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I am happily married to an amazing military man who spent 9 years enlisted and is now an Officer in the US Army. We have two amazing boys who are not so little any more! They still infuse every moment of every day with creativity and energy, and make my life an adventure.  I was educated at home, and am now teaching our children - second generation homeschoolers! I try every day to become more like Jesus Christ, and to love like HE does. If you want you can try and catch me at bethylovesandy@yahoo.com

My Blog Title Verse

"For the Lord gives wisdom. From His mouth come knowledge and understanding." Proverbs 2:6 NKJV 
The Message translation puts it this way "God gives out Wisdom free, is plainspoken in Knowledge and Understanding."

Verse of the day

Thursday, February 26, 2009

A questionable post

 I have been debating with myself whether or not to write tonight.
 
 But I don't yet want to go to that empty bed by myself, so here I am. 

 Today was D-day. 

 Which stands for Deployment, in case you haven't figured that out by now. 

 At some point in time someone told me that "The more times you do it, the easier it gets." 

 They lied. 

 Or maybe they didn't. Maybe it did get easier for them. Maybe they grew less attached to their husband as time passed. Maybe he deployed a little less often, so they had longer to recover in between time. Maybe their children were older, or younger, or loved their daddy less. 
 Whatever their story was, it isn't our story. I don't think it has gotten any easier. The first time may still qualify as the hardest - basic training was the worst, because I didn't have any kids to keep me distracted. The house felt really really empty at night and I can promise you that I did not eat enough healthy food since I was only feeding myself. 
 I have my boys now to keep me eating healthy, and cover me with hugs. I have them to wear me out so that I tired enough to sleep, even though the bed is lonely. 
 But I don't think there is anything more heartbreaking then hearing your five year old say, between sobs that he is manfully trying to swallow, "Every time he says Afghanistan, I cry." 

 That makes it harder.

 His ability to understand time is suddenly a detriment. Zion cheerfully gave Andy a hug, waved goodbye, and that was that. He has complete trust that Daddy will be back. In his mind, six months is no different then tomorrow. But Canaan has an understanding of time, and it hurts him. Understanding brings pain. 

 Makes we wish I could erase time and take him back - can't he just be three again? 

 But we made it. Canaan, Zion and I. The day is over. Bedtime is here. In fact, bed is calling to me. Since I only slept about 3 hours last night, I should be very ready to sleep tonight. 
 
 And tomorrow is another day. 

 My parents are here, ready to take me to Florida to visit my grandparents. 

 Please, pray for Andy. Pray that his knees are comfortable, crammed into an airplane while he tries to sleep. Pray that he doesn't catch any crazy flu bugs. Pray that he does his job safely and efficiently. Most of all, Pray that he shines Jesus, every minute of every day, NO MATTER WHAT. Because that is what he wants to do most of all. 

 Blessings my friends.  

10 comments:

..::Mrs. Staff Sergeant::.. said...

Oh my heart just breaks for you reading this! I'm so sorry he had to go. I don't think it gets easier either. You might get more used to it- in the way that it's a familiar road to travel after you've done it once or twice- but it doesn't get easier.

I'm praying for you!

ktwalden said...

Your whole family shines...

He will spread his wings over you and keep you secure. His faithfulness is like a shield or a city wall. Psalm 91:4 CEV

Kelsey and Travis said...

I love you Bethy!!! I love you all so much!!! It was SO wonderful to talk to you and Andy the other night! Please give big C-man a great big hug for me and tell him that aunty Kels is missing him and can't wait to be home to celebrate his bix 6 birthday with him. I'm going to bring him back something special from Uganda. Have fun with Grandma and Granddaddy. Tell them i say hi.

Carrie said...

Hmmmm....easier....
Maybe that's when they don't get over a year straight like you guys have had this past year. I am happy that you survived...did we have any doubt :) Actually, probably yeah. I am happy that you have a distraction this weekend and we will pray for Andy every single night. I can't wait to have you here, and the time will go by so quickly that before too long we will be saying goodbye to you all and it will be MY son crying for his dear friend with whom he will be able to celebrate his birthday with for the first time EVER (don't make any plans for the end of June! :)
Can't wait to see you and hang out and we have a game of Quelf waiting! I know Andy will make an incredible impression on everyone he is in contact with and he will be serving in that aspect as to make his time even more important and valuable!

EmileeHopeBinkleyTurner said...

I'm so glad Kev & I were able to chat with Andy for a few minutes when we got home Wednesday night. I feel for him-having just got off a plane myself, and I only had to fly from CA! (However, that flight from Brazil wasn't that long ago and I remember-they are huge and amazing things-but when you are crammed in a seat they feel soooo small!) Hope he is able to get some sleep to help the time pass by quickly on the flight! Keep your chin up and know we are all excited to have you up here with us for awhile! I love you and can't wait to see you, Mr. C & Zi!! Mom said you aren't coming up until the next weekend so I will see you after I get back from TX! (Tell G&G Binks hey from Kev & I!)

Nikowa@KHA said...

((hugs))

Mary Wary said...

Ahhhh....geez. Well, I guess I needed that cry, thanks. This has been a week for putting things in perspective for me...a new realization of how petty some of the things I complain about really are. My heart goes out to you--missing your man and having to comfort your babies, too.
I love you and I will miss you terribly. Awfully, terribly.

Anonymous said...

Your whole family is in our prayers...it has been such an inspiraton reading your blogs via Abby's simple thoughts..be brave & trust! Indiana Diana

Elizabeth said...

oh beth...what a post. i feel every word you say though have never been in your exact shoes. i will be lifting up you, andy, & zion & cannan for sure. please keep us posted as if we are in the house with you and we'll do our best to keep you company.

autumnesf said...

Obviously I'm going through your old posts and getting to know a new friend.

I could have thrown up when you said people said it would get easier.

WHAT!?!?!?

I'm 22 years into it...the last 10 HEAVY desert rotations...and I'm still not used to it.

And my kids have never gotten used to it.