A battered tent

"Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile, we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling... for while we are in this tent we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed, but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life." 2 Cor. 5:1-5

 Isn't that a beautiful promise?

 There is another verse that goes hand and hand with it -one that is slightly harder to celebrate with joy. Above is a promise. Even though it gets hard, we have heaven to look forward to, our heavenly dwelling.

 But Proverbs 16:9 says "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

 That means we have to give up our own self-centered plans.

 We even have to give up our plans if they are not self-centered.

 Even if our plans are "godly", at least as far as we can see.

 I have a friend that I have known since college who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She quit blogging for awhile, not because she was in too much pain, or too overwhelmed, or didn't have time... although any of those reasons are allowed. She quit, I think in part, because she was afraid that sometime she would have fear. Sometimes she wouldn't be able to be the perfect example of trust. And people would think that she wasn't a good enough Christian.

 I am not really that close to her, and I am certainly not inside her head, but that was what I understood when she finally started writing again. And I had to comment.

 After 20 years as a diabetic, and 3 years, with the first 18 months undiagnosed, of localized partial seizures - well, plenty of people have come over to pray over me. Some I have invited. Some have pushed their way into my personal space quite forcefully. Always, always, I have put my trust in my Savior. It was easier in the early years to expect something, to expect healing.

 Now I simply wait for a moment of peace. A reminder that He is the creator of not only this earthly "tent", but has a heavenly tent waiting for me.

 But I must say that there are moments when I feel accused of not having enough faith. When I remain "sick", even though someone has prayed over me - well, it must be because I don't believe enough. I guess that gives you an idea of the kind of charismatic churches I have spent parts of my life in.

 But still, my life, my physical life, remains in HIS hands. I believe Prov. 16:9

 However, I had a really, really terrible week, medically, this past week. On Tuesday my diabetes was atrocious, and to top it off, I ran out of insulin. Totally bad planning on my part, but when your blood sugar is already 400 your emotional stability is too far gone to figure out how to solve the problem. In the middle of me sitting in the kitchen literally sobbing, Zion asked what was wrong. I was trying to tell him that Mommy was just a little sicker then usual.

 And Canaan says, "Mommy, have you tried praying about it?"

 And my heart broke. Because I wanted to scream "OF COURSE I HAVE. 8000 times. And the answer is always no."

 But I didn't scream. I even stopped crying quite as hard. And I asked him if he could please pray. I don't ever want to crush his faith, in one of my stupid moments of body failure. Because that is what it was. Body failure. When my blood sugar was 400 my ability to have faith was easily defeated by the evil one. But a simple reminder by my son, and his absolute faith, was all it took to remind me who was in charge.

 The rest of the week was still tough, physically.

 But I was able to remember that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil. 4:13

 And I have so much more in my life then this failing "tent"! School with my children was fantastic. We then squeezed in wonderful play time with kids down the hill, and friends from church. (It is spring break for the public school kids here) Even with my crazy medical appts I still made some delicious dinners, if I do say so myself, and right this minute there is bread in the machine that is making my tummy growl.

 Each of us have a clean slate every morning, ready to start with praise. To ask for strength, whatever comes. Forgiven, and with our Savior at our side every step of the way.

 Third Day's "Mountain of God" has been my theme song the last few days. I will leave it playing on here for the next week or so. Please, stop and listen and be lifted up.

 I'll close with one of my favorite verses. "Do not grieve, for the JOY of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10b

 Blessings,