Stay on the boat?

The story of Jesus calling to his disciples, pulling them away from what they knew and what they were comfortable with, has always been exciting for me. The chance to go and follow Him is beautiful. Stirring. Inspiring. 

 I wanted to be James and John, Simon and Andrew, walking away from the boat that I already knew how to navigate. Learning something more. 

 But until yesterday I had never given Zebedee much thought. I respected him, for raising men that were willing to walk away and brave enough to try something scary, but truly, I hadn’t really given him much thought. 

 Yesterday this verse reached out and grabbed me when it was on the “highlight” list of a woman I respect a lot. It made me ask questions of myself. 

 Then, when it was a part of my “assigned” reading this morning, I figured it was time to really give it some attention. 

 When is it time to be Zebedee? 

 Sometimes, are we supposed to just stay behind, on the boat? 

 My boys are becoming men. At 16 and 14, their ability to make decisions isn’t fully mature and the strength of their convictions is not done growing. They have so much more to learn still, about Jesus, and people, and right vs wrong and the blurry place in the “middle” that confuses us all at some point. 

 But they are becoming men. 

 Right this minute I think I might be having a Zebedee moment. 

 The book of Mark doesn’t say if he argued with them, encouraged them, or simply sat quietly while they walked away. Did he want them to be brave? Did he know they were about to be part of something that changed the world?

 I have to assume, knowing the rest of the story, that he was a man who was seeking after God. What could he do other than hand those boys of his over to Jehovah?

 I have always wanted to be one of the disciples, but right this minute I just want to be strong enough to be Zebedee. 

 When are we called to stay on the boat? 

 I don’t know the answer to that question, but I want to learn. 

 I want my boys to be each a “man after God’s own heart”, like David. 

 Not perfect. None of us find perfection. 

 But aware of their calling, aware of their faults, aware of their Savior. 

 I will continue to pray over them, forever. I will offer them advice when they are willing to hear it, forever. But I cannot be what makes them. I cannot be what holds them. I cannot. 

 So I will seek to be as strong as Zebedee, and listen to my Savior when I am called to stay on the boat. 

 Join me?