I started a new job in the new year. I now babysit my neighbor's little girl, Emma, five days a week. She is 2 1/2, so she and Zion are pretty much like twins. She talks better then he does, but other then that they are pretty much on the same level. I am actually really enjoying it so far. I wanted more kids, and now I have one, and even get paid!
Every year during the first week of the year I fill out a calendar with all the birthdays, anniversaries and important dates I want to remember. This year really put me in shock. I will be 29 this year. It is my last year in my 20's. Mary Faith just turned 20 in December, so for the first time all of us sisters are "the same". (I left the teens behind when Mary was only 11, so we were never all teenagers at the same time). I have great plans to enjoy this year of being "the same" as my sisters. I have had a huge realization of how different my life is from all of theirs.... I will give an example, but it requires a little "back-story" first. For any who don't know, I have three little sisters, 26, 22 and 20. Emilee is married, but no kids, works full time, has a big house, cool toys, really bad health. Kelsey wants nothing more in life then to serve Jesus. She is currently in college, but would quit tomorrow and move to the Arctic circle if God told her to. Mary is super easy going. She wants to marry someone who will take care of her and give her beautiful children.
Kelsey's boyfriend, Travis, is a pilot, working with a non-profit relief organization in The Congo. He just left in mid December and will be there for a year. So, Kelsey is planning a trip to Africa to visit him for her Spring break. Emilee and Kevin are going with her. Just because they can. They are meeting him in South Africa, are planning to do a safari, and play chaperone, and play tourists. And I am INSANELY JEALOUS. That is a sad and sorry thing to admit, but it cannot be described in any other way. I have wanted to see Africa for years. I have wanted to see every continent for years. At first I just wanted to visit every continent. That started when I was about 8. By age 12 or 13 I wanted to adopt a child from each continent. (except antarctica, obviously). For some reason it doesn't bother me that Kelsey is going to Africa - she has a reason, her boyfriend is there. She has already beaten my to Australia anyway, and was there for a good reason. But for some reason I am jealous that Emilee gets to go. I want to go. Why can't I go with Kelsey instead. Answer: I have two beautiful boys who depend on me completely. I know that. I love them, and have no regrets. We chose to have kids when we did. I purposely got pregnant at 23, because I wanted to. I wouldn't trade them for anything. But it really makes me want to cry that I can't go to Africa. And here is where the part that makes me a complete jerk comes in. Emilee wants what I have. She wants to be pregnant. Instead, she gets to go on a Safari. So really, when all is said and done, I have the much better end of the deal.
So, hopefully Emilee will get pregnant when they get back from Africa. (prayer request, if you get a chance) And hopefully, I will get to go to Africa someday, and hopefully bring back my child, whomever they are. And in the meantime, hopefully we can both be content with where we are, and the blessings we have, and God's perfect timing in all things.
Why is there always another lesson to learn? I sometimes wish God would skip all the middle part and just make me a perfect reflection of him. I guess WORKING at it is part of what achieves it. So, I will keep working... and failing... and God will keep picking me up and reminding me that I can only take one step at a time.
Who writes this stuff?
- I am happily married to an amazing military man who spent 9 years enlisted and is now an Officer in the US Army. We have two amazing boys who are not so little any more! They still infuse every moment of every day with creativity and energy, and make my life an adventure. I was educated at home, and am now teaching our children - second generation homeschoolers! I try every day to become more like Jesus Christ, and to love like HE does. If you want you can try and catch me at firstname.lastname@example.org