But for some reason I can't let it go, so perhaps writing it out, and knowing that you are holding me accountable will make me.
God clearly told us to forgive. In fact, when Peter asked him if he should forgive seven time Jesus told, "not seven, but seventy-seven times". Which I actually think means as many times as it takes.
So, telling someone that you forgive them - or perhaps forgiving them in your heart because they never even knew they upset you - that should be natural for a Christian. Over and over again.
But sometimes it's not easy.
Andy has not been careful with his words lately. Honestly just stupid stuff. But over and over until I have felt like a failure. In everything.
Canaan has noticed, of course. Because he notices everything. He brought me the comics on Sunday - pointing out one in specific he thought I would like. It truly was slightly ironic in it's timing.
And little reminders, like the comics, or some other not well planned words have kept me either angry or hurt for almost a week now.
But yesterday I did a lot of praying about it. I remembered that...
1) I am not perfect either (surprise!)
2) He is going to say stupid things over and over (and over) for the rest of time. And I am always going to love him. So I need to just get over it.
3) I can't say that I forgive him, and then not truly do it. That is lying.
Psalm 19:14 says "May the words of my mouth (Andy) and the meditations of my heart (me) be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."
They are both held equally. Me thinking grumpy thoughts was not cool.
And then today's Bible reading said, "He who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 14:11
I am pretty sure I have been exalting myself by being the "hurt party". Because, of course, I have never hurt his feelings, right?!
But, I suppose what helped the most last night was Andy putting on some old cheesy '80's music and "singing" to me. He loves me too.
Those words, although perhaps the worst sounding of them all, were also the most beautiful.
I can promise you that words will continue to be spoken in this household. So, as long as there are words there will be some that praise, some that heal, some that excite, some that promise and sadly, some that hurt.
That is just the way of words.
What matters now is "the meditations of my heart". I'm feeling positive right now. What is it about confession that brings healing to the soul?
God speaks through Isaiah saying, "So is the word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." (55:11)
We can only attempt to mimic Him. May our words always serve, and accomplish what He desires.
And when they don't, let's remember that He forgives. "I tell you the truth, all the sins and blasphemes of men will be forgiven them." Mark 3:28
So, here I go. School to teach. T-ball to make it to. Toilet's to clean. And somewhere along the way, supper to cook. So I suppose I need more then just the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart. I need every movement of my hands also seeking to please Him too!
Please, keep me accountable.
May your day - full of words, thoughts, activities (and perhaps toilets?)- be pleasing unto Him too!