Today has been yet another emotional one.
I heard someone refer to the adoption process as "paperwork pregnancy".
I seem to have hit the "uncontrollable emotions, cry at the drop of a pin" stage of the pregnancy.
Last night while Andy worked I climbed in the attic and pulled down the Christmas decorations,
tree, and gift wrap - with only the help of a six year old and a 3 year old. Not Andy's fault, but it
sure is enough to make me tired of his 12 hour swing shifts. This morning the boys and I set up
the tree, started the decorating, (they are LOTS of help, let me tell you, especially while trying
to keep quiet so Daddy can sleep!) and I threw in some Christmas music.
This is one of the first songs that came up.
And we wonder why I cry? Last year I remember listening to this song, crying a bit and thinking -
"It's too soon to have her yet, but next Christmas, she will be home."
Not so much.
This year, I wrapped beads around the tree and bawled.
But next year - next year is still something to hope for, and dream about. Somewhere, deep down
inside of me, there is still that spark. That joy. That peace, and a piece that looks forward -
To next Christmas.
3 comments:
Hey! I can't read all your blog post..parts of it are cut off :(
I really want to comment, but I also want to have the full read first. I am so sorry that you had a sad day.
WOW a paper pregnancy! Ain't that the truth. It's the anxiety of being pregnant (planning etc) without having a due date.
I'm right there with ya. I'll pray for you too :) Maybe next Christmas will be great for both of us :)
Wow Bethany that is a powerful song full of emotions for you I'm sure.
As I was cleaning out my inbox of emails tonight I noticed something I had saved and not sure why. It was something I did or was going to say to you all the way back in May of this year. It really applies here - so maybe I never said it to you and God wanted me to now. :)
"I can sympathize with your frustrations and discouragement of waiting....it can be so very hard. We just have to keep remembering that we have a God who understands all of our hopeless feelings and thoughts....and yet He still has the plan. God knows and in His timing His plans will be shown. While we are waiting may we not forget to look upon all the wonderful blessings He is giving us today." :)
Love - Debby
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