Yesterday was actually a pretty good day. We had friends over for a playdate and lunch. Zion only went through 2 pair of underwear over the course of the day. Canaan didn't argue about his school work.
For some reason though, everything felt so heavy. I was so tired, and emotional. I was so tired of being sick, from one thing or another, constantly, for the last 16 years. I had paid the bills online, and I couldn't actually pay them all in full, which was insanely depressing. Andy has three classes right now, and is stressed, which can't help but rub off on me. I could not come up with any ideas for what to make for supper, so Andy had gone out for pizza, making me feel like a failure, both as a cook, a mommy (can we say lacking nutrition?) and as a budget keeper. And to top it all off, my dryer quit working. Round and round it spins, making plenty of noise, but nothing gets dry. Andy and I were talking about it all, right before we put the kids to bed, and when I told him about the dryer his comment was "It never rains, but it pours." And that is when I started pouring.
But I had to stop crying and read to my children. I had to, so I did. This is the part that gives me chill bumps. Just by chance,(or not, right?) our "God story" for last night was the story of Elijah and the widow. God tells Elijah to go to the widow, and ask her to feed him. She tells Elijah that she was about to use the last of her flour and oil to make one last meal for her son, and then they were going to starve to death together. And Elijah promises her that if she will just trust, God will make sure that her oil and flour never run out. They will last as long as she needs them to. And they do... end of story. I needed to hear that SO BADLY. God didn't wait for me to pull out my Bible - he used the night time routine I have with my children to speak directly to me. He knew that I needed to be comforted, and He didn't wait. That just thrills me, that My savior loves me so much, that He doesn't wait.
I would like to close with a verse that I was reminded of last night. This is The Message translation, so it is a little different than usual, but I like it. "Every detail works to your advantage and to God's glory: more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise! So we're not giving up. How could we? Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making a new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebrations prepared for us. " (emphasis added) 2 Cor. 4:15-17
I love promises that I can depend on. I will hold onto it.