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I am happily married to an amazing military man who spent 9 years enlisted and is now an Officer in the US Army. We have two amazing boys who are not so little any more! They still infuse every moment of every day with creativity and energy, and make my life an adventure.  I was educated at home, and am now teaching our children - second generation homeschoolers! I try every day to become more like Jesus Christ, and to love like HE does. If you want you can try and catch me at bethylovesandy@yahoo.com

My Blog Title Verse

"For the Lord gives wisdom. From His mouth come knowledge and understanding." Proverbs 2:6 NKJV 
The Message translation puts it this way "God gives out Wisdom free, is plainspoken in Knowledge and Understanding."

Verse of the day

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Words spilling over

I have had a bit of writers block the last week or so. I have lots to say. Perhaps too much. It is all just jumbled and confused and fighting to figure out what is important. Trying to pick which words are priority to come out first, and how to write them seems to have overwhelmed me.
So instead of writing words, I have just been devouring words instead. In the last few weeks I have read at least 10 books. Three in the last 4 days. We had a 24 hour bug here yesterday, and I spent the day reading to the boys, then reading to myself.

I managed to read "The Host" in it's entirety, before falling asleep. I guess technically it was today before I finished, but not by much.
Now the question is, am I ready to write again, or do I just want to find another book and climb back into my comfortable little world, or even not so comfortable world, of fiction?
Even when fiction is dramatic, or thrilling, or horror, or "deep" and thought provoking, it is still fiction. You can pretend it isn't about you... even though sometimes it seems like it is, in almost an uncanny sort of way. Have some authors perhaps been stalking me, and writing about my life and deepest thoughts, and innermost questions?
Or perhaps more of the world just shares those questions then I thought....

Don't worry, I have the biggest questions all squared away. My Savior and I have had that heart to heart, and I know to whom my heart belongs. Without His saving grace, I would really be wallowing in some deep questions.
But heaven is still, hopefully, a long time away. I am here, on earth, and seeking my purpose, and my position. Where do I stand... and where am I headed?
Both of those are questions I have had thrown at me quite a bit lately.
Where do I stand? Really, on theological issues that seem unimportant, I don't like to make a fuss. Who cares if you were dunked or sprinkled? Does it matter if you sing hymns or praise music? Play piano or keyboard or electric guitar during worship?
I love the Apostle's Creed. It sums it all up so nicely.

Just remember that catholic is little c, not big. So, not specifically Roman Catholic, but catholic, as in the ancient, undivided, Christian church.

So, you know where I stand. What has bothered me lately is that I have felt strongly enough about what is normally a "little issue" to speak up. And it has not really gone over well. So where does that leave me? Am I supposed to leave the group of people I worship with? Am I suppose to ignore the fact that we disagree? I HATE confrontation. But I also hate to slink away like a wounded animal, making them think I don't believe strongly enough to stand by what I said.
ARGHH.... see what I mean?
So, where I stand has been questioned.

Where we are headed - well that seems to be the never ending question around here. Sometimes I just want to shrug my shoulders and give up even trying to figure out the next step. Perhaps that is what God is waiting for? But at the same time, if I just sit on my hind end doing nothing, well then I know for sure that nothing will ever happen. We have to do something to move our adoption and Andy's career forward. The question always remains, WHAT are we supposed to be doing? Which direction are we going, and how fast, and for how long?

And that, my friends, may be why I haven't been writing, and have been devouring words instead.
But I had to get some of it off my chest.

Do I feel better now? The remains to be seen...

3 comments:

autumnesf said...

Deep stuff friend! Wish I had some words of wisdom for you...but I don't. Sounds like you are working it out with the best partner anyways. But sometimes, I sure wish He would speak a little louder. LOL!

I loved The Host.

Also, I read a book called Quicksand that you might like. It was written in the 20's by one of the "Black Renaissance" writers. Story of a woman who has a black father and white mother and her search for belonging here and overseas.

Tricia said...

Maybe if I have a reading day, I can get back to writing publicly. I have been writing in my own journals with nothing left over to give to others. Usually the one spawns the other.
I will pray for guidance for you and Andy, to know what direction to push for the adoption and the promotion.
Sometimes the simplest thing that is causing dissention in me is masking a bigger issue that I do not yet recognize so God uses what I can see to move me from one church or place or relationship to another and then after I have obeyed, I understand the real reason. Then again sometimes God is just trying to show me my weaknesses and where I need to grow. I will pray for wisdom in this area as well.
I may be visiting again in late May or early June. I will let you know. :) Blessings, dear friend.

Karen said...

Areas of limbo are so hard...almost as hard as waiting...will be praying for doors to open wide and definitive words to be revealed...

Love your phrase of "devouring words"...I like to do that myself....