I have had the baby bug all week. Several friends of mine are in the middle of breastfeeding. It sometimes feels like "I should be". I know that I can't say that. Nothing is absolute, and my baby was always "supposed" to be in heaven, but it feels like I should be breastfeeding too.
I want this one. I'm not saying I heard God's voice saying "This is the one for you." I'm just saying that she reached out her tiny little hand and touched me. Her name is Gifty. She has no parents. She needs someone to love her. She needs a permanent home. She needs someone with good medical insurance because she needs a liver transplant. The part that breaks my heart is that in order for her to live, some other baby has to die. That is just cruel. I want her to live. That doesn't mean I want some other baby to die. How do you make that balance? How do you make that work in your deepest parts? I think my heart just broke.