And Yet...

 I spent all of Thursday at UAB, Kirklin Clinic. I met my brain surgeon, the woman who is going to drill holes in my head and place electric probes inside my brain. I had a CT with contrast (which I do not recommend) and an MRI with contrast (which I have had enough times that I don't even really mind it). 

 Yet, I walked away truly filled with joy, truly rejoicing. 

YET is the key word. 

 I don't know if you can clearly see the picture that is the background for that scripture. It is a quilted background, with a picture of a woman holding a child sewn into it, using the abstract and crazy to create a picture that is touching. 

 After meeting the brain surgeon we had an hour to waste before the CT scan, so we walked the hospital. This picture was hanging on a wall as you entered the children's wing. 

 It was a beautiful reminder that it could be worse. It could be my child who was sick. 

 We found a chapel and went in to join several others already there in prayer. A woman with her head covered, perhaps a more conservative branch of Christian, or Muslim or Hindu or Jewish, I didn't ask. A man with his prayer rug, almost for sure a Muslim. I prayed for them, that while they are hurting and seeking peace that my Savior would reach out to them and pour His love over them. 

 It was a beautiful reminder that it could be worse. I might not so closely know my Savior and have my Jesus at the center, pouring out Joy without price or requirement in the middle of stress and fear. 

 While I was in my MRI Andy sat in a waiting room and listened to a man cough and hack and appear to be in pain, yet he was not the one being scanned. It was the female that came with him that was called back. 

 It was a beautiful reminder that it could be worse. We could both be sick. 

 Reminder after reminder crossed through my day. People who didn't have an Andy. People who were obviously and visibly broken. People who were confused or afraid or alone. 

 That challenge "....And YET".

 I will rejoice. 

 Go read Habakkuk 3. Read what comes before the "and yet". 

 Spend a day wandering around a hospital, with your eyes open. 

 Read a blog or listen to a conversation or simply be aware of the pain around you. 

 Then get in your car that runs, and stop for easy affordable food on your way home, where your children are waiting for you with bedtime hugs. 

 Choose the "and yet"...

 Make the choice to rejoice. 

Be Still

He says “Be still.” 

 But nowhere does it say that the world around you will be still. Those waves are still rolling. The clouds, carrying storms, are still around you. The dark and the light battle each other. 

 We are to be still and KNOW that HE is GOD even when the clouds look overwhelming. 

 KNOW that HE is enough even when the waves are ugly. 

 KNOW that HE cares even when the darkness looks like it might be winning. 

 HE doesn’t ask us to have it all together. HE doesn’t expect us to fight alone. HE gives and gives, even when we are too overwhelmed to be capable of seeing. 

 Be still. 

Who I am becoming

I have heard bad news more then I can actually handle recently. More than I can handle.
 I am supposed to be a woman of faith, leading others in truth, and I was yelling at my Savior recently.
The beautiful thing is that, as always, He let me, and loved me, and wiped my tears.

 I went searching in the Word and realized that this verse comes across very very differently in different translations.

“All things are done according to God's plan and decision; and God chose us to be his own people in union with Christ because of his own purpose, based on what he had decided from the very beginning.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1:11‬ ‭GNB‬‬

“Through our union with Christ we too have been claimed by God as his own inheritance. Before we were even born, he gave us our destiny; that we would fulfill the plan of God who always accomplishes every purpose and plan in his heart.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1:11‬ ‭TPT‬‬

“also we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to His purpose who works all things after the counsel of His will,”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1:11‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I cannot agree with the first translation. Not all things are done according to God’s plan. Absolutely not, because He gave mankind freedom to do what they choose. BUT, as the second translation says, He always accomplishes His purpose, after the counsel of His will.
 Do you hear the difference there? Not every thing that happens is in His plan, but His plan always comes about.

 I was crying to Him about trying to see the good coming from a situation. I have been able to, always throughout my life, find the good that can come from bad things.

  This time I can’t.

 Yet, in the middle of the night, He woke me and clarified so beautifully the difference.
 “Good doesn’t have to come from everything...but who we become from everything CAN be good.”

 I choose who I become. The bad things around me aren’t under my control. I can’t make people good. I can’t change the wrongs that hurt others. I can’t make good come from evil. Sometimes it is just evil. Satan won that battle, that soul, that relationship, whatever.
 But I can become good. Better. Even when I can only see bad.

 Keep trying.

 I need you my friends. Please, have hope. Please, try more. Please, share love and joy and patience in the middle of the crazy world around you.

 Keep trying.