So that...

 I wasn’t super faithful to write while I was inpatient at UAB. I had some really great, really clear moments. But I also had some really foggy, really confused moments too. That is all the excuse I have to offer. :)
 I am home now. Sleeping in my own bed for two night in a row, with my Andy there next to me. Only staples on my head, nothing high tech. Eating “real” food, while sitting at a table, surrounded by my amazing teens.
 It seems slightly unreal.
 Too good to be true.
 So, when this verse stood out to me this morning, I respected it, a LOT.

 SO THAT...

 We are comforted, we find comfort, we are given comfort, SO THAT we can know how to give it.
 That is breathtaking.
 Every single pain, every single one, can serve a purpose.
 WILL serve a purpose.
 Every comfort we receive, we now know how to give.
 Some are easy to share-

Andy bought me donut holes, small enough bites that I could handle through the pain. 

I can share that joy, the excitement of that simple joy, with others who desire that tiny, easy joy. 

 That tiny, easy, reminder. 

Joy can be found in little tiny bites. 

EEG’S leave you sticky and gross, but with much more annoyance than pain. 

I can share that comfort with others. The simple joy of a shower that you have taken for granted and then suddenly have great respect for. 

I still can’t wash my head, but my body is clean and fresh and oh so appreciated. 

Simple comfort. 

The SEEG leaves some blood behind, 

and some ugly staples, 

but they come out, go away.

A few scars in the skin, soon hidden by hair and smiles. 

Comfort I am now experiencing and will know how to share. 

This picture won’t change direction.

Technology isn’t my friend today...but that seems fitting to go with the theme. 

I have experienced the comfort of an amazing man, who is my teammate. 

Team. 

Together.  

Different strengths and different weaknesses, but a team. 

My team, given as such an inspiring gift. 

Comfort given. 

Comfort I can hopefully know how to properly share.

He sat and held a pager like this twice. Once as they put wires in, and once as they pulled them out. 

And the comfort given during both those times is indescribable, by amazing people who visibly showed love during my entire week in the hospital.

(But a special thank you to Carrie, who knew how to let him be a “manly man” during a time of fear and yet also how to show him love)

Leaving us with this fascinating pile of wires that at one point were screwed into my head. 

And now aren’t. 

Healing is still occurring.

Knowledge is still needed, from more testing, before we have answers about what comes next and what my future holds. Whether seizures can be “beaten”.

 But I have experienced so much comfort, and now will have the experience to share it with others.

If that is the only thing I ever get from this, that is enough. 

I will ask for more. 

I will pray that God gives us knowledge from this and that doctors have ideas of how to use it for repair of my brain and body. 

But...

Comfort to share with others is enough. 

“So that...When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort.”

Every single pain, every single one, can serve a purpose. 

 WILL serve a purpose. 

Think on that, my friends. Feel the amazing comfort that you have received, from many different experiences, and choose to remember the gift that it is. 

 Then turn around and give it. 

Give comfort.

Be blessed!

In Union

Read that again, please. 

 In union with HIM. 

Just a reminder....

With Him, IN Him, 

Each step along the way. 

 Here we are, several days in-patient at UAB now. Two full seizures already, and one partial, so we are learning a lot. I am foggy and groggy still, recovering from surgery, seizures, and a couple ridiculous blood sugars, but making improvement. I don’t think that I am quite “me”, but I have a lot of wonderful people taking very good care of me. There is so much to learn, about my body, and about the amazing people all around me.
 I continue to ask for prayers. Prayers for seizures, yes. But prayers also for my whole self to bring glory to my Savior, each step along the way. I don’t want to take any “excuse” to be less, but am instead trying to become more. Every step along the way, more IN UNION with my Savior. Challenge me. Please. Challenge me
 There are so many things that are yet unknown. So many things for which we still wait for understanding. While we wait we choose to worship. While we wait we choose to celebrate.

 In UNION is beautiful!

 Take a moment, please, and think about where you are. Appreciate the fact that when you ask, HE is there. Wherever “there” is.
 In the hospital.
 In the car.
 In a plane over top of a different continent.
 HE is there.
 That is enough.

 Much love my friends.

Countdown

This verse rings true- I have startled myself multiple times in the last few days, passing by a mirror and being surprised. I forget that the hair is gone :) Makes me laugh. 

 We are driving up to Birmingham right now. The Pre-op appt and a 2 hour scan for part of a research study are today. We find out exactly how many sensors (a dozen is the estimate) will be inserted into my brain, and what time we need to be there tomorrow morning. The details will be worked out. It is feeling very real. 

 So, the request for a spirit of calm is what I ask for. Please, pray that over me, and over Andy as well. 

 Starting Thursday we will be asking for seizures, so that the sensors can do their job and identify exactly which part of my brain is misfiring and causing the seizures. But for now, please pray for me to let go of the need to control. Pray for me to trust my Savior to be working, even when I am overwhelmed or confused. 

 James 1:5 stood out to me today- “if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously...” 

 He gives generously. 

 Not just barely enough. 

 Not with payment expected. 

 Not only if you have earned it. 

 Generously. 

 So, I ask. I ask Him, and I ask for you to ask Him with me. 

 Be filled with joy my friends, even when it is overwhelming. 

 Be at peace, even when it seems far away. 

 Be blessed by His presence, at all times. 

 With love!  

Choose what you see

This verse has comforted me more often than you can imagine. 

 IN Bethany.

 With me. Through me. For me. 

In me. 

The verse literally means the place, the small town outside Jerusalem, but I have always been so grateful my parents named me after a place where Jesus had been. 

It has only been a few hours. I can’t give a summary of how I feel or what I have learned yet. But when I went to post this picture I went to the Bible.com app first and, sure enough, that verse jumped out and grabbed me. I planned to seek the Psalms, and can’t even tell you how I ended up in Mark, but there it was. 

Reminding me that Jesus is IN me. 

Lots of little ponytails

The first, startling, cut. 

By this point I was, perhaps, overwhelmed...

So Andy was silly in the completion of his.

Maybe it won’t be long enough to use, but I have to offer it. 

I have to try. 

This picture isn’t very clear, but it shows how amazing my husband is. He encouraged me to get dressed up, as several friends had suggested, and take a cute picture. My Andy is amazing.

My men. My crew. My strong support team. 

My Jesus has blessed me so much. 

That is my challenge to you- choose to see the blessing. 

Choose to find the good.

Choose to celebrate. 

Choose. 

Be blessed my friends, with Joy that overcomes.

Sparrows and hair

“For only a penny you can buy two sparrows, yet not one sparrow falls to the ground without your Father's consent. As for you, even the hairs of your head have all been counted. So do not be afraid; you are worth much more than many sparrows!”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭10:29-31‬ ‭GNB‬‬

One week left til surgery. One week with my hair. 

 In all honesty, vanity has been my hardest hurdle with this surgery. I didn’t think I was vain. I don’t wear makeup. I don’t care about what clothes are in fashion. I don’t even really “fix” my hair....but apparently I love it more than I realized. 

It is mine. 

It is individual and carefree and fun. 

It almost seems to have its own opinions, and I let it.

It has defined me. BIG hair is hard to miss, and it has been BIG for a long time!

So I don’t want to say goodbye.

I had decided that today was the day I was going to write about this battle and ask for input and prayers.

 Guess what? Today in my pre-picked and pre-scheduled reading, this verse was there. 

HE has counted my hair. 

HE lined that up for me. 

The verse I needed on the day that I needed it.

The simplicity of that is beautiful. 

I am so very very blessed. 

So, here is the discussion. I want to donate my hair. It seems a waste to just chop it off and throw it away, which is what will happen in the operating room. I need to do it before hand. And since it really isn’t long enough to just cut, I will need to buzz it to make it long enough to share. Please, pray I am brave enough for that, several days before it is time for surgery. 

 We are considering Saturday and Andy is going to join me and buzz his too. My children are willing, but I have told them that I love their hair too much to ask them to buzz it off. 

Next question, where have you donated your hair before? Have any of you been blessed by one of the donation places? I know quite a few people who have had cancer, or their children have had cancer. Any input from any of you?

Most importantly though the reminder, again, that HE has counted your every hair. 

Every single one. 

He cares about the ones changing color.

He cares about the ones falling out. 

He cares about the buzz cuts and the bleached out and the braided. He cares about the long and the frizzy and the purple. 

Whether you can see it or accept it, He cares. 

I do too. 

Be blessed my friends. Every single hair on your head. 

Both

The post I made yesterday created a beautiful outpouring of love. 

 I want to share a quote from a testimony sent by my Sunday School teacher from middle school. The story of Jay and Katherine Wolf is full of both pain and joy. (Look them up)

 I needed to hear this...maybe you do to? 

 ”There is a lot of redemption of our stories on earth but there can be a sting that is lifelong and that is okay AND why would we think it would not be that way? Who lied to who to say that it can’t be good, so good, and so hard and sad at the same time.”

  Jesus had sorrow, that weighed him down. Read that verse.

 Who said we won’t or can’t or are wrong to have it? Sorrow is real and strong and heavy duty. But so is Joy. It is also real and strong and heavy duty. 

 You can have both. 

 You will have both. 

 You are right to have both. 

 At the same time. 

 Thank you my amazing friends for your support.

Recognizing

I took a picture of my shadow this summer. It looks like the shadow of anyone and everyone. There are practically no distinguishing features. My hair is pulled back. My skin in shadow colored. You can’t see my face or even that I am wearing my favorite earrings. I am just a blur. You wouldn’t know it was me if I hadn’t told you that it was. 

 That is sort of how I am feeling about my Jesus right now. He is a shadow. He is here, I am confident, but He is a bit of a blur. It is hard to recognize Him when I am distracted by so much around me. Then, this was the focal verse this morning and I just felt like I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t the only one. These men had walked with Him, seen Him face to face and they still didn’t recognize Him at that moment. 

 That is the key part- “at that moment”. If you read the verses before and after there is so much more to the story, and eventually they recognize Him again. But He was always there, walking with them. Helping them sort through the confusion. Reminding them of truth when they couldn’t understand it...even when they didn’t recognize Him.

 So I am passing that reminder along. Sometimes we don’t recognize Him. Perhaps things are blurry or shadowed or simply unclear. 

 But HE is here. 

 Keep looking.