An Apology

I think that words have been slow to come this week because the words I have been supposed to say are ones that are easily tripped over.

You see, I need to apologize to someone. Humbly admit that I was way off.

Why is that always so hard?

The problem is, the person I need to apologize to... I haven't been able to find their E-mail address. I know I could get it if I went to the proper places. It is not unattainable. But for now, the apology is just sitting there, blocking my brain. Holding everything else back.

So maybe they read my blog. (or more likely one of their relatives, but hey, it may make it to them in a round about way, right?)

"I am so sorry I didn't respond positively when you shared with me your intention of going to seminary. I am very short sighted. I only see the ministry right now. It is very hard for me to think about the need for training for later. I only saw the amazing job you are doing where you are. I forgot to imagine where God could take you.

And that is selfish.

This is only an excuse, and doesn't make it better, but when I was in college I saw Christian ministry majors, studying their theology, sit at their table together in the lunch room and get smarter. But they forgot to look up, and look over, and see the ministry (which is one of the words in their major) sitting one table over.

They were 20. They were focused on grades, and learning, and they were entitled to make mistakes.

I sure made plenty of my own when I was 20.

Unfortunately though, that picture was the main one emblazoned on my brain as to what "Theology" meant. Studying books, and ignoring the people around you.

Those kids have grown up, gone to seminary and some of them have amazing people oriented ministries now. Some of them seem to still have their noses stuck in books. And perhaps, that is what God made them for.

I think what I am getting at in my apology is that I am sorry it took me an entire decade to realize that intently studying who God is, and what He said in an organized setting does not make you less likely to talk to Him, and share Him with others.

I am such a hippie. I want to learn about God from watching the caterpillar transform into a butterfly, and hearing the birds sing His praise. But sometimes we have to sit down and read about the details.

I am so proud of you for giving up what you have already established in order to follow where God is leading you. Wherever He takes you, I am behind you, always. I may not always be literally behind you, because I hate being confined in buildings, but emotionally and spiritually, I am with you."

They shared this video short at church this week, thus triggering my need to apologize.

DugDownDeep_Carnahan.mov from Covenant Life Church on Vimeo.

The Word says, "study to show thyself approved". (2Tim 2:15) I want to show myself approved, so study I shall.

I just hope God doesn't ask me to do it in a organized setting. Please Lord, let me be a home schooled Christian!