Where are we going, part 1

I suppose it is common knowledge around here that Andy applied to become an officer in the US Army. We had several delays, hold ups, moments that caused us to question - but in the end, the paperwork always came through. He got his letters of recommendation in. He passed his PT test with flying colors. He had no problems with the physical, although he did have to go down there three times because they forgot something once, then lost his paperwork another time. Then his permission from the AF expired and had to be extended. The June boards got cancelled, so he went in July. See what I mean about questioning what was God's will?
 But when he went before the board in July it went great. They responded well to him, encouraged him to share his faith with his men, which is always a plus, and later told his recruiter that he was the BEST one all day.
 Another friend's husband had no problem with his package.
 So, I dared to hope.
 Hope is hard for me.
 Trust I am good at. God will put us where we are suppose to be, provide us what we need, and give us the guidance of how to serve Him to the best of our ability. I have really never struggled with fear, or doubt, or anger about where I am or what is "up" with my life.
 But asking for something I really want. Hoping. That is another thing.
 I have asked, and the answer has been no, or wait, quite a few time. I have asked for healing so many times, and my answer, felt deep in my soul, has been wait. It is not time for my body to be whole. I asked for a child, not just for myself but for another I love also, and still we wait.
 Hoping for something is not one of my strong suits. But I grabbed hold of hope, for Andy's sake. He wanted to be an officer, and I was going to encourage him.

 But the first week of August we found out that he wasn't chosen. No reason. There is just a list of those who are picked and those who are not.

 Crush went that little sprig of hope I had let grow. I cried, and moaned, and swore to never ask for anything ever again.

 Thankfully I was out of town, at my parents. Andy did not need me around dragging him down. He received a word from God, plain and simple. Like Joshua marching around Jericho he is holding his horn, and marching, and waiting. God hasn't told him how long to march, or when to blow, or even what wall will fall when he is finally allowed to blow that horn - but he trusts enough to just keep marching. Marching in place it feels right now, but marching he will continue.
 Oh, how I love that man.

 But, once again, how glad I am that I was "home". My Mom told me to buck up and be glad that my husband had a job. So many people don't have one at all, and what was I complaining about.
 Kelsey, sister number 3, listened to me lament about being unable to ask, or hope, and called me out on it. Her reminder was plain and simple. If we do not ask for things, we will not recognize them as the gifts they are. We will just take them for granted. God will provide our every need, and bless us also. But if we ask, we will recognize and appreciate those blessings so much more.
 Her simple example, off the top of her head: When she was younger, 17 I think, she went to England on a mission training program with YWAM. She was homesick and tired of the monotony of the food, so one night asked God for something good to eat - perhaps Spaghetti. Sure enough, spaghetti was served that very night. They probably would have had spaghetti that night whether she had asked God for it or not - but would she have appreciated it as much? Who knows.
 In Matthew it tells us to "Ask, and you will receive". Obviously, I don't think you can just ask for a million dollars and expect God to hand it over. But I am learning to ask, without fear of disappointment. Trust is a beautiful thing, and I am so glad that God has gifted me with it. But now I am asking Him to bless me with the ability to ask with faith, rather then fear.

 Next month is still a possibility for Andy. So, the first week of September still holds potential. (and stress!) There is a HUGE portion of me that really doesn't want to get my hopes up.
 I am the one making the back-up plans. Andy is the one planning for Officer training.
 But I am learning to ask, with hope. Hope with us, please.

Rolling around and around

There are words constantly rolling around in my head - so very many of them. I think that sometimes there are so many that I can't decide which ones deserve to come out, so instead I stop blogging altogether for awhile. Anyone else have that problem? Do you have so many questions that you want to dive into; thoughts that are just crying out to be shared and contemplated; hopes and fears that you think, "maybe, just maybe, if I type them up and post them it will make them more manageable"?
 There are constantly little post-it notes with verses, and quotes and thoughts that have come to me in the middle of making dinner stuck willy-nilly around the computer. I'll be in the middle of a conversation with someone and they will say something I really think is cool and I will pull out my phone so I can type it up in the memo pad.
 Then, I have to actually follow through. I have to compile the thoughts, put them in order, and make them mean something that others can understand. And, I have to do it in a way that is pleasing to my Savior.
 Sometimes I am angry enough about a situation that I could probably fill a whole page without too much trouble - but it wouldn't be the right words.
 Sometimes I am saddened by a situation, and once again, writing on emotion just feels wrong. I want to write with emotion, but not fueled by it.
 So, I try to let the emotions cool, the feelings tame themselves a bit, and my point of view grow larger then just my own. Sometimes by the time that is accomplished, the story is so old it seems pointless to write about. But the words are still there, crying for release, and until they come out I don't know that I will get any rest.
 So, here are some thoughts that are slightly outdated, and hopefully toned down in emotion enough to be understood. Still, they come from my heart.
 Please.... keep reading.

My Students

Heart of the Matter has their Not Back to School Blog Hop going on again this week. 

It is time for Student Photos, and who can resist showing off their kids?

Certainly not me! 

My silly one.

My serious one.

I know you are not suppose to stereotype them. There are long term psychological side effects. Trust me, I was a psych major. I know. Living up to who you are "supposed" to be can be daunting. But at this stage in their life, for right this minute, this is who they are. I won't ask them to stay silly or serious, carefree or brainy. I'll just enjoy every minute.

Technically, this is a "bad" picture, but it is such a great picture of who he is that I can't resist it. 

 What can I say... the silly one. 

 Working hard

Even Zion works sometimes

Together

Like brothers ought to be.

I am so blessed by my boys! 

Book Review, sort of

When Andy is away, the Bethy will play. Or read, actually.

 I have not been feeling good, physically, and I never sleep well when Andy is gone, so that combo has given me plenty of excuses to curl up with books and just read, and read, and read. One of the quickies I devoured was the Twilight novella, "The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner", by Stephenie Meyer. Most of you know that I liked the Twilight books, even though they are teen books, about vampires, and are slightly cheesy. They are clean, and humorous and made me realize that I do actually like to pick sides... even though I had thought myself so carefully neutral on so many things all my life. (I'm team Jacob, just so you know... ice cold and hard as a rock, yuck! I will totally take warm and furry, thank you!)
 Anyway, back to Bree. Bree is a character, a brand new vampire, that makes a short appearance in the third book before being cruelly killed by the Volturi. This book tells her story in more detail. You can read someone else's, slightly teen-ish, review of it, if you like, but she does cuss a few times, so watch out.
 I wanted to talk a little about what Stephenie Meyer said in the preface notes.
 When she was first writing Eclipse, in which Bree appears, the only thing she could see, think, feel or breathe was Bella. Bella is the main character, and everything was about her. For an author, I suppose that is how it should be. But when Stephenie went back to edit she began to look at things from other's point of view. That is when Bree's story began to strike her. For some reason that stuck with me.
 How often do we only see the world from one point of view? We eat, sleep and breathe "Bella" - or whatever it may be. I suppose I should say "Bethany". We are not writing a book, trying to become a character. We are living life. We already are a character, hopefully a Godly one. We need to see life from more then one point of view. The Book we are to follow has already been written, and it says, "Do to other's what you would have them do to you," and "be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another". Self centered is not mentioned in there anywhere. Seeking our own desires first is definitely not a plus. Thinking that we know all the answers, and are the only ones whom God speaks to - I am pretty sure that would be considered one sided.
 So, the first thing I was reminded of through Bree Tanner was, 1) Don't wait until you reach the "editing stage", looking back on your life, before you see the world from someone else's point of view. Even if it doesn't completely agree with yours, looking at that point of view won't kill you. I promise.
 Remember to try to do that every day, not just at the end.

 Another thing Stephanie said in the preface was that as she wrote and became attached to Bree, she began to wish that she had ended that chapter of Eclipse differently. But the words had already been printed, and she couldn't take them back.
 How often do we say something, and wish it "unsaid"? But words cannot be taken back. Bree was already dead before the book was even begun, because Eclipse had already been written.
 Apologies are wonderful things, and forgiveness is powerful, but learning to think first, to pray over our words before we let them out - that is even greater.
 There are a million sayings out there about this idea that our mother's drilled into our heads. Surprise! They are true.
 Bree Lesson number 2) Once the words are spoken you can't take them back. So think before you speak.
 The Bree book was a fun and easy read, and fit in nicely with the Twilight series. But I actually like the little intro at the beginning better then anything. God used those words to speak to me, and I hope He uses them for you too.
 And since I missed Waste Not Want Not Wednesday... I suppose I will just head to bed, and perhaps another good book?

Oh you can't get to heaven...

Does anyone remember that song from childhood and churchcamp?
"Oh you can't get to heaven, (oh you can't get to heaven)
 On roller skates (on roller skates)
 Oh you can't get to heaven, (oh you can't get to heaven)
 On roller skates
 No you can't get to heaven on roller skates, you'll roll right past those pearly gates!
 All my sins are washed away, I've been redeemed.

 There are many other verses, which can easily be added to. "Can't get to heaven in Kevin's car, cause Kevin's car won't go that far", or "on a pogo stick, cause a pogo stick just ain't that quick"... it goes on and on in silliness, but with the message that only Christ's blood can offer salvation.

Canaan and Zion recently learned the song from Bob and Larry, and the rest of the Veggie Tales crew while being carted back and forth to the grocery, the library, karate practice, etc. We have headphones in the back of the Tahoe, so I can listen to something different while they jam to the Veggies in the back.
 When we were home one evening Z was making up verses on his own, just to be silly. Can't get to heaven in a piece of toast, potato chip... random things. He is only four, and doesn't even try to rhyme. He just throws things out there. But Canaan, he takes things so seriously. Zion suggested a basket, laughing as usual, but Canaan thought that might actually work. "If you stayed in that basket too long you would suffocate and die, and then you would go to heaven."

 What am I going to do with that boy?

TDY Time

Andy has been gone for less then four full days so far, and already I think that perhaps my children have been taken over my aliens.
 But wait, you didn't know that Andy was gone! You see, after the "OPSEC drama of 2010" I think most military wives have been slightly more cautious about what they say, and who they say it to. Not that Andy's TDY is of any importance in the world of military security, but for some reason, posting it for the whole world to see seemed unnecessary. But, now that he is safely gone, I'll tell you all about it...  hahaha. (evil laugh)

 He's just gone to Yuma on a joint effort with the Marines creating better communication and understanding about how the A-10s work. He'll be gone about three weeks, doing his regular job, keeping the planes in the air where they are supposed to be.
 He says it feels very much like Afghanistan. Hot, sandy, 12 hour shifts. All you do is work, sleep, go to the gym, grab some food, then do it all again. The only difference is that he has a cell phone so can call me, or txt me on occasion, rather then having to wait and E-mail or Skype me. They are planning to drop some real ammo for practice, and from my understanding will have some "return fire" coming at them as they practice. Andy is actually glad for it, because there are some younger guys in his unit who have not deployed yet. This will hopefully give them a taste of what it is like, a "reality check", without any actual danger.... except perhaps heat exhaustion.
 It was slightly humorous. In the sermon this morning our pastor mentioned the something about how the Marine's love to see the A-10s coming, and I almost laughed out loud. So often the AF has a rep of being the lazy branch of the military. The "chair force" I have heard it called before. But even the Marines respect the actual AIR part of the AF. The people who keep the planes in the air, the maintainers, ammo, and crew chiefs - as well as the pilots who fly the planes who drop the bombs, and the planes that carry the gear, etc. We may get teased, but the AF has earned it's place.

 So, three weeks, here we come. Adventures in Yuma. Adventures on the Homefront. One day at a time!

Our "schoolroom"

Heart of the Matter is hosting a "Not back to School" blog hop this month. Last weeks theme was curriculum. I chickened out on participating, since I completely and utterly do not have a curriculum. I am not sure I can truly call myself an "unschooler", because we do occasionally sit at a table and work on paper, but curriculum is sort of a foreign word around here.
 This weeks theme is the schoolroom. Andy and I just had an, ahem, "discussion" about that a few nights ago. He wants us to buy some school desks, where the boys can sit in organized structure and learn.
 I said that stands in opposition of everything I believe in.
 I think he thought I was being a little overly dramatic.
 We decided to just drop the subject for the time being...
 For now, I am going to share a few pictures of my interpretation of the schoolroom.

 Anyone who has read this blog
 before has seen my school closet
 and has seem my obsession with
bookshelves neatly organized. I really need to take some pictures of the ones in the boy's bedroom.
 As for the rest of our "school room"...

Bookbags, ready to go wherever, and whenever, we feel led. 

 The dining room table, for those moments of handwriting or math that require a hard surface. 

 When he saw me taking a picture, he said, "Mommy, are you going to blog about this? Why don't you take a picture of me celebrating being done!"

 I love my positive thinker!

The spare room, full of lego's at the moment. Creativity at it's best. 

Either of my children can spend hours, if I let them, building, and then describing to you in detail what they have built and how it works and the ways it interacts with all the other things they have created.

The backyard, watching a lizard try to decide if he can eat a dragonfly that is bigger then he is. 

(Can you see them there, on the sprinkler pole?)

The kitchen - This morning for breakfast Canaan declared that he wanted to "invent" a new food. After giving him a short and toned down lesson on bioengineering, and how complicated it is to create a new food. (like a seedless watermelon or a pluot) he looked at me and said, "Mom, I just wanted to add some things to waffles, to make them like I want them."
 I just laughed! Hopefully he knows the difference between a recipe and a new food now. We talked about which ingredients you have to have for consistency

 and then I just let him be creative to his hearts content. 

Yes, that is peanut butter, cloves, pb and butterscotch chips and cinnamon sugar. 

I believe he added rolled oats too, and perhaps some raisins? 

 Zion got in on the action too. 

School that you get to eat... what could be better then that? 

Lessons, ready to be absorbed, in the classroom called the world. 

 That is how I see our schoolroom. 

Wordless Wednesday

Does he think he can eat that?

Waste not, Want Not Wednesday

It had completely slipped my mind that it was Wednesday until I saw my friend Carrie's blog. She did a post on Waste not, Want not Wednesday this week too! Be sure to drop by and see her children's adorable spaceship.
 My easy trick this week is one of my favorites. Cloth napkins. It may seem like only a little bit of paper to use a paper napkin, but it is only a little bit of fabric in a cloth napkin, and they fit right in with a load of towels or sheets that you have to wash anyway.
 We started using them full force, full time, after my sister Kelsey got married two years ago. My mom made 200 for her green wedding, and afterwards there were quite a few leftover.

They started out really lovely. 

They look more like this most days now. 

This one may never recover!

I had used them off and on during our first few years of marriage, so the older ones came back out of retirement, and I have picked up some on clearance here and there. (I got the six plaid ones in the bad lighting the other day for less then $2.00) But my favorites remain the simple crosses from Kelsey's wedding.
 Simple, easy, and saves a tree or two. Waste not, want not.
 See you next week!

Eight small children, one large weekend!

One of my favorite things about my life is the fact that I have moved so many times. I suppose that for many people that would be something to dislike.
 Most would hate changing all the landmarks, and points of reference and pieces of history. For example, "that's where I had that huge bike wreck and got this cool scar" or "that's where I first saw Tommy, my first love"... or whatever. Losing the familiar.
 I suppose that since I have been doing it for so long, it just seems right to instead associate all of my memories with "that was when we lived in TX" or "that was when we lived in CO". I've never really had a "familiar".
 Most people would hate having to learn a new place over and over again. The closest ATM, the easiest grocery, the tastiest local eatery, as well as which ones to avoid at all costs. For me, it is just second nature. Move in, scout it out, make a few mistakes, learn the layout. Then, just when you have it down, prepare to do it all over again.

 Most people hate having to say goodbye to their friends.

 I suppose I hate that too. Hmmm - perhaps I am normal, slightly?
 But, I have learned through decades of moving that goodbye can be good, and it doesn't have to be permanent. I have managed to keep in touch with one friend in particular since kindergarten, and I have moved 19 times SINCE then, not counting college dorms. (and that doesn't include my moves before then... I have moved way too many times)

 What I am getting at is that friendships are up to you. Whether you are going to put the time and effort into them is up to you. Choose to be a listening ear, even if you aren't near. Choose to drive 100 miles out of your way on your family vacation, just to see someone. (just throwing a warning out there to some of you... we are planning a vacation in Oct - be forewarned!)

 So, when my friend Nicole called to say that while her hubby was in training in FL she and the kids were going to come spend the last two weeks before school started with him, my ears perked up. We were stationed together at Andy's first base, when we were brand new to the AF. They were a huge help to us. Then, I got pregnant, and so did she. My first, her third. Once again, a huge help to us!

 Canaan and Caleb were born exactly three weeks apart. Then, when they were only six months old, the AF did what it does and transferred them away.
 I made it up there to meet baby number four, Devin, but babies five and six had come, and grown and I had never even met them. They had never met Zion either. So... Since we are less then three hours from where he was training we HAD to get together.

 This is what not seeing each other for nearly six years and three children (between us) looks like...

 Nicole and I

The entire McCool Clan

On Sat morning Nicole and I decided that the Daddy's really NEEDED to spend some time with their children - so we would just leave them to that. And since we were being so kind to let them fill that need, we might as well go to the mall, kid free, and get a pedicure, right?

They played baseball

With a crazy pitcher

Even little Lina got into the "swing" of things.

And when baseball got old, there is always the ole favorite-

Guns!

And when even that got old - thank goodness for Air Conditioning and Wii, right?

Quentin has been in training in FL for months now, and Nicole and all the kids have been back at their home base in NE. We encouraged them to take the evening to themselves and leave the kids with us. Andy ended up having to leave for awhile, long story, so I had all eight kids, while cooking dinner, in a thunder storm which Lina was terrified of and wanted to be held the whole time. 

 And I still say I want at least six kids. 

Andy was hoping a weekend with a houseful would discourage me. I think it worked the opposite way.  I had such a blast with a houseful! 

While I was watching all eight Lina wanted to watch Cinderella. Z and David (both four) were the only two who would agree to it, the others all declaring it "too girly". However, by the end of the movie, this is what my living room looked like - 

The two smallest had gotten kicked off the couch altogether!

Canaan, Devin and Zion

Evalina, just because

A reluctant smile from David

Canaan and Caleb, only three weeks apart

I wish I could easily get to one of the pictures of them in matching blue ducky onesies, seven years ago...I would love to scan that in and show how they have changed! 

We tried to get a picture of all eight kids... no luck! Here are seven, but one is not happy to be there, and one has his hands on his face - and that was the story for all the pictures. How do you get a good picture of more then four or five people? I am eager to see if Nicole got any on her camera. 

Last, but not least, our dorks, whom we can't help but love.

I don't think six years seemed to have hurt us any! 

 So, friendship, even states apart, and years apart, and lifestyles apart (I am afraid I may never catch up on the kid count now - Nicole is way too far ahead!) friendship is worth the time and effort and emotion invested. It is what you put into it. 

 I am so glad I have people in my life to "put into", and who will return the favor and put time and effort and love back into me.  

Looking back, and forward too

I have so many things I want to share, but I just don't have time! So, this will have to be a "recap" post of the last week. (and a bit of an excuse making for why I have been MIA from blogland lately)

 Wed-Fri last week my friend Amanda came over and spent some time with us. Her hubby is National Guard and is deployed right now, but comes home on R&R  in just a few weeks now She is looking for things to do to keep her from losing her mind in these last days. The countdown is always so frustrating! I certainly don't mind helping her find things to do - Spend time with me!!

 Here are our youngins at the Bass Pro Shop

 She drove me up to N. GA and dropped me at my parents.

I went to a performance of Act 1 Theatre's "Hi Tops" on Friday night.

We attended a family wedding on Sat.

Canaan and Isa were the Bible carrier and flower girl at Kelsey and Travis' wedding two years ago.

Look how they have grown!

(Isa is Travis' neice, and the groom at Saturday's wedding was Travis' brother)

On Sunday I was sick with a slight fever, and sore throat. I actually took a nap while my mom took my boys to the cast party for Act 1. Wasn't that good timing? I love being "home" when I am sick.

 Monday we spent with several misc. friends, and somehow I manged to take ZERO pictures. Failure!

 But Tuesday, Tuesday was an adventure, and I was a picture taking maniac then.We went to the Chattanooga Aquarium, and it was a blast!

Have you ever seen a sea dragon? A starfish that big?

Inside a fishtank with Uncle Travis.

Canaan loved the turtles. I loved his reflection in the glass, looking back at him.

Zion and his Aunt Kelsey were mostly inseperable.

They got to pet a stingray - although he was a little afraid of it at first, she finally talked him into it.

I think he was a little shocked!

Canaan even got to feed one - but I had taken Zion to wash his hands (the little germaphobe) and missed that picture!

In the butterfly room I got one to sit on my finger almost right away.

Canaan really wanted to catch one too, so he patiently stood there, finger outstretched - just waiting.

I showed him how to help the process along, and he finally had some success!

We saw Penguins... the real kind too.

And after it was all over, we got to play in the beautiful, free water fountains outside.

What a week!

Mom brought us back to Daddy late Tuesday night, took us shopping on Wednesday, we recovered on Thursday and today we cleaned all day because.... our good friends we were stationed with in CA have come to visit. Nicole, Quentin and their SIX children are here to visit for the weekend.

 Whew, we have a full house. Pictures will be coming!