The Healthy People Challenge

 The medical field is absolutely breathtaking.

 There was a cartoon recently portraying them lifting the flag, like the famous photograph of the marines at Iwa Jima. I can’t post it here because of copyrights, but I would love for you to go see it and be inspired. 

 My world is full of those breathtaking medical people, both for my medical needs and in my personal life: doctors (like my Uncle Bill and my sister’s husband Travis and several friends from college) the amazing array of nurses (like my long time friend Kelli, and Theresa from church who teaches nursing to this next generation) and the first responders, (like my friend Andrew Denman) are amazing. I don’t think I have any personal friends who are pharmacists, filling meds, or the scientists working to create new ones.. but, we need them just as much! 

 Here is the thing, I would die within a few months without my prescription meds. Depending on how violent my seizures became (which is usually the case when I am off my meds) I would injure myself easily. Without insulin my body destroys itself, eats itself rather than turning food to energy. And even the basic antibiotic that Travis called in for me over the weekend is very needed to keep an UTI from becoming a serious problem, rather than just uncomfortable. 

 The public gets grumpy when their doctor’s appts and prescription co-pays are higher than they want. Truly, I understand. There are other things we would prefer to spend our money on. But I want to challenge you to remember how much they paid to get where they are. How much time they spent in school. How many hours they spent researching. How many millions of dollars was invested in equipment to test meds and create equipment to scan you and equipment to help you breath or check your blood sugar or simply pee without pain. Hours and hours, millions and millions. 

 We have to support these amazing doctors and scientists. We have to encourage them. We have to love them. 

 We have to!

 Be the hands and feet of our Savior, and the voice of encouragement to the medical staff around you! I challenge you to show love, visibly, to exhausted doctors and nurses and first responders and pharmacists and scientists. The whole group! 

 Ready, set, GO!

Planting seeds and tearing down fences

 Weary. Oh, what an appropriate word! I am certainly weary this evening!

 It has been a very full week. Very full two weeks, actually. 

 We had gone to GA to see lots of people that we love for Spring Break. Then, while we were there the world sort of fell apart. We ended up coming “home” early, since everything around us was closing - schools, churches, jobs and stores. We never got to visit several people that we loved, because suddenly germs, and sharing them, were a much bigger fear than ever before. 

 Coronavirus. 

 We started this week unsure of everything. 

I think that perhaps we are ending it still unsure of quite a few things. 

 But we stayed busy! Andy does not know how to sit still, and I am not very good at telling him no. 

 So, we tore down the back fence. 

Then moved it back about 16 feet. 

 We “dug” a lot of holes, (he got an auger for his birthday) and leveled and cemented new posts into them. 

Actually, we were able to reuse most of the old posts. We discovered the reason the fence was falling over was, in part, because there was so little cement used the first time it was built. 

Most of the fence tear down and rebuild was Andy. The boys helped a good bit, obviously, and I chipped in some, but truly, that man has way too much energy! 

He is a huge part of why I am “weary” here at the end of this week.

But not the only reason!

I also planted things.

The herbs survived the winter beautifully, one in each bed. 

 I added a few plants and a zillion seeds and spent some time cheering on the beautiful little surprise growth springing up in all three. 

 Some of it was weeds, obviously, but I am almost positive there are about a dozen tomato plants and a dozen peppers and several squash as well. We’ll see if my judgement is right in a few weeks. For now I will let them grow. 

 Then I bought some berry plants too! 

You can’t really see them but there are six, each peeking out of those mounds of red clay, attempting life in the Deep South. 

 And sweet Samwise has been so confused! He knows where the fence use to be, and walks to the edge of it and smells, then stops, afraid he will get in trouble if he goes farther. In the above picture he is laying right at the border... testing things. 

That seems to be the summary of our lives right now, I think. 

Testing things. 

What works and what doesn’t? 

How do we best help our neighbor? 

How do we plants good seeds without being weary? 

 Some of that was literal. The neighbor girl came and planted seeds with me. She fed me joy while I gave her attention. I don’t think we succeeded in staying 6ft apart the whole time, but we soaked up sunshine and placed seeds into egg cartons. 

 So, that is how I want to close this- plant some good seeds with your neighbors. 

Tear down some fences that you usually don’t have time to even consider. 

Use this change of schedule for something beautiful. 

Be blessed my friends, in the middle of the unknown, 

Plants good seeds! That wonderful harvest is promised!

Two choices, always

 That big bold star below, surrounded by the dark night around it, spoke to me today. 

Oh, how beautiful is the light it shines, despite feeling overwhelmed!

 Have you felt what that verse is expressing? Cut off? Alone? Alarmed?

 I don’t think I will believe you if you say that you haven’t, but since I can’t hear you, you are only speaking to yourself anyway. So, don’t lie. 

 And for the rest of us, who have felt all of those emotions and more, this Psalm is breathtaking. 

 Read it again, please. 

 Our Father God hears us, even when we think He can’t. He hears us when we have given up. He hears when we think we are cut off. 

 I had a rough day on Sunday. I had two of my seizures, which are small and wouldn’t be noticed by the world around me but which wipe me out, during opening worship. I then spent almost all of the sermon time trying to figure out who I knew and who I didn’t, and why and how. 

 As I have written on here before, memory is very important and when it decides to abandon you it is problematic. 

 I had a third seizure very near the end of the service and feel like I forgot most of everything after that. I still knew how to walk, but not well. I didn’t pee my pants, which we will celebrate since that isn’t always true. We will choose to find the good. 

 I was feeling cut off. I was feeling overwhelmed. I was feeling confused. 

 That pretty much sums up Sunday. Memories eventually returned. I finally gave up and asked my kids to tell me a few names of people I love a lot and could picture in my head but simply couldn’t find a name for. I woke up “all better” on Monday. But fear had done it’s dirty little job and snuck back into my safe place. 

 So, the fight against it was renewed! Remember that, please. Fight again, fight more, fight harder. 

 There are two choices:

 You can be afraid, or not. 

 You can be overwhelmed, or not. 

 You can feel cut off, or not. 

 You sometimes have to feel everything. I think it is good to accept and respect all of those emotions in every part of your life. They are healthy and manageable and good when they are just an emotion, just a feeling, just a moment. But they are not the rule, they are not the ruler. Don’t let them be. 

 Remember that He hears our cry for mercy, always.

 March 30 is my next neurology appt. Then, hopefully, we find out the next step in this battle against epilepsy. While we wait join me in the Psalms, in this proclamation of hope.

Rejoice. Make that choice!

I can’t fix it

The theme of this blog, recently, has been to write about “what God is teaching me.” I haven’t written in days and oh, how I wish it could be because God had declared that I know enough, that I could take a break from being taught. 

 As I am sure you are aware though, that is NOT true. I never get to stop learning. I think instead that God was asking me to learn more in one weekend than ever before. Again. 

 Mom was admitted to the hospital, again, on Thursday. It was her SPS in December. A heart attack in January. Her SPS again on Thursday. (This second link is a fairly long video but the first 30 seconds, showing this woman’s spasms, give an idea of what this disease is like.)

 Plus I myself spent 8 days in the hospital in January and had a procedure that only required one day but left me sore and exhausted for a week in Feb. 

 I am tired of the hospital. I am tired of sickness. I am tired of being tired. 

 This weekend was already fully planned. My turn to have fun. 

 Friday was the unit formal event - Army ROTC prom basically. 

 Mom, Emilee, Kelsey and all of their children were suppose to drive down to my house while I was at the ball Friday night and spend all day Saturday playing at our house. We had created a kid friendly army event. Camouflage gear, protective glasses, loads of nerf guns and a course to run in order to “beat the bad guys” (named Canaan and Zion). Plus Andy had built several other toys that go “boom”, just for the fun of it. 

 Sunday would be clean up and recovery, a fun breakfast all together and then loading the family up into their vehicles and sending them home.

 See what I mean- fully planned. 

 Then Thursday Mom was admitted to the hospital again and there was nothing I could do to fix it. 

 That is the key point. 

 I could not fix it. 

 I couldn’t change the army event that Andy was required to attend, or make him available to drive me to GA. 

 I couldn’t make Mom well. I couldn’t even help her pain. 

 I couldn’t clear the schedule for the sisters, or their husbands or the friends who are always there to help. 

 I had absolutely zero control. 

 I could not fix it. 

 That verse sums up how I feel today, looking back on my emotions on Friday. (And Sat, and perhaps still Sun too) I have to learn this lesson over and over. I can’t fix it. 

 Andy reminded me that there was nothing I could do, so he told me to paint my nails, put on my heels and simply have fun with him. 

I did have fun with him.

 Friday night Kelsey left her kids with her in-laws and went to Mom in the hospital. Saturday morning Emilee loaded her crew up and came to me. She doesn’t like to put her kids online, so there aren’t any cute, clear pics of them. But you get the idea :)

 A “bad guy” getting painted up, my Zion.

The practice event, showing how to take cover and run toward the goal. 

Teaching the littles how to reload their guns. 

Another “bad guy” who couldn’t be painted because he had to leave for work soon but wanted to participate. So my Canaan dressed up like a “ninja” instead. 

One of the littles really didn’t care about the guns or paint. 

He just wanted to play with Samwise.

Another of the littles can’t walk yet, so he just enjoyed the sunshine on momma’s hair.

 Here is the point to this. I couldn’t fix anything. I couldn’t help Mom. Not physically. Not spiritually- she has to rest in God herself. Not even emotionally because I was too upset about my carefully laid plans being messed up. I couldn’t fix anything. 

 And that is okay. 

 I went to the formal with my amazing husband. 

 I threw a party with some of my nieces and nephews. 

 I took my meds as required, read my Bible, ate pizza and soaked up love from and poured it back out on one sister and her kids.

 That was enough.
 I couldn’t fix anything, but I could do something new.

 I know you have all been there before. Maybe you are there right now.
 You can’t fix it. Not for the people you love. Not even for yourself.
 I promise you that God has something new, something different than you expected. Keep learning. Keep looking.
 You can’t fix it and that is ok.
 HE Can.