I am still struggling with faith.
I daily work at a positive attitude.
I seek to live life with JOY, no matter the situation or circumstances.
But some days are harder then others.
Yesterday, even when I was mailing Andy's package south I still felt "heavy". Weighed down for some reason.
Now I know why.
It seems that Andy's commander has advised him that, as much as he approves of him, he does not think he would make the final cut in the OTS program. The latest numbers say that only 13% of applicants are getting accepted, so only those with the highest scores, best history, the "shining stars", need apply.
My love is a wonderful worker, who has absolutely nothing negative on his record. But he really only has two or three brilliant things on his record too. His commander feels that the competition is too stiff, and with his record it just isn't worth pursuing.
Especially after the miraculous arrival of the package, and the convenient handling, so that I didn't have to drive south... It just seemed as if God had his hand in it, and was leading us in that direction.
To have the door slammed so emphatically in our faces was disconcerting - confusing.
But - I have been reading Job lately. My worries cannot compare to his, and my knowledge is much greater then poor Job's. I have the word of God, right at my fingertips, to sustain me.
Job cries out, "Where is God my maker, who giveth songs in the night?" Job 35:10
I found a fabulous quote that expands on that thought.
"The strength of the vessel can be demonstrated only by the hurricane, and the power of the gospel can be fully shown only when the Christian is subjected to some fiery trial. If God would make manifest the fact that "He giveth songs in the night," He must first make it night." William Taylor.
So, right now I feel like it is night. I got a glimpse of what I thought was daylight, but was only a shooting star. That star has gone, and now we will wait for daylight to come.
Sometimes the darkness seems scary. Sometimes it is hard to tell which way to turn, because the path is hard to see in the dark. There are so many paths, all of them with their own little bits of light shining at the end - it is really hard to tell which one is daylight, and which ones are just lightning bugs, or well lit billboards, or perhaps heaven itself.
So right now, we wait, in the dark. And we trust that He who gives a song in the night, also gives a light at the right moment.
When no light is given, perhaps just sitting still is what is asked of us?
After all, "we know that all thing work together for good to them that love God and are called according to His purposes". Rom 8:28
Sitting still really is one of the hardest tasks ever asked though...