Here we go again!

December simply flew by. I truly don't know where it went.

 Well, that isn't completely true.
 "It" went to D.C. for three days...

 Air and Space Museum:

Flying Tigers! 

Andy was in the Flying Tiger unit for about 4 years. It was fun to see an old patch on an old uniform.

My little robots

Female astronaut dolls. Girl power!

The space shuttle was chasing them down the runway! Ahhhh

And last, the beautiful sunset view from the tower.

National Zoo:

Do you see them? It was so much fun to watch them wrestle and play, but still almost blend in too.

A little bit of scruff coming in- he enjoyed having some time without shaving.

A day of exploring...

 Think they captured his look? 

 My big man holding a big load on his shoulders!

 It was foggy and cool, but still soo beautiful.

 The end of a long day with lots of walking. Getting a picture of them in any sort of good mood was difficult. But at least we made it!

 "It" had a wonderful Christmas here in NC with Andy's side of the family.

This is our niece Britton's first Christmas that she is old enough to be interested in presents. 

She was so much fun to watch!

 

 New bow and arrow set! Canaan is big stuff. 

The ever popular Lego... I think sometimes that I may die of Lego overload. 

But they love it, so, such is the life of a mother.

Isn't she precious!!

And our Ani, and her giraffe. I love the "bed-head", and the excitement in her eyes. 

All three of the big kids got art supplies, and Canaan has been drawing away. He comes up with some pretty amazing creations. Maybe when I finally write my book I'll have him be my illustrator!

 Next "It" went "home" to GA and saw a whole crew of people.

Twas the night before Christmas...

And santa brought some wonderful stockings...

awe-inspiring, really!

 Little preggo, sister #3

 Matching glasses, matching smiles -

The big gift of the day? Humungous Nerf Guns.

Which led to a full on war in the backyard, with all the uncles and even one of my cousins. Good thing "Santa" warned us so that we packed extra guns and darts to defend ourselves with!

Last, but not least, "It" even had a baby shower for sister #3, Kelsey.

 The five girls -Emilee's belly is fairly well hidden there, but she was about ready to pop!

 I found this onesie and I couldn't resist!

 And, the adorable party favors.. I have such a creative sister and mommy!

 However... "it" did not include a new nephew. I had hoped that Emilee's second would make an appearance while I was there, but he decided to be stubborn. He was born yesterday, at 8:30 in the morning. I would show you a picture... but so far she won't let me post pics of her kids. You will just have to take my word on it- He is adorable!

Channel 89

 You always hear those cliche' sayings like -"Light at the end of a tunnel". That light is suppose to be a good thing, right?
 It feels sometimes that I have been the "deer stuck in the headlights at the end of the tunnel" over the last few years.
 We've been at UNC, Chapel Hill, since Sunday afternoon. At moments it feels like I have been here for at least a month. My amazing man, who normally spends his Saturdays finding something to do, just so he doesn't have to sit still, has holed up in this little room with me for 100 hours now. We have played that lovely little game called "hurry up and wait".

 As we have waited, we have explored a few avenues of entertainment. The internet is priceless at times like this. I am, as always, beyond pleased to have my Kindle. Andy even explored a little (can't stay cooped up the entire time!) and found a RedBox for us to rent a few movies from.

 But over and over we come back to the television - the basic "stuck to the wall and fed with nearly 100 channels" television. And we discovered something highly entertaining.

 They have the sci-fi channel, the History channel, ABC, NBC, Disney, even some movie channels. But, if you just keep clicking eventually you get to the hospital channels. The "healthy eating" channel. The "what to do for hip surgery" channel. And of course, Channel 89.

 All day long, every day, Channel 89 has an important announcement to make. 

"You Are Watching Channel 89"

 Fascinating, isn't it? It was hard to turn away, because with all those other stations out there, where was I ever going to find one that simply said "You are watching channel..."
 
 Obviously, I am being sarcastic.

 Because watching an announcement just sit upon the screen really isn't fascinating.

 But, for some reason, it is there. UNC feels the need to keep that channel open and ready. Right this minute it looks like a waste of energy. A pointless bit of nothing.
 But, for some reason, it is there.

 And that is point number 1. Hold on to that.

 A wonderful friend of the family called me this week while I have been here and shared his heart a little. You see, he and his wife spent a bit of time in the hospital last year. She was fighting breast cancer.

 He was telling me the story of the night before her surgery. Many friends had come to gather around and support them. They were praying, and asking for healing. They were giving hugs, and asking how they could help. And he, even after a lifetime as a pastor, was too overwhelmed to know where to start.
 But he read the story of Paul and Silas in Acts, when they were placed in irons in a prison cell, just for doing what God asked them to do. They had several choices when they were arrested. 1) Moan and complain and ask God why He would do this when all they had ever done was follow His commands. 2) Pray with trust and faith, asking God to deliver them. He had the power. They simply needed Him to step in and work a miracle.
 Did they do either of those?

 Nope. They simply sat and praised Him in the jail cell.

 They didn't complain. They didn't ask for a miracle. They simply praised, No Matter What.

 And God sent a series of events I am pretty sure they wouldn't have imagined to ask for on their own. For the rest of the details you should read Acts 16:25-36

 My pastor friend, sitting there the night before his wife's surgery, knew that they needed to just praise, no matter what. And let God take care of the details. Because sometimes even knowing what to ask for is more then we are capable of.

 They were blessed. God worked some miracles for them. Most importantly, they were made aware, once again, that He is with us, always.

 Right now, Channel 89 is sometimes all that I can see. I have faith in that "light at the end of the tunnel", but it is way too far away to actually see yet. I have no idea what to even ask for, because I cannot imagine what a "good plan" is.

 But I will praise always. And trust that my channel 89, that space sitting there empty and pointless, has a purpose. I don't know the plan. And right now I can't even figure out how to pray most of the time. But like Paul and Silas, I have no doubt that God has something planned that is beyond my imagination.

 Thank you for caring my friends. I will try to keep you posted. In the meantime, please praise Him with me.

Blessings, 

Bethany

5+2 = A Butterfly

It feels sometimes that God is quiet for days and days, and then suddenly He speaks so much. More then I can take in at once.
 But that is what paper, and computers, are for. Writing it all down, and mulling it over, and trying to digest the words that He is giving.

 Most of what I hear is wait.

 I had a fabulous discussion with a dear friend about butterflies. When she was in her early 30's she went though a time in a "cocoon". Waiting, growing, hurting at times. I think that is where I am right now. In my Cocoon season.

 Did I write this already? I feel like I might have. But I found a quote that I have clung to greatly. "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." Richard Bach

 My cocoon is sometimes comforting, surrounding me like a soft blanket. Sometimes stifling, surrounding me so tightly that I cannot move. Sometimes it seems that it is a grave, and that I will be here forever. And at moments I can feel the wings growing, becoming something beautiful, and full of grace.

 And right now, what I hear is wait.

 I was reading 1 Samuel, soon after Saul had been appointed king of Isreal. They were getting ready to head into battle, and they knew they needed to ask for God's blessing before they went.  But Samuel, the priest, was just taking so long to get there. And they couldn't wait any longer. So they took things into their own hands.
 And Saul paid for it with his kingdom. All because he couldn't wait.

 Psalm 27:13-14 says, "I am still confident of this; I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

There is a "famous" verse - you hear it quoted all the time. "Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:30-31

 There is a lot of tired around here lately. I can blame it on many things. Multiple medications, trying to control multiple medical conditions. The awareness that two special forces soldiers were killed last week in Afghanistan and the mainstream world is tired of caring. Or perhaps just the sneezing and sniffling of this silly cold.
 Tired comes. Weary, stumbling, and falling too.

 But the promise of renewed strength, and wings that soar- that is real. And I can feel it, when I remember to ask.

 Romans chapter 8 is full of all sorts of fabulousness. But once again, it reminds us to wait. Even when "we do not know what we ought to pray for"... "if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

 I told you, waiting is what I get to hear, over and over.

 But yesterday, I got thrown off my loop. Out of nowhere, in a story that I have read over and over, God taught me something new. (which is why it is important to read the Bible over and over again. Because you never know what He is going to tell you, even in a story you have had memorized since you were 5)

 In John chapter 6 there is a story about a multitude of people following Jesus around, listing to his teaching. Because he was fascinating. However, at some point in time they realized it was time for lunch. And there wasn't enough food for the crowd. One boy offered to share his two small fish and five loaves of bread. Not enough, but thanks for the offer kiddo. But then, though even his own disciples doubted him, Jesus blessed the food, broke it, and told them to pass it around.

 And if you grew up in the church, you know that it fed the 5000. The broke and passed, broke and passed, until everyone was full. Then, Jesus instructed his disciples to collect the leftovers. "Let nothing be wasted" vs12 says,

 Let nothing be wasted.

 Nothing.

 From 2 fish and five loaves of bread they gathered 12 baskets of leftovers.

 And while I am sitting here, waiting in my cocoon, what am I wasting? Do I have 2 fish? Do I have any leftovers?

 It may not seem like much. Certainly not enough to feed 5000. But Jesus blessed it, and multiplied it, and said "let nothing be wasted."

 So my caterpillar self will wait patiently. Share fish and "Let nothing be wasted". And hopefully emerge as a butterfly soon.

 Blessings my friends, 

The end of the season

Soccer, soccer, soccer.

 It has felt at times recently that we have lived and breathed soccer. Most of the time we enjoyed it. But honestly, I am so happy for the season to be over that I could almost, well, I don't know what I could almost do, but that is what you are suppose to say. Almost scream? Almost cry? Almost pee your pants?
 Either way, I am undeniably relieved to have reached the end.

I am one of those annoying moms who brings their own camera to the "official" picture day.... then doesn't buy any. Sorry professional people. I don't mean to be hateful - just cheap!

It is a big field, and my camera isn't that fancy, but I got a few good shots of Canaan. 

Before the haircut

 He may be defense, but he can be encouragement too!

 Stop that ball!

And make sure nothing has disturbed the new "fauxhawk" - hair is everything, don't you know!

 The Power Rangers

A little close to be the "official" picture, but I like seeing his adorable face!

And Zion -

 This is one of my favorite shots - an entire row of children. 

Just running. 

Chasing a ball. 

In a line. 

He loves to be in motion.

 Zion getting to throw the ball in,

 and for anyone who knows the rules of soccer... the fact that I can see his head wayyyy above the other children's... oops! (both feet are supposed to stay on the ground- but at that age they don't call them out on it) At least he is enthusiastic!

My Zi, the little care-giver. This picture is so blurry, but I love to see his kind heart!

He just looks so serious.

The cheering section (or sideline coach, depending on the moment) who avoids the camera like the plague.

It was fun. It was busy. It was exciting. It is over.
Life is good.

Hope you are entering your Thanksgiving season with something peaceful like the end of soccer season to be thankful for!

Blessings, 

Making it a reality

There are a couple reasons I haven't written much late.
 First, I figured I would have plenty of time to write while I was in the hospital.
 Secondly, well, I didn't really want to talk about going to the hospital in the first place.

 It has been planned for over a month. It really isn't that traumatic. You see, these stupid little pauses my brain decides to take, (localized partial seizures) the doctors want to get an up close and personal look at them. So, 3-5 days in the hospital, EEG strapped to my head, on video at all times... mostly it is just invasive. The only part that is slightly traumatic is that they really need me to have as many seizures as possible.
 Right now I have them mostly under control. 2-3 a week. Very mild.
 They want full fledged, as many as possible.

 So that is what I have been stressing about. My medicine, which I have a love/hate relationship with, going away. The fear of a "real" seizure.

 I remember what it was like four years ago when they first started. I remember what it was like three years ago when I had the "grande mal". So fear, fear is what has kept me from writing. Because if I didn't write it down, then I didn't have to actually believe it was true.

 Last week, I actually listened to God.

 You know how sometimes He prompts you to do something, just something minor, and you simply put it off. "Seriously Lord? That isn't even my job!"

 But I listened.

 And I am so glad.

 You see, for some reason, somehow, UNC hadn't filled out the paperwork properly for Tri-care to approve my stay in the hospital. So when I called "just to check" on Monday, there was no record of it in their system.

 So all week this week has been "ring around the rosy" with doctors and insurance, and case managers, and back again. I am fairly confident I have talked to every department with-in Tricare...

 The final word was that it takes 3-5 days for the official decision to be made, and the proper paperwork was not finally turned in until Friday.

 So, I will not be checking into UNC on Monday.

 I could have just gone. And hoped that it was approved. But if they said no, I would be left with the bill myself. And as much as I want to be well, to be done with meds, I can't really afford to pay that myself.  So we will wait. After all that planning, with the grand-parents coming to take care of the boys and Andy getting time off. All that talking myself into it, and conquering my fear. Now, we wait again.

 Their next open appt. is the week of Thanksgiving. Sun-Thur actually. Anyone want to come spend the week of Thanksgiving watching my boys?

 For now, I have a few week of respite. And, now that I have posted it, it is real. So perhaps I can write again!

 Tomorrow is full of life. Worship with friends. The end of season celebration for soccer. Joy for the realization that I will be home later this week to see my children dress up in their funny costumes, and to answer the door and hand out rubber spiders and decorated pencils. Life is good. My family is amazing. My Savior is awe inspiring.

 Tonight I simply say Goodnight.

Blessings, 

A day that almost caused a cuss word

Today was a rough day.
Simple stupid little things, but they just kept coming.

 My basket full of supplies (junk) that I carry everywhere, "just in case" fell out of the truck and spilled everywhere. Things started rolling down the hill into the neighbors yard!

 But, it made me clean it out. I kept the sunscreen, even though summer is over, and the tylenol and chapstick. Emergency sewing kit, first aid kit, goldfish and granola bars. But the cloth napkins needed to be refreshed. Time for clean ones. Same with the emergency fork, knife and spoon. The juice box at the bottom was a flavor no one liked and the straw wrapper just needed to go in the trash. And seriously, I think 6 books are a few too many. Zion and I cut it down to three.
 So that annoyance was turned into something useful.

 We made it back inside after our busy morning away and realized that we had left the kitchen a disaster. As I carried a glass jar of bacon grease (from our authentic German potato salad) to the trash can - of course it slipped out of my hands and shattered all over the floor.

 Not just broken glass.

 Broken glass covered in bacon grease.

 And two seconds into cleaning the phone rings.

 The man Andy had arranged to come pick up some car parts was outside, calling to let me know he was here.

 Sigh.

 Glass all over the floor.

 Grease all over my hands.

 And car parts to load up.

 Thankfully, I had met the man and his wife before. I told them the situation and they were very willing to wait patiently while I cleaned up the mess. Their only grand-daughter is in college already, so I think they enjoy a few minutes with my boys once in awhile.

 But goodness how frustrating it was.

 However....

 It made me steam clean the floor. Not just talk about it.

 The soccer practice schedule had been changed, which made the regular "schedule" of supper complicated.

 Cleats decided to have an exceedingly difficult knot.

 My brand new infusion site decided to slip and HURT every time I moved while at soccer practice.

The rough day just kept staying rough.

 But the knot came undone. Supper was thrown together and even had enough leftover to feed Canaan again after practice. The infusions site was changed, again. A pain in the butt, literally, but it is working, which is what matters. And I was reminded that without it I would be dead. So even if it hurts every once in awhile, I really shouldn't complains!

 All this to leads to my quotes of the day;

 "We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." C.S. Lewis

 Which is followed by;

 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

 Half way through the day I was actually asking God what I had done wrong to deserve all of this. And now I have to laugh. Because broken glass, tangled shoelaces and a pain in the butt diabetes... well, I really don't think those are worth worrying about!

 Besides... I had chocolate too. He had blessed me with the pre-planning to make brownies- available just when I needed them.

 God is good!

Blessings, 

Politics and Paul

Do you ever have something you know you are supposed to say.... but you really don't want to?
 So you just argue with God for a while.
 Maybe you try watering it down.
 Maybe you try telling someone else. Surely that was what God was saying, right?
 Maybe you even just write it down, stick it on the fridge, and think "haha, I have done it!"

But it doesn't count.

So, here goes.

In case someone has somehow missed it, there is an election coming up. And many people have many things to say about it. Educational things. Opinionated things. Hopeful things and things that predict the end of the world.

I, of course, have my own thoughts about who should be president, but that is not what this post is about. This post is about Paul's words to Timothy nearly 2000 years ago.

"I urge, then, first of all, that request, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone - for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good and pleases God our Savior who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth." 1Tim 2:1-4

When Paul was writing this letter to Timothy he had only recently been released from prison. But in his list of those to be prayed for (and given thanks for) the ones who were particularly pointed out where those in authority.
 Whether he agreed with them or not.

 Anyone know who was in charge during the time of Paul's missionary journeys?

 Emperor Nero. Who is best remembered for playing the fiddle while Rome burned, (whether true or not).

 Now, Nero was crazy, and the democracy that Rome began as had become something vastly different... so I am not saying that we should not have opinions, or be involved, or try to make changes where we think they are important. I certainly do not want to end up in a country where feeding people to lions is considered entertainment.

 But I do think that we need to remember WHO we represent when we speak.

 And the end of that passage, verse 4? "who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth"

 That is our first priority. 

 Please, educate yourself and vote . Please, pray daily for those in charge - that they will have wisdom. Please, do all you can, every moment you are awake, to help all men come to a knowledge of the truth.

 Because in the end when life is over - whether beheaded by Nero like Paul, or simply reaching a ripe old age and dying in your sleep - when life is over what matters is knowing that you helped others find the truth. The truth that really matters.

"There is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus who gave himself as a ransom for all men." vs5

 And that is truth we can be thankful for.

Blessings my friends,