Little bits

Just a couple of quick notes.

First, congratulations to my friend Christina on Emma Kate, born this morning!! I am so excited, and can't wait to see her. I am beginning to feel that I am lagging behind. Chrissy, Naomi, Diana and Nicole, four of my closest friends, all have a minimum of 5 kids!! As I was the one who always said growing up that I wanted a "bakers dozen", it just seems off for me to only have 2!!! Thankfully, I also have some friends with fewer, or no children, to remind me that families come in all different sizes.

- OH YEAH!! Speaking of families, congrats are also due for Sarah, who got engaged a couple of days ago! I am so excited for your wedding, and to finally meet your invisible boyfriend.

Secondly, Marcy asked about the BRAT diet. It stands for Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, Toast. Naomi pointed out an interesting question though... is Toast really better for a recovering stomach, or did they just not want to say Bread, since that would make the acronym BRAB, and that just sounds weird? Any input anyone? Is toast really better for a recovering stomach? I know that I read somewhere that if you toast bread it changes the glycemic index, making it have less carbs, or easier to digest carbs, or something like that - better for "diets".

Thirdly, Zion is sick, AGAIN! This time he just as a fever. Woke up with it about 2am, and despite several doses of tylenol, it remains. He has no other symptoms that I can perceive, so I must assume that his body is successfully fighting off whatever it is fighting off. I have only given him two doses, since I prefer to let his body work it out itself. However, when it gets over 102, I like to give him a little relief. Anyway, since he is "ill", Andy and Canaan have gone out without him. He was very upset when they were leaving, running around saying "sock shoe" while they were getting ready. (that means that he wants to put on his socks and shoes, and go too) When they were leaving Andy asked him if he would like them to bring him a surprise when they come back. His response was "dang". Now, I am pretty positive that dang is not what he was trying to say, since he has probably never heard that word before, but it was really amusing. I wish I knew what he was trying to say, but we took "dang" to mean yes, he would like a surprise. We'll see what Andy and Canaan come back with. Andy had weekend duty this morning, and has been working on school pretty much every free minute this week, so he just needed to "get out". He gets stir crazy if he stays at home too long. I have become pretty much the opposite. I think I have become anti-social lately. I am perfectly content to curl up and read, absolutely every free second that I get. I have read 6 books in the last two weeks. That a little excessive, even for me... I expect this insatiable desire will pass eventually. For now, I am keeping up with my "chores", and Canaan's school, so I will allow myself to read in any "free time" I find after that. I have watched practically zero tv, and done no sewing, scrapbooking, phone calls, etc, For some reason, Jane Austen and I have become fast friends this week, as well as Nora Roberts. Oh well....
If you usually hear from me, and you haven't lately, that is why. It is nothing personal. I just keep forgetting that anyone outside my home and my books exist!!
One last note - I finally opened a facebook account. I still haven't really figured it out, but if you are on there, please drop by and make me your friend!

Florida trip

Canaan went to Disney with my sisters, Kelsey and Mary, and our foreign exchange student, Edna. He has talked mostly about the Pirates ride, the shuttle train, and his Pluto hat. K and M tried to talk him out of it, and into pretty much anything else in the park, but that was the one thing he wanted to bring home. He loves it! Funny, the things kids get attached to.

Getting well

First of all, thank you Chrissy, Marcy, Naomi and Corey for proving to me that Carrie is not the only one who reads my blog! Thank you Carrie, for always reading my blog too.
I did not go to Florida. It just didn't seem like a good idea to take a potentially sick child to visit my grandparents, who are not as young as they use to be. Canaan went with my parents and sisters, and has had a wonderful time. Zion stayed home with Andy and I, and I think he has had a wonderful time too. He has never had a chance to be the only child, and he has enjoyed it. He has been bored a few times too though, so I think he will really enjoy getting his playmate back. Canaan was much better at entertaining himself by this age. Zion almost never has to play by himself - he always has Canaan, or Emma to entertain him. This long weekend has probably been good for him. Lots of one on one time with Mommy, and a little bit of alone time to try to entertain himself.
Andy wrote 3/4 of his paper, created a powerpoint slide show for his presentation, and did about half of his case study. It has been a fruitful weekend for him. He still has to finish the paper and case study, but it is a huge relief to have them well on their way.
My family will be headed north in the next few hours, and will be here sometime this afternoon. I am so eager to see Canaan, and see some pictures of his trip to Disney. He called twice yesterday and was so excited. It is a little sad that my baby went to Disney without me, but Zion just wasn't old enough yet, and Canaan was, so I am glad it worked out the way it did.
Oh, by the way - thank for all the advice. As always, the BRAT diet works well. I finally broke down and called the doctor, and she recommended milk, and anything with live cultures. (yogurt, cheese) I forgot to ask about imodium, but after the 15th episode, I broke down and gave him some. I am so glad I did! He was much better on Sat. and completely well by Sun. I didn't take him to church, just in case, but he seems to be completely over it. Emma, the little girl I babysit, was sick on Sat. I didn't talk to her mom yesterday, so I don't know if she was still sick, but if so, I guess she caught it from Zion. I'm still holding my breath, hoping that nobody else gets sick.

more...

Since I posted this morning, Zion has had diarrhea (I looked up how to spell it!) four more times. I guess I was overly optimistic that it was a one day thing. After the third time I finally talked him into wearing a diaper again. He really prefers underwear, and sobbed and cried when I made him wear a diaper, but when he went again just 10 minutes later, I was really glad I had talked him into it! He seems to feel fine. He runs and plays most of the time, and has no fever. I don't know what is wrong with him, but I sure hope it stops. I don't want to take him to FL if he is sick.
Anybody got any ideas? (that means you Carrie, since you are the only one who reads my blog on a regular basis!)

Embarrassing moment

To start this blog off right, I am not even sure I spelled embarrassing right - adding to it all!
Zion has been doing pretty good with the potty training. He usually only has one accident a day in which he pees his pants. But, I have been cleaning poopoo out of abnormal places a lot lately. Sometimes his underwear, more often the floor. First I will tell you the funny story. Last weekend Andy's parents came down to visit. We put the boys to bed, and heard someone moving around, but just ignored it. Zion has gotten much better at going to bed, but still fights it, so we just assumed he was getting a new stuffed animal to sleep with, or getting a book. When it got quiet Andy went to check on him. He came back just laughing his head off. Zion was laying on the floor, sound asleep, buck naked. I went to go see it, and try to wrestle some pajama's on him so he would be warm. The reason he was buck naked was because he had pooped in his diaper, then taken it off, laid it neatly beside him, then proceeded to go to sleep. Maybe you had to be there, but it was really funny.
This week he has been doing much better. He had actually gone in the toilet a couple of times, and I was so proud. But yesterday we went to a new friends house. First time we were actually meeting in person. So I show up, and the kids are playing nicely, then I hear Zion crying. He had diarhia (sp?) running down his leg, all over his shoe, and onto the rug. First time I have met this person (we met through a homeschool online forum), and my kid poops all over her floor, and himself. I was horrified. Wanted to melt into the floor and die, beyond embarrassed. Poor Zion is just standing there, sobbing. Poor kid. He ended up having diarhia about three more times that afternoon, so he obviously had an upset stomach. I kept a diaper on him for the rest of the day.
Darlene, my new friend, proved herself as a real friend. She was fabulous, even finding a pair of her daughter's shoes for Zion. (he got to wear pink Dora shoes for the afternoon, and didn't mind one bit). I guess it could have been worse, but it was plenty bad enough for me. I am emotionally exhausted just by retelling it!
Zion is back in underwear today, and has already peed his pants once. I am afraid that wearing a diaper all day yesterday made him forget that he has to actually go to the toilet to pee. We'll just wait and see if he is reminded easily, or if we are going to have to start over again!
Since I am completely blaming the Domino's pizza for his upset stomach, we will avoid greasy nasty food for awhile, and hope that he is all better. I am going to my grandparent's in FL this weekend, so he better be well!!!!!
I have five kids today, so need to stay on my toes and focused. Thanks for listening, and I'll try to write again, and post pictures from our trip to FL.

A very full week

This week has been very full of exciting things. Zion started his speech therapy this week, and I think it has helped already. The therapist comes here to our home and basically just plays with him for about 30 minutes. It is very low key, but with lots of focus on talking about everything they are doing. He responds to her really well. I am almost jealous, because he says things for her that he will not even attempt to say for me. But, at least it is progress. Zion also decided to potty train this week. He insisted on wearing underwear. The first day he peed about 5 times in his pants, and I was about to give up. The second day he only had about 3 accidents. I think there was only one on the third day, but about 4 again on day number 4. Days 5, 6, and 7 have been accident free. He wears a diaper during nap time, and saves his poopy for that, but he stays dry all day long. I am pretty much in shock - I wasn't really taking potty training very seriously yet, but he wanted to do it. I am not sure what we are going to do about poopy, since he won't do that in the toilet, but for now I will take what I can get. Unfortunately for me, I had JUST BOUGHT 2 mega packs of diapers, and 2 packs of pullups. I found the receipt, and I think I can take at least one of them back, so that is good. We still need diapers at nap and bedtime, so have to keep a few in reserve anyway.
Canaan managed to stay dry at night almost all week. After five nights in a row, I let him wear underwear to bed. Of course, that was the night he peed. We'll just wait that one out I guess. He was so proud of himself, so I was sad for him when he had an accident again. Everything I read says it is pretty common for boys to wet the bed for several years, so I am not worried yet. He is doing so good at his school, learning to read, and write, and add, and write his numbers. He amazes me every day!
Andy got his birthday present today. His birthday is not until March 17. but he talked me into getting a new tv. He wanted bigger (then our current one), I wanted flatter and using less energy, so we are both content with the new LCD. It seems a little extravagant, but I know we will enjoy it for a long time, so will choose to be happy, instead of feeling guilty. Please, no one remind me of the starving children in Africa!
We are going to watch T3 on our new tv, so I better run. I just wanted to share some of my excitement about the comings and goings of the Freeman crew.

A Treasure Hunt

Andy made a treasure map for the kids on Monday night. When they woke up on Tuesday it was waiting for them on the table. We had a fabulous time searching for our treasure. The booty was quickly consumed (fruit snacks) and divvied out (quarters and pennies were shared with a local crisis pregnancy center). The satisfied Pirates moved on to other activities, but the treasure map was definitely a big hit.

Katheryne's wedding

We went to a beautiful wedding in early January. My Mom and the Bride's Mom have been friends since highschool, so "us kids" have known each other our whole lives. It was really fun to be there for the celebration, and get to know some other people in their lives. I didn't get a whole lot of pictures, but I have a few really silly ones. You have to notice both Andy and Kevin. They are just plain silly. We already knew that the Binkley girls were silly, and Andy, but Kevin isn't as obvious. Trust me, he is silly too.

My husband, the genius

I would just like to say that my husband is a genius. An absolute genius!

Let me back up a little and give the story. Last week we moved Zion out of his baby crib and into a twin bed. I think that was on Monday. Since that time he has fought sleep with every ounce of his little 30 lb self. I have read articles, online advice, and talked to my friends with kids. I have tried pretty much everything they have suggested. Nothing has worked. Zion would consistently get out of bed, come out into the living room, and just stare at me. When I said something to him, he would run full speed back to his bed and laugh hysterically. For HOURS at a time. I tried taking away his stuffed animals. I tried ignoring him. I tried calming placing him back into his bed. After picking him up, calmly carrying him to his bed and tucking him in, every 2-3 minutes for TWO HOURS I thought my back was going to break. I tried holding him down. I tried spanking him, which is never something I am fond of. I even took away his choo choo blanket. This was going on at every nap and every bedtime. I even locked his bedroom door. That wouldn't keep him in his bed, but at least he was in his room. He just fiddled with the door until he figured out how to unlock it. He was up until 11pm, and didn't have much, if any, nap, for 5 days. He had to be exhausted. I was!
Yesterday he actually got a nap because he fell asleep in the car on the way home from the grocery, and I carefully carried him inside to his bed and he stayed asleep. So, after having a nap I knew that he wouldn't be too tired at bedtime. Even though that doesn't really make sense, it is easier to get him to sleep when he isn't too exhausted. So, we started the process again. After bath, book, God story, and prayers, we tucked him in and left the room. He didn't come out right away, instead climbing in bed with his brother, which annoyed Canaan to the point of yelling for help. We fussed. Zion started the "come into the living room and stare at us" cycle. We took away his train. We locked the door. We fussed. We ignored. Finally, Andy thought to put one of those white doorknob cover things on the inside of his door. He can't grip it tight enough to open the door, but it is perfectly safe because in case of a fire I can easily enter their room. Zion didn't stay in his bed, and we had to open the door to fuss at him a couple of times, but he had to stay in his room, and his brother fell asleep, so eventually he gave up the fight too.
Really, I almost have to admire Zion. He made up his mind, and he has stuck with it. On Friday night everyone else was asleep. Canaan had been out for hours, Andy had drifted off and I was just laying in bed reading. There was absolutely nothing going on, and there is no way that Zion could think that he was missing something. But he still stayed awake. He would just come into my room and look at me until I would say "Go back to bed". I eventually fell asleep around 11:30. I woke up again at 12:10, and went to check on him, and he was asleep, in his bed. I don't know exactly when it happened, since I was asleep, but it did finally happen.
I don't know what will happen today at nap time. It is only 8:35 am, so I guess it is a little early to start dreading it. I will just cross that bridge when I come to it. For now I will be happy that he had a decent nights sleep and is a happy little boy this morning. I will also celebrate the fact that both Canaan and Emma are still sleeping, so it is just Zion and I this morning. I will go give him my undivided attention.
If you have any advice, feel free to post it.

Music

In case you haven't noticed, I have added music to my blog. Picking out the songs has been quite a journey of discovery. I like a lot of different styles, from quite a few different years. I also am absolutely terrible with names. So, in the process of making this list, I kept turning to Andy and saying, "Honey, what was the name of that band I used to listen to, when I lived on Third Street. You know, the one with the guy... " Somehow, with about that much detail, he would come up with the name of who I wanted, every time. He knows me entirely too well. At first I didn't think I would come up with 100 songs. I can only think of about 5 on the top of my head at any given moment. But somehow one song led to another, and Andy would remind me of someone else, and here I am with 100 songs. I got really sappy somewhere in the middle and picked out a lot of songs from when Andy and I were dating or first married. I think that was during the time he was helping me, and I was just so in love, and remembering all the easy fun times. So naturally, the memory music made it on there. However there was a sadly lacking amount of Waterdeep available on the site I was using, so "our song" didn't make the list.
When I first posted the player I had less songs, but Carrie has already commented on the amount of Country music. I have added more since then. It never ceases to amaze me that I actually like country music, but I definitely do. My Mom may disown me, and my highschool friends can't believe it, but I am truly addicted. It all started when my husband joined the Air Force and we moved all the way across the country, away from everything familiar. Country music brought the South to me, even way out in CA, and it has just stuck ever since. Now, I love it just because I do.
I would also like to point out that although I have a wide variety, with many different genre's and years represented, there are no Beatle's songs on my list. I had it nearly finished and realized that I was leaving off a major American influence, and I considered adding them, just for the sake of adding them. But truly and honestly, I don't really like the Beatles. That may be grounds for death in some areas, but there it is. I have said it, and am willing to pay the consequences. I don't really DISLIKE them, I just don't LIKE them. If it helps, I also left off Elvis. Nothing against him, just don't really feel the need. I was raised solely on Keith Green, Maranatha Praise music, and Psalty the singing songbook, with a later addition of Amy Grant and Twila Paris. I missed out on two whole decades of music during my growing up years. I can't help but be behind.
Anyway.... I just wanted to say that I enjoyed this journey. I loved being reminded of the music I love, searching for the memories that get lost in the every day, and worshiping the God who gave me music and memories.
Please enjoy the selection, and comment on your favorites, and what I have left off.

The continuing story

Just a quick conclusion to my earlier blog. I called my road side assistance people, they called a mechanic, and he came out in less than an hour, used this cool little balloon thing and got my door open in a flash. I am so glad I called them, because Andy worked on it for about 30 minutes (from the time he got home, until the tow truck guy came) and had no luck at all getting it open. So, it is all over, and all three keys have been re-distributed to their proper places.
Andy said I needed some relaxing after my "traumatic" day, so we ate a quick supper and he took me over to the nail salon for a manicure/pedicure. I have beautiful french nails, and wonderfully relaxed feet. Andy took the boys down the street and bought me (or maybe himself, since I think he likes it at least as much as me) a beautiful new rocking chair. It will be here on Saturday, and I am pretty excited. Don't I have a wonderful husband, taking care of me after my stressful day? When it is all said and done, and happily over... Life is Good!

What a day, and it's not even over yet...

You know how sometimes your day is so completely annoying, unbelievably frustrating and shockingly crazy that first you cry and then you can only laugh? I am having one of those days. Truly, none of the events of the day are that bad, if they happened one at a time. But all of them in one day, in a row... well it about has pushed me over the edge.
First I overslept - I forgot to set my alarm, but woke up on my own only a little late, so no biggie. Emma came right on time, and I realized then that I forgot to get the "small" booster seat out of Andy's truck. So, I had to stuff three full size car seats into my car. (a very fuel efficient, holds all I really need, but not big on extra room, Toyota Matrix) Annoying, but not impossible. I worked out this morning, and got a shower without any mishaps, which isn't an easy feat when you have to leave three children unattended while you wash your hair. Thank goodness for "The Magic Schoolbus". Safe, educational, and holds the attention of all three for a full 10 minutes.
Anyway, I got myself, and all three kids dressed, and in the car, with only a small fight over shoes, and a medium sized argument with the buckle on Canaan's big booster. Then I realized that between unlocking my car in order to put the car seats in, and actually getting in the car, my keys had disappeared. Gone. Looked everywhere I could think of - nothing. So, I took the extra key off the hook in the kitchen and headed out. By this time we were running about 15 minutes late. I got to base, found Andy and got his set of keys (so that I would have a key to the house, and the clicker for the car) and went to the commissary. We finished with groceries in record time, ate lunchables in the car on the way home, dropped off the groceries without getting the kids out of the car, and went straight to the library for story time. At some point in time along this journey the terrifying thought had flashed through my mind "what if I left the keys on top of the car?" So, all the way home I stopped extra long at each stop sign, scanned the ground along the road, and actually got out of the car once to check if something along the side was maybe my keys. Still nothing..
Story time was great. The kids checked out some fun books, and Canaan got his own library card, since mine was on my key chain and currently unavailable. As soon as we got home I got the kids out of the car and started unbuckling the carseats, hoping that the keys were under one of them. About 60 second later, Zion meanders out of the garage, carrying my keys. I still don't know where he found them, but Hurray, they were found. When he brought them to me, I dropped them into my purse, and immediately thought.... "I need to make sure I put Andy's keys back on his dresser, and the extra key back on the hook. It would be awful if I lost my purse with all three sets of keys in it". Now, with that foreshadowing, can you tell the next part of the story? Seriously, why didn't I? I totally should have seen it coming. I am still kicking myself. As I unloaded diaper bags, library books, etc, little Emma climbed into the drivers seat, pushed the lock button, climbed out, and closed the door. With my purse inside. With all three sets of keys inside. I even have one of those credit card sized keys, but it is in my wallet, in my purse, inside the locked car, with all three of the other keys to my car. First I kicked the car, then I cried. Then I laughed and laughed and laughed. I keep praying for God to miraculously unlock the door. So far nothing, but I can hope, can't I? I had called Andy just minutes after I got home to tell him the keys were found. I had to call him back just minutes later to tell him that all three sets of keys were locked in the car. He just laughed his head off.
Andy just called to say he is on his way home, and will try to break into the car with one of those flat things that stick between the window. I am going to call our insurance company to see if they have any recommendations. I'll let ya'll know how this turns out.
For now, I am going to just keep laughing... hopefully!

New year, new things, same consistent Savior

I started a new job in the new year. I now babysit my neighbor's little girl, Emma, five days a week. She is 2 1/2, so she and Zion are pretty much like twins. She talks better then he does, but other then that they are pretty much on the same level. I am actually really enjoying it so far. I wanted more kids, and now I have one, and even get paid!
Every year during the first week of the year I fill out a calendar with all the birthdays, anniversaries and important dates I want to remember. This year really put me in shock. I will be 29 this year. It is my last year in my 20's. Mary Faith just turned 20 in December, so for the first time all of us sisters are "the same". (I left the teens behind when Mary was only 11, so we were never all teenagers at the same time). I have great plans to enjoy this year of being "the same" as my sisters. I have had a huge realization of how different my life is from all of theirs.... I will give an example, but it requires a little "back-story" first. For any who don't know, I have three little sisters, 26, 22 and 20. Emilee is married, but no kids, works full time, has a big house, cool toys, really bad health. Kelsey wants nothing more in life then to serve Jesus. She is currently in college, but would quit tomorrow and move to the Arctic circle if God told her to. Mary is super easy going. She wants to marry someone who will take care of her and give her beautiful children.
Kelsey's boyfriend, Travis, is a pilot, working with a non-profit relief organization in The Congo. He just left in mid December and will be there for a year. So, Kelsey is planning a trip to Africa to visit him for her Spring break. Emilee and Kevin are going with her. Just because they can. They are meeting him in South Africa, are planning to do a safari, and play chaperone, and play tourists. And I am INSANELY JEALOUS. That is a sad and sorry thing to admit, but it cannot be described in any other way. I have wanted to see Africa for years. I have wanted to see every continent for years. At first I just wanted to visit every continent. That started when I was about 8. By age 12 or 13 I wanted to adopt a child from each continent. (except antarctica, obviously). For some reason it doesn't bother me that Kelsey is going to Africa - she has a reason, her boyfriend is there. She has already beaten my to Australia anyway, and was there for a good reason. But for some reason I am jealous that Emilee gets to go. I want to go. Why can't I go with Kelsey instead. Answer: I have two beautiful boys who depend on me completely. I know that. I love them, and have no regrets. We chose to have kids when we did. I purposely got pregnant at 23, because I wanted to. I wouldn't trade them for anything. But it really makes me want to cry that I can't go to Africa. And here is where the part that makes me a complete jerk comes in. Emilee wants what I have. She wants to be pregnant. Instead, she gets to go on a Safari. So really, when all is said and done, I have the much better end of the deal.
So, hopefully Emilee will get pregnant when they get back from Africa. (prayer request, if you get a chance) And hopefully, I will get to go to Africa someday, and hopefully bring back my child, whomever they are. And in the meantime, hopefully we can both be content with where we are, and the blessings we have, and God's perfect timing in all things.
Why is there always another lesson to learn? I sometimes wish God would skip all the middle part and just make me a perfect reflection of him. I guess WORKING at it is part of what achieves it. So, I will keep working... and failing... and God will keep picking me up and reminding me that I can only take one step at a time.

A Christmas Slideshow

So, this really isn't a very good slideshow, but I wanted to get some pictures up, and I don't have much time, so here it is. Sorry for the cut off heads. I will hopefully make a better one soon!

Better late then never....

It is Christmas night now. We have had four days of Christmas festivities, and all three of my over stimulated and extremely exhausted boys are asleep. Finally, a moment to myself. Breathe in, breathe out. What a lovely sound - near silence.... except for the dryer. Tomorrow the cleanup begins, but for right now, I can just look back and remember the beautiful moments that made up our Christmas celebration this year. What an amazing group of people I have in my life, and I am so thankful every day for each one of them. My family, obviously. Everyone who knows me knows that I have an amazing family. But I am truly blessed by Andy's family too. I am thankful for Andy constantly, and remember to tell God that on a regular basis, but I forget to be thankful for his family too. Without them, he would not be the amazing man that he is. But we also have some amazing friends. I have received Christmas greetings from so many wonderful people, and I am daily reminded how blessed I am for friends. There is a poem about how people come and go, and how some are in your life for just a moment... I forget sometimes how important those moments are. I feel bad because I lose track of people sometimes, or don't get to stay in touch as closely as I want. Trust me, I want to talk to people more, stay in touch better. Since I am not capable of that, I am so thankful for the moments. If a moment is all I get, then I am grateful.
Thank you, anyone who reads this, for taking a moment, and for being part of my life. You have helped to mature me, make me grow in the Lord, given me a moment of joy, and I am so thankful.

Merry Merry Jesus' birthday to you all. Blessings always!

Bethany

Examples of possible disasters...

My friend Carrie says that every time you think you have run out of things to blog about, watch out... something is sure to happen. The sad thing is that I really hadn't run out of things to say. I had a whole piece already composed in my head about Christmas cookies, and all the adorable and messy things my kids had done while we made them. But that whole thing will stay in my head. Instead I am going to talk about things we (we being mom's) already know, but for some reason have to be reminded of again and again.
If you see something laying out on your counter and your first thought is "I should put that where it belongs. It could ------ (fill in the blank with .... make a huge mess, hurt someone, destroy my entire house) if it fell into the wrong hands." Of course the wrong hands are those of your child, or children, whichever the case may be. Anyway... to finally finish the first sentence, if that is your first thought, put it away. Don't wait. Don't think "I already have three things in my hands, and am on my way to the bathroom, and haven't yet folded the laundry in the dryer, and the washer is already done, and another load is waiting to be put in" Don't think that. I don't care how busy you are. Do not, no matter how busy, merely push the offending item farther back. It will not, let me emphasize that, WILL NOT, be out of reach of your two year old. Also, if you have a two year old, and you think to yourself, lets get a nice little stool for him to stand on, so he can reach things by himself. It will be so helpful. He can wash his own hands, and reach his own snack, and stand on it so he can pee into the toilet by himself. Don't think that, and if you do think it, don't listen to yourself.
Okay, now that I have shared my deep thoughts, let me just tell you about my day, well actually, days, plural.
This week has been overwhelming, for several different reasons, that I won't go into right now. But, yesterday I noticed that the Ben-Gay muscle rub was sitting on the bathroom counter. My first thought was "gee, that would make quite a mess if Zion got ahold of it". But, all I did was scoot it to the back of the counter, and move on with my day. Just a few moments later I noticed a hammer sitting on the counter in the kitchen. I had used it to crack pecans the day before, which leads me to my Christmas wish list... a nutcracker. But, back to the hammer. I just shoved it to the middle of the island, and didn't carry it out to the garage where it belonged. Around 11:30, as I was reading the mail (a Christmas card from one of you, my loyal readers!) and thinking to myself that I should blog that afternoon during nap time, Canaan ran up to me and said "Mommy, Zion is eating something, and it smells spicy." At first I thought he was eating gum, but as I walked up to him, he swallowed hard, then burst into tears. Immediate spike in the worry meter. I got him to show me what he ate, and sure enough, it was Ben-Gay. I started pouring water on him, trying to get it in his mouth and wash it all down, dilute it, cool his throat, whatever. It says to call poison control if it is ingested, so I did. They told me that aspirin is the worrisome ingredient, and that he would have had to have eaten at least a teaspoon to hurt him. Since I didn't know how much he had eaten, perhaps I should take him to the ER. I didn't even know where the ER was!!
Anyway, I called around, Andy asked the guys he worked with for directions, I loaded the kids after getting Zion dressed, since he was still in his pajama's, and they were soaked with the water I had poured all over him, and we headed to the ER. I went rushing in, dragging poor Canaan behind me, and this wonderful, fabulous, old doctor happened to be standing at the reception desk, talking to a nurse. As I come in, obviously nearly in a panic, spouting nonsense about my son eating Ben-gay, the doctor just said, "I'm sure he is fine." And suddenly, all was right in the world again. Amazing, isn't it, how just a few simple words from the right person can make the world starting spinning again, and breathe begin filling your lungs again. The doctor looked at him, told me that he really doubted Zion had eaten enough to make him sick, since the stuff tastes terrible, and that I should just give him lots of fluids and try to flush it out of him and keep it diluted. No need to pump his stomach, or give him that charcoal junk, or even do any blood work. Within five minutes of walking into the ER, I was back in the car, and beginning to see the humor in the whole situation.
I can only assume that Zion thought it was toothpaste.
Poor thing, that wasn't the end of his day, or mine either! Later that day, obviously with no side effects, he pulled his little stool over to the kitchen island, and while I loaded the dinner dishes in to the dishwasher, climbed up, got ahold of the hammer I had noticed earlier, and carried it off. He then proceeded to beat repeatedly on the door leading to the garage. unfortunately, it is always loud at my house, so it actually took me a few minutes to notice that the noise level was higher then usual. By that time he had put about 15 little dents in our metal door. Beautiful!
Luckily, it was nearly bedtime by then, or I may have just completely lost my mind, curled up in a ball, and gone to sleep myself.
Today I took the boys to base and dropped them off with Andy around 1. He was able to get off work early and take them home, so that I could go to my 4th doctor's appointment in two weeks time. (nothing serious, just the usual diabetes and thyroid stuff, with a new doctor, in a new town, so extra work) Anyway, when Andy got home with them, Canaan was asleep, so he let Zion out of the car, and started to carry Canaan in to his bed. Somehow Zion managed to trip and fall on his little pedal car. Beautiful split, straight across his forehead! Needless to say, Canaan got woken up, because Andy had to put him down, run and find a towel, and soak up blood! According to Andy, Canaan was wonderful big helper, holding pressure on Zion's head while Daddy tried to find the antibiotic cream. By the time I got home it was a beautiful bump, and still slightly scary looking, but done bleeding.
That child may not make it to 2. He only has 2 days left until he turns two, and I may have to put him in a padded room, with only stuffed animals to play with just so he can survive that long. Goodness, he has worn out my emotions these last two days! Physically I am pretty worn out too, but it is the sudden panic, and the crashing relief that really wear you out!
That's my story... learn from it!

Cucumbers

Just a really quick funny story. I made a homemade pizza a few days ago for lunch. Nothing fancy - boboli whole wheat crust, zucchini in marinara sauce, some green peppers and cheese. Not something exactly kid friendly, but my boys are pretty laid back, so I thought it would go over fine. Canaan was not impressed. After picking off some of the cheese, the scraping off the toppings and eating the crust plain, he starting the bargaining for something different. "Mommy, if I eat one more bite, can I have something different?" Usually I just say no, but I was in a laid back mood, so I asked what he wanted. He said, " Momma, we haven't had cucumber in DAYS! Can we have some cucumber?" I personally am not too fond of cucumber, and it had been months since we had eaten one, but for some strange reason I had bought one recently. My four year old son proceeded to eat an entire half of a cucumber for lunch. Plain. So random, but he was happy, I was happy, and Daddy ate the leftover pizza when he got home, so he was happy too. I just thought it was pretty funny that he didn't ask for junk food at all, just a cucumber. Kids!

Confirmation

First of all - Thanks to all those who have posted, or sent me E-mails of encouragement. It is amazing how much better you feel when you are reminded that you are loved. God and I had a really good heart to heart. He reminded me once again that he always always always brings something good out of the bad. He doesn't plan the bad to punish us, he doesn't want bad things to happen just so he can work something good, but because the world he created is no longer perfect, and the people he created with so much love are no longer walking in his presence, then sometimes bad things happen. And when they do, he is sad with us, hurts with us, and finds a way to make something good happen in spite of it. With some bad things, I may never see the good, but I completely believe that it is there. I don't have to put my hands on it to believe it is there - I just trust.
Last night was the ladies Christmas party at my church. We all brought a Christmas ornament and had a gift exchange. It was all random, with numbers assigned for tables, then find someone you didn't know already and trade - stuff like that. Afterward they were having people talk about their new friend, and the ornament they received. One lady stood up and explained that she had a miscarriage earlier this year, and they had named the baby Hope. She said she had already told her husband that the only thing she wanted for her Christmas tree this year was Hope. Amazingly enough, out of about 200 ladies and their ornaments, she had received one that said HOPE. I was so blessed by that story. God was listening to her, and gave her that tiny little gift to remind her that HE is always listening. He cares.
I have been struggling with my Christmas letter this year. I can't write it. I certainly don't want to write about losing Anastasia in my Christmas letter, but I can't seem to write a letter talking about our year with out her. So, Andy is supposed to take that duty over. If you get a Christmas card from me that has no letter, is only signed with our names, you will know who's fault that is. I really need to get them out, since we have moved and a lot of people don't have our new address. Oh well. Anyone who reads this, send me an E-mail with your address please. I have a lot of addresses, but I know I am missing quite a few too.
I am rambling now, which means I should quit. Thanks for caring people. I don't take you for granted, and I really appreciate the kind words.

Still healing

I heard a really great message on the radio the other day, about how we need to appreciate our time with God. Not let it just become routine, the same all the time, dry. I was convicted. I have been pretty faithful lately, keeping up with my Bible reading plan, even learning new things. But I have definitely lost something lately. I am pretty sure I know what it is. I am not really letting myself be honest with God. I stick to the safe topics... thanks for my wonderful kids, beautiful house, hard working husband, etc. My prayers are crying out with one question.... over and over, and I won't let myself ask, because I know there is no answer. Why is it when we know the answer, or that there is no answer, it is still really hard to just let it go?
The worst part is that there are so many people who have lost so much more than I have. When I hear stories, even meet people, who are rightfully upset I feel so ridiculous. Why can't I get over a tiny little pea, whom I only knew about for a week. I would be 20 weeks now. We would know if it was a girl or boy. I would be signing my Christmas cards Andy, Bethany, Canaan, Zion and baby. I torture myself, and I know that. It is a choice, to let myself suffer, and sometimes I chose correctly.... sometimes I don't.
I guess what I need to do it just ask. I know God isn't angry when we ask stupid questions. He created us. Hopefully he understands us better than we do. So even though there is no answer possible, I have to ask Why. There is no why, no reason, but I have to put my pain and confusion back in his hands. I am sure I will try to steal it back again. Pain is beautiful to let go of, but so tempting to pick back up again.
There are so many others, who hurt so much worse. I try to think of them instead. It doesn't seem as selfish to cry for others, to feel their pain just a tiny bit.

Just a note

Hello everyone. I feel like I haven't written in a while, so I wanted to say hi. Thanksgiving was great. I am so unbelievably blessed to have a family that I not only love, but also like. I have pretty good in-laws too, so the holiday was great. Good times, with great people, and a really fun game of Cranium
I am exhausted, but for some reason am wide awake. It is almost 1am though, so I really should try to sleep.
Thanks for listening. I want to know what everyone is up to for Christmas. Talk to me people!!