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I am happily married to an amazing military man who spent 9 years enlisted and is now an Officer in the US Army. We have two amazing boys who are not so little any more! They still infuse every moment of every day with creativity and energy, and make my life an adventure.  I was educated at home, and am now teaching our children - second generation homeschoolers! I try every day to become more like Jesus Christ, and to love like HE does. If you want you can try and catch me at bethylovesandy@yahoo.com

My Blog Title Verse

"For the Lord gives wisdom. From His mouth come knowledge and understanding." Proverbs 2:6 NKJV 
The Message translation puts it this way "God gives out Wisdom free, is plainspoken in Knowledge and Understanding."

Verse of the day

Monday, January 14, 2008

New year, new things, same consistent Savior

I started a new job in the new year. I now babysit my neighbor's little girl, Emma, five days a week. She is 2 1/2, so she and Zion are pretty much like twins. She talks better then he does, but other then that they are pretty much on the same level. I am actually really enjoying it so far. I wanted more kids, and now I have one, and even get paid!
Every year during the first week of the year I fill out a calendar with all the birthdays, anniversaries and important dates I want to remember. This year really put me in shock. I will be 29 this year. It is my last year in my 20's. Mary Faith just turned 20 in December, so for the first time all of us sisters are "the same". (I left the teens behind when Mary was only 11, so we were never all teenagers at the same time). I have great plans to enjoy this year of being "the same" as my sisters. I have had a huge realization of how different my life is from all of theirs.... I will give an example, but it requires a little "back-story" first. For any who don't know, I have three little sisters, 26, 22 and 20. Emilee is married, but no kids, works full time, has a big house, cool toys, really bad health. Kelsey wants nothing more in life then to serve Jesus. She is currently in college, but would quit tomorrow and move to the Arctic circle if God told her to. Mary is super easy going. She wants to marry someone who will take care of her and give her beautiful children.
Kelsey's boyfriend, Travis, is a pilot, working with a non-profit relief organization in The Congo. He just left in mid December and will be there for a year. So, Kelsey is planning a trip to Africa to visit him for her Spring break. Emilee and Kevin are going with her. Just because they can. They are meeting him in South Africa, are planning to do a safari, and play chaperone, and play tourists. And I am INSANELY JEALOUS. That is a sad and sorry thing to admit, but it cannot be described in any other way. I have wanted to see Africa for years. I have wanted to see every continent for years. At first I just wanted to visit every continent. That started when I was about 8. By age 12 or 13 I wanted to adopt a child from each continent. (except antarctica, obviously). For some reason it doesn't bother me that Kelsey is going to Africa - she has a reason, her boyfriend is there. She has already beaten my to Australia anyway, and was there for a good reason. But for some reason I am jealous that Emilee gets to go. I want to go. Why can't I go with Kelsey instead. Answer: I have two beautiful boys who depend on me completely. I know that. I love them, and have no regrets. We chose to have kids when we did. I purposely got pregnant at 23, because I wanted to. I wouldn't trade them for anything. But it really makes me want to cry that I can't go to Africa. And here is where the part that makes me a complete jerk comes in. Emilee wants what I have. She wants to be pregnant. Instead, she gets to go on a Safari. So really, when all is said and done, I have the much better end of the deal.
So, hopefully Emilee will get pregnant when they get back from Africa. (prayer request, if you get a chance) And hopefully, I will get to go to Africa someday, and hopefully bring back my child, whomever they are. And in the meantime, hopefully we can both be content with where we are, and the blessings we have, and God's perfect timing in all things.
Why is there always another lesson to learn? I sometimes wish God would skip all the middle part and just make me a perfect reflection of him. I guess WORKING at it is part of what achieves it. So, I will keep working... and failing... and God will keep picking me up and reminding me that I can only take one step at a time.

2 comments:

mom0ktdid said...

awwww....I know how frustrating and hard it is to admit that you are jealous of someone. It is a great challenge that I thought would be ended when I "grew up" and had the life I wanted. But, as you said, those people are often in search of what we have ourselves, so being thankful for what we have is all we can do.

Michelle Maxwell Nebel said...

Hey hon - I'm late reading this but just had to comment. I think that most everyone experiences this on some level... you just have it "in your face" since it's with your SISTERS, know what I mean? But we all struggle with being content with where we are, what we have, what we're doing. Thankfully God is gentle with us when we fall back into the jealousy trap!

And congratulations on your new job! I'd been thinking about starting babysitting but I'm looking into tutoring first - I think it will be more flexible hours, *if* I can find some students, that is! :-) Ha...