But I don't yet want to go to that empty bed by myself, so here I am.
Today was D-day.
Which stands for Deployment, in case you haven't figured that out by now.
At some point in time someone told me that "The more times you do it, the easier it gets."
Or maybe they didn't. Maybe it did get easier for them. Maybe they grew less attached to their husband as time passed. Maybe he deployed a little less often, so they had longer to recover in between time. Maybe their children were older, or younger, or loved their daddy less.
Whatever their story was, it isn't our story. I don't think it has gotten any easier. The first time may still qualify as the hardest - basic training was the worst, because I didn't have any kids to keep me distracted. The house felt really really empty at night and I can promise you that I did not eat enough healthy food since I was only feeding myself.
I have my boys now to keep me eating healthy, and cover me with hugs. I have them to wear me out so that I tired enough to sleep, even though the bed is lonely.
But I don't think there is anything more heartbreaking then hearing your five year old say, between sobs that he is manfully trying to swallow, "Every time he says Afghanistan, I cry."
That makes it harder.
His ability to understand time is suddenly a detriment. Zion cheerfully gave Andy a hug, waved goodbye, and that was that. He has complete trust that Daddy will be back. In his mind, six months is no different then tomorrow. But Canaan has an understanding of time, and it hurts him. Understanding brings pain.
Makes we wish I could erase time and take him back - can't he just be three again?
But we made it. Canaan, Zion and I. The day is over. Bedtime is here. In fact, bed is calling to me. Since I only slept about 3 hours last night, I should be very ready to sleep tonight.
And tomorrow is another day.
My parents are here, ready to take me to Florida to visit my grandparents.
Please, pray for Andy. Pray that his knees are comfortable, crammed into an airplane while he tries to sleep. Pray that he doesn't catch any crazy flu bugs. Pray that he does his job safely and efficiently. Most of all, Pray that he shines Jesus, every minute of every day, NO MATTER WHAT. Because that is what he wants to do most of all.
Blessings my friends.