Easter

As promised, Canaan's new and improved story. Improved, not perfect! (I am typing it with spelling and grammar errors included)

"Oh, no! The Easter Bunny slept late! Now he has to...
 ...hurry out of the hole and get in to his jet-bus and drive. Mrs. Bunny was in the pasenger seat and Jr. Bunny in one of the back seats and Bob Bunny in one of the other back seats and Hunny Bunny back there too.
 Then they stoppped at the first house and as fast as you can say "egg", poof! the Bunny family had alredy made it to house two thousand one hundred and fifty-nine. That is like the whole town of Adairsville. Very soon he was done and stopped at the toy store and got bob and Jr. action bunny figures and hunny a bunny doll. Next, off they went to bunnymart and got Mrs. bunny a new flowerpot, and went home. the end
 And the writer fell asleep zzzzz"

He needs to work on capitalization, and a few spelling errors, but we can fix that. I love that he felt the need to add the sleeping to the end. He had to tie the old story in with the new!

Zion wrote an Easter story too.

 "The Easter bunny brought me a chocolate egg. Right as I went to take a bite out of it....
... an alien popped out and flew to the Easter party and said, "My name is E.T. and I love Coke."

 Andy wants to know if it is Coca-cola or the other stuff. But he says that both our boys are aware that "crack is whack"!

 While speaking of Easter - we had some fun!

 Church party

 3rd Group Easter party

 Look at that jump! (and in cowboy boots too)

1st place in his age group for the obstacle course!

 Canaan got a pretty good jump in too, but Andy was running the camera at that time so there aren't as many pictures. He was running the camera because...

it was time for the 3 legged race- it's all about the teamwork, or if you are a big army dad, picking your kid up while you run! (see below)

 Canaan had to work with someone his own size - great way to get to know someone!

 Daddy's car, painted on their faces

 "Bethany - get that camera away from me!"

 Tug of war!

My prize winning boys- all worn out, but they had a blast. 

And we still had a fun ride home...

As Andy explains it, "The mistress is back!"

Still here

 Andy has a line he likes to say on a regular basis...

"Never volunteer excuses or explain a shortcoming unless an explanation is required. More damage than good is done by proffering unsought excuses." 

 So, with that in mind I won't waste time excusing my absence from here.
 Just know that I didn't quit on purpose!


 School has carried on, obviously, as has work, and seasons continue to pass by. We have just been rolling along - learning.

 A few days ago I gave Canaan two lines, and asked him to write the rest of the story. He needed to fill at least 2/3 of the page, be creative, and use proper grammar. Correct spelling was definitely something to aim for, but, as I realistically prepared myself for, something we could fix later.

 Apparently Canaan was not inspired at that moment. He knew how far down the page he had to go, so he began to look for randomness with which to fill it. For instance, "The Easter Bunny slept and slept and slept and slept and slept." was spread across an entire line, plus some. Twice.
 That was a sleepy Easter story.

 I couldn't help but laugh at the comedy in the story, but the attitude in which it was given - the deliberate waste of space so that he didn't have to come up with something new to write... He knew he was wrong.

 Andy's comment, after sending Canaan to the other room, was "That little smart ..." Hilarious, but at the same time - unacceptable. (both Canaan's paper, and Andy's comment fit that criteria!)

 Canaan knew that he hadn't done his best. He knows that he is going to have to re-write the story with not only corrected spelling and capitalization, but with a new attitude.

 The question is, how often do we do that? We fill up our schedule with "good" things. Things that fit the criteria. But we know they aren't the right things.
 We read the right books and expand our minds.
 We add filler, so there aren't any empty spaces looking at us with accusation.

 But are those spaces perhaps meant to be empty?

 A good short story is far better then a long, rambling, pointless one. And sometimes filling the page just isn't an improvement.

 So, for tonight I am going to say "Don't be afraid of empty spaces." In conversation. In your schedule. In your relationships.

 Less of a good thing will win every time when compared to a surplus of unnecessary excess.

 Canaan will be writing tomorrow. I will post the new and improved story here, and we can talk about good words. Good use of time. Good listening to what God has for us.

 Until then...

Blessings,  

Valley of the Dry Bones

I seem to spend a lot of time "up in the air". Not spacey, although my husband would probably say that is true also. No, I meant that my life itself spends lots of time in the realm of unknown. As in, "What comes next?"

 I checked into UNC Neurology dept. yesterday evening. Again.
 When I spent that week of Thanksgiving here they were able to pinpoint a little about my seizure location, but the desire to know more about where it is coming from, and the possibilities for treating it in the long run... well, we need more exact info.
 So here I am, hooked up to an insane amount of monitors, trying to have seizures. It seems wrong, after all these years of trying to get them to stop, to now be trying to have them.  But here I am.

 I was very afraid coming into this (again) because I didn't know what to ask.
 Of course, my Savior knew how to solve that.

 I was led to Ezekiel 37, and the story of the valley of the dry bones. God asks Ezekiel "How can these bones live?"
 How can dry bones have life in them again? The tendons are gone, the skin has dissolved, and the breath has been blown away.
 That is not a question we can answer.
 But Ezekiel knew how they could live.

"O Sovereign Lord, you alone know."

 He didn't pretend to know how to make it happen, or even how to ask for it.
 He simply stated the truth, "You alone know" and waited for instructions. 

 So here I am, praying with a definitive grip on the truth - My God knows.

 I don't know how to fix my head. I don't even know what to pray for. But My God Knows. 

 The best part of the story of the valley of the dry bones is at the end - The dry bones were put back together, given tendons and skin, and yet, they were still not alive. They needed breath.

 God declared, "I will put my Spirit in you and you will live."

 And that is the definition of life. My body can fall apart, and it will. Everyone's does. But as long as I have the Spirit living in me, giving me His breath, then I am alive.

 I would love to have prayers from you my friends. But I can't tell you what to ask for. Because I don't know. Only He does. So I guess guidance is the only thing I can ask!

 Many Blessings, 

    Bethany

Alexander...

 Last week, like Alexander, I had a "Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day." Truly, it just kept getting worse. My cycle started, which is probably TMI, but when you know you are never going to have another baby it just seems such a waste of time and energy. The heater in the bathroom suddenly quit working, so it was cold when I got out of the shower. Zion spilled his milk everywhere as we were trying to run out the door for homeschool co-op. My blood sugar went sky-high (over 300!) because somehow my pump was not attached correctly. I forgot the library books, so I couldn't return them. The line was humungous when I stopped at the pharmacy to pick up my Synthroid. But we finally made it to the commissary. I just needed to pick up a few things - to get Andy through the week while we were gone. But of course I grabbed a few things on sale, and several for which I had coupons that were about to expire. Still, we made decent time, saved $25 dollars in coupons and tried to pay.

 No luck.
 Card rejected. 

I suppose a back story is needed here. Just a few days later my credit card had been hacked. As in someone tried to spend $1000 on it, and didn't have the expiration date. My bank caught it, called me immediately, and it was cancelled.
 But that left me with no card.
 We use ours for everything, then pay it off at the end of the month. (I refuse to pay interest on something I don't have to) But now my system was messed up.
 I only keep enough money in the checking account for a few basic things.
 And now that the credit card was unavailable I used the debit.
 And forgot that moving money to the proper account is sort of useful.

 Especially if you don't want to be standing at the grocery with over $100 worth of groceries and not be able to pay.

 I got online to my bank and transferred the money over. But by then I had gotten the password wrong on my debit several times (when I was first trying to figure out why it wasn't working) and the line behind me was horrendous.
 So the cashier dug through her drawer trying to find my coupons, and I sat there in complete embarrassment.

 We finally got the coupons back, got out the door with a small amount of my dignity intact, (but still no groceries), and went to the truck. At which time I started to feel just sick. So I checked my blood.

 27!!

Anyone who knows anything about diabetes can wonder why I hadn't passed out yet. But I hadn't, so I sat in the truck trying to find things to stuff in my face. I was seeing spots and things were blurring, but we found raisins and cranberries. A chocolate, down in the bottom of my purse.  And a moment of quiet.

 Canaan was as upset as I was. He is just old enough to be concerned about being able to pay the bills, and figuring out where money comes from and that it isn't un-ending. So I think he was also a little afraid. I realized that I was teaching them the complete WRONG way to respond.

 I stopped, and as he said, "This was the worst thing that could ever happen", I was able to give the proper response this time.

 "Not at all"

 I reminded them that we have each other, and they are all healthy and strong. My blood sugar was returning to safe levels as we spoke and we still have food at home.

 Then Canaan made it a special project to come up with disaster scenarios that would be worse then our day.

 "Lost in the desert, covered in boils and about to be kidnapped by aliens."
 "Already kidnapped by aliens and thrown into a pit with the (some monster from Star Wars) while still covered in boils and starving."

 And the list got even more creative then that!

 My blood sugar went back to normal, we got off base before rush hour, and we made it home with time to make dinner.

 But as we unloaded the truck from all the co-op supplies I realized that my little bag with a neatly organized box of coupons, divided by theme - well it wasn't there. Anywhere. After going to all that trouble to get my coupons back, I had lost the entire box.

 I think I may have cried at that point. 

 Ah well, what is money? Obviously with out CC being hacked and our debit card not working (because of my own failing), perhaps I was supposed to be learning a lesson about money.
 About dependence on it. 
 About trust in it.
 About living without it, or at least without as much of it. 
 About being reminded how very blessed we are, because our "living without money" was going a few days having to rearrange our accounts, rather then not having a job.

 Lessons are hard to learn. Sometimes they are even hard to find. Like, why in the world did the rest of my day have to be so difficult? So I could teach Canaan that there could always be worse and we have to trust no matter what? So that I would be better at finding the good, even in the moment I am most annoyed? Sigh

 But we are always learning. Sometimes we think we are "grown up" and should know everything we need to know. I have known Jesus my entire life. How in the world did I forget to trust Him for something as boring as groceries?

 So, a small moment of inconvenience in order to re-learn a lesson. I really can't complain.

 Although I did that evening, poor Andy! He loves me enough to sit and listen.

The next day on his way home from work, when Andy stopped at the commissary to pick up the few things he really needed while we were gone, he asked if anyone had turned in a bag of coupons. It was slightly mangled, and looked like it had probably been hit by a car, but it was there.
 The whole box, scissors and calculator included. Unable to be used, but full of all my saving potential.
 He stopped again on his way home, running into the local Walmart to buy me a newer, better box. He helped laminate dividers and label them clearly. The finished product is far better then the box I lost, and has the added bonus of being filled with love.

 I love that man.

 Money - an unfortunate necessity for feeding and clothing our children.
 Love - the best earthly thing imaginable.
 My Savior - The one who helps me remember how both those things rank.

 Hopefully I can be more organized for emergencies next time. Hopefully I can avoid blood sugars of 27 in the future. Maybe we'll go without spilled milk, broken heaters, and lost coupon boxes for the rest of time.
 But I doubt it.

 And you know what, that's okay!

 Because I know, and hopefully my children know now as well, that it sometimes feels like a "horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day". But within that moment is the reminder to take a moment and give thanks for everything we take for granted.

                                              Blessings my friends,
                                 Bethany

Here we go again!

December simply flew by. I truly don't know where it went.

 Well, that isn't completely true.
 "It" went to D.C. for three days...

 Air and Space Museum:

Flying Tigers! 

Andy was in the Flying Tiger unit for about 4 years. It was fun to see an old patch on an old uniform.

My little robots

Female astronaut dolls. Girl power!

The space shuttle was chasing them down the runway! Ahhhh

And last, the beautiful sunset view from the tower.

National Zoo:

Do you see them? It was so much fun to watch them wrestle and play, but still almost blend in too.

A little bit of scruff coming in- he enjoyed having some time without shaving.

A day of exploring...

 Think they captured his look? 

 My big man holding a big load on his shoulders!

 It was foggy and cool, but still soo beautiful.

 The end of a long day with lots of walking. Getting a picture of them in any sort of good mood was difficult. But at least we made it!

 "It" had a wonderful Christmas here in NC with Andy's side of the family.

This is our niece Britton's first Christmas that she is old enough to be interested in presents. 

She was so much fun to watch!

 

 New bow and arrow set! Canaan is big stuff. 

The ever popular Lego... I think sometimes that I may die of Lego overload. 

But they love it, so, such is the life of a mother.

Isn't she precious!!

And our Ani, and her giraffe. I love the "bed-head", and the excitement in her eyes. 

All three of the big kids got art supplies, and Canaan has been drawing away. He comes up with some pretty amazing creations. Maybe when I finally write my book I'll have him be my illustrator!

 Next "It" went "home" to GA and saw a whole crew of people.

Twas the night before Christmas...

And santa brought some wonderful stockings...

awe-inspiring, really!

 Little preggo, sister #3

 Matching glasses, matching smiles -

The big gift of the day? Humungous Nerf Guns.

Which led to a full on war in the backyard, with all the uncles and even one of my cousins. Good thing "Santa" warned us so that we packed extra guns and darts to defend ourselves with!

Last, but not least, "It" even had a baby shower for sister #3, Kelsey.

 The five girls -Emilee's belly is fairly well hidden there, but she was about ready to pop!

 I found this onesie and I couldn't resist!

 And, the adorable party favors.. I have such a creative sister and mommy!

 However... "it" did not include a new nephew. I had hoped that Emilee's second would make an appearance while I was there, but he decided to be stubborn. He was born yesterday, at 8:30 in the morning. I would show you a picture... but so far she won't let me post pics of her kids. You will just have to take my word on it- He is adorable!

Channel 89

 You always hear those cliche' sayings like -"Light at the end of a tunnel". That light is suppose to be a good thing, right?
 It feels sometimes that I have been the "deer stuck in the headlights at the end of the tunnel" over the last few years.
 We've been at UNC, Chapel Hill, since Sunday afternoon. At moments it feels like I have been here for at least a month. My amazing man, who normally spends his Saturdays finding something to do, just so he doesn't have to sit still, has holed up in this little room with me for 100 hours now. We have played that lovely little game called "hurry up and wait".

 As we have waited, we have explored a few avenues of entertainment. The internet is priceless at times like this. I am, as always, beyond pleased to have my Kindle. Andy even explored a little (can't stay cooped up the entire time!) and found a RedBox for us to rent a few movies from.

 But over and over we come back to the television - the basic "stuck to the wall and fed with nearly 100 channels" television. And we discovered something highly entertaining.

 They have the sci-fi channel, the History channel, ABC, NBC, Disney, even some movie channels. But, if you just keep clicking eventually you get to the hospital channels. The "healthy eating" channel. The "what to do for hip surgery" channel. And of course, Channel 89.

 All day long, every day, Channel 89 has an important announcement to make. 

"You Are Watching Channel 89"

 Fascinating, isn't it? It was hard to turn away, because with all those other stations out there, where was I ever going to find one that simply said "You are watching channel..."
 
 Obviously, I am being sarcastic.

 Because watching an announcement just sit upon the screen really isn't fascinating.

 But, for some reason, it is there. UNC feels the need to keep that channel open and ready. Right this minute it looks like a waste of energy. A pointless bit of nothing.
 But, for some reason, it is there.

 And that is point number 1. Hold on to that.

 A wonderful friend of the family called me this week while I have been here and shared his heart a little. You see, he and his wife spent a bit of time in the hospital last year. She was fighting breast cancer.

 He was telling me the story of the night before her surgery. Many friends had come to gather around and support them. They were praying, and asking for healing. They were giving hugs, and asking how they could help. And he, even after a lifetime as a pastor, was too overwhelmed to know where to start.
 But he read the story of Paul and Silas in Acts, when they were placed in irons in a prison cell, just for doing what God asked them to do. They had several choices when they were arrested. 1) Moan and complain and ask God why He would do this when all they had ever done was follow His commands. 2) Pray with trust and faith, asking God to deliver them. He had the power. They simply needed Him to step in and work a miracle.
 Did they do either of those?

 Nope. They simply sat and praised Him in the jail cell.

 They didn't complain. They didn't ask for a miracle. They simply praised, No Matter What.

 And God sent a series of events I am pretty sure they wouldn't have imagined to ask for on their own. For the rest of the details you should read Acts 16:25-36

 My pastor friend, sitting there the night before his wife's surgery, knew that they needed to just praise, no matter what. And let God take care of the details. Because sometimes even knowing what to ask for is more then we are capable of.

 They were blessed. God worked some miracles for them. Most importantly, they were made aware, once again, that He is with us, always.

 Right now, Channel 89 is sometimes all that I can see. I have faith in that "light at the end of the tunnel", but it is way too far away to actually see yet. I have no idea what to even ask for, because I cannot imagine what a "good plan" is.

 But I will praise always. And trust that my channel 89, that space sitting there empty and pointless, has a purpose. I don't know the plan. And right now I can't even figure out how to pray most of the time. But like Paul and Silas, I have no doubt that God has something planned that is beyond my imagination.

 Thank you for caring my friends. I will try to keep you posted. In the meantime, please praise Him with me.

Blessings, 

Bethany

5+2 = A Butterfly

It feels sometimes that God is quiet for days and days, and then suddenly He speaks so much. More then I can take in at once.
 But that is what paper, and computers, are for. Writing it all down, and mulling it over, and trying to digest the words that He is giving.

 Most of what I hear is wait.

 I had a fabulous discussion with a dear friend about butterflies. When she was in her early 30's she went though a time in a "cocoon". Waiting, growing, hurting at times. I think that is where I am right now. In my Cocoon season.

 Did I write this already? I feel like I might have. But I found a quote that I have clung to greatly. "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." Richard Bach

 My cocoon is sometimes comforting, surrounding me like a soft blanket. Sometimes stifling, surrounding me so tightly that I cannot move. Sometimes it seems that it is a grave, and that I will be here forever. And at moments I can feel the wings growing, becoming something beautiful, and full of grace.

 And right now, what I hear is wait.

 I was reading 1 Samuel, soon after Saul had been appointed king of Isreal. They were getting ready to head into battle, and they knew they needed to ask for God's blessing before they went.  But Samuel, the priest, was just taking so long to get there. And they couldn't wait any longer. So they took things into their own hands.
 And Saul paid for it with his kingdom. All because he couldn't wait.

 Psalm 27:13-14 says, "I am still confident of this; I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

There is a "famous" verse - you hear it quoted all the time. "Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:30-31

 There is a lot of tired around here lately. I can blame it on many things. Multiple medications, trying to control multiple medical conditions. The awareness that two special forces soldiers were killed last week in Afghanistan and the mainstream world is tired of caring. Or perhaps just the sneezing and sniffling of this silly cold.
 Tired comes. Weary, stumbling, and falling too.

 But the promise of renewed strength, and wings that soar- that is real. And I can feel it, when I remember to ask.

 Romans chapter 8 is full of all sorts of fabulousness. But once again, it reminds us to wait. Even when "we do not know what we ought to pray for"... "if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

 I told you, waiting is what I get to hear, over and over.

 But yesterday, I got thrown off my loop. Out of nowhere, in a story that I have read over and over, God taught me something new. (which is why it is important to read the Bible over and over again. Because you never know what He is going to tell you, even in a story you have had memorized since you were 5)

 In John chapter 6 there is a story about a multitude of people following Jesus around, listing to his teaching. Because he was fascinating. However, at some point in time they realized it was time for lunch. And there wasn't enough food for the crowd. One boy offered to share his two small fish and five loaves of bread. Not enough, but thanks for the offer kiddo. But then, though even his own disciples doubted him, Jesus blessed the food, broke it, and told them to pass it around.

 And if you grew up in the church, you know that it fed the 5000. The broke and passed, broke and passed, until everyone was full. Then, Jesus instructed his disciples to collect the leftovers. "Let nothing be wasted" vs12 says,

 Let nothing be wasted.

 Nothing.

 From 2 fish and five loaves of bread they gathered 12 baskets of leftovers.

 And while I am sitting here, waiting in my cocoon, what am I wasting? Do I have 2 fish? Do I have any leftovers?

 It may not seem like much. Certainly not enough to feed 5000. But Jesus blessed it, and multiplied it, and said "let nothing be wasted."

 So my caterpillar self will wait patiently. Share fish and "Let nothing be wasted". And hopefully emerge as a butterfly soon.

 Blessings my friends,