"Where God's finger points, there God's hand will make the way."
"Do not say in thine heart what thou wilt or wilt not do, but wait upon God until He makes known His way. So long as that way is hidden it is clear that there is no need of action, and that He accounts Himself responsible for all the results of keeping thee where thou art." Streams in the Desert, Oct. 19
I have been struggling the last few days with the question, "Did we, or did we not hear God clearly" in this whole movement toward adoption. 3 months ago I wouldn't have hesitated at all in the answer to that question. But when delay after delay comes, it gets harder and harder to believe that we are following correctly, hearing correctly.
I have to keep telling myself that the enemy works hard also. Since I have not heard God say STOP, I have to assume we are still on the right track. It just gets frustrating when it feels like everything possible goes wrong, every time we turn around!
Hopefully our homestudy will be done soon. But I have said that before. More then once.
I don't want to lose another.
Gladwys is mine in my mind and in my heart, even though there is absolutely no legal tie between us, and she has never even heard of me. She may not even know that we exist, but my boys know about her. I have taught them to pray for "little sister" in their bedtime prayers - it is beginning to physically hurt that I am incapable of getting to her.
I am choosing to remain hopeful.
In the meantime, I have gotten on the E-mail list of another adoption agency, All God's Children International. They send me their updates and links - "The Ones Who Wait" in India was the latest. I am totally the LAST person in the world who needs to get those E-mails. If it were up to me, I would have 20 children, all the colors of the skin rainbow. My heart simply breaks when I look at the pictures of the children who are disabled and that NO ONE WANTS. Because I WANT THEM. All of them.
And I can't even get my stupid paperwork filled out right!
I guess that is why God is keeping us on the "slow track". Maybe I would be coming home with four kids if I left right now, and we all know that 2 more is about the most Andy could handle! I have to just keep trusting in what I know for sure, and that is "MY GOD REIGNS!"
Pray for patience!