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I am happily married to an amazing military man who spent 9 years enlisted and is now an Officer in the US Army. We have two amazing boys who are not so little any more! They still infuse every moment of every day with creativity and energy, and make my life an adventure.  I was educated at home, and am now teaching our children - second generation homeschoolers! I try every day to become more like Jesus Christ, and to love like HE does. If you want you can try and catch me at bethylovesandy@yahoo.com

My Blog Title Verse

"For the Lord gives wisdom. From His mouth come knowledge and understanding." Proverbs 2:6 NKJV 
The Message translation puts it this way "God gives out Wisdom free, is plainspoken in Knowledge and Understanding."

Verse of the day

Monday, April 26, 2010

Don't Blink, part 2

For some reason death, and of course, it's beautiful counterpart, life, have been on my mind quite heavily lately.
You see, I feel like I should have a two year old right now.
Several years ago when I first found out I was pregnant, I signed up for one of those "weekly update" E-mails. I have never taken myself off that list. At first I was just too busy, moving, and unpacking, and after several weeks, finally taking the time to mourn. Then, I sort of enjoyed watching the updates - seeing the pictures of what my baby's development should look like by now. After all this time, it is just habit. I'll go weeks and weeks without even opening the E-mail, but occasionally, I just scan through the "advice" for the age.
What "should" I be doing right now....

But those aren't the sort of questions you should ask yourself. In all honesty, I am doing what I am suppose to be doing. Or, to the best of my ability, what God wants me to be doing. Still, every once in awhile, I ache for little two year old chubby fingers.

My friend Abby lost a really good friend to eclampsia just recently. Her name was Kylee, and she left behind four beautiful children. I never met her. Until she died, I had never even heard of her, except maybe in a passing comment by Abby. For some reason, I have been irresistibly drawn to her blog, and the writings she left behind. I have been mourning, just a bit, for a friendship that I wish we could have had. I know that is totally unfair to the people who did know her, and love her, and miss her with an unbelievable pain. I don't mean to downplay that at all. I truly can not imagine how her husband breathes still. I suppose only because of the promise that we dance to so joyfully as followers of Christ - that this is not the end.
I think part of the reason this has affected me so strongly is because I am the "sick one". I have always had something or another wrong with me, physically. I suppose I have always thought I could die "young". I remember not long after I was diagnosed with diabetes I couldn't sleep one night. I walked through the house, praying blessing over my little sisters, and then my parents too, as they all slept - just in case I wasn't there to do that forever. I was only 12.
I have had a "just in case I die" letter on every kind of disk, from floppy to memory stick, and on multiple hard drives of personal computers. Of course, no one knew where they were, so if anything had happened to me they wouldn't have been found, but I always felt better writing out my letters of love.
I don't think I have ever been afraid of death, just very aware of it's reality. (Which probably means I am going to live until I am 110!) Somehow seeing someone about my age, with kids about the age of mine, who was serving Jesus with her whole heart - yet is gone now - well, it reminded me that it doesn't matter if you are healthy or not. It doesn't matter if you are ready or not.
The point I am trying to get to is that this life, whether 6 weeks gestation, or 30 something years, or 110 - this isn't the end. It is only a blink, truly. Right now is just the preparation for the part that counts - being in the presence of The KING!
Kylee wrote a beautiful post about how this world is not our home. We are only passing through. If you have a chance, please, read it and appreciate how fleeting our time here is.
Spend every minute wisely. Dance with joy. Sing praise with your whole heart, whether you are in key or not. Give with abandon. Generously share what you know, so that in the end those you love will be worshiping before the throne with you.
Please, don't blink.


Abigail said...

tears are streaming down my face Bethany. what a beautiful post. i have been thinking so often about how this world is not my home and how Kylee feels like she is just gone away for a while and i think it's because i have the deep reassurance that I'll see her again.

and i understand those mourning her even not knowing her personally, because when she was alive i always wanted to share her with people, because she and her husband were so special.

beautiful beautiful post and i do hope that God keeps you around quite a bit longer, selfishly, because you are an amazing big sister whose wisdom i cherish. love you.

EmileeHope said...

You nearly brought me to tears B! (And as you know, I am not normally a crier.) What a beautiful reminder of what our focus in life truly should be.

Sometimes I start to feel a bit down and selfish, like I deserve better then my IC and PCOS filled life, then immediately I think about all the wonderful blessings that fill my life and I can't be upset. God has blessed me immeasurably in this life, and we aren't even promised that, and yet I have been given life, the most amazing family and friends, and wonderful desires and dreams!
(Oh, and thanks for your prayers over the years, I know that having you as a big sister has helped to shape me into who I am today, as a person and a Christian!)

autumnesf said...

Beautiful post...and thank you for the link.

Carrie said...

LOVE the new header and button! You are so smart!!!!
Beautiful post. I read Abby's original post about the loss and was so so so sad. It's hard to think that things like that still happen with all the technology and advances in medicine. I am so sad for her children and husband.

Anonymous said...

Bethy this is a beautiful reminder of how we need to treasure every moment we have...I feel like that subject has been coming up a lot lately and its always so mindboggling when we hear how our lives are but a breath. You seriously need to write a book because you are so great at putting your wisdom into words =) I love you dearly and thanks for the prayers also!!! I teared up a bit when you talked about praying over us in our sleep...That was totally the Holy Spirit putting that burden on your heart so thanks for listening to him.

Peace! Mary Faith

Angelia Sims said...

Thank you, thank you for posting a comment on my miracle baby post. Indeed it's amazing how God works and who he brings into our lives at just the right time. My heart aches for you and understands the exact place that grieves and rejoices. I loved the advice your mother gave you, how true..
I live my life as if everything is a blessing because no matter what happens - a lesson, a path change, a revelation - it is or will be. God is good all the time. I am so glad you are here dancing, singing and living in the awe of God's gift to you. His grace and love. I am especially glad you reached out to me.