Of course, it did help that I spent at least 10 hours in the car over the weekend, and I did none of the driving - so other then changing out movies for my kids, and occasionally talking to my parents, I had a lot of time for reading.
This time through was different for me. The first time I read this series, I didn't know how it was going to end. This time, I did.
The first time through the series, my very own "Edward" was right there next to me. When the emotions ran too strong, I could set the book down, and hold him. This time, my "Edward", my own true love, is far far away.
It certainly made it harder to read, not having him to hold onto every once in awhile.
Don't read too much more if you haven't read the books, and don't want to know too much about what happens.
In that part of New Moon, after he leaves her, and the pages are blank, except for the name of the month....
I have felt that.
Time dragging. Empty and bare. Never for a months at a time like that - because my "Edward" doesn't leave me forever, or by choice - but I have felt that complete emptiness. When I go several days in a row without getting to hear his voice. When the mail comes, once again, and there is nothing there from him. When I wake up in the middle of the night, and it feels like it has been pitch black for so very very long.
I have felt that nothingness that it seems she is trying to describe.
I love the beautiful romance in the Twilight series. I think it very well written. The characters are flawed, while beautiful. Strong, but not perfect. They depend on each other, while still able to survive on their own. Barely able to survive - which is what makes it such an emotional series - but still, ABLE to survive. That is an important thing to know, deep in your soul. That you are connected as one, but still, somehow, a viable, living, breathing individual.
I sometimes struggle with the thought of young, impressionable girls reading these books. I love them, because I am incredibly blessed. I have my Edward. Somehow, with all those amazingly trite "Mikes" out there, and even with the incredible, but not meant for me "Jacobs", I found my Edward.
And it is even better in real life. So much better then being a vampire. So much stronger then what can be described in a book. What is real cannot be written. It cannot be put in words. Words, as much as I adore them, and abuse them, and try to use them to their full potential, words just cannot do justice to love.
Love, at it's purest, simply cannot be written.
So I have to worry, just for a second, about these young people, who haven't yet found love. There are a lot of NOT Edwards out there... if that makes any sense at all. I only hope that they learn from this book that sometimes love does not look like you expect, or sound like you expect. It may be a different shade, or a different shape. An entirely different direction then you thought you were headed just moments before you ran into it head on. I don't want them to get an incorrect picture in their head, and walk right by their Edward.
I could have.
I might have.
I am so very glad I didn't.
Love is worth changing direction for. Worth looking twice at.
Bella was willing to change herself for her love. Some people are offended by that idea - thinking that "real love" wouldn't ask you to change. I disagree. I think that is beautiful. She kept her core - she didn't change the things that made her who she was. But she was willing to change some things - in this case, being human. She remained kind, and generous, strong and giving. She was still Bella - simply in Vampire skin now.
Love is a lot of things. You know who says it best...
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Loves bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." 1 Cor. 13:4-8