So of course he asked, "What is whack? Is it short for whacky, cause you aren't short on that. And if it is an abbreviation for whacky it's not a very good one - it is only one letter shorter. That doesn't save you much effort. Where did it come from, this whack. Don't you have to HAVE it in the first place to be out of it? Can I go somewhere and buy you more, since you are out of it?" and on and on....
I laughed, and I felt less "out of whack" then before.
So, whatever whack is, laughter replenishes it, at least in me.
When I was a teenager we had a neighbor with a heavy thick southern drawl. She would spend weeks in her house, not coming out at all. But when she would reach a moment of freedom she would always come out rejoicing. I remember her thick southern voice talking about being in "oppression" (meaning depression). I think I have been oppressed lately. Not really depressed - but heavy. For someone like me, who is usually perky and bouncy, it has been noticeable.
Andy finally looked at me today and said, "Stop. I just can't take it any more." That really hit me!
My job has always been to lift others up, and I have failed miserably lately. But I think I am done.
Today we found Canaan's missing glasses, so we don't have to go buy new ones. (They had been lost for 3 days!) We worked on a Christmas craft for a gift, and I discovered that sewing is much easier when you don't have a six year old "helping" you, but it sure is more fun with him. I searched the internet for ideas for a Knights of the Realm birthday party for Zion, and found some cool ideas. And, I cooked a real meal, did laundry, washed dishes, and Andy got up early enough in the day that I even made the bed.
Making the bed is something I have missed so much now that he works all night and sleeps all day. Today just felt good, having that one simple chore done.
I played Christmas carols on my piano, read a couple chapters of "The story of St. Nicholas" to my boys, and stood in the front yard talking to the neighbor.
Simple pleasures.
See- my positive attitude is back.
I have missed me.
I hope you have missed me too, cause I am back, and full of whack.
9 comments:
Very glad you found your whack...I lose mine occassionally.....
You don't bounce back from losing a child overnight. Give yourself a little grace. Many might not understand that your heart was fully engaged...just like many don't understand miscarriages. Glad your back...but hope you have processed your loss and are not just trying to make others happy at the cost of your own well being. Take care of yourself friend!
Very assitute question about whack - - -I'm thinking it doesn't all come back at one time either, but may be a process. I'm glad to hear that you are moving along that path. Laughter is always a good bit of medicine. And my DD points out that it is free medicine too. So, it is an extra bonus. Keep your faith and lean on Him to make you strong.
I am glad you found the secret to getting back on track. Take Autumn's advice though, and make sure you let yourself fully grieve or it will come back to haunt you. Sometimes you can orchestrate those moments by letting yourself grieve for only a certain amount of time each day so that it doesn't eat up the rest of your day. After a while, it becomes unnecessary. But at first, it is a lifeline. I will keep praying for you. God bless.
I love Tricia's idea...about a "time" each day.
BUT I am SO HAPPY that you got a big laugh...that sounds so like something Corey would say. It seems Andy happened to be home at the right moment, huh? Can't wait to see you TOMORROW!!!!
Love ya!
Love it!!! So glad to have you back my dear!!
we are really one.... I was just telling someone that I was kinda "down" maybe I even said I'm not "up" like I usually am... It's hard to tell when an "up" person is "down" cause we still don't go down as far as most.... does that make sense? mom
Funny you talk about making the bed as evidence that you have found your whack. When I was in college, my mom approached me about being "out of whack" (using different words, though) because I had left my bed unmade for a few days in a row, which was unusual for me. Funny how the shape of our beds can reflect our attitude. :-) Glad you're feeling more upbeat now.
i'm praying for you Bethany - for the happy moments, the whack moments, and the moments of grief.
and i know how you feel about the bed making. it doesn't have to be neat for me, but it has to be made!
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