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I am happily married to an amazing military man who spent 9 years enlisted and is now an Officer in the US Army. We have two amazing boys who are not so little any more! They still infuse every moment of every day with creativity and energy, and make my life an adventure.  I was educated at home, and am now teaching our children - second generation homeschoolers! I try every day to become more like Jesus Christ, and to love like HE does. If you want you can try and catch me at bethylovesandy@yahoo.com

My Blog Title Verse

"For the Lord gives wisdom. From His mouth come knowledge and understanding." Proverbs 2:6 NKJV 
The Message translation puts it this way "God gives out Wisdom free, is plainspoken in Knowledge and Understanding."

Verse of the day

Sunday, September 06, 2009

I wanna die...

Quick, before you get worried, let me clarify that post title. It is part of a song. It is talking about dying to self.
I don't know if any of you ever listen to the music that plays on my page, or just mute it while you read. I know I am guilty of muting other people's music at times, so I can't hold it against you if you haven't heard what I have been playing. All of them on my list mean something at this point in my life. However, there is a Keith Green song on my list called "Make my life a Prayer to you" that really, really speaks to me. If you have an extra minute I encourage you to listen to it.
Now, no one wants to see me less than healthy, and I must admit I don't really want to be less than healthy either.
We go to a church that believes in and acts on the gifts of the Spirit. Several people have laid hands on me and prayed for healing in the last several weeks.
I have been told to claim my healing.
I have been reminded to have faith.
To wait patiently on the Lord.
To ask knowing that He answers those who follow after Him, those who have persistence.

And I can't really disagree, Biblically with any of this advice. But then I hear this song -
"It's so hard to see when my eyes are on me" -
I don't want to have my eyes on me anymore.

This morning rather then preach, the pastor just felt led to have a time of prayer, for restoration, for healing, for redemption - whatever.
It was a beautiful time. But the word I kept hearing from God, over and over was this -
"Don't just seek me for what I can do. Seek me for who I am."
He has already done everything we really need. He sent Jesus who shed His blood, paid the price, and became the bridge. Now, He wants to be our best friend.
Everything else is just a bonus.
One of the girls who prayed over me prayed that God would grant the desires of my heart. That was when I realized that being healed was really low on my priority list.
I want my children to know the heart of God, to seek Him and find Him.
I want my husband to continue to follow with his whole heart, to be happy in what he does, to shine Jesus at work. To let me love him through the disappointments.
I want my daughter to come home - oh, I want my daughter to come home.
I want to make my life a prayer - just like the song.
Sure, I would like my body to be whole. But that comes under quite a few other priorities. First, I want to seek Him for WHO He is, rather then what He can do. No more selfish eyes on me.

Is He your best friend? He want to be. Take my word for it, He is the BEST best friend out there!
If you don't know Him, please, send me an E-mail and I would be happy to tell you more.


Tricia said...

When FigNewTon first got sick, people around me prayed for her healing. I prayed for her salvation. After she gave her heart to the LORD, people prayed for her healing. I prayed for our family to walk in Christ and be drawn closer to Him. When we thought she was nearing the end of her life, people prayed for her healing. I prayed that I would accept God's will. Then she was healed and I, along with all the people who had prayed all along, praised God for His marvelous miracles.

May God continue to bless you with the desires of your heart, and also with the healing others are praying for you. :)

Carrie said...

This reminds me of the part of Believing God where we were pointed to the fact that in our day, God is way more concerned with matters of the heart because that is where His work is most miraculously seen now. The physical ACTS of God were more necessary when a work wasn't possible on the inside, so I will pray that God will heal you, from the INSIDE and flowing out! :)
love you! missing my phone a lot because of not getting to talk to you!!!!

EmileeHopeBinkleyTurner said...

What a beautiful post Betsy! I nearly teared up with your beautiful and touching words, you have such a gift of expressing your emotions in written word! I love you so much and want you to be healed so much, so that you can do more "normal" stuff without all the hassle and trouble and without scaring us all because we are worried about you, but I totally get what you are saying as well. I know God has a perfect plan and I pray that we are able to see what it is, but even if we can't I pray he gives us all the strength to continue to grow in Him and shine Him to everyone we meet, because His grace/joy/love/peace is sufficient! I LOVE LOVE LOVE you!!

Dawn said...

I do know Him and I'm so glad to hear someone else speak about his greatness and for reaching out to others.

Karen said...

Beautifully written, Bethany...a wonderful message for each of us....