When I hit the 12 hour mark today I realized that, other then a quick breakfast at Burger King with a friend (and I ABSOLUTELY NEVER eat fast food for breakfast) and driving, I had not sat down all day. Nor had I eaten a meal, other then that fast food breakfast. I had grabbed a piece of banana bread. Munched an apple. Even put several slices of cheese in my mouth at some point in time. But at seven pm, I realized that I had not sat down, nor eaten all day long. Unless you count sitting down to get blood drawn.
No, wait, I did sit for at a few minutes of Canaan's Tang Soo Do class. So I guess I am not completely telling the truth. Chasing Zion around and entertaining him while Canaan practiced his kicks and blocks only took part of the time.
Either way, what I am trying to say is that by the time dinner rolled around, I was exhausted. Plain old hurting. Luckily, I had a chicken in the crockpot, and mashed potatoes, carrots and peas are all easy to whip up.
While the boys took their bath after dinner, I sat in Andy's miracle working massage seat, and now, here it is, almost midnight and I am still functioning.
The chicken bones have been picked and taken out to the trash. The dishes have been loaded into the dishwasher. I even checked my facebook, which is a very rare thing indeed.
So, the question is, if I am so exhausted, why am I still up? Why do I do this to myself? Why don't I just go to bed?
Andy isn't there.
You would think that when he spends months and months away I would get use to sleeping alone. When he is gone, and I have to get use to it, I do. But right now, I don't want to get use to it. I want this stupid shift to end. 6pm to 6am is just plain annoying. He works all night, sleeps most the day, and with the army stuff he has to get done right now, has about 10 minutes for us in the afternoon between all his errands before he has to head back to work again.
So, I just dread that empty bed because it reminds me that I miss him.
Which in turn makes me feel guilty. Because I know what it is to really miss him. I have been the wife whose husband is gone. I hate to try to claim any of their pain.
But seriously, I think I talked to Andy more when he was in Afghanistan this last time then I have this week.
But, it is Thursday night already. That means tomorrow is Friday - and after that comes the weekend! Rain always brings flowers, right? I'll count on that.
Ending on an up note - the same thing I put on my FB status.
My boys have been singing Bible songs all afternoon, because of the CD I was playing in the truck while we drove all over the town. Zion especially likes "The B-I-B-L-E", which just blesses me. It is wonderful to have your four year old singing the word of God, or simply spelling it!