I have been playing "Words with Friends" on my iPhone lately, and I have been working with Zion with letters, and I had spent the hour right before bed organizing the books on my Kindle into categories. So words were fresh in my mind.
But I don't think that's why I dreamed about Scrabble. When Andy came home between PT and class he pointed out that Scrabble is a game of making words fit. Of shifting letters around and creating. My ability to create words, or lack of ability, has stressed me lately.
I love to write. Truly I do. But I want it to mean something. I want all of my words to mean something. After two months off I feel like I should have lots of meaningful words stored up. Instead, it seems that I have very few words at all. Those that I do have are all scrambled up in my head, and like Scrabble, I am having to untangle and rearrange them to turn them into something that makes sense.
I don't want to be a preacher. I just want to make sure that everything I say means something. I started this blog because I was hurting and needed to share that. To give it meaning, even if only in my own head. I hope that my ability to share my feelings openly, and clearly, has grown through the years. Because that is what a lot of this blog is: Me, sharing my feeling. However, I hope that my words are not just my words. I hope they are His words.
Perhaps David said it best: "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14
I hope that Scrabble doesn't haunt me much longer. I have even been avoiding the phone lately, because words are running around and around in my head - but they don't quite know how to build themselves, or how to come out in the proper order. But they are there, and I am trusting that He will put them together and help me spit them back out onto this blank page of the internet.
Where they go from there - well, I don't really care. I just need to figure out how to rearrange them, make them fit, and get them on the playing board, rather then trapped in my head. First though, they have to mean something.
Keep throwing me letter tiles my friends. I am working on putting them in order!
Blessings,
2 comments:
Beautiful words discussing not being able to arrange words! ha!
Don't overthink it too much, I love reading anything you want to share! :)
I am not blogging/journaling/writing because I can't seem to find words that express what needs to be said either - I am simply tired. And in those moments that I am not tired, something other than the computer clamors for my attention and when I can come back to blogging, the words have slipped away.
Take care of you.
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