen really isn't fascinating.

 But, for some reason, it is there. UNC feels the need to keep that channel open and ready. Right this minute it looks like a waste of energy. A pointless bit of nothing.
 But, for some reason, it is there.

 And that is point number 1. Hold on to that.

 A wonderful friend of the family called me this week while I have been here and shared his heart a little. You see, he and his wife spent a bit of time in the hospital last year. She was fighting breast cancer.

 He was telling me the story of the night before her surgery. Many friends had come to gather around and support them. They were praying, and asking for healing. They were giving hugs, and asking how they could help. And he, even after a lifetime as a pastor, was too overwhelmed to know where to start.
 But he read the story of Paul and Silas in Acts, when they were placed in irons in a prison cell, just for doing what God asked them to do. They had several choices when they were arrested. 1) Moan and complain and ask God why He would do this when all they had ever done was follow His commands. 2) Pray with trust and faith, asking God to deliver them. He had the power. They simply needed Him to step in and work a miracle.
 Did they do either of those?

 Nope. They simply sat and praised Him in the jail cell.

 They didn't complain. They didn't ask for a miracle. They simply praised, No Matter What.

 And God sent a series of events I am pretty sure they wouldn't have imagined to ask for on their own. For the rest of the details you should read Acts 16:25-36

 My pastor friend, sitting there the night before his wife's surgery, knew that they needed to just praise, no matter what. And let God take care of the details. Because sometimes even knowing what to ask for is more then we are capable of.

 They were blessed. God worked some miracles for them. Most importantly, they were made aware, once again, that He is with us, always.

 Right now, Channel 89 is sometimes all that I can see. I have faith in that "light at the end of the tunnel", but it is way too far away to actually see yet. I have no idea what to even ask for, because I cannot imagine what a "good plan" is.

 But I will praise always. And trust that my channel 89, that space sitting there empty and pointless, has a purpose. I don't know the plan. And right now I can't even figure out how to pray most of the time. But like Paul and Silas, I have no doubt that God has something planned that is beyond my imagination.

 Thank you for caring my friends. I will try to keep you posted. In the meantime, please praise Him with me.

Blessings, 

Bethany

A day that almost caused a cuss word

Today was a rough day.
Simple stupid little things, but they just kept coming.

 My basket full of supplies (junk) that I carry everywhere, "just in case" fell out of the truck and spilled everywhere. Things started rolling down the hill into the neighbors yard!

 But, it made me clean it out. I kept the sunscreen, even though summer is over, and the tylenol and chapstick. Emergency sewing kit, first aid kit, goldfish and granola bars. But the cloth napkins needed to be refreshed. Time for clean ones. Same with the emergency fork, knife and spoon. The juice box at the bottom was a flavor no one liked and the straw wrapper just needed to go in the trash. And seriously, I think 6 books are a few too many. Zion and I cut it down to three.
 So that annoyance was turned into something useful.

 We made it back inside after our busy morning away and realized that we had left the kitchen a disaster. As I carried a glass jar of bacon grease (from our authentic German potato salad) to the trash can - of course it slipped out of my hands and shattered all over the floor.

 Not just broken glass.

 Broken glass covered in bacon grease.

 And two seconds into cleaning the phone rings.

 The man Andy had arranged to come pick up some car parts was outside, calling to let me know he was here.

 Sigh.

 Glass all over the floor.

 Grease all over my hands.

 And car parts to load up.

 Thankfully, I had met the man and his wife before. I told them the situation and they were very willing to wait patiently while I cleaned up the mess. Their only grand-daughter is in college already, so I think they enjoy a few minutes with my boys once in awhile.

 But goodness how frustrating it was.

 However....

 It made me steam clean the floor. Not just talk about it.

 The soccer practice schedule had been changed, which made the regular "schedule" of supper complicated.

 Cleats decided to have an exceedingly difficult knot.

 My brand new infusion site decided to slip and HURT every time I moved while at soccer practice.

The rough day just kept staying rough.

 But the knot came undone. Supper was thrown together and even had enough leftover to feed Canaan again after practice. The infusions site was changed, again. A pain in the butt, literally, but it is working, which is what matters. And I was reminded that without it I would be dead. So even if it hurts every once in awhile, I really shouldn't complains!

 All this to leads to my quotes of the day;

 "We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." C.S. Lewis

 Which is followed by;

 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

 Half way through the day I was actually asking God what I had done wrong to deserve all of this. And now I have to laugh. Because broken glass, tangled shoelaces and a pain in the butt diabetes... well, I really don't think those are worth worrying about!

 Besides... I had chocolate too. He had blessed me with the pre-planning to make brownies- available just when I needed them.

 God is good!

Blessings, 

A few things I love

 Our wireless transmitter died. Again. I kept trying to breath new life into it. But we had to finally accept defeat and let it rest in peace.
 I am pretty sure this is the third one we have had in my blogging history.

 After just a few days without "full" internet I am always so glad to get it back. But I am always so far behind too. I already have a hard time keeping up with the blogs I want to read and comment on. And the blogs I haven't had a chance to write- well, those are lost forever. Because my brain only holds a thought for so long. Then it is gone. That is why I write a blog in the first place! So that those crazy thoughts can be corralled and organized. When I don't get a chance to write them down...

 Ah well.

 But, a few things I love:

1) That when we got home yesterday the first thing my boys did with our purchases from the thrift store was lay on their stomachs in the middle of the kitchen floor and play with them. Immediately. Anyone want to know what our purchases were?

 Books!

 2) Thrift stores in general! Large parts of our "curriculum" come from them!

3) When I open the peanutbutter, Daisy automatically thinks it is for her. That is both a love and a hate. We give her PB to cover the taste of her meds, which are a constant need, and will be always. But the fact that as soon as she smells PB she comes running: that cracks me up.

4) The fact that, although I am not sure where the money is going to come from, braces do exist and Canaan will be able to have them. There was a time when teeth that were so crowded that they wouldn't even descend were a humongous problem. Now the dentist simply gives a recommendation that you go visit their friend down the street. (or perhaps shop around and see who is cheapest?)

5) Cherry Tomatos straight from our garden. One of the few successes, making them even more delicious.

6) That beautiful art that can come from trash. Beauty is all around, as long as your seek it. My friend Casey has started using his amazing talent for more then just playing with his kids and decorating his own home. He is creating art for others and I can't help but pass him along to others. He takes paper, shredded and expected to have no further use, and turns it into beauty.  His art is amazing and it stands for one of the things I believe in most. Appreciating EVERYTHING around you and finding Joy in it.

 Please my friends, seek the beauty.

Blessings, 

A battered tent

"Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile, we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling... for while we are in this tent we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed, but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life." 2 Cor. 5:1-5

 Isn't that a beautiful promise?

 There is another verse that goes hand and hand with it -one that is slightly harder to celebrate with joy. Above is a promise. Even though it gets hard, we have heaven to look forward to, our heavenly dwelling.

 But Proverbs 16:9 says "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

 That means we have to give up our own self-centered plans.

 We even have to give up our plans if they are not self-centered.

 Even if our plans are "godly", at least as far as we can see.

 I have a friend that I have known since college who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She quit blogging for awhile, not because she was in too much pain, or too overwhelmed, or didn't have time... although any of those reasons are allowed. She quit, I think in part, because she was afraid that sometime she would have fear. Sometimes she wouldn't be able to be the perfect example of trust. And people would think that she wasn't a good enough Christian.

 I am not really that close to her, and I am certainly not inside her head, but that was what I understood when she finally started writing again. And I had to comment.

 After 20 years as a diabetic, and 3 years, with the first 18 months undiagnosed, of localized partial seizures - well, plenty of people have come over to pray over me. Some I have invited. Some have pushed their way into my personal space quite forcefully. Always, always, I have put my trust in my Savior. It was easier in the early years to expect something, to expect healing.

 Now I simply wait for a moment of peace. A reminder that He is the creator of not only this earthly "tent", but has a heavenly tent waiting for me.

 But I must say that there are moments when I feel accused of not having enough faith. When I remain "sick", even though someone has prayed over me - well, it must be because I don't believe enough. I guess that gives you an idea of the kind of charismatic churches I have spent parts of my life in.

 But still, my life, my physical life, remains in HIS hands. I believe Prov. 16:9

 However, I had a really, really terrible week, medically, this past week. On Tuesday my diabetes was atrocious, and to top it off, I ran out of insulin. Totally bad planning on my part, but when your blood sugar is already 400 your emotional stability is too far gone to figure out how to solve the problem. In the middle of me sitting in the kitchen literally sobbing, Zion asked what was wrong. I was trying to tell him that Mommy was just a little sicker then usual.

 And Canaan says, "Mommy, have you tried praying about it?"

 And my heart broke. Because I wanted to scream "OF COURSE I HAVE. 8000 times. And the answer is always no."

 But I didn't scream. I even stopped crying quite as hard. And I asked him if he could please pray. I don't ever want to crush his faith, in one of my stupid moments of body failure. Because that is what it was. Body failure. When my blood sugar was 400 my ability to have faith was easily defeated by the evil one. But a simple reminder by my son, and his absolute faith, was all it took to remind me who was in charge.

 The rest of the week was still tough, physically.

 But I was able to remember that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil. 4:13

 And I have so much more in my life then this failing "tent"! School with my children was fantastic. We then squeezed in wonderful play time with kids down the hill, and friends from church. (It is spring break for the public school kids here) Even with my crazy medical appts I still made some delicious dinners, if I do say so myself, and right this minute there is bread in the machine that is making my tummy growl.

 Each of us have a clean slate every morning, ready to start with praise. To ask for strength, whatever comes. Forgiven, and with our Savior at our side every step of the way.

 Third Day's "Mountain of God" has been my theme song the last few days. I will leave it playing on here for the next week or so. Please, stop and listen and be lifted up.

 I'll close with one of my favorite verses. "Do not grieve, for the JOY of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10b

 Blessings,  

Light at the end of the tunnel?

 I had been very frustrated with myself since we lived here. Where was all the time going? The first few weeks I could blame it on unpacking. Then Andy took some time off and he always keeps me busy. We had Thanksgiving, then Christmas. Both 3rd grade and Kindergarten are slightly more time consuming when you put them together... but still, how in the world was it that I truly and honestly did not have any time. Until this weekend I had not read a single book since we lived here. My Bible and devotional greeted the morning, but beside that a few quick glances at BH & G, Parents, and Southern Living had been then sum of my word consumption. For TWO MONTHS! I had barely blogged, or even read the blogs of others. We don't have cable, I practically never get on FB and even the world's new addiction to pinterest has only touched me minimally.

 But then I remembered that we are in a new place - I have had to meet all new doctors, again. That was where all my time was going. Family doc to get all my referrals. Endocrinologist, twice already. Go get bloodwork done, more then once. Neurologist - all the way in Sanford. Then try to find the special building on post to schedule the MRI (because new doctors are never happy with the one taken 18 months ago by a different doctor. It has to be new). Fill out all that paperwork. (This time it wasn't by choice that I had to find the place either - it couldn't be done over the phone.) Schedule an EEG. Find a new dentist, then find out that both kids have cavities so have had to go back twice for fillings. I have lost entire days to doctor appts! Over and over!

No wonder I haven't had time to read or blog!

Well, that's not exactly true.

I could have given up sleeping.

Or teaching my children.

Or cleaning the house and cooking.

But I don't think any of those were good things to give up....

Now, here I am, with all the cavities filled, and the doctors met, and the major tests scheduled.

So I allowed myself a little free time the end of last week and over the weekend to read a novel. Just for fun. It was wonderful.

But, back to work I go. Today I have to figure out how to get my prescriptions transferred from MO to here. That 90 day supply is on it's last few days. Sigh. Off to the post pharmacy we go! I swear, but I sometimes think that just staying alive is a full time job!

 Eventually I will have a normal schedule again, right?

 Until then, enjoy your normal, or not so normal, day my friends!

 Blessings, 

One drop of blood

 When I was 12 I lost almost 20 pounds in 2 months, was tired all the time, and felt as if I couldn't get enough water no matter how much I drank.

 The simplified explanation is that my body was eating itself, rather than the food I consumed. It couldn't process the food I ate. It had lost that ability.

 A trip to the pediatrician and one simple drop of blood was all it took to change my entire life. When the doctor came into the room to tell us that I had diabetes, well, I know nothing about it. Nothing. I am pretty sure I had read a book once in which the little brother had diabetes, and had to have special attention. That was all I remembered.
 My mom wanted to know all of the things that mom's want to know. How do we treat it. What medicines are needed. What is our plan of action.
 I simply asked, "Am I going to die?"
 Which I laugh at now, because of course I am going to die. Everyone dies. I think I meant, is this going to kill me. I got an immediate assurance from the doctor that this was something that, if taken care of, I could live a long healthy life with.
 So my second question came. "Can I still have children?"
 Because that was what my goal in life was. Always.
 But you all know that!

  My parents raised us to believe that God can do anything. You see so many "evangelists" on TV putting up a lot of hype in healing services. But you don't need hype. You don't need noise. All you need is the faith to ask, and wait for Him to answer. "I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18:19-20

 So we asked for my healing. My God can make a pancreas work again. We gathered with a group, specifically to ask for healing. I remember during that time another girl I had played with had her leg healed. Right there.
 I will never forget my mom's story: After we had gone to bed that night she couldn't sleep. She just laid there talking to God, saying, "What if I don't have enough faith? What if I keep her from being healed. What do I need to do to show my faith?"
 Like a voice of peace in her soul came the answer, "It is not what you do. It is what I have already done."
 He had already done.

 So, 20 years later, when I am still diabetic, where does that leave me?

 I actually have people question my faith sometimes.
 Goodness - I question my faith sometimes. That same question my mom chanted in her mind 20 years ago runs through mine on occasion. Is it because I don't believe hard enough?

 In "Streams in the Desert", which I quote on here often, there was an excerpt that made the book show it's age:
 "There is a self-opening gate which is sometimes used in country roads. It stands fast and firm across the road as a traveler approaches it. If he stops before he gets to it, it will not open. But if will drive right at it, his wagon wheels press the springs below the roadway, and the gate swings back to let him through. He must push right on at the closed gate, or it will continue to be closed."

 Now we have electric doors which do the same things at every Walmart, grocery, and even the library.

 But here is where my lesson comes in. Several times lately, those doors haven't opened for me. I have had to go around to the door that you pull with your own hand to open. Not the way that everyone else goes.

 Roman's 5:3-4 says "We can rejoice too when we run into problems and trials for we know that they are good for us. They help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady."

 I can't help but say that 20 years of "trial", well, it really hasn't been that bad. I know how to combine foods into healthy meals and snacks. (not that I always do... but I know how!) I have met and bonded with other diabetics through the years, hopefully showing them Jesus. I was able to live my dream and birth two beautiful boys. I may have originally wanted more, but I trust that if it is His will, God will bring them to me in some other way. Because I am diabetic I have been to the doctor A LOT, but that has allowed them to catch several other things that are wrong with me early, and get me on the medication needed for them.

 I have said for years that the healing that God provided me wasn't visible to the human eye. It was for my heart, my attitude. Yes, I have my days when I am grumpy and just want to take my insulin pump and throw it out the window - but overall, God has given me grace to be a joyful diabetic. I have seen support groups full of people complaining and stressing. Truly, my healing is complete. I have laid my future in His hands and don't fret. That is what my faith is strong enough for. Trusting. Over and over again, forever. As He told my Mom, what He has already done. That is enough for me.

 And that door that didn't open? I had to go around, and pull a different one, but I would never say that I did that in my own strength. It might not have been an automatically opening door, but it wasn't a wall either. I can take no credit on my own strength, simply be thankful for well oiled hinges. I just needed a reminder that the path that most people take, even Christians walking where God is taking them, well, God does not have everyone going the same place at the same time.

 At the moments when those actual doors weren't working last week - I must admit I was slightly annoyed. Especially when it happened more then once. But when I read about that gate in my devotional just a few days later, I knew that Romans 8:28 applies even to the little things. "We know that all things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to His purpose."
 Doors that don't work being good. Who knew? But those words that wouldn't come - He was organizing them.

"For the Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding." Proverbs 2:6

                                                                         Blessings,

Home, for now

As always, God provides. Despite my doubt, and the counting of paperclips, we have a beautiful new place. It looks a little funny with the small amount of furniture we choose to bring with us, but we found it the FIRST day, available that moment, utilities already on just waiting to be in our name. Despite my paperclip faith, we are blessed.

Since we still don't have the Internet turned on my blogging has been slow, but the words are here. In the meantime, I wanted to repost, again. I wrote this two years ago, and reposted it around my birthday again last year. I think that I have a bit more peace in my life - Andy is home, and at least we have meds for the seizures, but the prayer remains the same. Take it all Lord. Don't let me waste my time thinking I have any control.
Take it all Lord!

My friend Tricia has been sharing some of her older posts, a bit of remembering. I realized today that I could do that too.

This was originally posted May 31st of last year.

A post from the road

We are somewhere in Louisianna, at a Comfort Inn. My parents and children are in the room next door. Two of my sisters and a friend are in the beds behind me. I should be sleeping, and preparing for another day on the road tomorrow.
But right this minute I am just so very full. Full of Joy. Full of Faith. Full of Hope.
I have to let some of it out before I can attempt to sleep.


A few days ago I was reading a devotional about Nehemiah. They basis of the reading was pointing out in the second chapter when the king asks him why he is sad, Nehemiah is terrified but his first reaction is to pray.
My absolute first thought when reading this was, "well duh!"


After reading through the encouraging devotional concerning this subject I was actually in some ways disheartened. I was so saddened by the thought that there are some people, God fearing Christian people who love Jesus with their whole heart, who would not have their first reaction be prayer. What a sad, sad, thing to focus on fear, or any emotion really. How very blessed I am that I was taught from my earliest memories to place absolutely everything at the feet of God.


So, I have been thinking about this scripture, and prayer, and my amazing family a lot over the last couple of days.
After spending a lot of hours in the van with my parents and Kelsey driving to TX, I have had plenty of opportunity to NOT like my family. But none of those little nitpicky things matter. Honestly, it may drive me a little batty the way my dad drives, or they way my mom fusses at the way he drives, but those things don't change what really matters.
We were raised right. That is just a wonderful thing to have!


Now, on the way back to GA, we have Mary and her roommate Lindsay with us, and a second car. The van is loaded down with all the girls stuff, my parents, and my kids. The car has the four of us girls. As we were driving down the road this evening a song came on about God being our healer, and our portion, and something about trust. For some reason I just lost it. I was suddenly tired of being sick, tired of asking for healing. Tired of waiting for my sister to be well, and have a baby. For most of my life my parents have taken me to healing services, had me prayed over by anyone with that gift, asked repeatedly for God to step in.


The answer has always been Not right now.


The healing has always been for my heart, and my attitude, and my ability to cheerfully be diabetic, willingly use my disease as a ministry. I have had plenty of healing, and I wouldn't trade it for physical healing - not for a minute.


But for some reason this new disorder, these blackouts, or atypical migraines, or whatever they are - they are sapping my ability to cheerfully "deal". Added to that my unbelievable hurt for my little sister's physical and emotional pain, and the fact that my hubby is gone and our adoption is still delayed...
I guess I was a walking timebomb full of tears.


But here is the amazing part. Kelsey reached over and grabbed one hand. Mary reached up from the back seat for another hand. And we poured out our tears to our Father. Fears and hurt. Hopes and dreams. Old and new. As a family, automatically.
We were missing one sister, but she was definitely included, and prayed for.


I am so very thankful for my family. I am so glad that our automatic response, to pain or joy, is to take it to Jesus.
Faith. Joy. Hope. Truth. That is what we have, as well as who we are.

Emilee Hope, Kelsey Joy, Mary Faith - and Bethany Ruth... I get to be Truth. That is our heritage, and we claim it. This year, just as much as last.

And we love to laugh!

Emotions thrown up all over the place

So many thoughts running through my head. Emotions needing spilled, again.

I have a blog on Harry Potter, crying out to be written, but tonight is not the night. (Although it needs to be soon before I read too many other books and forget too much!)

The last few days have been really rough, physically. I can go weeks without feeling a single absence seizure. I suppose that even though I can't feel them, they are still happening? The meds are just masking them? I don't know. Over the last three days I have felt them, strongly.

I have instructions from my doctor to simply take an extra Topamax "as needed". On top of the seizures making me tired, and the catchup from VBS wearing me out, I now have MORE Topamax in my system. So, tonight when the boys were in the tub I laid down, just for a second.

I fell about 90% asleep.

I heard Canaan calling for me, "Mommy, can we get out of the bath now? I can't reach my towel". Poor Z hadn't even had his hair washed yet.

As Canaan was drying off I apologized for leaving them so long. He turned to me and said, "That's okay mommy. I was just afraid we were going to have to come and get you. What if you had had a seizure?"

My heart broke just a little.

I know there are other seven year olds out there who have heavier burdens to bear. But I didn't want my seven year old to have to bear a burden at all. The fact that he has to spend even one minute of his day worrying that I might have had a seizure, that makes me sad. He's not supposed to worry about me - that is role reversal in it's purest form.

However, I must say I am so glad it is me that is sick, and not him. I would much rather him worry about me, and be gloriously healthy himself than the other way around. A fabulous blog that I read, another military wife and mom, was writing this weekend about her son's battle with cancer. She knows about a real broken heart. I can only pray that I never have to know that fear.

In other news...

Tomorrow, unless things change again, is Andy's interview with the Army officer board. It has already changed once, so I am trying not to get too "set", but this one sounds pretty certain. So, big possibility. We can only wait and see. Every little thing that could slow his package down has happened. And every time it has looked like it was going to be impossible, it has worked out. So, if it is not going to go, we will know that God is in charge of that.

But oh, we would like it to go!

Isolation recap

I had four days to myself. The house was quiet. I really should be relaxed, and renewed, right?

Whatever!!

I lost the first 5 hours waiting for my radioactive pill to arrive by special Fed Ex, which apparently had a delay. Thankfully, I had a book with me.

Then, everybody called me all day Thursday and Friday. Which really, I didn't mind. It was just hilarious that people were so concerned about my health - I swallowed a pill, for pete's sake. And no, it did not make me glow. Bummer, huh!

But, I cleaned out the boys room - clothes, toys, books and puzzles. I vacuumed the baseboards, while all the legos were put away, and I am pretty sure I only sucked up two. That may be a record. Even with all the hospital time, and phone time, they weren't wasted days.

By Sat... well, I guess everyone knew that I was fine, because NO ONE called me all day long. Not even my husband. He called me when he woke up, just to make sure I was still alive. Then, I didn't hear a peep out of him again all day long. Or my mom, or sisters, or strangely enough, one single friend. All in the same day.

Want to see what I got done in the day of silence?

I wish I had a "before" picture of the closet, but at least you can see most of the mess that was in it.

When I remembered to take pictures, this was what was left in the closet.

This was what needed to go back, either into the closet...

or onto the bottom shelf you can see behind the stack of books.

Under the basket of tea. Do you think I have enough? Tea that is.

Trust me, this isn't even a drop in the bucket of the books...

I am actually an insanely organized person, about what I want to be. It is slightly ridiculous. So, after nearly a year of living here, the school/craft closet had gotten a lot of use, and very cluttered.

I felt the need to weed some things out. Re-distribute. Re-label. Re-organize. The old children's magazines - we love Highlights- go into cereal boxes trimmed down. Playdough, popsicle sticks, glitter - proper containers. Markers, crayons, glue sticks, scissors, dry erase.... etc each has their own wipe box. See what I mean - slightly OCD.

I like to stock up at the back to school sales every year, when things are cheaper. I always have extra glue, and paper, and crayons. I think I may have gotten a little carried away on the scotch tape...

Yep, that is a giant sized pretzel tub, and yes, that is 16 rolls of tape. Sixteen! That doesn't even count the two or three open ones floating around the house...

The three drawer container has a drawer for construction paper, a drawer for other kinds of paper, and a drawer full of flash card type things. Many of which have been around since I was a kid. There is a "learn to tell time" set that was my dad's when he was young. (found the link on E-bay, so don't know how long it will be active) The discovery toys Think it Through tiles are in there too. Anybody else use those? They have been around since my sister's were little, and they were easy "puzzle time" for Canaan this year. I love my family!

When it was all done the closet looked like this -

Ideas for Canaan next year, neatly stacked. Ideas for Zion next year, neatly stacked. Coloring books and cereal boxes full of magazines in neat little rows. Geography is tucked up in a corner you can't see, as are several really great books on art. And at the very bottom, the backpacks with the rest of what needs to be completed "this year". Technically, we only have 13 days of school left before we are done. But I just got the coolest book from my MIL about Ancient Egypt. So, don't expect the learning to end, just because summer is here!

And here is the final view of the shelf, organized by subject matter. My "One Million Things", lots of science, (animals, space, dino's, germs, the human body...) Ancient history, Medieval history, American history, some teacher manuals and a really hideously ugly, but practical daily planner I dug out of the attic. Andy says it looks like a grandma's couch in 1982. I don't think that is supposed to be a compliment at all. But, it has a place for a scripture of the week, a personal goal for the week, dinner plans, and still room for writing which subjects I want to try to study which days, which days are library days... it goes on and on...

Ugly, but useful. You can't have everything, right?

All in all, my weekend of isolation was not a vacation. I worked hard. But, I had fun with my work. And, I took a little time for plain old fun too. In fact, with no one here to fuss at me to turn out the light and go to sleep, after all that work on Sat. I stayed up to 4am reading a book.

Foolish foolish woman... because the boys all came home the next day, and I will never get that chance to sleep back again. Oh well! I enjoyed the book, and I am GLAD to have my boys back!

Hidden in my heart

There is a beautiful Proverb that says "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Prov 22:6

I am so glad that my parents took that to heart. They trained me, they molded me. Most of all, they taught me God's word, which in and of itself, is the best training there is.

Every day I have a question, praise, concern, or simply a moment of worship that takes my breath away. Sometimes all at once.

Always, a piece of scripture pops into my head. I may not always be able to recall where exactly it is located, or even word for word what it says, but the concordance or Bible.com can usually help me figure it out.

I have God's word hidden in my heart, so that I may not sin against him. Psalm 119:11, paraphrased.

Beyond the usual ups and downs of military life and parenting, I have had some emotional turmoil these last few days. My Mommy has been in physical pain, and I couldn't go to her. She has been in emotional pain, and I can't fix it.

But, I keep hearing, over and over, "My grace is sufficient for thee". The rest of that verse goes on to say "For my strength is make perfect in weakness." Paul was asking God to remove from him his "thorn in the flesh", but the Lord's response to him was that His grace was enough, and that His strength was perfect, even though we are weak. 2 Cor 12:9

I had someone try to tell me recently that Paul was a special case, and that my saying that I would "take pleasure in infirmities" (since God has chosen not to heal me yet) as 2 Corinthians 12:10 said, was as if I was comparing myself to him; thinking myself as "holy" as an apostle. I swallowed hard and walked away from that.

I believe that my strength, and the strength of my Mom, are made perfect in weakness. Not through ourselves, but through the Savior we choose to worship, NO MATTER WHAT. We will ask, always, over and over again for healing. But we will always end that prayer, as Jesus taught us to, with "your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." Matt 6:10

And we will rejoice in perfect weakness.

We would love your prayers, and when I have more to share, I will.

Most of all, I am so very thankful for Proverbs 22:6. I am doing my best with the next generation. I hope and pray that every time they have a hurt or a joy, a question or a praise, The Word is there in their heart to guide them.

Mother's Day

I already know what I am getting for Mother's Day. In fact, I already got the physical, tangible, touchable present. New clothes for the gym - which was just what I wanted. Since I have to wear my insulin pump, I have to have a pocket. Workout pants with a pocket in them are surprisingly hard to find. So, I have an adorable, pink and gray matching set of kapri's and tank. I have even already worn it to the gym - How's that for cheating?!

However, I am getting something else for Mother's day too. Four whole days by myself.

This comes, not actually as a gift, but as a mandatory doctor's order... but I am choosing to have some fun with it and consider it a vacation!

On Thursday I am having Radioactive Iodine treatment for my Graves disease, or hyperthyroidism. After I swallow the radioactive meds, I myself will be radioactive for several days. They said that the dosage is actually really low, but it is safer for children to not be around. No one is supposed to be within three feet of me, but it is safer for the kids to just not be around at all - because really, what are the chances of my kids remembering to stay three feet away for 3-4 days?

The research I did on the internet said I would actually be radioactive enough to set off security alarms in the airport! Fun times. Andy said he would be willing to stay, and even risk the three feet radius, since he worked on planes that he can guarantee had more radiation then my meds have! I laughed, and told him he would be welcome, but someone has to take care of our children.

So, I get Thur-Sun to myself. I keep saying I am going to clean out the closets and get rid of things while they are gone, but if I'm not careful I will spend the entire time on here, or lost in a book.

I'll keep you posted!

Thankfully, I get my family back on Mother's day. I think they will wait til the evening, just to be safe, but by that fourth day, I will be having some major missing pangs going on!

What are your Mother's Day plans? Do tell....

Homemade Bodywash

We are becoming more "Hippie" by the day it seems. Truly, it is not all my fault. Andy contributes too.

I may have been known as "Captain Planet" back in college, for starting the campus recycling drive, and for harping on my roommates constantly to turn off the lights, and tv, and water. But I married my equal.

Andy was the one who pushed through and actually made the homemade laundry detergent. I may have been the one who heard about the idea, talked about the idea, actually uses the detergent, dries the clothes on the line rather then the dryer, etc.... but he was the one who went to the store, bought the ingredients and made the laundry soap one weekend while I was out doing other things.

Ever since then he has been talking about making our own body wash. Canaan has terrible eczema- terrible. We spend a fortune in lotions, sensitive skin body washes, shampoos, etc. We kept reading that Tom's all natural soap was supposed to be really gentle. The problem is that it is almost $4 a bar, and our six year old doesn't seem to be able to keep a bar of soap for longer then about three baths. He simply destroys them.

So, Andy occasionally does a search for homemade organic body wash. Last week he finally found a recipe that sounded do-able. So, he made it. Just like that! Really, should I be surprised?

1/2 gallon distilled water

2 cups grated soap 

2 Tbsp Vegetable Glycerin oil

Minerals, colors and scents as desired

Melt 2 cups grated soap in 1/2 gallon distilled water (we doubled the recipe which is why it looks like so much more then 1/2 gallon in the pot)

Along with 2TBSP of Vegetable Glycerin oil

Add scent or color if desired, which it wasn't for us - the simpler the better for poor Canaan's skin!

Mix well.

We poured it into mason jars and let it cool.

It solidified into a fairly thick substance, which scared me at first, but after shaking it up a bit, it is the perfect consistency. One jar at a time gets poured into an old Johnson and Johnson baby wash bottle and seems to be working wonders so far.

I do love being one of the Planeteers, and raising little junior Planeteers too!

Good for C's skin, good for the environment, science lesson for the kids...and, to top it off, it was really pretty cheap:

One gallon distilled water - $1

Vegetable Glycerin -$6, but we used less then 1/3 of the bottle

Two bars of Tom's soap - $7.20

Total made - 10 18oz jars of body wash.

Total spent - $10.20

Not bad for 10 jars of body wash~

If we had shopped around, we could have gotten the Tom's cheaper. Andy was just impatient. Once he gets an idea in his head, he wants to do it NOW. Rite Aid is not the best place to buy soap, especially when it is not even on sale. I found it on Amazon for $0.99.

Hippie life is good. Now I just need a daisy chain to wear in my hair.

**Update, November 2011. So many of the comments of those planning to use the bodywash are suffering from eczema. One thing we discovered recently, after reading around, was that eczema is often made worse by certain foods. We have removed all citrus and strawberries from Canaan's diet and it has helped immensely. Now that he has removed citrus from his diet, it is amazing to see the immediate repercussions when he does consume some by accident. Just a squirt of lime on some fish was enough to double his rash in 24 hours. So, eczema sufferers, read around and consider banishing certain foods. Blessings, Bethany**

***Yet another update. Feb 2012 - I have now added Discus - I am still learning how to navigate and moderate, but I think commenting will be easier now. Please have patience with me as I try to keep up with questions!***