As he was leaving a few days ago, around 5:40, I got up to use the bathroom. In the dark that still haunts that time of the morning I tripped over the cord of the space heater.
Now, I love the fact that we have a space heater. Getting out of the shower without it in the winter is slightly torturous. But at 5:40 in the morning, barely awake enough to walk, the cord was a safety hazard just waiting to happen. As I stumbled I imagined my chin hitting the tile, the mess that would make when blood gushed everywhere, the inconvenience of waking the children to go get stitches.
And then my hands caught the counter, my hip hit the heater, and all was good.
But all of these thought had already run through my head in the split second it took for me to catch myself.
And the next thought I had was, "Thank goodness for modern technology." Amazing how the mind works, isn't it? Yes, it was modern technology that almost made me fall - but it would have been a cell phone that made Andy return two minutes after he left.
12 years ago when we first started dating I had a cell phone. But it was for "emergencies" only. I almost never used it and was slightly scared of it. Then, not even three years after we met we were stationed in CA and the cell phone, with unlimited nights and weekends, free long distance, and a friends and family list was my link to home. I nearly wore it out.
Each time he has been deployed I never knew when he would call. So I have carried my phone with me everywhere I have gone. To Doctor's appointments, giving him updates about our baby growing inside. To Florida, for the first time our son saw the ocean. To the bathroom, just in case. And every night, plugged in close enough that it would reach my bed. Sleeping with the telephone is not just a song - it is a reality.
These newest cell phones are more then just phones. They are address books, calendars, entertainment centers while waiting in the doctor's office, even a portable book when I forget to grab my kindle on the way out the door.
It contains my entire life, all in one small rectangle. And it is very easy to get completely lost in. Belonging to myself only.
After my split second wave of thoughts, then my moment of thankfulness, (both for not falling, and knowing that Andy had a cell phone, if I had fallen) my last hour of sleep was filled with unsettling dreams. In them people were looking for things and were unable to find them. No matter how hard they searched, they couldn't figure out how to get to what they needed.
In my dream, I had what they were looking for, and no matter how hard I looked for them, I couldn't find the searchers. I knew they needed me, and what I had, but I could't figure out how to get to them. We were all searching, and none of us could find each other.
How does all of this connect to cell phones? I'm not really sure.
I think it comes back to the "entire life, all in one small rectangle". As people it seems we spend less and less time face to face. Technology allows us to send information at lightning speed. To text and E-mail and Facebook all at a moment's notice. But are we forgetting to notice the people right next to us?
This afternoon Brandon Heath's "Give me Your eyes" played on my Pandora station.
"Give me Your eyes" is about choosing to see people in need - in need of love, in need of cheer, the "broken hearted" is how he puts it - through God's eyes. Which means we love them unconditionally and try not to miss anyone.
I am going to do my best in my little neighborhood right here. But at the same time...
I'm not much use in the "real world" right now. Because of my uncooperative body I don't do much driving, thus I have met very few people. My ability to go to events is pretty small. But I am going to do my best to use His eyes to see the broken hearted in the little - or rather, HUGE - world of technology. To move beyond the world of people contained in my address book, "all in one small rectangle." Just like I was thankful for my phone that morning, I will be thankful for the world wide web. Hopefully, the searchers and I can find each other.
Please, feel free to let me know how I can show you His love. I don't want you to be searching, unable to find when I have exactly what you need.
This has been a rambling post, but I mean what I say. If you need me - to pray, to encourage, to help work through a problem keeping God in the middle - my E-mail is always open. Always.