But that is what paper, and computers, are for. Writing it all down, and mulling it over, and trying to digest the words that He is giving.
Most of what I hear is wait.
I had a fabulous discussion with a dear friend about butterflies. When she was in her early 30's she went though a time in a "cocoon". Waiting, growing, hurting at times. I think that is where I am right now. In my Cocoon season.
Did I write this already? I feel like I might have. But I found a quote that I have clung to greatly. "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." Richard Bach
My cocoon is sometimes comforting, surrounding me like a soft blanket. Sometimes stifling, surrounding me so tightly that I cannot move. Sometimes it seems that it is a grave, and that I will be here forever. And at moments I can feel the wings growing, becoming something beautiful, and full of grace.
And right now, what I hear is wait.
I was reading 1 Samuel, soon after Saul had been appointed king of Isreal. They were getting ready to head into battle, and they knew they needed to ask for God's blessing before they went. But Samuel, the priest, was just taking so long to get there. And they couldn't wait any longer. So they took things into their own hands.
And Saul paid for it with his kingdom. All because he couldn't wait.
Psalm 27:13-14 says, "I am still confident of this; I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
There is a "famous" verse - you hear it quoted all the time. "Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:30-31
There is a lot of tired around here lately. I can blame it on many things. Multiple medications, trying to control multiple medical conditions. The awareness that two special forces soldiers were killed last week in Afghanistan and the mainstream world is tired of caring. Or perhaps just the sneezing and sniffling of this silly cold.
Tired comes. Weary, stumbling, and falling too.
But the promise of renewed strength, and wings that soar- that is real. And I can feel it, when I remember to ask.
Romans chapter 8 is full of all sorts of fabulousness. But once again, it reminds us to wait. Even when "we do not know what we ought to pray for"... "if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."
I told you, waiting is what I get to hear, over and over.
But yesterday, I got thrown off my loop. Out of nowhere, in a story that I have read over and over, God taught me something new. (which is why it is important to read the Bible over and over again. Because you never know what He is going to tell you, even in a story you have had memorized since you were 5)
In John chapter 6 there is a story about a multitude of people following Jesus around, listing to his teaching. Because he was fascinating. However, at some point in time they realized it was time for lunch. And there wasn't enough food for the crowd. One boy offered to share his two small fish and five loaves of bread. Not enough, but thanks for the offer kiddo. But then, though even his own disciples doubted him, Jesus blessed the food, broke it, and told them to pass it around.
And if you grew up in the church, you know that it fed the 5000. The broke and passed, broke and passed, until everyone was full. Then, Jesus instructed his disciples to collect the leftovers. "Let nothing be wasted" vs12 says,
Let nothing be wasted.
From 2 fish and five loaves of bread they gathered 12 baskets of leftovers.
And while I am sitting here, waiting in my cocoon, what am I wasting? Do I have 2 fish? Do I have any leftovers?
It may not seem like much. Certainly not enough to feed 5000. But Jesus blessed it, and multiplied it, and said "let nothing be wasted."
So my caterpillar self will wait patiently. Share fish and "Let nothing be wasted". And hopefully emerge as a butterfly soon.
Blessings my friends,