When I was 12 I lost almost 20 pounds in 2 months, was tired all the time, and felt as if I couldn't get enough water no matter how much I drank.
The simplified explanation is that my body was eating itself, rather than the food I consumed. It couldn't process the food I ate. It had lost that ability.
A trip to the pediatrician and one simple drop of blood was all it took to change my entire life. When the doctor came into the room to tell us that I had diabetes, well, I know nothing about it. Nothing. I am pretty sure I had read a book once in which the little brother had diabetes, and had to have special attention. That was all I remembered.
My mom wanted to know all of the things that mom's want to know. How do we treat it. What medicines are needed. What is our plan of action.
I simply asked, "Am I going to die?"
Which I laugh at now, because of course I am going to die. Everyone dies. I think I meant, is this going to kill me. I got an immediate assurance from the doctor that this was something that, if taken care of, I could live a long healthy life with.
So my second question came. "Can I still have children?"
Because that was what my goal in life was. Always.
But you all know that!
My parents raised us to believe that God can do anything. You see so many "evangelists" on TV putting up a lot of hype in healing services. But you don't need hype. You don't need noise. All you need is the faith to ask, and wait for Him to answer. "I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18:19-20
So we asked for my healing. My God can make a pancreas work again. We gathered with a group, specifically to ask for healing. I remember during that time another girl I had played with had her leg healed. Right there.
I will never forget my mom's story: After we had gone to bed that night she couldn't sleep. She just laid there talking to God, saying, "What if I don't have enough faith? What if I keep her from being healed. What do I need to do to show my faith?"
Like a voice of peace in her soul came the answer, "It is not what you do. It is what I have already done."
He had already done.
So, 20 years later, when I am still diabetic, where does that leave me?
I actually have people question my faith sometimes.
Goodness - I question my faith sometimes. That same question my mom chanted in her mind 20 years ago runs through mine on occasion. Is it because I don't believe hard enough?
In "Streams in the Desert", which I quote on here often, there was an excerpt that made the book show it's age:
"There is a self-opening gate which is sometimes used in country roads. It stands fast and firm across the road as a traveler approaches it. If he stops before he gets to it, it will not open. But if will drive right at it, his wagon wheels press the springs below the roadway, and the gate swings back to let him through. He must push right on at the closed gate, or it will continue to be closed."
Now we have electric doors which do the same things at every Walmart, grocery, and even the library.
But here is where my lesson comes in. Several times lately, those doors haven't opened for me. I have had to go around to the door that you pull with your own hand to open. Not the way that everyone else goes.
Roman's 5:3-4 says "We can rejoice too when we run into problems and trials for we know that they are good for us. They help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady."
I can't help but say that 20 years of "trial", well, it really hasn't been that bad. I know how to combine foods into healthy meals and snacks. (not that I always do... but I know how!) I have met and bonded with other diabetics through the years, hopefully showing them Jesus. I was able to live my dream and birth two beautiful boys. I may have originally wanted more, but I trust that if it is His will, God will bring them to me in some other way. Because I am diabetic I have been to the doctor A LOT, but that has allowed them to catch several other things that are wrong with me early, and get me on the medication needed for them.
I have said for years that the healing that God provided me wasn't visible to the human eye. It was for my heart, my attitude. Yes, I have my days when I am grumpy and just want to take my insulin pump and throw it out the window - but overall, God has given me grace to be a joyful diabetic. I have seen support groups full of people complaining and stressing. Truly, my healing is complete. I have laid my future in His hands and don't fret. That is what my faith is strong enough for. Trusting. Over and over again, forever. As He told my Mom, what He has already done. That is enough for me.
And that door that didn't open? I had to go around, and pull a different one, but I would never say that I did that in my own strength. It might not have been an automatically opening door, but it wasn't a wall either. I can take no credit on my own strength, simply be thankful for well oiled hinges. I just needed a reminder that the path that most people take, even Christians walking where God is taking them, well, God does not have everyone going the same place at the same time.
At the moments when those actual doors weren't working last week - I must admit I was slightly annoyed. Especially when it happened more then once. But when I read about that gate in my devotional just a few days later, I knew that Romans 8:28 applies even to the little things. "We know that all things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to His purpose."
Doors that don't work being good. Who knew? But those words that wouldn't come - He was organizing them.
"For the Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding." Proverbs 2:6
Who writes this stuff?
- I am happily married to an amazing military man who spent 9 years enlisted and is now an Officer in the US Army. We have two amazing boys who are not so little any more! They still infuse every moment of every day with creativity and energy, and make my life an adventure. I was educated at home, and am now teaching our children - second generation homeschoolers! I try every day to become more like Jesus Christ, and to love like HE does. If you want you can try and catch me at firstname.lastname@example.org