That first phone call

 At lunch after church this afternoon Mom mentioned that some good friends of ours had heard from their son, John - his first phone call home from Basic Training.
 I got watery eyed and a bit choked up, and Mary almost started to laugh. "Bethany, it has been 9 years. How in the world can that still make you cry?"
 They weren't tears of sadness, simply tears of remembrance. Sometimes an emotion is so strong it can't help but overflow just a little.

 Let me take you back.

 It was December 25, 2001. Christmas Day. We had been married for 6 months and 2 days. I couldn't bear to leave my little apartment, just in case he called, so my family crammed themselves in there to celebrate with me for awhile. But eventually we headed back to their house and found, waiting on their answering machine, his very first call from Basic Training. He had assumed, correctly, that I would want to be with them for Christmas since he was away. He just didn't know they would come to me.

 I remember being so heartbroken that I had missed my chance to talk to him, to encourage him, to make sure he was staying strong in his faith and confidence. To tell him that I loved him.

 (Why didn't he call my cell was the question Mom asked while we were remembering this afternoon - surely we had one by this time? Perhaps we had very few minutes and only used it for emergencies? Maybe I didn't keep it on me on a regular basis yet? Cell phones were still not "attached at the hip" like they are now. Who knows. That is not one of the memories that stands out in my mind.)

 He left me his address, and I wrote him that very night. I had already written him pages and pages, so was relieved to finally have someplace to send them. I wonder if he has ever read all of those letters. Probably not. He certainly didn't have time in Basic training. I have the clarity of mind to know that now, but at the time I only knew that I had to share every moment with him. We were still newlyweds, quite literally.
 I think I may have to dig those letters out and read them. What a trip down memory lane it would be to feel those feelings again. And the letters from him - those are priceless. Not quite as word filled, but each word can be felt to the bottom of my toes.

 Yes - thinking about that first phone call brought back lots of memories. A few watery eyes. And a reminder that after the first there always comes a second, and then a third - and it gets easier, at least for the moment.

 Tomorrow is a first again. Andy has his PT test at 0500. He should know by noon if he is in this next class rotation. He said that perhaps not hearing from him is what I should hope for, as that will mean he is busy moving into the proper dormitory and getting set into the new schedule. He has no idea when he will have free time again. He'll call when he can.

 So, tomorrow begins a new wait, for another first phone call.

 But it always comes. And now I have a cell phone, attached at the hip. I'm not missing one again, no sir, not me!
                                                         Blessings,

Snapshot Saturday - sort of

Snapshot Saturday

Three silly boys

Loved

a day at the Air Show.. 

and were held in rapt attention

peanut butter face and all. 

A very boring update -

 I have reached a point in the last few days in which I have had too many words, too little time, and not nearly enough organization in my brain to sort it all out.
 So instead of writing, I have turned the opposite direction - away from the computer. In fact, I even added the media package to my phone so I had the potential to blog from ANYWHERE. But did I?
 No.
 Not that there is anything wrong with that. My children and husband have enjoyed the extra time with me (I hope) and I have gotten more sleep. But eventually the words have to come out.
 The question is, where are the words headed?

 Marriage is still very much on my heart so I have asked some people I respect and admire to share their wisdom with me, in a survey sort of thing. I am very excited to have all their years of wisdom compiled in one place, and I hope that in sharing it here it speaks where it needs to be heard.
 While we are waiting for those words, check out this fun blog. A husband and wife team write about marriage together. Hearing both points of view and both sides of the story is a fascinating way to blog, and a wonderful way to experience marriage. I love the reminder to step outside my own brain waves and try to see the situation from Andy's side.

 On to other news: The countdown to the move has begun around here. Andy reports of Ft. Benning on Feb 2nd, and has to out-process from the AF before then. We're going to try to move out of this house by the end of Nov, may be slightly transitional for a while, (ie:homesless) then use up his vacation days over Christmas and January, living with my parents. Quite a few unknowns still floating around here.
 I guess this is a good time for me to be thinking about and praying for a good marriage. All this stress is bound to cause some arguments!

 Last, but not least, Santa came to visit me early.

 That may be another reason I have been a slacker in the world of blogging. I have been playing around in the world of photography instead.

Obviously, these pictures were not taken with the Rebel, since they are of the Rebel. I haven't actually uploaded anything I have taken yet. But I have been snapping away - different lighting, different angles. I have even tried out Andy's lens from his old film camera- works great! It has a much larger range, but it doesn't have the anti-shake "image stabilizer" feature, which is sort of useful for a beginner.
 I'll try to get brave enough to actually upload the pictures soon. For now, I am enjoying my early (and only) Christmas present.

Who do you love??

 I can't help it, when I hear that phrase, I hear music and start singing along. Pretty much any phrase that can be said by anyone at any given time reminds me of a song.

 Has for years. 

 I am pretty sure that my sisters and I have sung about something or another every single day of our lives. It is harder to do without them, but I am teaching my boys to sing now. Zion now cheerfully sings along to several different ringtones on my phone (Hello Mom and Carrie!) Canaan can sing several of the "old" songs that I grew up with, which excites me to no end. And I have discovered that my boys will fall asleep at night to me playing old hymns and praise and worship music on the piano. A triple bonus! I get to practice, worship, and soothe my kids to sleep, all at the same time. 

 But, back to my original thought... who do I love?

 Of course, there are multiple answers to that question. But today, I would like to talk about my amazing husband, Andrew Ian. 

 On Saturday he got out of class early because his professor was sick. When he pulled into our driveway he noticed that the construction workers were busy next door, putting on a roof. He immediately came in, started a pot of coffee, and ran down to the dollar store to buy some disposable cups (which gave me time to whip up a batch of biscuits) so he could take a little "warm up" break over to the guys who were having to work on a Sat. Andy has to work on Sat. often enough that he knows how it feels - he simply saw what he perceived as a need, and filled it. Oh, how I respect that man! 

 As usual, he takes wonderful care of me also. Since he has a deployment coming up soon, he has been fixing everything possible on my car. He replaced the battery the other day, changed the brake pads a few days after that, and most recently changed some belt.  

 Canaan thought that was one of the coolest things ever, and I have to agree. I may be easily impressed, but, quite simply said, I am impressed! 

 On Sat. night, our big party night, we played a game of Quelf. That game is always loads of fun, but I think my favorite moment had to be the one in which 4 big tough Air Force men ended up having to hold hands!   

 Seriously, that was funny! Not so much because they had to hold hands, but because they had to comment on it, of course! Three of them are Crew Chiefs, (basically, airplane mechanics) which are pretty much down and dirty, nitty gritty guys - two of them don't know Jesus at all. So, the jokes that were made were not always clean, nor kid appropriate, but it was a fun time, and oh, how I enjoyed getting to hang out with some of the people that Andy gets to hang out with every day. It makes his life seem closer to mine. 

 Oh, how I LOVE that man! 

 Of course, on the extreme other side of the spectrum, as I have tried to type this blog he has been flipping channels right next to the computer, driving me CRAZY! Part of that is my fault, since I shouldn't be so easily distracted by the "tube" - but at the same time.... ARGH! Good thing I love him so much! 

Remembering

When President Bush gave his "Farewell" speech last night, one line really stood out to me. 

"As the years passed, most Americans were able to return to life much as it had been before 9/11. But I never did." 

I guess because I never did either. 

Before Sept. 11th, 2001, I was just a newlywed, (less then 3 months married) a young preschool teacher, and a highly idealistic child of God. 

I was married to a young(er) man, part time cook, who was "taking a break" from college and at the present moment didn't really have a plan farther ahead then the next paycheck. 

We were brilliantly happy. 

We were insanely carefree. 

We were simply young. 

When that first plane crashed, Andy was in the process of putting on his only dress suit. That morning our plans were very full, with something that could not be delayed. You see, we were on our way to the funeral of Andy's grandfather. His grandfather, who had proudly served 20 years in the military. 

Before that morning, I don't remember Andy ever mentioning an inclination to join the military. I remember the story, back "before me", of him considering the Coast Guard. But that was "before me" - more then two years earlier. 

After Sept. 11th, it was the only thing he talked about. 

By our first Christmas, he was already gone to basic training. 

And my life has never been the same. 

Two days worth of pictures

Andy brought me a present home yesterday after work. See my new bumper sticker...

It seems that maybe he has been listening to me when I "ramble on about nothing" lately. 

The internet was being a booger last night, (or as Andy says, our service provider "sucks cat anus") so I gave up on it, and decided to read instead. Which is why you get yesterday and today's pictures BOTH right now. 

This morning when we got up I realized that we had no milk. Since the usual breakfast (cereal) was thus out of the equation, we decided to get creative. Here are a few of our pancake faces. 

 Meet pacman/Capt. Olimar. (depending on who you ask) and Mr. Pikman.

Zion gets very enthusiastic with the eyes. (raisins)

        

     

Camo

 I was doing laundry yesterday and as I tossed Andy's uniform into the washing machine, I had a moment. One of those moments I don't want to have right now, because right now I just want to enjoy every moment. I realized that for six months, I won't have any camo to wash. I think that every military wife can relate. It's not like we love the laundry - but it is familiar, and soothing, and just part of life. And it is just one more thing that we don't have any more when they are deployed.

 Then, I had a moment of "saving grace". 

 I have sons. 

 Sons that like camo. 

 So, it may not be the exact same camo, and it is definitely a different size, but at least I have something to fill that space, something to keep my hands (and my washing machine) full while he is gone. 

 God is good. 

 Another thing I am going to miss, strangely enough, is the smell of oil and grease. 10 years ago, I never would have thought that I would love that smell. Even 5 years ago I didn't love it yet. But it has grown on me. Now, in some strange way, it is a comforting smell - the smell of normal, everyday life. 

 I was behind someone in line at the dollar store the other day: a dirty, greasy, overweight mechanic - and I just kept thinking to myself, "Man, he smells good". I realized then that I have a problem! 

 So, if you see me walk up to a stranger on the street and give them a hug, you can assume that they are either wearing camo, or smell of oil and grease. Have a little patience with me! 

One moment that changes everything - yet again

 Today, as I walked out to the mailbox at 7:30 pm, in the first week of January, quite comfortable in my tanktop and bare feet, I realized that I am going to miss it here. In the middle of the summer, when it is 100 degrees, and so humid you feel like you could literally wring out the very air that surrounds you, it is harder to remember that. Or when the ants find a way in - inexplicably, yet with persistence, over and over again. Or when you find yet another black widow cheerfully taking up residence in space that you would like to consider your own.

 But today, when it was 70 degrees out, and the sun was gloriously shining, and you drive along with the windows down, and the fresh pine breeze blowing, and the bulbs that you planted last year are already poking their adorable little heads out between the cheerful red mulch that you lovingly spread on ground that you own, for the first time, OWN, yourself... Well, today, it was harder to think about saying goodbye. I will miss this little plot of ground. 

 However, I strongly believe in living the verse that says "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

So, I will choose to give thanks. I can't promise that I will always be successful, and I will apologize in advance for my moments of failure. 

It seems that my year, and all the plans I had for it, have changed, repeatedly, in the last week. First there was Tuesday - the delay in the Officer package. On Wednesday I got an E-mail from our contact in Benin saying that another family was interested in Glawdys, and if we could not finish our paperwork soon and move to the next step then she would be placed with them. That was heartbreaking, scary, and very frustrating. At this exact moment, I can't make anything go any faster - holidays just s l o w things down.

Then, on Friday, I got the final straw for my week of ARGGGHHHH! With less then two months notice, Andy found out he is headed for "the desert" for six months. He was a last minute addition to this trip - they had been trying not to send him, since everyone knows he is in school and trying to do his Officer package - but, they are short manned, and duty calls. We don't argue and we try very hard not to complain. We knew what we were doing when we signed up - the first time and again when we chose to stay in.

There is so much to think about. So much to plan, decisions to make, actions to take.

Right this minute though, I just like to sit and stare at him.

It is an unfortunate fact that the weeks before a deployment are insanely full of junk, and they are the moments you most desire to have empty and free. Free to laugh, and play, and kiss and simply stare.

Free to enjoy the little things, to save them up for all those little moments that you won't have later.

Life is full of choices. I choose to make time to be free, right now when it is needed. And more importantly, I choose to give thanks in ALL circumstances.

A flash in the pan

Today I had to deal with something that is rare for me.

 I, Bethany Ruth Freeman, quiet, soft-spoken, laid back and easy going, (although slightly hyperactive and definitely NOT shy) was angry. Anger is a rare emotion for me. 

 Seriously. 

 I not trying to be "holy holy" or anything - it's just not my personality to get angry. I get discouraged, and frustrated, moody or sad along with the rest of the world. But good old ANGER is a rarity for me. 

 Today I was plain old mad. 

 I was disappointed, and discouraged, and confused - unsure of what was next, and how to get there - but over all of that was just plain anger. 

 I guess I should back up a step and explain. 

 Andy has been working on his package to become an officer in the AF. He has worked really hard to finish his college (only two classes left, and he will graduate in March), has done lots of extra paperwork trying to prepare himself, and just recently took the AFOQT, which is a test, similar to the SAT that tests you on lots of different things. He got his score for that yesterday, and although it wasn't brilliant, it was sufficient. We were thinking positive thoughts about his package being accepted. 

 Today he had a meeting with a higher ranking person who told him that he does not feel that Andy's package is worth submitting. Every six months in the AF you get a "grade" basically. A number from 1-5, with 5 being the best. About 18 months ago, when Andy was last deployed, the person who was over him gave him a 4, rather than a 5. Andy was deployed - he didn't even find out about his "bad grade" until it had been turned in and was not able to be questioned. He did not give him a chance to ask why. He did not give him a reason for the 4. There was not "fix this, and I will give you a better score". Nothing. 

 That 4 has already been a huge bone of contention for us, because it was what kept Andy from getting Staff Sgt. last year. He had to wait another whole year for that rank, simply because of that 4. But, we dealt with it, and survived. But now, once again, because of that 4, we are being told we cannot have what we want. 

 So, some idiot, that I have never met, and never will meet, because he isn't even in the AF anymore - some idiot has been able to basically destroy the plans we had for our future. Without even giving a justification. If he had written out "Andy is awful at this, and failed at this, and deserves this 4 because...." I think I could handle it better. But he didn't. Or, if Andy had been in the same country with him when he wrote it, that would have made it easier to bear. He had worked with him in the past, but at the time it was written, they weren't even in the same country. 

 But when I stop, and take a deep breath, and read what I have written the part that stands out the most is "the plans WE had for our future". That is the part that makes me stop and think. And pray. 

 Obviously, Andy and I have prayed about this officer package a lot. Over and over we have prayed about it. But have we listened for an answer, or merely asked God to do what we wanted Him to do? We have asked Him for wisdom, but I can't be assured that we have taken the time for listen to that wisdom. 

 Right this minute, we have no other choice. Wait - Listen - Pray - and at least on my part, Forgive. That idiot, whoever he is, wherever he is, maybe he was just making it possible for God to get our attention. 

 I wish there was an easier way for God to get our attention, but while He has it, I hope I learn what I am supposed to learn. Please God, teach me. 

 Teach me.  

A Saturday with Santa

I have been very fortunate in my time as a military spouse to get to see Santa arrive on both an U2 "spy plane" and now on an A10 "Warthog" or "Flying Tiger". I would have to guess that not a whole lot of people get to see either of those things, so to get to see both, well, I feel very special. The U2 was before either of our children were born, but the A10 was just last Saturday. Here are a few pictures.

   
  

 Zion was completely in awe. Santa arriving on "Daddy's warthog" was just absolutely and completely breathtaking. Seriously, I wish you could have see his face. The pictures don't do it justice. Canaan is fairly immune to Santa, since he knows that he is just pretend. But Zion is still so young, he has no idea who Santa Claus is. He just knows that everyone goes crazy over this old guy with the red suit, and so he goes crazy over him too.  It is pretty cute. 

A Proud Moment

Last night, Andy graduated from Airman Leadership School (ALS). That means he is now officially a Staff Sergeant. They had a fancy dinner, with lots of very high ranking people there 

to celebrate the graduation of 32 people. It was exciting for me, because I am almost never around high ranking people. I am almost never around anyone military at all, except for a few spouses, and Andy. Side note... look Kelsey. I wore the bridesmaid dress. It was perfect! This picture was taken at the end of the evening, picking up the boys at the neighbors house.
This is a classic Andy pose. He was pretty stressed out all evening, with all the "big brass" around. By the time we got home, he was very ready to just chill out and be silly. Plus, he was in a very good mood because.....
he won the Distinguished Graduate Award!!! There were 5 awards in all, out of 32 people. His was based on "objective testing, performance appraisals, demonstrated leadership and followership" (whatever that means?). His wasn't the highest award you could get, but it means he was in the top 10 percent of his class. (top 10% of 32 people is top 3, right?) That is pretty dog-gone cool if you ask me, considering he was also taking two college classes, raising two boys, and putting up with a migraine crazed diabetic wife all at the same time!

 He had today off to recover, which has been fabulous. Funny thing though.... he has weekend duty this weekend, so he has to go to work tomorrow. Isn't that just the way it works? 

 I am just so proud. Give him a high five if you see him, okay?