I have been thinking about time lately.
Time is ticking away, tick, tick, ticking away.
There are both good things and bad things about time flying. Tonight I was at "Every Child is a Star", which is a local youth talent performance. While there, a beautiful young woman came up to my Mom and said, "Hello Nina". It took several seconds for Mom to figure out who it was.
It would have taken me even longer then that, if Mom hadn't turned to me and told me who it was. This beautiful young woman, currently a senior in highschool, was someone that we use to pick up from kindergarten and babysit after school.
I was floored.
Obviously, I have seen her more recently then since she was in kindergarten. Probably even within that last 3-4 years. But in my head, I really hadn't let her age past 10 or so.
One of the contestants in the talent show was an amazingly talented pianist/soloist. 14 years old, drop dead gorgeous, and with lungs to die for.
Just a few years ago, (almost 8!!) she was a precious little flower girl, leading me down the aisle.
(Just because they were adorable too, here are my train carriers, who have also grown up way too fast!)
Now, she is an amazing young woman of God.
That sort of makes me feel old.
But, at the same time, there are days I am so grateful that time is speeding by. Yesterday was the 1 month mark of Andy being gone. I hadn't been keeping track - trying not to torture myself that way - but Andy pointed out the date to me, and it was exciting.
One month down, five more to go.
Somehow, that makes it seem manageable.
Time is just, well, time. It ticks away, one second at a time. Steadily and consistently, no matter how we perceive it.
I have been doing a lot of waiting lately. Obviously, waiting for Andy. But also, waiting for our daughter. I want her to come home so very very badly. Her birthday is Sunday. She will be three, and she has no family to celebrate with her.
And my heart breaks.
I bought her a
"Build a bear" lamb the other day. I am waiting for approval to send it to her. I just want her to know that we are waiting for her, anxiously. Eagerly. Not quite
patiently.... but trying to remember these quotes.
"When God delays, He is not inactive. He is getting ready His instruments, He is ripening our powers; and at the appointed moment we shall arise equal to our task. Even Jesus of Nazareth was thirty years in privacy, growing in wisdom before He began His work." Dr. Jowett
"God is never in a hurry, but spends years with those He expects to greatly use. He never thinks the days of preparation too long or too dull." Streams in the Desert
I am reminding myself of that frequently lately.
God is still working on me, preparing me, making me into her mother. The mother that she needs.
I am eager for her to be here. But in the meantime, I will try to look at time as a gift.
Look at the amazing things that happen when time passes. Children grow up. People fall in love. Lives are created, and grow, then burst out and fill the world as more beautiful children. And the cycle begins again.
All things in HIS time.
