I suppose it is common knowledge around here that Andy applied to become an officer in the US Army. We had several delays, hold ups, moments that caused us to question - but in the end, the paperwork always came through. He got his letters of recommendation in. He passed his PT test with flying colors. He had no problems with the physical, although he did have to go down there three times because they forgot something once, then lost his paperwork another time. Then his permission from the AF expired and had to be extended. The June boards got cancelled, so he went in July. See what I mean about questioning what was God's will?
But when he went before the board in July it went great. They responded well to him, encouraged him to share his faith with his men, which is always a plus, and later told his recruiter that he was the BEST one all day.
Another friend's husband had no problem with his package.
So, I dared to hope.
Hope is hard for me.
Trust I am good at. God will put us where we are suppose to be, provide us what we need, and give us the guidance of how to serve Him to the best of our ability. I have really never struggled with fear, or doubt, or anger about where I am or what is "up" with my life.
But asking for something I really want. Hoping. That is another thing.
I have asked, and the answer has been no, or wait, quite a few time. I have asked for healing so many times, and my answer, felt deep in my soul, has been wait. It is not time for my body to be whole. I asked for a child, not just for myself but for another I love also, and still we wait.
Hoping for something is not one of my strong suits. But I grabbed hold of hope, for Andy's sake. He wanted to be an officer, and I was going to encourage him.
But the first week of August we found out that he wasn't chosen. No reason. There is just a list of those who are picked and those who are not.
Crush went that little sprig of hope I had let grow. I cried, and moaned, and swore to never ask for anything ever again.
Thankfully I was out of town, at my parents. Andy did not need me around dragging him down. He received a word from God, plain and simple. Like Joshua marching around Jericho he is holding his horn, and marching, and waiting. God hasn't told him how long to march, or when to blow, or even what wall will fall when he is finally allowed to blow that horn - but he trusts enough to just keep marching. Marching in place it feels right now, but marching he will continue.
Oh, how I love that man.
But, once again, how glad I am that I was "home". My Mom told me to buck up and be glad that my husband had a job. So many people don't have one at all, and what was I complaining about.
Kelsey, sister number 3, listened to me lament about being unable to ask, or hope, and called me out on it. Her reminder was plain and simple. If we do not ask for things, we will not recognize them as the gifts they are. We will just take them for granted. God will provide our every need, and bless us also. But if we ask, we will recognize and appreciate those blessings so much more.
Her simple example, off the top of her head: When she was younger, 17 I think, she went to England on a mission training program with YWAM. She was homesick and tired of the monotony of the food, so one night asked God for something good to eat - perhaps Spaghetti. Sure enough, spaghetti was served that very night. They probably would have had spaghetti that night whether she had asked God for it or not - but would she have appreciated it as much? Who knows.
In Matthew it tells us to "Ask, and you will receive". Obviously, I don't think you can just ask for a million dollars and expect God to hand it over. But I am learning to ask, without fear of disappointment. Trust is a beautiful thing, and I am so glad that God has gifted me with it. But now I am asking Him to bless me with the ability to ask with faith, rather then fear.
Next month is still a possibility for Andy. So, the first week of September still holds potential. (and stress!) There is a HUGE portion of me that really doesn't want to get my hopes up.
I am the one making the back-up plans. Andy is the one planning for Officer training.
But I am learning to ask, with hope. Hope with us, please.
Who writes this stuff?
- I am happily married to an amazing military man who spent 9 years enlisted and is now an Officer in the US Army. We have two amazing boys who are not so little any more! They still infuse every moment of every day with creativity and energy, and make my life an adventure. I was educated at home, and am now teaching our children - second generation homeschoolers! I try every day to become more like Jesus Christ, and to love like HE does. If you want you can try and catch me at email@example.com